The Glenn and Helen Show: Why Men Matter
They used to say that it was a man’s world, but you don’t hear that much any more. Women outnumber men in college, get preferential legal treatment in many areas, and in general seem to be doing better, while boys lag girls in education and men generally seem to be doing worse. Should anyone care?
Yes, says Kathleen Parker in her new book, Save the Males: Why Men Matter Why Women Should Care.
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Listen to this podcast (25:45) or download (14.7 MB) The The Glenn and Helen Show: Kathleen Parker on Why Men Matter (lofi version 4.4 MB). Free show subscription available at iTunes.
Wow. I don’t even know how to keep this brief. I’ll do my best though. In relation to the 144 women in college per 100 men statistic, the statement is made, “who are these women gonna marry”. As a 29 year old single guy I can attest to the fact that women my age really have no interest in marriage. In many cases women have been taught for generations that marriage=reliance on a man and the institution has been vilified by the feminist movement as a usurpation of a woman’s individuality and power. Marriage to many, many women is a man’s way to “keep a sister down”. I’ve got a quality education, a great job, financial stability, I’m a home owner, I’ve never been married/divorced and have no children, I stay healthy, I’m the optimum weight for my height, and come from a supportive, grounded family. You’d think these qualities would make me an attractive partner in a relationship. Not so much, and from the women I’ve been around (friends, coworkers, bar crowds, etc.) it’s mostly because I have nothing to offer that she can’t do on her own. The overwhelming attitude is, “what do I need a man for?” (and no, love/companionship is not a valid answer these days). I’ll temper this however by saying, more power to them. I would like to get married and have a family so these attitudes make it more difficult for me to pursue that goal, but so be it. Everyone (male or female) is entitled to live their lives how they see fit and if they don’t have the same goal of marriage and a family, I’m not gonna sit around resenting it, I’ll just keep waiting until I meet someone with whom I can share these goals.
There was another comment made that seemed to elude to the fact that because of the flood of women vs. men graduating college there’s an educational and occupational gap between men and women and perhaps men are “intimidated” or unwilling to date a woman who is better educated or earns a higher salary. With respect, that’s a steaming load of crap. If you’re the type of guy that feels like less of a man because your girl (your girl? oooh he made a comment implying that the woman is his “property”) makes more than you then you’ve got deeper issues then dating. I personally have no problem with a woman having a higher level of education then me or bringing in a higher salary. I’ve actually seen the issue in the reverse. Women with a masters feel they are “above” dating a guy that only has a BS, or if she’s making 50-75k she won’t date someone who’s not making 75-100k (which inherently strikes me as odd. Wasn’t the point of equal rights that women wanted to be equal or above men in professional/educational terms but now that the opportunities are similar, women are still only willing to relate to men that are above them in these regards. But I digress…). There’s a sense of entitlement that really is unbelievable. Again, I speak in generalities. I’m not saying all well educated women are like this but many are.
As I said in the beginning, I could go on a long time and I realize I’m only going to end up sounding like I hate/resent women and I don’t. Perhaps I’ve already garnered the label “misogynist” from some readers but the fact is I have given up to a certain degree, which is to say it’ll take a lot before I’m willing to try and enjoy a mutually beneficial romantic relationship with a woman in my generation. It’s been made abundantly clear that I’m little more than a sperm donor, the fact that I’m financially sound makes no difference because she can take care of herself just fine, and to be married is to submit to a man which just ain’t gonna happen.
Oh and by the way, a big part of the reason you don’t hear men talking about what’s going on is very simply that we’re men. Another comment that was made implied that we’re keeping our mouths shut out of some misplaced idea that “men are supposed to just keep their head down and drive through it”. That’s a bit patronizing. The feminist movement as far as I can tell garnered most of its attention and progress through the sheer ability to b*tch and moan. There were definitely inequalities and I’m not arguing that action to level those out was a good thing for society but the method was detestable. Men simply aren’t going to go that route. We’ll deal with it, work through it and persevere because that’s what men do. They don’t complain about how “unfair” things are. In my case, I don’t walk around whining about “women don’t like me”, or “women don’t find any value in me”, blah blah blah. I simply continue being the best guy I know how to be and someday, maybe I’ll meet someone with whom I can enjoy the kind of companionship I’d like to enjoy. If not, “them’s the breaks” as they say. Either way complaining or “making a stand” just isn’t going to have the effect I’d like to see anyway so why do it? Usually the only effect that screaming about being p*ssed off has is that more people know you’re p*ssed off. In this case I find it unfortunate that men are held with the regard they are, but more people knowing that its unfortunate really isn’t going to solve the problem is it. More likely people will simply say “men have every luxury they could want, what right do they have to talk about ‘life is hard/unfair/whatever’”
NB – I’m sorry; I really am. You sound like an incredible ‘catch’ to me. I’m from that ‘Ms. Generation.’ Of course women should be able to achieve their maximum; but this current generation is throwing the baby out with the bathwater! I’m sorry they’re doing this to men. And to themselves. These women are just not bothering to find out what’s in a man’s mind. But men have to be willing to open up and tell them! Ya know what? I disagree with your statement about “not making a stand.” I think it’s time that men start saying what’s on their minds. This is exactly what my husband and I were talking about yesterday. I suggest you join something: a church group; a volunteer group; a political group; a social group – where you’ll more likely find like-minded women. Don’t give up.
To reinforce what “Chaya” stated. It all depends where you’re looking to meet someone.I think there is a segment of people out there raised in a home with Judeo-Christian values that may not actively participate in them now. That being said, it still shapes their world view very much. This is a large part of the conflict. Self-centered behavior vs. dedication to something outside self. Marriage vs. random sex, children vs. owning crap we don’t need, etc… Frankly, if you’re looking to meet a man or woman with similar values, why not start at an obvious source, church. I think this makes more sense in a metropolitan environment, and it may be more difficult in a rural area. However, it beats the hell out of a bar. Grocery stores aren’t a bad option either, you can tell a lot about a person by what they have in their cart.
I can see how the “traditional” relationship between men and women has a lot going for it. I live in Israel, once a very traditional country, which is starting to have the same negative and fatal feminist mentality towards men. That is, anything a man can do a woman can do better, so many men, so little intelligence, behind every successful man is a strong and successful woman, etc. And it’s being reflected in much higher divorce statistics, more children being raised alone by their mothers, more women and men waiting until their mid to late thirties to marry, and of course, the non stop denigration of men as coarse, stupid, vulgar, and insensitive creatures in general by the media. I am so happy and lucky I met and married my wife thirty years ago before our educational system and our media really started promoting the idea that either women don’t need or want men, or that the only men that women want are those who have been figuratively castrated, or who at least act like well, women!
Seventy summers of experience and I categorize in one word, “Control”. Too many women when I was young started looking for the man to take care of them for the rest of their lives. With very little self discipline to educate it was much easier just to be taken care of for life. When the boredom set in after the kids were gone the lights came on to do something for themselves and a movement was born. The glass ceiling was shattered and now there are women who own companies or are sitting in the CEO seat and pursue a career rather than be bound at home raising children. In the quiet times when they are alone that gnawing feeling of loneliness and desperation creeps in and their genes are calling for motherhood. Many times it’s just too late. It reminds me of the actresses who get old and try desperately to play the young parts. Time waits for no one. I really enjoy talking to women who can carry on an intelligent conversation and not talk about gossip. It’s so refreshing to hear their views. The young women of today are so scattered and lack social skills and they are wondering where all the men are who are in their words, real men. They are avoiding these boring women like the plague.
I see the problem in my undergraduate classes. I have had two classes where a young attractive female is almost shunned by the males in the class. They seem afraid to talk with the women before or after class. The students are college seniors!!
In my time most seniors were in the process of marrying after graduation and starting families. Most of the families from my class stayed as families. I graduated in 1959 with a BS.
I work in a small, but very high high-tech company. We don’t have any women in R&D. There’s one layer and one secretary. Show me the brains.
Here you go:
http://nomarriage.com/index.shtml
Why you should NOT look to marry an American or Western woman. All in black and white. Feminism has done women and men a HUGE disservice. It has spelled the death of the culture. Those who hate Western culture saw it as the PERFECT opportunity to destroy what they hated by pitting 1/2 of the population against the other 1/2. How neat could that be? Now they have gotten their way and the next election will define the end of Western culture as we know it. The Socialists/Communists won.
Read this:
Similarly, in the tenth installment of the Federalist Papers, James Madison defines a faction as “a number of citizens, whether amounting to a minority or majority of the whole, who are united and actuated by some common impulse of passion, or of interest, adverse to the rights of other citizens, or to the permanent and aggregate interests of the community.” In plain English this is a group that pursues self interest at the expense of the common good.
You can divide a population against itself by catering to the different factions:
Black vs White vs all ‘Minorities’
Left vs Right
1 religion vs another
and on and on…
Sound familiar? Like the “60′s”? Like today? Once the factions are focused on their particular grievance then they cannot band together for the “common good” of the society.
If you can, find a good European woman and experience how much better that they can be, especially when it comes to the lack of a chip on the shoulder. Its like waking up in a different world, where women actually like being women and love men. Too many men seem to think that it has to be American Women, when actually they are among the least valued in the world (excluding 3rd world countries). I would recommend to any man, a visit to Europe or Russia, or Scandinavia.
Stally
khr128,
Considering the ratio of women to men in University at present it might not be for lack of brains that women quit high tech careers….
http://www.computerworld.com/action/article.do?command=printArticleBasic&articleId=319212
Ken Besig – I live in Israel, too! {:>) You know any nice guys (late 20′s/early 30′s) for my stepdaughter?
The world has turned upside down. Marriage and traditional values have been under assault for almost 2 generations (of 22+ years each) by fringe activists, “intellectual elites” and minorities such as gays who comprise only about 10% of the population. But the screech of their insurgency, manifest in the cathedrals of liberalism (universities) has turned the world on its head. What was once virtuous is now “corrupt,” and what was once corrupt is now virtuous.
Women are as dependent as they have ever been (as we all are…independence is an empty fantasy for women as for men). But women now largely prefer a form of government (socialism) that is merely a surrogate for the support they once enjoyed from a marriage. Democrats know this, as they pander to women and metro-sexuals. (It takes a village, remember, not the assertion of individual rights to raise a child.)
Socialism is a government for people who don’t believe in their own ability to produce, and who don’t have the confidence in their ability to assert their will. Socialist politicians exploit this character flaw by promising to “take care of them” in various ways. (Universal healthcare! Government education! Womb-to-tomb security! Government-paid college!) But it comes at the expense of greater and greater sacrifice of individual freedoms. And by wringing more from those who are capable to give to those who are bottom-dwellers.
If the useless (short-sighted and selfish) idiots win their sucor at the teat of producers by voting in a socialist government, it will mean that ultimately the politicians will have won. I pray for our children that what our Founding Fathers understood as self-evident truths will not be forgotten as they apply to governance, and that we can again discover the values of limited governance, and the will to rely on our own powers to fend for ourselves. Hopefully it will happen soon, rather than wait for the inevitable failures of liberalism. Because the only real winners in a socialist form of government are the politicians.
Who knows, maybe the human race is at the brink of another evolutionary change. Can a more estrogen-centric world be so terrible? Is there something so inherently awful about kinder, gentler men?
transcended,
In what way would a female-dominated or estrogen rich world kinder and gentler?
Then only thing that keeps female selfishness and savagery in check is the need to appeal to men for support and security.
Sugar, spice and everything nice is just a fraudulent marketing campaign.
Agreed on the European women thing. When I was in college I met and immediately enjoyed the company of a group of girls that were from Romania, Muldova and Russia. Much friendlier then their American peers as well as better educated and from their experiences in the communist countries they’d grown up in, definitely had an appreciation for the freedoms of America that American girls take for granted (or think they’re entitled to). Oh to have been mature enough for marriage at the time…
Forgot to mention the simple answer: I’m white, heterosexual, male and Christian. I’m pretty sure that makes me a member of every one of the most hated groups in America.
Seattleman,
Well it certainly hasn’t been gentler and kinder world in the hands of men. In America or the rest of the world.
I’m really not sure what demographic you are referring to when you talk about selfishness and savagry in adult women. Perhaps inner city or rural, poor, uneducated women.
The world is changing. The last bastion of male dominance over women has been religion. And both you and i have seen just how selfish and savage men can be to females. While I am certainly not against religion at all, fundamentalism is not kind to girls.
The preception that young university educated women of this country as well as other countries have, I believe, is that they’ve seen their parents marriages broken up. They’ve perhaps seen their mother’s, whose present age bracket is probably in the 50′s range, who without the necessary skills became dependant on the father. The fear of that possibly being them is a real fear and the motivation behind achieving financial independance. Marriage and babies do not seem so attractive an option in place of a masters degree and an established career with money in the bank. You can’t blame them.
Furthermore the way the job market is today, with little job security, downsizing, outsourcing, not to mention the wholesale loss of the pension, relying on their male counterparts for support and security flies out the window. These young women know they have to step up for themselves and their own security. The reason for the higher numbers of Asian, European, eastern block women going to University is due to precisely this. Being dependant on a man for bed and board just seems precarious at best.
As a point of fact. Finland, a country who has seemingly been without conflict inside or out, prides itself on the fact that 40% of the governing body is comprised of women. Think of the small number of women in the Senate. How many of those women would likely consent to go to war with Iran?
As far as males being portrayed as bumblers in sitcoms, who are the dominant writers/producers? Men. Can’t blame the girls for that.
Ken,
Feminism in Israel is a particularly nauseating phenomenon considering those feminists owe their very lvies to the Israeli men who bear a heavy military burden to keep the country in existence.
NB, Chaya,
Whenever I have seen a man attempt to truly discuss his feelings about the state of relations between men and women, the women beat the krap out of him. No wonder men shut up.
Transcended,
You are the reason many men don’t marry.
Here’s the deal, women – don’t take men for granted and don’t forget that at the end of the day the freedoms you have here in the west are freedoms you have because MEN HAVE CHOSEN TO GIVE THEM TO YOU. This is not at threat but a reality which “modern” women have long forgotten.
Just imagine for a second if Islam takes hold and western men start converting (which is actually happening anyway due to the backlash against feminism).
If “modern” women keep this attitude up, the day may come when you will realize that men are not “women with dicks” who you can talk down to and treat like crap just because you now may make more than us or may be a lawyer or a doctor.
The more you “modern” women keep up this attitude, the quicker the mosques may go up …