The Full Employment Act for Clean Air
Keeping our air clean is obviously a Herculean task. After all, if it was easy, why would we employ thousands of scientists and bureaucrats to feverishly toil away, examine every particle of air, determine if there’s any harmful pollutants, and — if any are found — put controls on the source?
Since the state of California got involved in “air management” back in 1967 by establishing the Air Resources Board, automakers have made enormous progress in cleaning up the internal combustion engine. Today, even diesel-fueled engines run so cleanly that only specialized equipment can measure the resulting emissions. In fact, you can put your white handkerchief (if you carry such a thing) over today’s diesel passenger car tailpipe, rev the engine, and it will not turn brown, grey, or any other sordid shade of soot.
We’ve done a fine job in emissions control, but just like our own human engines, vehicles take in oxygen and put out carbon dioxide. Then, as you’ll recall from your science class, trees and plants take in the carbon dioxide and release oxygen. That’s a simplification, of course, but that’s the way nature and people with their transportation devices work together. Now, according to some in the scientific community — led by a former vice president — we’re outputting way too much carbon dioxide (CO2) and if we don’t cut way back, we’ll overheat the planet and die. To avoid this looming disaster, we can collectively quit exhaling, but that’s not a very popular approach, especially within the political class. We could replace coal-fired power plants with nuclear energy, but the Senate majority leader is afraid we’ll put the waste under his Nevada residence, so that solution isn’t going anywhere.
So cars have become the government’s target of interest for cleaning up our Jolly Green Giant-size carbon footprint. And since every politician wants to be your friend, here’s the really good news: you don’t have to worry because the government will make those mean automakers build clean vehicles and we’ll all live happily ever after.
Some reasonable people might wonder why we’re working on the wrong end of this problem. After all, why pass laws and hire bureaucrats to tell automakers what kind of vehicles to build while allowing fuel prices to remain low? Didn’t we just witness the sudden escalation in gas prices create a giant lemming-like sprint by consumers to more efficient cars? And wouldn’t a simple tax on fuel keep that same public laser focused on energy efficiency while adding revenue for all those public works programs we need for stimulation?
But there’s a lot at stake in this air management business. The State of California’s Air Resources Board (formerly the Bureau of Air Sanitation), has mushroomed into a big bureaucracy, part of the $2.3-billion (and growing) California Environmental Protection Agency with an army of 4,500 well-paid troops to fight the evils of pollution. And although California’s EPA has a global reach, with its secretary, Linda Adams, jetting to China to dine with her peers in that green country, it’s not to be confused with the Federal EPA.
This article was very funny. Thank God it’s satire!
Meanwhile in China: the Asian Brown Cloud.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asian_brown_cloud
Just part of the “green jobs”, “global warming/climate change” money grab.
When will we have the “Green Bubble” burst?
Makes me happy that the state is going bankrupt. We’re all enjoying the commercial’s out here about how the state is going to have to terminate firemen and police, but they never mention goofball jobs like these. I’m sure the general public would be very moved by the commercials showing the $2.3 billion dollar a year clean air bureaucrats losing their jobs. More government insanity…
Brian
Are you familiar with Jerry Pournelle’s “Iron Law of Beauracracy?” If not, google it… you’re making his argument.
I think we need to remember why the gaggle of bureaucracies were created in the first place: In 1967, air quality was so bad in LA, people routinely had tears streaming from their eyes on smoggy days and was so bad it consituted a health hazard, by anyone’s account.
Link to a good history of air pollution in LA:
http://www.aqmd.gov/news1/Archives/History/marchcov.html
True True, Chip, but the point here is that bureaucrats multiplying like extremely well-paid rabbits are not exactly necessary to the solution.
The earth is cooling.
http://www.isthereglobalcooling.com/
Stop Cap & Trade before it consumes the entire economy.
I like the “Mr. Fart” avatar you selected for your story. I understand he’s the new symbol for the EPA.
Most visitors won’t have a clue about your inside joke.