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Stunning Revelations from Obama, the Lightworker

Five astounding things The One has taught us so far.

by
Kyle-Anne Shiver

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August 28, 2010 - 12:00 am
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How long has it been since you’ve heard some starry-eyed Obama worshiper gush on and on about the Lightworker? Or heard suspicious accounts of “leg-tingling” from media folks? Or heard a supposedly intelligent American drone on about Obama as hovering above the rest of us as “sort of God”?

Yes, it’s been quite a while since the throngs fainted, fawned, and followed The One.

But let’s cut Obama, our benevolent leader, a little slack. While he’s off spreading our wealth around in that pestilence-ridden pocket of American poverty, Martha’s Vineyard, let’s recount the stunning truths Obama’s presidency and Democrat rule have taught us so far. I surely do hope this rekindles the national conversation on the amazing prowess of The One.

Revelation #5: We now know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that our formerly august mainstream media is replete with socialists.

How do we know? Thanks to their crass pre-election fawning and subsequent cover-up of Obama’s radical beliefs and associations, the media has shown their true colors to every single sentient American. This revelation has brought to an end the decades-long debate over bias in the media — it’s settled, and that’s that. Americans are voting on the out-of-the-socialist-closet media by ignoring them and tuning them out in record numbers. What a relief. Thank you, Lightworker!

Revelation #4: We now know that “limousine liberals” is objectively apt — they only love the poor with other people’s money.

We know that when it comes to the high life, Democrats believe in partying hardy, sending taxpayers every bill they can while living lives of luxury the rest of us can ill-afford. We know, too, that Democrats cheat on their taxes and wrangle government deals for their relatives with a feeling of entitlement that is sure to put the term “public servant” in disrepute for the next century. Thanks to the growth of government on the Lightworker’s watch, we have seen public employees now eclipse the earnings and benefits of private workers, with the only end in sight the fate of Greece.

Praise to the Lightworker and his fellow Democrats for teaching us these essential lessons, which reinforce our will to throw them all on the unemployment lines posthaste.

Revelation #3: We now know that the only economic policy liberals consider is tax and spend, spend, spend, then tax some more. Nothing else even enters the discussion.

Between the host of economic advisers brought on board by the Lightworker in Chief, there isn’t a smidgen of real-life business experience among them. Promised by his economic brain trust that unemployment would not rise above 8% if the stimulus package was passed, we are now experiencing 9.5% unemployment in a seemingly never-ending cycle.

It’s hard to know how to create jobs when you’ve never had a real one.

Thanks again to the Lightworker, the words “hope” and “change” have become the summer’s pejoratives, and Americans are wondering whether there is a single person in this administration who gives a darn. But at least America now knows that there really are people who believe that money grows on trees, and apparently they all work for Democrats in government.

Gratuitously thrown into this revealing pot is the revelation that Ivy League degrees, once sought and revered, aren’t worth the cost of the paper upon which they’re printed. Parents now know to save a bundle of cash by avoiding the Ivies like the plague and sending their kids to colleges not run by liberals — where real math, economics, science, and history are still taught.

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