Get PJ Media on your Apple

Strike Back Against Nature! Build More Bird Choppers!

Where did we get this idea that we need to save the environment? Has the environment ever tried to save us?

by
Frank J. Fleming

Bio

September 24, 2013 - 12:06 am
<- Prev  Page 2 of 2   View as Single Page

Where did we get this idea that we need to save the environment? Has the environment ever tried to save us? No. Since the dawn of time, nature has tried to kill us. Earthquakes, plagues, sharknados — nature is always trying to find new ways to wipe us out. We have like no allies in it. Except the dog. And we have a U.S./Russia-type relationship with the cat. But other than that, basically everything out there — squirrels, salamanders, azalea bushes — wants us dead and would kill us all without a second thought if it could. And humanity has only survived because it can overcome nature. For instance, thousands of years ago, there were lions everywhere on all continents. Everywhere. If you went to the grocery store to buy some Froot Loops, a lion would be right there in the aisle, ready to tear you apart. But we defeated them — it ends up that a lion has no defense against a suplex — and now lions are mostly wiped out, and humans are everywhere.

In fact, humans are so powerful that we can now inflict great harm on nature. So it’s time for revenge, right? No. People want to “save the environment,” and that’s why we’re building stupid wind turbines instead of sensible things like powered bird choppers. We want to be nice to nature to stop that global climate warming change, but nature will not be nice back. All that warming is just another ploy from nature to try to kill us all. But it’s not going to work. We don’t care about a little warming, because we have air conditioning.

It’s time to stop pretending that nature will ever like us. Instead, we need to strike back against it. We need plans to eventually replace as much of nature as we can with robots. People worry about robots turning on humans, but we can program robots to like us. But even as you read this, there are ducks waddling around, thinking, “Kill all humans!”

And that’s how nature is; just because it isn’t very good at killing us now doesn’t mean it won’t get better. When the global warming doesn’t kill us off, nature will probably later try to freeze us out. And I’ll bet nature is hard at work in its underground evolution labs trying to come up with a new animal to take us on — like maybe some sort of gorilla with a bear head that has shark mouths for fists and is bulletproof, i.e., an armored, shark-fisted borilla. I mean, this is the same nature that came up with poisonous snakes, alligators, and honey badgers — it’s always working on new killing machines, and we can’t even imagine what it’s capable of.

Nature is our enemy and always will be. There is no appeasing it. Eventually we will destroy it, or it will destroy us. So let’s stop doing things like making fields full of giant metal blades unless we’re going to use them to chop up Canada Geese in flight. I really hate those things.

<- Prev  Page 2 of 2   View as Single Page
Frank J. Fleming is the author of Punch Your Inner Hippie, coming November 11th, and the science fiction novel Superego, coming later this year, writes columns for PJ Media and the New York Post, and blogs at IMAO.us, and if he were president, he'd never be seen on the golf course during international crises, because he'd be in the White House basement playing video games.

Comments are closed.

Top Rated Comments   
What happens if these turbines use up all the wind? Don't we need the wind in order to have weather? And if we don't have any more weather, then everywhere will be just big and dried up like Death Valley or some other Midwestern state...
51 weeks ago
51 weeks ago Link To Comment
Thanks again Frank J Fleming for chopping thru the sun-dried exterior and getting to the juicy candy coated center of truth. I like many believe all the lies told on the internet about the environment, politics and bird droppings. WHO CAN SAY they aren't bird choppers??? WHERES THE PROOF these things produce energy?? Piles of feathers and bird meat are palpable (!) evidence. You can't even SEE electricity unless you are flying a kite or are playing with a darn VAN DER GRAAF GENERATOR!!! My vote as always goes to Frank- Truth Detector and Canadian Goose Meat Processor. Face it world; this time- the truth tastes like chicken.
51 weeks ago
51 weeks ago Link To Comment
All Comments   (27)
All Comments   (27)
Sort: Newest Oldest Top Rated
The sad hypocritical part is that the Federal government prepared for this situation and offers licenses to 'approved' environmental companies for a fee of $100,000 a year so it is all OK. Problem fixed.
51 weeks ago
51 weeks ago Link To Comment
I've said it before: Mother Nature will kill us long before we kill her.
51 weeks ago
51 weeks ago Link To Comment
Seems like those wind generators would work a lot better after the coal companies take down some more mountains.

"And we have a U.S./Russia-type relationship with the cat."
I call America - that makes you the commie!
51 weeks ago
51 weeks ago Link To Comment
The wind farms I've seen don't look much greener than the mountaintop coal mines.

Somebody had to chop down acres of trees, dig up tons of dirt, pour tons of concrete, erect vast towers of steel with huge, spinning propellors on them, build a bunch of concrete buildings, pave a bunch of roads, hang a bunch of electrical cables, and put a barbed wire fence around the whole thing to keep unauthorized personnel out. Nature is definitely unauthorized in these places.

The Tennessee mountaintop eventually heal. Nature will start reclaiming its territory as soon as the last miner walks away.

Wind farms, on the other hand, are built to last.


51 weeks ago
51 weeks ago Link To Comment
Maybe all the chopped eagle is making us hungry.
51 weeks ago
51 weeks ago Link To Comment
I have a hard time discerning the author's serious point amid the "irony."
51 weeks ago
51 weeks ago Link To Comment
1. That a lot of this "Green" garbage is just that?

2. That maybe someone will get rid of these stupid wind farms, since simply stating facts doesn't work?

3. That a lot of this is just pagan, except that they were smart enough to be afraid of nature.
51 weeks ago
51 weeks ago Link To Comment
Brilliant.

I just hate all of the silly, trendy, "green" garbage. Here in Israel (where the Romans made the Asian lions extinct by hunting them all, BTW) the government passed what actually was a positive bit of interference, banning long-term phone contracts. When I switched to a better company,. the web site asked if I wanted a paper bill, in spite of the fact that it would make me an environmental criminal, or something like that.

I insisted on getting a paper bill. I work ion phone billing and know full well why they want e-billing, giving the tremendous cost of printing and mailing. If they had said that, I would have forgone the paper. But I can't stand the green hypocrisy.
51 weeks ago
51 weeks ago Link To Comment
I need an edit button. I REALLY need an edit button.
51 weeks ago
51 weeks ago Link To Comment
What happens if these turbines use up all the wind? Don't we need the wind in order to have weather? And if we don't have any more weather, then everywhere will be just big and dried up like Death Valley or some other Midwestern state...
51 weeks ago
51 weeks ago Link To Comment
As long as there are politicians making speeches, we will never run out of wind.
51 weeks ago
51 weeks ago Link To Comment
Eagle eaters, Pelican pulverizers, Gull grinders, Buzzard bashers, Hawk hazards, Condor crushers. And they are butt ugly to boot.
51 weeks ago
51 weeks ago Link To Comment
“Now, all we need to do is build tons of 30-story metal structures,” someone else should have said, “This is already beyond stupid."

This sums up the whole wind power thing nicely. I was at a GE trade show where they had one blade of one of these things in the conference room. The size of it close up was not to be believed. Has anyone calculated the true cost, not only in money but in terms of environmental impact to manufacture, transport, assemble, test, operate and maintain these monstrosities!? Nature gave us compact, energy-dense, safe and easy-to-transport materials like oil, gas and coal. We utilize them in a relatively small number of generation facilities and distribute the power easily to everyone. What a concept. If they can call these mega windmill farms "progress" or "green energy" then we can call them bird choppers.
51 weeks ago
51 weeks ago Link To Comment
There used to be one blade on display in front of FAA HQ in Washington. (Maybe it's still there.) It looked like the wing off a medium-sized airliner.
51 weeks ago
51 weeks ago Link To Comment
and if you haven't driven past one, amazing to look at all the wind farm structures sitting in an area not moving at all.
51 weeks ago
51 weeks ago Link To Comment
Sometimes that's because the wind isn't blowing strongly enough. (A light breeze isn't enough.)

Sometimes that's because the payback evaporated when subsidies expired, and they have been abandoned.
51 weeks ago
51 weeks ago Link To Comment
1 2 Next View All

2 Trackbacks to “Strike Back Against Nature! Build More Bird Choppers!”