The Problem with You Conservatives
But here’s what you have to understand: Barack Obama is our president and he wants change and hope.
Let me repeat that: Barack Obama is our president. And he wants change and hope.
Some people have claimed that conservatives hate hope, but I don’t believe that. See? I’m reaching out to you guys. Why can’t you do the same for me by supporting President Obama?
I know many of you may be saying (I’m using bigger words than you people would grunt out, of course): “But we can’t cooperate with Obama! He’s black! Let’s lynch him instead!” Stop the hate, people! We all know that conservatives loved the idea of socialized medicine, cap and trade, and high taxes right up until the day a black man became president. Coincidence?
Yes, I realize that a few people on the other side of the aisle may have, on some very rare occasions, said uncharitable things about George W. Bush. But how often did that actually happen in the last eight years? Twice? Three times? It was an unusual event — certainly nothing like the criticism that’s being aimed at President Obama. Besides, Chimpy McBushHitler was a stupid, drooling Nazi who started a war for oil and let 9/11 happen on purpose to help make more money for Halliburton. Barack Obama is simply a moderate statesman whose every thought is about how to best unify the country and help clean up the mess you people made of everything.
I’ll tell you what. You forget about the irrational anger you hillbillies have over the Bush years, we’ll forget about the swastika mobs you unleashed in an effort to thwart democracy this summer, and we’ll all just cooperate from this point on. That’s what bipartisanship is all about, people! We come up with an agenda and you get to benefit from it, so we’re all in it together! You little Eichmanns have to admit that’s a pretty good offer, given all the hateful rhetoric you people use at your teabagging parties.
Let me leave you with a piece of hard-earned wisdom we liberals have come to accept as absolutely true since January 20 of this year: All dissent is unpatriotic. Do as you’re told.
You can’t parody lefties, because they’re inevitably even more absurd than the parody.
I love sarcasm thanks for the laugh.
Right on, brother! Your phone-company “reach out & touch someone” -in this case, a conservative- message is heart-wrenching (just like the phone company: warm & personal); bless you, my son. Mega dittos: conservatives, even when they can manage to keep their knuckles from dragging the ground & swastikas off their sleeves, are so wrong about everything! All our lives would be improved so much if only Rahm Emanuel was put in charge of gift-giving & Biden appointed tact & grammar czar! Yes, more nude lesbians in living rooms across our fruited plain is just the cure for what ails America, & Congress should also require that NFL games be pre-empted & instead show gay-pride parades! You know . . fairness!
Like you, I just can’t understand why the corporate moguls keep insisting that Rush, Laura & Sean have such big audiences! Chris & Katie (and let’s not forget little Chuckie Gibson) are so much more truthier!
Keep on spreading your enlightenment and reaching out; you’ll eventually convert some who are still wandering around in the dark.
If only liberals controlled Congress, the White House, & the judiciary . . . .
I prefer this one:
http://www.theregister.co.uk/2004/11/07/blue_state_to_reds/
I can’t vouch for its accuracy, me not being an american, but by golly it’s funny.
Sitting on the sidelines, I’m trying to work out why US politics has become so divisional and hyper-partisan. It seems to me that the the bush haters and the obama haters do their hating to account for what their target represents, not necessarily what he does (although bush’s record left a bit to be desired – but I’ll acknowledge that the hating began before he actually did anything). I think people hate the leaders they do because they hate the people who voted for them (or an image of those people). That’s my current working theory.
And the hating seems to be getting worse. In this generation it started with clinton, got a lot worse with bush, and now it’s starting to get a seriously nuts with obama. I wonder when the shooting’s going to start.
I’m glad to see that PJM is willing to publish a fake leftist commentary. It goes really well with all the other fake news here.
Peace.
DS
TO: John Hawkins
RE: Heh
Publish this on HuffPo or Daily Kos and they wouldn’t recognize it as parody.
Regards,
Chuck(le)
[It's easy being a humorist when you've got the whole Left working for you.]
Made me smile.
Liberals have juat a different point of view. Just don’t forget the conservative way of “you get, what you work for” is not that funny. You have to work, take risks and you can still fail.
Hey, that’s unfair!
“Barack Obama is our president and he wants change and hope.”
Its “hope and change” – “hope and change” John. Don’t reverse the words – Ahhh.
Somebody’s peeing on my leg!
Hahahahaha! Very refreshing.
It would be fun to actually negotiate. Like… I’ll forgive them for all the Bush nicknames if I can call the pres Oblahblah.
Oh John, where to begin? How did you dial in to my thinking, of course I was for all these things–huge deficits, a President who emphasizes reading, a First Lady who sports cardigans and $500 tennis shoes, silly columnists who add “boy” to the end of every sentence, pundits who share the tinglings up their legs, higher taxes, government takeover of healthcare, here-there-everywhere-a-Czar, wise Latina women on the high court, the President on TV 24/7, apologizing for America, weakening the military–yes, I was for all of these things until we elected a President with a darker tan than me. That’s what this whole dust up is all about. Now how do I say that in Austrian?
Funny, back in the sixties all the hippies wanted to “do their own thing”, “let their freak flag fly”, and so on, but now that they’re in power we must do what they say.
Absolutely hilarious! But again it’s so hard to parody as a liberal, I learned in college to write papers with a left slant, usually got a good grade, but made me ill doing it!
Astonishing that this get published in any media…..
The subhead says it all – An Enlightened Leftist? What an oxymoron…..
I’m so…so touched. (sniff)
btw, any chance the enlightened leftists will get the lampoon??
Who gave this clown Internet access?
The difficulty with parody is that, as per Gerrold’s Law, reality is invariably stranger than fiction, because fiction has to at least make sense.
However, the writer, serious or not, forgot the biggest problem with non-”progressives” from the “enlightened” point of view. That being that they think. Actual “If A=B, and B=C, then A=C”- type thought, not the “If I Believe It, It Must Be True” sort.
And the problem with that sort of thought is precisely that it diverts you from Belief. And Belief is the chosen method of both the “enlightened elite’” on the left, and the “true believers” on the right (whom I regard as the left’s distorted mirror image).
The left Believes in Global Warming. Their opposite numbers Believe, just as fervently, in Creationism and Intelligent Design.
The left Believes Gaia is a goddess. The right talks to Him regularly and gets real-time answers. (I’ve often wondered how they can be sure Who they’re actually talking to.)
The left Believe humans are inherently evil- except when the humans are obeying them unquestioningly. Curiously enough, their reflection on the right Believes exactly the same thing.
I am fascinated by the fact that both extremes consider themselves the Only Truly Enlightened People On Earth- when their Beliefs are often exactly contradictory. They can’t both be correct. (My estimate is, neither group is even close.)
In short, the extremists on both sides know that 2 + 2 = 4. And they both resent that fact deeply. They would rather that 2 + 2 = 6, but they’ll “settle” for the rest of us acquiescing to the concept that 2 + 2 = 5. Because that would at least mean we had all, finally, stopped thinking.
And thought is what truly frightens them. All of them.
Up to now, there has been an asymmetry in the political spectrum, as described by Zell Miller (in “A National Party No More”). That asymmetry being that in the GOP, the truly bizarre ones were asked to stay in the back of the hall and keep their voices down, while in the Democratic party the craziest ones were up on the podium, with a megaphone, screaming their demands at everyone else. (And, although not mentioned by Miller, with thugs posted at the exits to prevent anyone from leaving- or at least to beat them savagely as they escaped.)
Today, the situation in the Democratic party has not changed, except that the loudest screamers are now in command (and doing the only thing they know how to do; screaming and attacking people, even people who at least theoretically on their side).
However, in the other camp, the seriously bizarre ones from the extreme right are now feeling their oats, as well. (Consider the efforts to put Creationism and Intelligent Design into school curriculums in Texas- which affects textbook writing throughout the country.) This should concern all of us.
But we should be equally concerned about an Administration run by, and supported by, people who consider actual thinking (as opposed to their Belief-driven sort) a hanging offense.
Because it makes people say “Hey, wait a minute” to them. And that is something they find absolutely intolerable.
clear ether
eon
Hope and change come from leadership, and unfortunately, Barrack Hussein Obama has not been a leader. Therefore, no hope, no change. He has an agenda that is self-serving and is leading America down the path of socialism.
Juvenile. Ridicule it’s not.
Sending the scoundrels up while they’ve got serious stuff going down only serves to make them appear less heavy.
If you can write, use your skill to lay open the plague they bring on us.
I suspect it would be impossible to parody the other team. Thank you, Mr Hawkins, this was a laugh.
Dave is right – parodies of leftists rarely work because they actually sound like this!
Well, he does make a valid point. We do need more naked lesbians in TV. We can start with the cast of “Bones”
Press one for Spanish
This is some of the greatest satire I’ve read in years! Bravo!
Reminds me of “National Lampoon” magazine in its best years of the late ’70s.
At first I thought this was “real”…then I realized the absurdity and sarcasm.
thanks for the laugh!!
This is the first piece of yours I have read and was almost fooled into thinking you were another typical voice emitting vitriol a la DK or Huffpo. Very well done.
Looks like an article from almost any college newspaper/flyer at a coffee shop. I’ve heard people say this crap sincerely.
All dissent is unpatriotic. Do as you’re told.
Got it.
(pssttt, wanna see some Irony ?)
Individual interrupting Obama healthcare sermon is escorted out by burly cops, while Barack intones…
“It’s about what kind of country you want to be”
Obama Heckled at Health Care Rally
Or, maybe you’d rather familiarize yourself with the verbal spillage of the Dissembler-In-Chief…
Does He Lie?
Awesome! Totally radical, man.
What a snoozer. This might make bellies rumble with laughter in Branson Missouri, but just about any other place it’s a yawner.
Oh, the timing is just too good . . . since you can’t quite get a handle on satire, how about you study up a bit on irony.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ljFKK7XvsCs&feature=player_embedded#t=377
Ah, yes, your typical Beck listener, Palin supporter. Informed! Patriotic! With liberty and justice for all! I only WISH this video were satire. Tragically and comically, it’s not. Apparently that sleeping giant has woken ALL THE WAY UP. In fact, I think I’ve just been inspired to coin a new word to capture the sheer clownishness of this crowd – Ameritards. I like it. Let’s do our best to spread it around.
the problem with this is that it is not a parody. This is really how liberals think and speak.
4
Sitting on the sidelines, I’m trying to work out why US politics has become so divisional and hyper-partisan.
Follow the money. With more money flowing out of the hands of individuals into the hands of DC bureaucrats for redistribution back to other individuals, the competition to control that flow of funds increases. If the Federal government didn’t control all that cash flow, no one would give a flying f*ck about it.
Liberals can gush about “helping people” and all that other do-gooder BS all the livelong day, but in the end, in this country, it’s about money. Period.
NOWANDTHEN:Morning Buddy, Hey, guess what! Turns out your messiah got his start in politics turning tricks for a slumlord by the name of Tony Rezko. Have you heard that one before? You know, Mr Hopenchange? Just keep repeating, Hope, and Change, Hope, and Change…Yes We Can!
eon:
I disagree with your balance-of-craziness analysis, for one basic reason: The Leftist crazies are intent on ruling the lives of the rest of us, and taking our money to pay for it. With the exception of a handful of Don Wildmons, the Right is perfectly happy to live and let live.
Yeah, sure, it’s all about the fooking race thing
I thought Barack Obama would be a poor and troublesome president. Did I think he would yuk it up with Hugo Chávez, smirk with Daniel Ortega about the Bay of Pigs, turn his wrath on a Central American democracy trying to follow its constitution, denounce President Bush abroad, bow to the king of Saudi Arabia, endorse a radical Middle Eastern view of how Israel came into being, knock Western countries that try to protect Muslim girls from unwanted shrouding, invite the Iranian regime to our Fourth of July parties, stay essentially mute in the face of counterrevolution in Iran, squeeze and panic Israel, cold-shoulder the Cuban democrats in order to warm to the Cuban dictatorship, scrap missile defense in Eastern Europe, and refuse to meet with the Dalai Lama — in addition to his attempts to have government eat great portions of American society? No, I did not. You?
Minda is right – it would be funny if it weren’t so true that libs actually think this way.
One of the guys (who I think is now a Czar in the current administration) once posted some thing to the effect that all Conservatives need to be sterilized via public vaccinations or some other means (like a virus), their children removed from their homes and assessed whether or not they could be reeducated or if they needed to be prepared along with their parents for euthanization.
The scariest thing is that there are such potentials for implementing these pogroms in a lot of the bills they are pushing thru Congress – not to mention the things being proposed by these very Czars.
the problem with this is that it is not a parody. This is really how liberals think and speak.
Liberals give away their desires when they talk about ideas like “Ameritards”. Their ideal population to rule over is exactly that, a bunch of ignorant, compliant, lazy good-for-nothings. Look at the groups that most reliably vote Democratic. It’s people whose life’s ambition is to tell other people what to do (like our resident trolls) and people whose life’s ambition is to get stuff for “free”.
It’s us people with an independent streak, who look at those two groups and conclude, correctly, given all available historical evidence, that there is no way for a sustainable society to be built on those foundations and say, “Thanks, but no thanks”, who get in the way of the Liberal dream of a college-educated technocratic class ruling over a herd of lobotomized sheep.
A rare but wonderful satire piece from Hawk.
I love it.
I linked it.
RWR
http://www.rightwingrocker.com
PEOPLE: All you have to do is watch this. And Obey…or NOWANDTHEN will cut himself.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pAlrSRVdKZY
One of the guys (who I think is now a Czar in the current administration) once posted some thing to the effect that all Conservatives need to be sterilized….
You might be referencing Obama’s Science & Technology Czar, John Holdren.
His eugenics ideas aren’t limited to “conservatives”
Of course, Holdren might say that nowadays he no longer endorses those notions, just like Van Jones no longer endorsed Communism (laugh now).
Oh, Johnny, you have such a light touch. Jon Stewart better watch out. (But don’t quit your day job – if you have one.)
Pssssst. . . . David S. (#5)
Swift’s “A Modest Proposal: For Preventing the Children of Poor People in Ireland from Being a Burden to Their Parents or Country, and for Making Them Beneficial to the Public” is satire. He really wasn’t making a serious proposal. Really.
Speaking of yawners, Middleman #33: You’re really into stereotyping aren’t you?
I see the light. I will go buy barry sartos ohh, sorry barack obamas books.
…the Liberal dream of a college-educated technocratic class ruling over a herd of lobotomized sheep.
It’s pathetic how your typical Libtard (waiting around for government’s free lunch) bows down to those élites who would rule over them and who view them as nothing more than foot soldiers in an army of Useful Idiots.
now & then, bibio44 and all our resident trolls will be the first to be thrown under the bus when their “useful” days are over.
For classic example of this phenomenon, cf Cindy Sheeham
5. David S:
“I’m glad to see that PJM is willing to publish a fake leftist commentary. It goes really well with all the other fake news here.”
Then what is the point of your comments? If PJM is pretty much fake then… What? You do comment quite frequently on PJM, and I’ll assume that you do read the articles. Does the line from Mr. Hawkins article “All dissent is unpatriotic” or “ Do as you’re told”, describe your outlook towards PJM in general?
Or are you simply acting on masturbatory fantasies about posting on PJM?
*”Let me leave you with a piece of hard-earned wisdom we liberals have come to accept as absolutely true since January 20 of this year: All dissent is unpatriotic.”*
UMMM, ALL dissent is now RACIST.
Haven’t you been paying attention?
Kind of ok, but it could be more pointed. I didn’t recognize myself and other conservatives here, because:
Hawkins didn’t mention my bitterness and Brooks suits; then where is my chevy truck, my shotgun and my Bible?
Missing is also the fact that I am a bigot, narrowminded, homophobic, xenophobic, unwilling to accept un-conditional love white guy; also the fact that I all day long scheme how to put widows and orphans on the street is missing.
What about my demented destruction of the rain-forrest? Or my running through hospitals yanking life lines from patients’ kidneys? What about the fact that every week I put fire to retirees homes? What about that I enjoy second-hand smoke and I speak in disparaging words about whales? What about my Kumbaya denying? What about my diversity adversity? What about my lack of appreciation for pygmy poetry?
And topping everything, what about my criminal denial of the global heating? And what about my vicious peeing on insects? (Vivo, bibio44 & cie included).
John, these are very important elemets in a conservative’s composite – my advise for you is to return to drafting table and redo this, otherwise promising work.
obammy mammy is no more black than white. Therefor, he is not black, he pretends to be.
That pretty much sums him up, the pretender. AKA: liar, traitor, anti American scum.
You parady the perfect obammy mammy lover quite well. They are that phuquing stupid.
I think that about covers it.
Hey dude, don’t bogart that joint, how about you pass it around, I’d like a hit of that.
The sad thing is, this article will be posted on Huffington Post this afternoon and liberals will treat it as gospel.
Agree with Diablo_2: all dissent is racist.
Nobody can imitate the sardonic attitude of the nihilist totalitarians. Sorry.
Pelosi was crying in front of the camera, saying that dissent will foster violence. THAT’S a masterwork ! She makes me laugh so hard that she should win an Oscar.
Oscar to the best fascist role.
Thank you for the opportunity to comment.
Congratulations, John ‘awrkins. Argh, ye’ve won the First Annual Pulitzer/Beloit Award for Librul Chain Yanking. Good on ye.
As others have said its kind of hard to parody the Left since they really do talk like that, but the real indicator it was not written by a Leftie was it wasn’t filled with enough hate. Just look at our PJM Leftie trolls for material.
Very enjoyable. Having the left’s obfuscations put into plain English is something all voters should have access to, particularly liberals.
Some liberals I have talked to don’t realize how far things have gone until you have them explain in plain English what they believe and then have them explain in concrete terms how those beliefs will be implemented. They get very uncomfortable about what must be done to coerce citizens.
Then there are those who are practically gleeful about forcing there view on citizens. The only thing that horrifies them is when I tell them that conservatives will one day be back in the White House and majorities in Congress. One gets the feeling they would do anything to stop that. Anything.
48
now & then, bibio44 and all our resident trolls will be the first to be thrown under the bus when their “useful” days are over.
It’s so true. The funny thing to me personally is that, if I wanted to be, with my educational background at the same universities that produce that technocratic elite they so worship, I could be the technocrat-manager those losers report to. I just have zero interest in so being.
This is funny, must see tee vee.
The primary campaign of the Dissembler-in-Chief gave over $800,000 of George Soros’ hard earned money to ACORN.
Both Senators from Illinois (Dick Durbin and Roland Burris) voted earlier this week against cutting off funding to ACORN.
Thank You ACORN
46. Odysseus,
Stereotyping can serve a purpose. Most of the two-dimensional my-way-or-highway posters on this site know this well.
I’ve heard some incredibly retarded things come out of the mouths of people on the far-left. Stuff that really truly is funny and mind-boggling. Very exploitable stuff. This piece was weak though. The Jello snack cup of satire.
I could be the technocrat-manager those losers report to. I just have zero interest in so being.
It’s an interesting point. Whereas tax cheats like Timmy Geithner and Tommy Daschle are eager to “serve”.
And marginally intelligent former female governors (should I mention Big Sis Napolitano and Kathleen Sebelius in this context?) are drawn to the big power nexus in DC.
Axelrod & Rahm ? don’t make me laugh.
We have a bunch of self-serving, arrogant weaklings drawn to a patina of power.
Ah, conservative humor.
You can take the Gaia snarkiness and cram it.
I don’t loathe you out of some misplaced adoration for a pagan goddess.
I loathe you because you’re raising a generation of idiots who will be a dead weight on our culture and economy: http://www.news9.com/global/story.asp?s=11141949
I loathe you because of the rank hypocrisy you exhibit with your obsession over some bad employees at ACORN, while not having a ****ing peep to say about the numerous cases in which Halliburton and KBR (which got billions in no-bid contracts under the Bush admin) covered up brutal rapes of female employees and has been getting away with it:
http://www.thenation.com/doc/20080505/houppert
http://thinkprogress.org/2009/09/16/jones-sue-kbr/
I loathe you for your retarded belief that everyone who does not think like you is invariably a Fascist Marxist Godless Communist Totalitarian Statist Socialist, and for your laughable inability to ever clearly or competently define any of those terms.
Finally, I loathe you
@49. Mr Lucky:
If PJM is pretty much fake then… What?
Commenters with diverse perspectives and an interest in facts can help bring a dose of reality to the venue. Without the contributions of folks like myself, this would be a pretty sad place – nothing but an echo chamber.
You do comment quite frequently on PJM, and I’ll assume that you do read the articles. Does the line from Mr. Hawkins article “All dissent is unpatriotic” or “ Do as you’re told”, describe your outlook towards PJM in general?
I actually think of myself as the dissent at PJM – I represent loyal opposition to the willful madness behind the Neocon worldview. Dissent is patriotic only when it is principled – and that is what I do my best to offer. A principled and thoughtful counterpoint to the PJM worldview.
I appreciate satire, and this was a decent attempt by PJM standards. It’s an attempt to mock folks like myself who have the audacity to tell conservatives to their face that they are wrong, and to explain why. Admit it – you like having folks like me here, for that express purpose. That’s why you can’t resist bringing up masturbation – you aren’t trying to reason with anyone, you just like attention. I’ll offer you both. You can continue to mock me personally, and I’ll continue to explain why you are wrong on the issues.
Peace.
DS
Funny. I was just reading WaPo article “Note to Liberals: It’s not all about race” http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/09/17/AR2009091703598.html
in which the liberal author tries to explain to other liberals why conservatives are upset and demonstrating, and that we peons have reasons other than racism (although lots of us ARE racists). The comments, mostly lib, are entertaining. They boil down to the notion that we are obviously racists, but may not know it ourselves because we are uneducated troglodytes being used by the GOP. In fact, our primary motive is racism, and denials are futile, and this is ‘proved’ in various ways.
Came here immediately after that – and I agree, it is really pretty hard to satirize the left. First few paragraphs had me going.
Finally, I loathe you
Good, I hope your loathing makes your head explode.
Big Sis Napolitano and Kathleen Sebelius
Big Sis’ DHS has been doin’ stuff like giving Porkulus money to beef up a border crossing checkpoint on US/Canada border (to the tune of $15 million or so) where something like 5 people/day cross.
And Kathleen (of HHS) yesterday chastised a reporter in the press briefing for not sneezing properly into his elbow ! She held up her sainted sleeve (once again) and gave the lecture on how to sneeze !
Your gubbmint at work !
10. TennesseeVolunteer:
Somebody’s peeing on my leg!
______________________________
Yeah, well something’s tingling up MINE
Whereas tax cheats like Timmy Geithner and Tommy Daschle are eager to “serve”.
The urge to rule, wrapped up as the urge to “serve”, is as old as mankind. In terms of antiquity, prostitution has nothing on this “profession”. That there are suckers (again, like our resident trolls) who fall for it in every generation is a given. At least the Founding Fathers put in place some safeguards against the coming together of the metaphorical sheep and their shepherds. Clearly, not enough or not stringent enough because we see them all around, in all their bleating glory.
“I know, I know. You’re probably stunned because this may be the first time in years you’ve heard a contrary thought.”
LOL. Love it. I’m a conservative who’s worked in Academia for over 10 years. All I EVER hear are contrary thoughts, and yet I’m still conservative. In fact, what I experience daily at PC U. only convinces me that I am right (literally and figuratively).
To echo #69 David S. “I actually think of myself as the dissent at PC U. – I represent loyal opposition to the willful madness behind the Libtard worldview. Dissent is patriotic only when it is principled – and that is what I do my best to offer. A principled and thoughtful counterpoint to the Academic worldview.”
DALE: I don’t loathe you but I do pity you. You are the poster child for liberal penis envy.
You are weak and you hate strength.
You are empty and you hate happiness.
You are impotent and despise the virile.
You are ugly and you despise the beautiful.
Weakness is the lowest form of stupidity. You worship weakness.
“I know, I know. You’re probably stunned because this may be the first time in years you’ve heard a contrary thought.”
“Missionary work” is so 18th century, dude.
What you don’t seem to understand is that almost every jamoke who goes to college comes out leaning Left. The smart ones grow out of it, while you are what become of the rest.
“Opposing points of view” are always welcome; stupid screeds of name-calling are not welcome but expected. And here’s just a small hint to help you lower the embarrassment factor geometrically: only the most foolish of the fools use “Gaia” seriously. You forgot “unicorns.” Maybe next time.
billslayer (#71) Don’t feed the Troll, you’ll only encourage it. It doesn’t come here to discuss anything, it’s only hear to bait you, and infect you with its hate.
This is a parody, right? C’mon, nobody is THIS stupid, right?
Dale shows what some people felt like the piece lacked, the ‘Khaaaaaaannnnnnn!’ Factor.
But there are liberals that are not so full of hatred as Dale was in his post. Some are, well, not reasonable, but somewhat charming on occasion. A few even have reasonable moments.
Eon,
Gerrold’s Law is incorrect if you’re describing it accurately. If reality doesn’t make sense, then the universe is at base irrational. That which lacks does not give birth to that which has. We have Reason, therefore the Universe must be Reasonable.
Now, our understanding of its complexities may and indeed does exceed our current grasp, but thats a different thing.
Logic is a friend to the Right. Your attempt to say ‘a pox on both their houses’, and ‘we in the middle know logic’ is rejected. Common sense and logic are not the same thing.
Let us start with common sense. Have you ever seen anything start to be without a maker? A tree without a seed? A car without a factory?
We know from 1)Mainstream science if you choose to accept such 2)2nd Law of Thermodynamics 3) Simple logic based on you can’t start in the infinite past and arrive at the present after a passage of years because the infinite is always further back….that the universe had a beginning.
Thus, using logic, the Universe had a Maker.
Thus we move from common sense to logic, to realizing that the ID people HAVE to be correct.
At this point you can claim false modesty, and say ‘oh, the universe is too complicated.’ Eh, my logic here is pretty simple stuff. Just because you don’t like the conclusion doesn’t mean you get to claim ‘oh, its too hard’.
Or you can claim ‘the universe is irrational’, and we already dealt with that. Besides, Science is founded on a Rational Universe. My PC seems to be working, so I’m going to assume that Science is not a hoax.
There’s also the response of one commenter to me ‘the universe happened ‘just because”. Hmmm, that violates the sylogism, and is a miracle exceeding the existence of God. But its nice to have an atheist admit they believe in miracles.
Or ‘but God had a beginning so this applies…’ No, God is the Uncaused Cause. He has no beginning.
There is a couple other standard responses, and smashing rebuttals to those, but I’ve forgotten them.
Its simple enough, Eon. 2+2=4. Your appeal to prejudgice and unenlightened thinking aside, Logic is a friend to the Right. I’m glad you see that the Left is foriegn to reality. I hope you can come the rest of the way.
John Hawkins….you can’t fool me….
I know it’s really Vivo or Moho or David S. that wrote this article.
C’mon guys….which one of you was it??
Uh…John….about the nude lesbians…
“It’s an attempt to mock folks like myself…”
Yes, but it fails, because you’re even more insane than the parody.
Still, a valiant try by Mr. Hawkins.
That is the difference in liberals and conservatives, their world views. America has always in the past had a somewhat similar world view. That is no longer the case.
Conservatives believe in personal responsibility for their own and their families well being and actions as well as personal liberty. They cooperate with their neighbors to help each other and are generous with charity while desperately tying never to need charity themselves.
Liberals believe in “it takes a village” and the individual must be protected from the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. The individual needs there liberty curtailed so that they don’t hurt themselves or society or offend someone. The government needs to look out for the individual and taxes are their form of charity. (But don’t demean people by actually calling it charity)
That is why so many liberals and conservatives are angry with each other. They are unable to understand each other because the core of their beliefs are fundamentally antithetical about the responsibility of government.
I’m sick and tired of the constant tu quoque argument being the standard. Let’s get this straight once and for all, you cannot counter the assertion that “Global Warming is a religion with more basis in faith than true science” with “Oh yeah? you guys all believe in Creationism.” Besides the fact that the statement is wrong beyond all belief, a majority of conservatives do NOT believe the Earth is 4,000 years old, or that dinosaurs are fake… heck, it’s getting as bad as the Columbus lie… that he was the first to believe the world was round… the two statements are completely unrelated. Neither one can be used to prove or disprove the other.
There are only a few brands of Christianity that are super-literalist in their interpretations of the Bible, and of course, they get all the press. The rest of us are perfectly happy believing that God is smart enough to set a Creation in motion that uses physical laws and evolution to accomplish things.
John:
They used to arrest people for lewd conduct in public places.
Now you can sodomize, change your sex, kill babies and say anything you want and pay no penalty?
The truth is no you can’t. Do your private business somewhere else.
He didn’t mention Halliburton. Something is wrong…
RE #63/Dale: [...] Finally, I loathe you [...]
Oh, Dale – you can be so passionate!
you people are so sad…what incredible hypocrisy.
how about the lady that says the left wants to control our lives! it would be funny if it wasn’t so sad.
what an enlightened bunch.
74. Darius Thomson: Well, my name is billslayer… I’m mean and I kill things. What if I changed my name to trollslayer?
I like humor…good stuff !!
And you can add this too..
Wilson/Palin 2012 !!
Paid for by the unemployed commediens
Society.
Dark Helmet
he’s not black. are you sure? Let’s test this theory. Will the KKK let him join?
what do you gain from playing ignorant? Is it just to much fun for you?
Give me liberty or give me delta smelt!
To #5 David S,
So, I see that this parody hit pretty close to home. I thought of you and other Obamabots and I have to admit it was a little tougher than the usual parody we see here.
Peace
JB
During the mid eighties, I was on a hunting trip in the Rockies of Northern British Columbia. British Columbia is a bastion of failed Socialist governments that have crippled the provincial economy.
Periodically a new group of Socialist Benefactors takes control of the Provincial Government and the people wait with Hope and Change for the new Socialists to rush in and make the Dystopia into a promised Utopia. But within a few months, the dreams of Hope and Change slowly become the realities of Hopelessness and Chump Change.
Like Mexico’s ruling party the new thieves settle in to rape and pillage the Province until once again new Socialist Thieves are elected on grand promises of Hope and Change.
On this particular hunting trip, my hunting partner was a card carrying Socialist and an outdoor writer like myself, as a matter of fact he was the editor of two publications that I wrote for, so essentially he was my twice my boss. I was the horseman and he was the camp cook.
Those of you who read my rambling comments probably wonder how I could get along, all alone with a rabid Socialist for two weeks with loaded rifles. I choose my hunting partners carefully and trust me not all Liberals should have been drowned in a bucket after being born.
We had lively political discussions at night, that at times were heated, like most Liberals his arguments became seasoned with emotion when his sack of facts was empty; but after a few glasses of wine and a good night’s sleep listening to the wolves howl and the loons make their noises like an insane liberal woman loose in the mountains, we would wake in the morning on fairly decent terms and would head off for the day in search of game and articles with rifles and cameras over our shoulders.
I am sorry, I don’t remember the specific discussion but during the night after several large glasses of Cabernet, my friend had advanced some convincing arguments and I spent the night in deep consideration of my political feelings.
I was quiet the next morning while eating breakfast and just barely gave an account of the area that I would be hunting and listened half heartedly to my partner’s plans. (important details in case someone doesn’t show up that night)
All through the day I worried over my political positions while battling with increasing stomach cramps. Eventually I was overcome with a mild case of dysentery. I became sick, I quickly dug a small latrine and relieved myself, I found a great pressure lifted from my body, a lightness of being. At that point, I realized I was not a Liberal, I had merely been lost in the wilderness, like Moses. My political epiphany made me see that I was truly a Conservative and had only been confused for a few hours. I have never looked back, I travel through life confident in my political beliefs and ever ready to spread the gospel of Conservatism.
#38 Bohemond;
I used to believe as you do, on the grounds that (as Heinlein once observed) on the whole, curmudgeons make more comfortable neighbors than the “socially conscious” because they are less relentlessly missionary about their beliefs. (Yes, I am a curmudgeon by nature.)
But in recent years, the more extreme elements of the “religious right” (like the “Don Wildmon” crowd) have gotten into crusade mode. If you don’t believe me, check out the Discovery Institute sometime. Their antics are often missed because other than running ads on TV to advertise their museum (that “tells the truth about Evolution”- well, actually, no it doesn’t), they take pains not to be to blatant about their determination to replace any sort of scientifically-valid discussion of how we evolved in schoolrooms across the country with “Intelligent Design”, which is a sort of pseudo-scientific version of Creationism. The amazing thing is that they’re actually getting people to buy into their scam- look up “Texas School Board” and “science textbook standards”, you might be surprised at what you find.
I don’t mind somebody believing that black is white. I do rather worry when they try to make that sort of statement a part of school science curricula.
#76 Tennwriter;
I quoted Gerrold’s Law precisely. You do not seem to have grasped the implications.
By the standards of our thinking, the Universe does not necessarily make sense. Consider these examples;
1. According to non-quantum (“classical”) physics theory (which works just fine at the gross level), an X-ray tube should radiate in the pale pink end of the color spectrum, just above infrared. Having worked with X-ray units, I can assure you it doesn’t.
2. According to Einstein’s basic theory, time should only flow in one direction; this is known as the “Y” factor. However, later work based on Einstein’s Special Theory of relativity (notably by Dr. Stephen Hawking) has shown that the only way to make the numbers come out even at speeds near that of light is to assume that “Y” can be “violated”- i.e., that time may flow in either direction, its normal present to future state, or the reverse, as local conditions demand. (This is discussed in Hawking’s “A Brief History of Time”, and yes, that result surprised him, too.)
3. Some sets of natural phenomena, that have apparently existed on Earth throughout history, have done a sufficiently good job of “fooling” humans that we have often concluded that we were being “visited” (or even “attacked”) by alien beings in things we variously call “flying saucers” or “UFOs”. (It didn’t start in 1947, believe me.)
I could go on, but you get the idea. The Universe does not necessarily make sense to us, simply because we don’t necessarily know all the “rules” that govern its function. Which was what David Gerrold was talking about.
As for the “ID people”, as you call them, the only way they can support their arguments is by throwing out about 99% of the accumulated fossil evidence, the same proportion of the geological record, and ignore the “inconvenient truth” that there is no historical record of a man every meeting up with a dinosaur. Not to mention the fact that the Earth is both more than four millenia old, and has had higher primates that were recognizably human living on it for about twenty times that timespan (about 80,000 years), but that no demonstrable evidence of the existence of large saurians, etc., exists after the impact of a meteoroid in the Yucatan (the Chicxulub mass), which occurred 65 million years ago (give or take a human lifetime either way).
Not only aren’t the “ID people” right, they aren’t even in the ballpark.
Logic, as you state it, would decree that the ID claims be rejected for lack of compelling evidence. But, as I stated, those who Believe such things (the capitalization is deliberate) also Believe that their brand of “logic” is superior to that used by the “common herd”, i.e. the rest of us.
In that, as I previously stated, the extreme right and the extreme left are kindred spirits, though neither lot would ever admit it. And most of both do not even realize it.
clear ether
eon
I knew this article was going to be parody the minute I read the teaser…
“An enlightened liberal”? LOL!! Good one!
Interesting David S.
64. David S.
“I appreciate satire, and this was a decent attempt by PJM standards. It’s an attempt to mock folks like myself who have the audacity to tell conservatives to their face that they are wrong, and to explain why. Admit it – you like having folks like me here, for that express purpose. That’s why you can’t resist bringing up masturbation – you aren’t trying to reason with anyone, you just like attention. I’ll offer you both. You can continue to mock me personally…”
From this article –
PalinTracker: Quoting Reagan, a Speaking Gig, an eBay Auction
September 17, 2009 – by Barbara Curtis
You said – “Have fun with the masturbatory celebration as the thread goes on…”
Did you this?
Full text.
37. David S:
@33. Sapwolf:
Sarah is trustworthy and will not lose it once she is President.
Sarah violated the trust of the voters of Alaska by resigning. Most Americans don’t think she has the right stuff. But we do have common ground.
I agree she “will not lose it once she is President” for two reasons:
1. She has already lost it
2. She will not become President
Have fun with the masturbatory celebration as the thread goes on…
Peace.
DS
Sep 17, 2009 – 10:42 am
Are you mocking people who agree with Sarah Palin?
Am I a conservative? How do you know? Because I “mock” you?
And if I choose to mock you or anyone, I will do so. It’s not all that bad, is it?
No hard feelings.
Mr. Lucky hit the trolls right on the head.They just can’t control the concupiscent mental onanism.
92. If someone did present to you evidence that humans had observed a living creature fitting the description of a dinosaur, would you believe that it was a dinosaur? Bear in mind, the word “dinosaur” is quite new. The term most people of antiquity would have used is “dragon” or “monster,” had they encountered such a beast.
“You can’t parody lefties, because they’re inevitably even more absurd than the parody. Dave Surls”
First out of the shoot, and never surpassed. Unfortunately, they think they’re being serious, and too many are taking them seriously. Hence, our current political situation.
Well done, even so, Mr. Surls.
#97
Thanks, Jeff.
Even a blind pig (like myself) finds an acorn once in awhile.
Grow up Johnny boy,! You’re part of the problem.
Some mighty fine hopeNchanger troll bait there, Mr. Hawkins!
#88
When did race determination become appointed to the klan? He is no more black than white. He is no more whte than black. He just happens to look more black than white.
He also happens to be a lying miserable communist traitor puke who only got elected BE -FREAKING -CAUSE HE LOOKS BLACK.
America is racist. It is racist as it can possibly be because it elected a f*ing TRAITOR because he looks black.
If you’re going to try and make a point, try getting one first.
DH
Eon,
A civil reply. I appreciate that.
Of course, the universe is different than our current understanding of it. At one time, we thought Crystal Spheres. Is it discoverable? Is it reasonable? Not, is the current theory correct?
I’m not sure we disagree here.
I don’t get “ID People” in quotes. They are human, right? They support ID, right? If I’d said ‘the pioneering and brilliant scientists who are discovering the secrets of the universe’ that would be accurate, but I can understand you objecting. Am I to call them ‘the heretical dimwits’? What term satisfies?
The fossil evidence supports Special Creation. The chief opponents of Darwin, in his day, were paleontologists. Since then, the data has gotten worse.
There are no Darwinist facts, and no Creationist facts in the geological record. There are only facts, and the interpretation of them. My interpretation is more valid than yours, IMO. It is observed in living memory at Mt. St. Helens that a hundred foot deep canyon was carved in about nine days. If there are layers of sedimentary rock that are laid millions of years apart there should be erosion between them. And on and on…
Mythbuster asks you an excellent question about dinosaurs.
Its six to ten thousand years ago, not four thousand. You continue with an unsupported assertion, and I counter with a supported assertion–the Earth was created so says the most validated text in history. You toss out wild numbers for an asteroid impact, an impact that is like a tank rolling over the ‘key to the past’ Uniformatarianism. If the Chixlcub Impact was 65 million years ago, then indeed, my timeline is in error. But thats the question at hand. If you’re allowed to assume away the question, then I’m allowed to assume you agree with me.
If you like liberal lampoons, check out: http://collectivewishes.blogspot.com.
Darn it im so wrong.Lemme crack out my bong and sing Kumbaya…..Is that a missile flying over Poland?Sorry gotta go!
Print this at Huffpo and leftists will droll all over it.(Meanwhile Huffpo itself is barely breaking even financially)Meanwhile in Russia….human rights activists continue to have “unfortunate accidents” which Leftists completely ignore.Or Darfur which they also completely ignore.Or radical Islamists spouting death to the West,to which they apologize for,or…well you get the picture if your on the right side of the tracks.
What’s interesting is just how FAR over the top you have to go to make this into a parody.
There’s stereotyping galore these days, but ultimately, one camp wants to enforce the Constitution, the other wishes to continue dismantling it.
The enforcement camp consists of Libertarians, Independents, Constitutionalists, Democrats, and Republicans.
The other camp consists of domestic enemies who subvert our law, and those who support them.
We who defend the Constitution are in the right camp, regardless of any political affiliation.
The problem with you conservatives if that we haven’t eradicated all of you yet so that us perfect peaceful beings can share the earth in everlasting peace. Once of all you racist dissenters are dead and buried conflict will be forever a thing of the past. So please, change your mind now or we will eradicate you, and your old people.
Your truly,
~Enlightened Liberal
And oh, yes, half of the American people are YEC’s and nine of ten of them are some form of Creationist. So its not like my views are minority views.
A poor attempt. Come back when you have something to say.
Perfect Friday article, esp. for reading in Vermont.
The best satire always has a large measure of accuracy to it.
Your satire fell flat. The point of a satire is to purposely exaggerate a position to the point it looks ridiculous in order to make a point. But exaggerating the views of liberals is impossible, they honestly believe a lot of the nonsense in this article. Read the column by Joe Klein in Time magazine regarding conservatives and tax protesters, it is barely distinguishable from what was written here. You could stick it in place of this article and it would hardly look any different.
Thanks for the laugh on this Sunday afternoon.
seriously, what have the conservative leaders done lately? nothing. party of no. anybody can whine, blame, complain. but what have they done lately? what are they doing to make this country better? they’re like kids in high school playing the popularity game. dems and repubs. that is so sad and sickening.
Love the post (#94) that called out David S on his masturbatory hypocrisy. Pwned! Epic fail David S.
I just came from the comments on Tom Friedman’s recent column about how right-wingers are supposedly encouraging would-be assassins (or something). I swear, if you put this post in amongst the comments there, and asked people to find the over-the-top parody, they would be totally stumped. In fact, this sentence: “Besides, Chimpy McBushHitler was a stupid, drooling Nazi who started a war for oil and let 9/11 happen on purpose to help make more money for Halliburton.” was nearly a verbatim quote (the NYT quote didn’t mention Halliburton until the next sentence).