In 2008, the United States voted overwhelmingly to leave her wicked ways behind and to embark upon the righteous path toward Europeanisation and away from being “irredeemable barbarians and moral inferiors.” We had our first post-racial, post-partisan president and everything got better. Didn’t it? Of course it did. Only racist fools say otherwise. With President Obama at her helm, America has done only good and never evil. She has adopted multicultural reality rejection enlightenment and striven happily and full of hope toward the light.
Now, sadly, she seems to be reverting inexplicably to her old disgusting ways and heading yet again toward the conservative dark side. It is said that President Obama is a liar, a race card player, a narcissist, a demagogue and worse — that “he has squandered all credibility by his actions to date.” Total lies! We know that he has not lost all credibility; we believe him and unlike some give him the credit he so richly deserves. So what if some DINOs (Democrats in Name Only) don’t admire his great successes? It doesn’t matter; they are envious. They will eventually meet with justice. We need only believe in fairies President Obama, clap our hands, and vote for those trusted public servants who will continue to lead us to fountain of all that’s good, true, and beautiful.
Sure, as Jesse Jackson an expert, a very perceptive hero of working- and middle-class families, correctly told us, conservatives and Republicans (vile politicians all) know only how to lie. Some voters may be stupid enough to give them a few more seats in the Congress this year, but as divine retribution sets in the seas will again rise and temperatures will resume their upward spiral to historic levels accompanied by the most vicious hurricanes, tornadoes, and earthquakes ever. Soon, all of Gaia’s creatures will be gasping for breath. The lying conservatives (please excuse the redundancy) will, of course, claim that there is less unemployment but that will simply be due to millions of dead people — whom they themselves murdered — leaving the unemployment rolls. Shamefully, they may also be deprived of their precious right to vote and even our gallant attorney general may be unable to prevent it due to conservative backstabbing. The future is NOW and we must act to prevent horrible whorish occurrences.
On Halloween, when the dead — including Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid’s favorite living Americans — rise, they absolutely must also vote. Certified witches, such as Christine O’Donnell and Sarah Palin, so easily mocked on Saturday Night Live, are cute but brainless little girls. They are inferior beings and can’t disenfranchise them. Flying off into rages on their brooms won’t work. Lady Gaga Halloween costumes are very popular, so wear one; that should help. Doesn’t matter whether you are a guy, a gal, or something else; just buy and wear one.
Arianna Huffington, Gaia bless her, has been doing her best, financially, morally and in every other way possible to support our noble cause; we must all chip in. New York is showing the way, and with enough support maybe we can prevent even more violent military scum overseas from voting. It’s a good thing that the Department of Justice is dragging its feet courageously because soon it will be too late for their votes to count. Tough; that’s neither new nor bad. Those military swine know nothing and care less about true democracy; if they actually cared they would gladly cease their killing, desert (all 26,172 of them), come home, and vote like everyone else. They get more than enough special privileges already.
Still, it remains at least possible that there will be an uprising this November of the forces of evil — those Republican “small-town enemies of everybody. They just dislike everyone,” as highly respected Gore Vidal recently put it. Even Sorry George Soros is predicting a Republican avalanche. Fortunately, brilliant Vice President Biden knows better.