The New York Times Gift Guide for All Your Minority Friends
(See also: Ed Driscoll's "Separate But Equal at the New York Times?")
How quaint! They really should have employed a spell checker, though. It’s inexcusable that no one at the Times can spell “Hollywood.” Then again, they are New Yorkers.
Barack Obama: Son of Promise, Child of Hope by Nikki Grimes
Illustrated by Bryan Collier
$16.99 Buy From AmazonWhy give your kids yet another video game when you can open their minds? Nikki Grimes’s children’s book about President Obama comes with an educational guide and colorful illustrations. (Simon & Schuster Children’s Publishing, $16.99)
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Personally, I would prefer the video game. Here’s Barack catching a football. Here’s Barack with kids all around him, dispensing wisdom. Here’s Barack, the sun framing his head giving off a distinct halo effect as he speaks to the masses, hypnotizing them with the brilliance of his rhetoric. It’s enough to turn a kid into a full-blown Obamabot — which, I suppose, is the point.
But somehow, although I think that the gift guide is a great idea, it seems a little thin. There are few things missing that I would like to see included. For instance:
Barack Obama Official Birth Certificate
Hot off the presses from the state of Hawaii, this is a gift sure to entrance your friends. The officially embossed seal of both the state of Hawaii and the Republic of Kenya grace the expensive parchment. Suitable for framing or using in court. (State of Hawaii, $15.00)
A gift that keeps on giving. The beauty of this is that we can observe the spectacle of the ultimate flip-flop in politics; Obamanauts will deny it’s authenticity while birthers will celebrate their victory.
Ground White Rhinoceros Horn
Is your man having “problems” in the bedroom? This ancient Oriental Viagra will fix him up in a jiffy. Perfect gift for the Oriental gentleman of wealth and leisure. (Note: Supplies are extremely limited. Product offered for a limited time.)
($35,000.00 a half ounce. Jimmy Chang’s Tea Palace and Sex Emporium)
I doubt whether Tiger testicles are any better. Not “Tiger’s testicles,” dope. I imagine he might be reluctant to part with them any time soon considering how much fun he’s having with them attached.
A Handy Guide to Driving While Black by Jaybey Sommers
Everything you need to know if you’re a black male and plan on getting behind the wheel. This comprehensive volume tells you places to avoid (suburbs, rich neighborhoods), how to give the cops a hard time without provoking them, how to goof on white people while scaring the crap out of them, and other fun and vital facts that will make your driving experience less stressful and more enjoyable. (Che Press, $8.99.)
Merry Christmas!
I was gonna drop a HINT to my friends and families that I wanted a XBOX 360 console for Christmas. But after reading this article I did some soul searching and decided that it would be a stupid “whitey” gift. I was THIS close to being a sellout! Whew!
My revised christmas wish list now include a Katana blade, a sushi rolling contraption, a Hentai DVD, and an alarm clock that nags me to wake up in Sakura’s voice (From Naruto Shippuden).
Thank you, New York Times. You came to our aid with ideas for useful, practical gifts that us non white people would actually want. And when you included that oriental viagra item, you TOTALLY weren’t suggesting or hinting anything stereotypical about us Asians. NONE AT ALL, I assure you.
HILARIOUS article, thanks for bringing this up. I don’t even visit their website anymore so would have never heard about it otherwise.
Some of the gifts are not so outlandish. In “make up”, asian, latin, black, white, brown all do their faces a little differently because of the difference in skin tone and texture. One size doesn’t fit all.
But some of the gifts seem pretty segregation like to me.
Hey, here’s a terrific gift . . . the leader of the Tea Bagging Patriots in Redding, California, who’s doing such a bang up job keeping government out of our lives, is sponsoring an initiative that would have the state force kids to sing Christmas carols in school. And the best part, her name is Merry.
Oh, Hosanna . . . loppa dolla hoondy spoondy salla kom . . . ondo dansa oonda pransa ollo dodna ree blitza
Meanwhile, an anti healthcare reformer jumped out of his car and punched a 65-year-old pro reformer in the face. Reminds me of the guy who punched a pro reformer in the face and got his finger bit off for the effort. Luckily, he was treated for free through Medicaire. Whew! Close call.
Such COURAGE! Such PRINCIPLE! Oh, and Mary Christmas.
But as a white retiree, I have no minority friends; Unless you count all my other white retired pals minorities.
And, just so you don’t put yourself out to help; I’m not looking for any.
LMFAO. What a hilarious commentary! E-mailing this all over the place. Thank you for the satire. THe NYT really needs a good swift kick where it hurts. Oh that’s right! Their readership is melting – like the polar ice caps!!!!
It makes you wonder about the preconceptions of the NYtimes editorial board/and staff writers…
Dear Mr. Driscoll:
I’d like to extend my services as a literacy coach. You see, right at the top of the link you posted to the New York Times gift guide it says pretty clearly:
it’s not hard to find gifts created for and by people of color this holiday season. Here are some possibilities.
To people who undertand the English language, this means that the guide is focusing on non-white owned industries. Given that there are so few, I really wonder what kind of scrooge would deny such struggling businesses the advertising space. But, of course, that’s not your goal. You just can’t read. Text me, or get an adult friend to help you.
To all my Black friends, I will give you a copy of Sarah Palin’s book!
To all my Black Muslim friends, another copy of Sarah Palin’s book(in arabic and/or Hebrew for those living in the so called occupied territories)
To all my Asian friends: a translated edition of Sarah Palin’s book(in Cantunese and/or Mandarin)
To the NYT writers: A book of Sarah Palin’s bestseller.
9. Now, to actually get some friends.
Mr. Moran: it is clear that you are also a high school drop out like the rest the people on this site!!! Look this is called targetted matketing. e.g
Ground white…. would be an excellent choice of gift for Rush Limbau.. an you know he takes viagra.. this gift could save money!!! for everyonr here this is a great site for you all
http://www.babeland.com.
So; Where are the “suicide bloggers” on this thread? Is Obamao giving a speech somewhere?
No; I don’t really want to know.
A few thoughts
I would think that if one had minority friends, he would know something about their likes and dislikes and this particular guide would be unnecessary. This is an unfortunate circumstance of well meaning people creating something in the name of diversity that is offensive.
For the record, it is cool that some of these products are getting recognition. There are some products here that are useful because skin care and hair care is not a one size fits all industry and most products are designed for fairer skinned straighter haired people. It is nice to see dolls that look like my kids and books with people that look like them as main characters. My daughter aksed for a doll that looks like her and if not for advertisements to promote them, her grandmother may not have found a suitable doll to meet the request. It’s unfortunate that the products were marketed this way. I’m not Asian, but I would like to buy one of those scarves for my wife. Why can’t these products have just been offered as unique line of holiay gifts.
As a person who celebrates Kwanzaa, it would be cool to see a page dedicated to ideas for Kwanzaa presents much the same way people market Channuka and Christmas gifts.
Happy holidays.
“To people who undertand the English language, this means that the guide is focusing on non-white owned industries. Given that there are so few, I really wonder what kind of scrooge would deny such struggling businesses the advertising space”
Um, a non-racist color-blind Scrooge. Do you choose which businesses to patronize based on the race of the owner?
#11
Did anyone ever tell you that if you are going to accuse someone of being a high school dropout that you should first learn how to write and spell yourself?
I daresay you gave a lot of people reading the comments a chuckle or two.
As a person who celebrates Kwanzaa, it would be cool to see a page dedicated to ideas for Kwanzaa presents much the same way people market Channuka and Christmas gifts.
As a person who celebrates the imminent return of Gozer the Gozerian, it would be cool to see a page dedicated to the rectification of the Vuldronaii, when The Traveler came as a large and moving Torb, much the same way the Meketrex Supplicants might market a giant Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man action figure to the many Shuvs and Zuuls who weren’t roasted in the depths of the Slor that one day (I can tell you!).
When it comes time to choose the form of the Destructor, I think I’ll choose a person of color, like Oprah, or maybe Urkel.
Now if you’ll excuse me I have to go make preparations for Festivus!
This is beyond belief!!!!! It’s racist, pure and simple. Truly. Utterly patronizing and obnoxious.
Thanks for bringing this to our attention, Mr. Moran.
I’m speechless.
#16. Aureliano: Thanks – I enjoyed that!
#17 Carol: Refer #16 Aureliano. Lighten up!
There are 54 different buying guides at the New York Times, and this is just one of them.
Does someone feel forgotten?
When you have achieved that rarefied status of Compassionate Liberal Editor at the New York Times, segregation becomes a celebration of multiculturalism, and must therefore be cherished.
Separate facilities of all stripes for the non-whites folks? That’s not racism, you rubes, it’s the new enlightened Jim Crow!
to Aureliano
Huh? What’s your point?
… The NY Times could have made something useful, like say, maybe highlight certain makeup designed for women with darker skin. But nooo they have to make a list of stereotypical ‘black people stuff’ that’s nothing more than novelty shit.
NYT, I am disappoint.
@ 16. Aureliano:
Hey I’m here, well Gozer the Gozarian was my mother but close enough right? Feel free to worship me and shower me with gifts as befits the traditions.
*Chuckles*
As for the article, quite funny and I agree that the whole concept is bad.
First off it’s nice some of these products are made by “minority” companies but seriously who cares? If your product is good and has a market I don’t bloody care if you’re black, Chinese, or white as the fresh snow. It’s the products that count!
Secondly, I laugh at the concept that there are few “minority owned” companies out there. Unless of course you don’t count Chinese, Koreans, Japanese, Indians, Native Americans, and the like as “minorities.” There are tons of their businesses everywhere, especially here in California!
Finally, outiside of hair and skin care which I agree 100% is different for everyone a gift is specific to the PERSON not the RACE (which doesn’t exsist we’re all bloody human!)!
17. Carol:
Nah, not really racist. Patronizing, maybe.
I can see the point in maybe the makeup book, but I would think that’s something someone would buy for themselves. How would it look if you gave a book on beauty tips to an adult woman who probably thinks she can apply makeup just fine, thank you? I imagine an awkward silence when it’s opened.
hmmmm very difficult topic for a few, basically if race was not looked at would we still have to determine the kinds of gifts we would give?
I miss the good old says when a simple afro-pick would have been sufficient.
I had to go to the doctor because i burst the stitches. I’m not kidding. So then i showed it to the doctor on his computer. And he laughed.
Really very funny, Michael. Take it on the road.
Manny
#11
LOL
How sad are you that you actually know Rush takes Viagra?! I’m an “evil Dittohead” and even I didn’t know THAT about him! You trolls are truly sad- I honestly pity you leftists sometimes. I hope Santa brings you a life this Christmas!
Obamanauts will deny it’s [sic - people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones] authenticity
This is sad on so many diffrent levels, will save and share this post.