The Silent Sacrifice of Military Families
Today in America, supporting the troops is considered fashionable. A far cry from the days of Vietnam when our servicemembers were spit on and called murderers, today organizations like Soldiers’ Angels are thriving and have thousands upon thousands of volunteers dedicated to helping our troops. And this is as it should be: our men and women in the military deserve our support. They sacrifice so much for us — time away from their families, having to live in miserable conditions while deployed, risking their lives every day, and all to defend the freedoms that we enjoy and take for granted. Some shed blood for their country, and some give their lives in the ultimate sacrifice for freedom.
But what about those you don’t see? The families of the deployed, the ones who get left behind, are making sacrifices, too. But people don’t think of us, because what we do doesn’t draw attention. And there isn’t much that anyone can do for us, either. We wait, hoping and praying that our husband or son or father will return safe and in one piece. The life of a military spouse is hard. You carry your phone with you everywhere, even into the shower, just in case they call. And when they do, you make sure never to tell them what’s going wrong at home, because you need them 100% focused on their mission. And even if that phone call only lasts thirty seconds, it makes your entire day. You spend weeks planning what you’re going to put into this month’s care package and how you’re going to decorate it. You keep pictures of him everywhere around the house, so that the kids can constantly see their dad’s face. You count down the days until they come home, and you plan your outfit and welcome home banner months in advance. You worry about the homecoming, too. Will they be different? Will we be different? Will my son remember his father? And then as soon as they’re home, you’re gearing up for another deployment again.
This is my life: a Marine Corps wife. And this is our story.
Timely, important reminder. Thank you for that, and thank you and your family for your service. We’re grateful. My best to you all.
First, thank you for your and your husband’s service!
Our youngest was an Army infantryman, no hero, no medals, came home in one piece, physically anyway. He just did a three year committment and, frankly, it was mostly at his parent’s urging because the alternative was probably drugs and jail. Hate to say that, but I know we’re not alone with it.
If you’ve not been there, you don’t know how lonely it is. A young, single man joins up and leaves home for Basic training; there ain’t no parade. Lot’s of parents show up for “graduation” from Basic, and it is a long, expensive trip from Juneau, AK to Ft. Benning, GA, but we and his older brother made it. He went from Benning to AIT, don’t remember where, and then to Hohenfels, Germany. He had it made there; was in the OPFOR that units spinning up for “downrange” trained against. His sargeant had a German girlfriend whose family owned a bar in town. But then it was his turn “downrange.”
He spent a year at a firebase somewhere south of Kandahar, Afghanistan. His unit worked pretty much like the US Cavalry did in the Indian Wars; they saddled up their HumVees and went places they knew Haji didn’t want them to be and tried to pick a fight. They got some. They never lost a guy to actual toe to toe combat, but lost several to IEDs and accidents. When I talked to him, and it was relatively easy to talk to him though he had to make the calls, his contempt for the enemy actually frightened me; you really ought to always have some fear of your opponent, and it was clear that soldiers at his level didn’t. The other thing that never gets through here in the US is how appalling the conditions are for these troops in the field; they sleep on the ground a lot, they live on MREs a lot, they go very long times without a hot meal or a bath. The REMFS live really well, but the combat troops live really hard much of the time.
In any event, we lived for that phone to ring and lived in fear of the dark sedan pulling up in the driveway. But the thing was, we didn’t live in a military town or on a military base; we kinda knew who had serving military somewhere in the World, but it wasn’t like the families on a base. The only way anybody knew we had someone in Afghanistan or, later, Kosovo, was the “Blue Star Mother” flag in the window, and not many people outside military circles even know what that is.
So, yes, it is far, far better than Vietnam, nobody’s spitting. And if you live in a military town or on base, you get cheering crowds and even parades. If your local National Guard unit gets called up, you get the same things the regular Army gets. But, if you just have a kid who joined the Army, he serves alone with only the comradeship of his unit, and he comes home and goes away alone. And only his parents cringe and run when the phone rings or a strange car pulls in the driveway.
And I can never talk about this stuff without recognizing the total stranger that gave up his first class seat from ATL to Frankfort to some shorthaired kid.
You, and other military families like yours, deserve a medal of thanks for the support, love and inspiration you give to our heroes.
You are all “Champions of a Noble Cause” and you are the foundation supporting our military’s “lesson of living love.”
Ronald Reagan said it best when he paid tribute to our nation’s veterans in November 1988. He sang a song of love to our “Champions of a Noble Cause.”
Read: “Reagan Tribute Sings Song of Love to Champions of a Noble Cause”
at: http://sleeplessandtired.com/?p=4590
Thank you,
“Your beautiful song shall live in our hearts forever.”
Thank you so much for this essay, I feel for you. May God watch over your family and your husband on this next deployment.
My Father served 20 years and 20 days in the U S Army. Deployed to Korea for that little “Police Action” and then twice to Vietnam for whatever the PC crowd calls THAT military action. I myself did 24 years in the U S Navy. And my, now, former Son-in-Law went to Afghanistan. So I have been on many sides of the Family dealing with a deployed Service Member. Those who keep the homes fires burning’ while the military member is away are truly a poorly understood, and thoroughly unappreciated part of the U S Military, hell-ANY military! As you noted, phone calls when you aren’t expecting one, or a Government marked vehicle slowly driving down your street, makes your heart skip a beat and your brain to envision every worst possible part “next”.
So Thank you and God Bless you and your family and your Marine.
The Nation does not truly understand the sacrifices that are made by the families of serving military personnel.
Thank you for this article. I am an “old” USMC wife who is looking at retirement soon. Let me just say that you are never alone, no matter how hard or lonely it feels in the moment. There are lots of us out there who have done it & survived, are doing it & coping or getting ready to do it again. As hard as it is, keep reminding yourself that one day it will end & you will be in my shoes as I was once in yours. Best of luck to you & your family & thank you for your service.
Absolutely! Thank you and all the wives who wait for their solldiers, sailors and marines. Military marraiges are hard, but the ones that survive are some of the strongest and best anywhere, and military wives are some of the neatest women anywhere.
Full truth, I spent twenty years in and never had one, but the above is still true.
Bless ‘em all, and their servicemen and women too!
God bless the spouses and family members of our military. After 20+ years (and counting) in the Army and USAF, I can say that more often than not, my family is the one that usually gets the short end of the stick.
Whenever we moved, I had a built-in system of friends, co-workers and structure. My wife and kids pulled up roots and basically have had to start all over again to re-establish their networks and try to penetrate the cliques of spouses and support groups.
While deployed, I have direction, a mission and people I can rely on when things get rough. Although my family have had friends to help out, they basically have had to rely mostly on strangers in emergencies.
There is no prize or award worthy of what my wife has gone through to support us as a military family – I can just give her all my love, an ear, and a helping hand when I can.
Our family has been through several deployments of our sons and nephews from Desert Storm to the iraq/afganistan wars and occupation. One Cousin was killed while in iraq with the 101st. The waiting frays on the nerves, talking with the son via computer link up gave us the unique opportunity of hearing an in coming indirect fire attack on his FOB during the conversation. The times when He was out of communication while being sent to a distant COP. The rough parts are the folks who shrug off or just do not want to listen to us speaking of our kin who are serving as if the whole thing was too much trouble to listen to. The best is the home coming. Oddly there are folks who tell us we are lying about the whole shebang. The children of the returning deployed are a sight when they first see their fathers come home, that’s priceless.
We’re just starting down the road as a military family, our youngest son graduating soon from boot camp. It is hard to know he is going in now, with a less than ideal commander-in-chief. My first prayer every morning is for his safety physically, emotionally and spiritually. He is, after all, my baby.
Bless you for your sacrifice as well as that of your husband and 100s of 1000s of others. (I started to say, “like him.” It IS hard to stay focused on their individualities and different life stories.)
Our son joined the Army Reserves to help pay for college. One year out of AIT and he was in Iraq; one of the first to march triumphantly into Baghdad. “Piece of cake,” we heard at home. Very little resistance, Saddam’s Republican Guard had skittered into the shadows and Saddam, himself, was hiding under a rock.
It wasn’t long before my son, an ordained bi-vocational minister, earned his CIB. He spotted “it” gleaming in the distance, halted his convoy and found the IED in the middle of the road. (As an aside, pictures of my 22 year old “baby” brandishing an M4 with grenade launcher, standing partol beside the Euphrates River still bring tears to my eyes.)
His second tour was what almost did him in. Promoted and MOS changed to Chaplain’s Asst, he got a citation for talking 10 of his fellow soldiers out of committing suicide. The justification for his citation – indeed, the thing that haunts him more than anything else – was the 3 he COULDN’T talk out of it!
All considering, he has adjusted well to life in the States. Though unfortunate enough to have survived enemy engagement and come home with his senses mostly intact, he lost a wife in each of his deployments.
Perpahs not coincidentally, I had just read the blog on “10 worst chick flicks” before deciding to respond to this. Cassy is right that things don’t turn out the way Hollywood invents them. Two deployments, two wives – each of whom “couldn’t wait” for sundry reasons.
Cassy and other military spouses who stand strong while their loved ones invest in the security of the rest of us are, too, heroes! It is good when the strength of love trumps the tragedy of war.
May our Country reap as much a positive outcome from this as has Cassy’s story.
PS. Paragraph 4 above SHOULD read “fortunate enough,” not “unfortunate enough.”