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Strike Back Against Nature! Build More Bird Choppers!

Where did we get this idea that we need to save the environment? Has the environment ever tried to save us?

by
Frank J. Fleming

Bio

September 24, 2013 - 12:06 am
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On a long road trip with my family, we saw many fields full of giant metal blades spinning in the air. My two-and-a-half-year-old daughter asked me, “What are those?”

“Bird choppers,” I explained to her. “We put up large blades in big fields to kill and chop up birds as they fly by.”

“We don’t like birds?” she asked.

“Oh no; we hate them. They do nothing but squawk and poop on things. That’s why we go to such great effort to build these fields of death and kill them in mass quantities.” I studied the spinning blades for a moment. “They’d probably kill more birds if they spun faster. They really should build a coal plant here and provide more power to these things.”

When we got home, I decided to research these bird choppers and find out why they haven’t built more of them in the flight path of the Canada Geese (I hate those things). I discovered something alarming: They aren’t bird choppers at all. They’re called wind turbines and are meant to generate electricity, and the fact that they chop up eagles is unintentional, and people want to prevent that.

There are a lot of stupid things going on here. First off, why do we care about eagles? They’re supposed to have great eyesight but apparently can’t see hundred-foot, moving blades. And it’s not like eagles help us in any way. They don’t vote or pay taxes or pick lettuce for below minimum wage — they’re completely useless to us.

The second stupid thing is this idea of wind power. I’m sure that was a neato idea hundreds of years ago, and there’s probably some issue of Popular Science from the 12th century with a picture of a windmill on the cover, accompanied by a headline proclaiming, “Man will now have nothing but leisure time, as wind will do all his work!” But people soon found that wind was useful for little more than grinding grain, similar to how we never found much use for solar power beyond cheapo calculators. I don’t know why someone thought to bring back wind power now — I guess it seemed like a cutesy idea to turn all that wind blowing around into electricity — but as soon as someone said, “Now, all we need to do is build tons of 30-story metal structures,” someone else should have said, “This is already beyond stupid. Let’s just stick to tiny, simple-to-use coal.”

But the dumbest part isn’t that we’re worried about the eagles or trying to get electricity from wind — it’s the reason they’re building these wind turbines. People want “green” power that doesn’t harm the environment. That’s why they seem so alarmed that despite their good intentions toward the environment, they’re slicing up birds mid-flight. It doesn’t surprise me, though, because I know a fundamental rule: Nature is our enemy, and everything we do will always be in opposition to it.

Comments are closed.

Top Rated Comments   
What happens if these turbines use up all the wind? Don't we need the wind in order to have weather? And if we don't have any more weather, then everywhere will be just big and dried up like Death Valley or some other Midwestern state...
43 weeks ago
43 weeks ago Link To Comment
Thanks again Frank J Fleming for chopping thru the sun-dried exterior and getting to the juicy candy coated center of truth. I like many believe all the lies told on the internet about the environment, politics and bird droppings. WHO CAN SAY they aren't bird choppers??? WHERES THE PROOF these things produce energy?? Piles of feathers and bird meat are palpable (!) evidence. You can't even SEE electricity unless you are flying a kite or are playing with a darn VAN DER GRAAF GENERATOR!!! My vote as always goes to Frank- Truth Detector and Canadian Goose Meat Processor. Face it world; this time- the truth tastes like chicken.
43 weeks ago
43 weeks ago Link To Comment
All Comments   (27)
All Comments   (27)
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The sad hypocritical part is that the Federal government prepared for this situation and offers licenses to 'approved' environmental companies for a fee of $100,000 a year so it is all OK. Problem fixed.
43 weeks ago
43 weeks ago Link To Comment
I've said it before: Mother Nature will kill us long before we kill her.
43 weeks ago
43 weeks ago Link To Comment
Seems like those wind generators would work a lot better after the coal companies take down some more mountains.

"And we have a U.S./Russia-type relationship with the cat."
I call America - that makes you the commie!
43 weeks ago
43 weeks ago Link To Comment
The wind farms I've seen don't look much greener than the mountaintop coal mines.

Somebody had to chop down acres of trees, dig up tons of dirt, pour tons of concrete, erect vast towers of steel with huge, spinning propellors on them, build a bunch of concrete buildings, pave a bunch of roads, hang a bunch of electrical cables, and put a barbed wire fence around the whole thing to keep unauthorized personnel out. Nature is definitely unauthorized in these places.

The Tennessee mountaintop eventually heal. Nature will start reclaiming its territory as soon as the last miner walks away.

Wind farms, on the other hand, are built to last.


43 weeks ago
43 weeks ago Link To Comment
Maybe all the chopped eagle is making us hungry.
43 weeks ago
43 weeks ago Link To Comment
I have a hard time discerning the author's serious point amid the "irony."
43 weeks ago
43 weeks ago Link To Comment
1. That a lot of this "Green" garbage is just that?

2. That maybe someone will get rid of these stupid wind farms, since simply stating facts doesn't work?

3. That a lot of this is just pagan, except that they were smart enough to be afraid of nature.
43 weeks ago
43 weeks ago Link To Comment
Brilliant.

I just hate all of the silly, trendy, "green" garbage. Here in Israel (where the Romans made the Asian lions extinct by hunting them all, BTW) the government passed what actually was a positive bit of interference, banning long-term phone contracts. When I switched to a better company,. the web site asked if I wanted a paper bill, in spite of the fact that it would make me an environmental criminal, or something like that.

I insisted on getting a paper bill. I work ion phone billing and know full well why they want e-billing, giving the tremendous cost of printing and mailing. If they had said that, I would have forgone the paper. But I can't stand the green hypocrisy.
43 weeks ago
43 weeks ago Link To Comment
I need an edit button. I REALLY need an edit button.
43 weeks ago
43 weeks ago Link To Comment
What happens if these turbines use up all the wind? Don't we need the wind in order to have weather? And if we don't have any more weather, then everywhere will be just big and dried up like Death Valley or some other Midwestern state...
43 weeks ago
43 weeks ago Link To Comment
As long as there are politicians making speeches, we will never run out of wind.
43 weeks ago
43 weeks ago Link To Comment
Eagle eaters, Pelican pulverizers, Gull grinders, Buzzard bashers, Hawk hazards, Condor crushers. And they are butt ugly to boot.
43 weeks ago
43 weeks ago Link To Comment
“Now, all we need to do is build tons of 30-story metal structures,” someone else should have said, “This is already beyond stupid."

This sums up the whole wind power thing nicely. I was at a GE trade show where they had one blade of one of these things in the conference room. The size of it close up was not to be believed. Has anyone calculated the true cost, not only in money but in terms of environmental impact to manufacture, transport, assemble, test, operate and maintain these monstrosities!? Nature gave us compact, energy-dense, safe and easy-to-transport materials like oil, gas and coal. We utilize them in a relatively small number of generation facilities and distribute the power easily to everyone. What a concept. If they can call these mega windmill farms "progress" or "green energy" then we can call them bird choppers.
43 weeks ago
43 weeks ago Link To Comment
There used to be one blade on display in front of FAA HQ in Washington. (Maybe it's still there.) It looked like the wing off a medium-sized airliner.
43 weeks ago
43 weeks ago Link To Comment
and if you haven't driven past one, amazing to look at all the wind farm structures sitting in an area not moving at all.
43 weeks ago
43 weeks ago Link To Comment
Sometimes that's because the wind isn't blowing strongly enough. (A light breeze isn't enough.)

Sometimes that's because the payback evaporated when subsidies expired, and they have been abandoned.
43 weeks ago
43 weeks ago Link To Comment
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