The Squeaky Wheel Gets the Grease
Some people look at all the wonders we have and advancements we have achieved and feel grateful and satisfied. Thankfully, this isn’t very widespread, as that would kill all forward progress. Instead, many people look at all these blessings we have, decide they deserve much more, and complain in an irritating manner until someone else comes along and gives them what they think should rightfully be theirs. We call this “whining,” and it is the driving momentum of society.
Whining has been a part of humanity since near the dawn of time. The main complaints of early man were primitive things, like not having enough food to eat. In fact, these people were often so busy trying to rectify these dire problems that they didn’t have enough time to complain about them. Eventually, though, man reached a point where having enough food to eat wasn’t a problem. Most people were then satisfied with this new situation, but one man, now freed up from solving his previous problems, searched for new ones and said something like, “This isn’t my favorite part of the mammoth to eat. I want a better piece.” But the innovation was not just in the issue he found but also in the idea that he wouldn’t try to fix it himself; he would instead bellyache until someone more capable solved the problem for him. It didn’t work, as scientists believe he was soon beaten to death by his tribe. But eventually enough people began whining that hitting them all really hard with sticks was no longer a viable option. Thus the only way to end the irritating sniveling was to satisfy the whiners. And thus society was forced to advance in order to end the shrill complaints.
Soon, society divided into two parts:
1) The problem solvers and innovators.
2) The whiners, who would keep saying the first group’s output wasn’t good enough.
Society continued to progress, and as it advanced away from simple survival, people found even more things to whine about.
“My toga is itchy.”
“This crossbow gave me a splinter.”
“My chariot’s wheels are squeaky.”
Eventually a type of man emerged whose job was solely to whine on society’s behalf: the politician. The politicians took charge of society, and we now had a world led by whiners. We call that “civilization.”
The United States of America has had an interesting history with whining. It was founded due to a breakdown in whining in which the British stopped listening to the colonists’ complaints. This forced the colonists to take matters into their own hands — the absolute last recourse of any whiner. And later, foolish settlers traveled west to the wild frontier, where no one could hear their complaints (except bears — and they would maul you for that).
But eventually all of America was settled and became a land of riches and opportunities with an unbelievable number of things to whine about.
“Most of the shows on TV aren’t very good.”
“The internet on my phone is too slow.”
“The fuel for my personal transportation vehicle that allows me to travel quickly cross-country whenever I feel like it is too expensive.”
What if early man saw all the things we have now? He’d be filled with awe and wonder. And then he’d hear us whine about all these things and be ashamed that he didn’t see all these horrible flaws as well. And what if a woman from long, long ago who had never heard of health insurance or had access to any contraceptives saw Sandra Fluke whining about how her health insurance wouldn’t pay for her contraceptives? That woman would be filled with chagrin at seeing such advanced whining, compared to her own small complaints of being too cold and too starving.
Yes, griping about all the things we have now isn’t easy, but we do have one group of people that helps us realize how bad things are. What is the main complaint of someone who has access to a worldwide network of information, can each day go to a store and buy cheap food from all over the world, lives in a climate-controlled building, and earns far more than most of humanity throughout history? That the “rich” have so much more. The rich are a great subject for whining, because no matter what we have, we can look to them and see what we don’t have and do deserve and that we need to whine until someone makes things more even by our own standards.
Whining has served man well thus far, and I can hardly wait to see what wondrous things we’ll have to gripe about in the future.
“My intergalactic spaceship doesn’t have enough cup holders.”
“My robot butler is too noisy.”
“My holodeck is too small.”
“Time travel makes me dizzy.”
“My health insurance won’t pay for all of my elective bionic limb replacement.”
However much greater life becomes, the only certainty is that we’ll be sure that we deserve more and that someone else should give it to us.
This article isn’t funny enough.
You owe me a new keyboard.
Keyboards aren’t coffee-resistant enough.
first comments should be better
they were when i was a boy
let me tell you about that…
nothing like a whine + old anecdote
Funny but very true. I want more. Give it to me.
“However much greater life becomes, the only certainty is that we’ll be sure that we deserve more and that someone else should give it to us.”
Strange, but whatever happened to those stoic Depression-era people who bore their misfortunes quietly and with a dignity that made them tough enough to endure not only the Depression, but the World War that followed it? Where are those people today? Oh, I know, they’re almost all dead.
They have been replaced by generations of Americans who expect the government to take care of their every need. Self-reliance and self-sufficiency seem like quaint ideas from the past now. Why do things for yourself when the government can do them for you? Just look at Obama’s cartoon strip “The Life of Julia.” In it, the government takes care of Julia from birth to death. No need to whine when the government is there to help you every step of the way. Of course Julia never mentions who’s going to have to pay for all of this and whether or not the government will go broke doing so (as in Greece and the rest of Europe). But, hey, no whining is needed because there won’t be any reason to whine, especially after ObamaCare kicks in.
The Democrats should be ashamed of what they have done to this country. Instead of being made up of tough men and women who were able to endure a depression and a World War, we have people who whine because their student loans are too high or they’re not getting enough food stamps.
Our one, last, hope is to capture the patriotism and the energy that you see on display almost every day of the week in our military. These are some of the finest people in our country today and we need a lot (and I mean A LOT) more of them. Maybe once we shake off this terrible liberal nightmare that is currently gripping the White House, attitudes will change in this country. I certainly hope so.
Henry Ford’s guiding principle:
“Don’t explain. Don’t complain.”
(Also, reportedly, he would never hire anybody who salted their food before tasting it.)
Henry Ford is one of those innovators who, per Barack Obama in Roanake, Virginia Saturday night, could not have invented the Model T without that wonderful old federal government giving him a leg up.
However much greater life becomes, the only certainty is that we’ll be sure that we deserve more and that someone else should give it to us.
Damn straight
I read this morning that applications for “disability” are surpassing applications for work.
There is whining (or whinging if you are British as in “I say old chap there is an alligator chewing in my leg and it is a bit discomforting”) and then there is kvetching. Kvetching is the Jewish word for whining but that is like saying that LeBraun James is some guy who plays basketball.
For example my mother was kvetching about how she makes all of this effort to pick out nice gifts for family members but they never seem to appreciate them.
So this year for my birthday she sent me two sweaters.
Of course the next time I went over to her house for dinner I made sure to wear one of them.
Soon as I walked in the door she looks at me and says “So what is the matter? You don’t like the other one?”
4. tanstaafl:
This site (http://thinkexist.com/quotation/never_complain_and_never_explain/154851.html) says that it was Benjamin Disraeli. I’d always thought it was Henry Ford II after he was arrested for drinking along with a woman not his wife.
Excellent advice.
You aren’t nearly sarcastic enough, Frank J.
As usual, Rudyard Kipling said it best:
I can tell this because I am a landsman:
Q. What’s a good Jewish wine?
A. Daddy, I wanted a Mercedes for graduation.
I like whine…er maybe I mean I like wine…give me more or I’ll whi…complain.
The whiners are winning!
GET MAD MITT!
My dog isn’t getting enough cheese!