The Inauguration Speech Obama Should Give — And Won’t
What follows is what President Obama would say when he addresses the nation on January 21 as he is inaugurated for the second time if his plan were to level with the American people.
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On this historic occasion, it’s of utmost importance that I express my gratitude to all of those whose hard work brought about my reelection.
On Election Night, I thanked one of those groups, namely the Obama For America campaign and its paid and unpaid staff which worked tirelessly, day after day, night after night, going door to door convincing voters in blue states and swing states that the economy really was turning the corner. I regret that I had to treat you so dismissively after my victory was assured by terminating your employment and health insurance so quickly.
Oh, who am I kidding? I don’t regret it at all. We needed the money you thought you’d be paid to launch our next public opinion manipulation project, our conflict of interest-infested Organizing For Action. Isn’t it cool how we’ve taken those millions of email addresses we’ve accumulated during two presidential campaigns and just dropped them into the new organization’s solicitation list without bothering to get anyone’s permission?
My opponent, whom we successfully portrayed as evil, heartless, and cruel, showed that he really is a nice guy after he lost by keeping his people on board longer than we did — but you know what Leo Durocher said about nice guys. As for the possibility of working for our new group: Don’t call us, we’ll call you.
Anyway, we knew that the economy as a whole wasn’t really recovering (by the way, it still isn’t), but that’s not what mattered then. As Vince Lombardi once said: “Winning isn’t everything. It’s the only thing.” Lombardi also didn’t believe in cheating and cheating again to win — but poor Vince didn’t understand how urgent it is that I “fundamentally transform the United States of America” while I have the opportunity.
That brings me to the second group of people to whom I owe thanks. I have yet to recognize their critical role in my reelection, and I really should express my gratitude publicly for what they did. Those people are the evil Republican and conservative governors who, despite my best efforts to stop them, worked so diligently during my first term, especially the past two years, to turn around or further improve their own states’ economies.
First and foremost, there’s Rick Perry in Texas. Did you realize that employment in his state was 440,000 higher in October 2012 than it was just 22 months earlier? Despite having my Environmental Protection Agency wage regulatory war on the Lone Star State, Texas, which has 8.3 percent of the nation’s population, accounted for 12.5 percent of its job growth and had an October unemployment rate of only 6.6%. Don’t rest on your laurels, Rick. Now that I don’t have to face reelection again (unless I can do something about that pesky 22nd Amendment), you ain’t seen nothin’ yet.
Three other smaller states had job-growth records either better than or close to that seen in Texas: North Dakota, Utah, and Oklahoma, which added a combined 150,000 jobs during the same period. Collectively (I really love that word), those four states grew their combined workforces by 4.4 percent. Meanwhile, the other 46 states plus D.C. only managed to grow their employment by less than 2.1 percent.
Looking at the bigger picture, the 29 states governed by Republicans had an October unemployment rate weighted by their workforce sizes of 7.5 percent. The unemployment rate in the other 21 states and D.C. was 8.5 percent. Even Mitt Romney might have beaten me if I had been forced to spend time and money trying to defend the indefensible records of blue state governors like Jerry Brown in California (October 2012 unemployment rate: 10.1 percent), Pat Quinn in Illinois (8.8 percent, with 22-month job growth of only 1.2 percent), my gun-grabbing friend Andy Cuomo in New York (8.3 percent, exactly the same as December 2010), and Dannel Malloy in Connecticut (9.0 percent, with job growth of only 0.6 percent).
Tiny North Dakota and its two governors during the past four years, Jack Dalrymple and before him John Hoeven, deserve special mention. Their state almost quadrupled its oil production from 2008 to 2012 while also tripling its output of natural gas. More than any other state, North Dakota has thwarted my attempts to make energy unaffordable. I thought that shutting off as much access to drilling and exploration on federal lands as I could and unjustifiably slow-walking the permit approval process in the Gulf of Mexico after the BP oil spill would do the trick. But thankfully, at least for my reelection prospects, I was wrong. We’re obviously going to have to get a lot more heavy-handed on the regulatory front during my second term.
If those evil Republican governors had followed the reckless tax-and-spend example set by my government, the economy would almost certainly have been so bad that voters would have thrown me out of office, despite my opponent being the most ineffective Republican presidential candidate in at least the past four decades. But thanks to their fiscal sanity and growth-oriented policies, I was able to pretend that the economy was coming along.
With any luck, and with additional help from those Republicans, we’ll be able to muddle through in mediocrity for the next few years without reaching a full-blown crisis until, say, the summer of 2016. Maybe then I’ll do something about the 22nd Amendment.
Don’t forget his comitting US assets to help out a French spy, but leaving our ambassador in Lybia to be murdered and refusing to send help. Oh and how about a good old kiss my ass to the people and that worthless document he wipes his back end with. You know that one he finds ways to work around, the constitution.
I am so grateful someone will watch “the Speech”, wade though all the slime the MSM drool produces and report back the 1 (hey! if lucky, 2) things he says which just might be true.
Myself, time to go out to the indoor range. Have to wear out all those magazine that have more than one bullet before Holder takes them and send them to the cartels.
“I’d like to thank Chris Christie for that wonderful show of support by a Republican Governor after Hurricane Sandy right before the November election… “
But, the best reward goes to the MainStream Media (personally I just call them the marxist media). They have refused to cover O’Dismal’s murkey background, especially his mentor Frank Marshall Davis, the communist. They ignore the sealed documents. They don’t care that you personally said that you sought out the marxist professors in college. They don’t care that you made a trip to Pakistan while in college and it would have difficult for an American citizen with an American passport to travel to Pakistan. And special thanks to the LA Times who have sealed up the tape of the going away party for Rashid Kahlidi.
And thanks to Darrel Issa who let Eric Holder and me off the hook for walking two hundrend guns to the mexican drug cartels in the scheme known as Fast and Furious. So a few mexicans nationals got killed and one or two border guards, no big deal right?
And I want to thank the media and Hillary Clinton (who got mysteriously ill) for putting off the investigation of Bengazi. And the media conveniently dropped any curiousity about the little “incident” whereby an ambassador got killed, plus three other Americans.
And I want to thank the American education unions and the American unionized teachers and the marxist university professors who have worked so diligently over the last 50 years to indoctrinate our children. You have been successful beyond our wildest dreams. You have made servitude cool and have made the citzens wish and vote for it. Like the serpent in the garden, you have whispered into the ears of our children than they have absorbed the messages.
And Hollyweird and tv moguls have worked diligently to undermine the morals of the country. And you have been wildly successful. Marriage is no longer a desire of many people and their children suffer, but so what as long as you have personal freedom and you push your responsibilities unto other people.
And a special shout-out to the Devil, Satan, Old Nick or whatever you call him. For through a bunch of rich people, you have completely unmade the United States of America. You have rewritten the Constitution and corrupted the people. Hats off to you. You work subtly and silently. But you do work successfully.
But most of all, I would like to thank you who in the end made my election possible. The uninformed low information voter, the uneducated, the heathen and the deviant, the liberal arts major with thousands in student loans that cannot be repaid, my food stamp friends and those who can be bought.
My hypocritical Hollywood elect, so mindlessly void of ethic, but so good at manipulating the masses. And where would I be without academia? Have no fear, all of you will be stricken from the roles when the bill comes due.
And finally and most heartfelt, at least what I can dredge up in my raging narcissism complete, dear soulless brothers and sisters in the media. I love you most of all. Michelle provides her fatuous, cloying thanks too.
See you on the course.
Awww, would you like some cheese with your whine?
… and unfortunately, we are required to share it.
I hope it dies first, and in agonizing.
I call you It, because you are a subhuman creature, Cynical Wonder.
“The larger the mob, the harder the test. In small areas, before small electorates, a first-rate man occasionally fights his way through, carrying even the mob with him by force of his personality. But when the field is nationwide, and the fight must be waged chiefly at second and third hand, and the force of personality cannot so readily make itself felt, then all the odds are on the man who is, intrinsically, the most devious and mediocre — the man who can most easily adeptly disperse the notion that his mind is a virtual vacuum.
The Presidency tends, year by year, to go to such men. As democracy is perfected, the office represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. We move toward a lofty ideal. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart’s desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.”
H.L. Mencken, Baltimore Evening Sun, July 1920
Sorry Pajamas,
This piece is a farce as are any suggestion articles the site prints.
The President and his henchmen in Congress who make up his tyranical regime are people who irony is wasted on as are the 51% of the American public who saw fit to foist this progressive rube on the rest of us, the productive, again.
This country is now ruled by the takers. They will take the country down to its disintegration. They are evidence of our decay and entropy.
If the productive want a future, we need to concentrate in an area and then begin to systematically nulify unconstitutional federal law. The people left behind in palces like NY, IL, and CA are the shell of what once was industrious and innovative, there is no hope for them. They need to suffer the fate they so richly deserve.
I suggest the site start talking about nulification, the Virginia and Kentucky Resolutions of 1798 and 99 and secession. Trying to fix stupid is a waste of our time. It’s time to seperate from fools.
Yes, continuing to dick around inside the status quo is largely a waste of time.
As for the volumes of ink and verbiage that will be expended in the coming year analyzing and parsing what the Obamanation is or isn’t doing…Would take Henry Ford’s advice:
“Don’t explain. Don’t complain.”
No, speaking out against the Obamanation is neither a farce, nor a waste of time. When our grandchildren analyze this time and ask how so many could’ve thrown away so much for so little having a historical record of those who stood in opposition will be a valuable resource. Just because the irony may be lost on our leaders today does not necessarily mean it will be lost for all time. This of course assumes that they fail to achieve total victory and flush all record of opposition down the memory hole along with the constitution.
I don’t mean in any way that we don’t criticise or ridicule, only that the suggestion piece is a waste of page space. By all means criticise and ridicule as much as you can. Carry forward a message of freedom and free markets. Rein down blows upon the empire. Who is John Galt?
The author and others might joke now about O wanting to stay on till at least 2020. But changing or overturning the 22nd amendment is probably something Dear Leader has had in mind since developing a refined taste for jetting around in a private 747. If the Mid-terms go well for the dems look for a ‘groundswell’—mostly MSM hype—about how much joy it would give the masses to have the Bamster around for another four. This will be his springboard for a third—and who knows, maybe a fourth—term so he can continue listening to the MSM’s praises before laying down his heavy burden and start conning people out of that billion dollars he purportedly wants to make once he’s out of office.
If the Republican leadership fails in the midterms so badly that they lose control of 3/4 of the state legislatures and 2/3 of both houses of congress, they will go the way of the Federalists.
Yeah, I really don’t see support for a third Obama term extending to 3/4 of the states. I could easily see a groundswell of media manufactured support for such a thing, but unless their fraud machine is even more refined than we thought they’ll never get 3/4 of the states on board with his agenda. They win elections because so much population is concentrated in a handful of blue states, when it comes to things that require geographic diversity, i.e. support among raw numbers of states, we have the upper hand.
What he should say: “I feel so bad about all the lies and misinformation I and my gang spread about my opponent(s) that I will not take office. Instead I want my opponent(s), eminently more qualified in economics, to take the reins of this bitterly divided country, of which I directed its creation, and get us all moving in a positive economic direction.”
One can fantasize, can’t one? In it’s place, I will continue to complain about the distortion of the truth by our Main Stream Media. I will continue to complain about our unqualified administration and their blatant incompetence. I will continue to complain about this administrations obvious favoritism toward labor unions and illegal aliens. I will continue to complain about all the wrong doing by this administration and actively support the election of intelligent and qualified Americans for political office.
And thanks to all the frackers who have ignored me and my green wienie army, creating 1.7 jobs and making the US a net energy exporter. Without you, I would have been hounded from office a year ago.
That’s 1.7 MILLION jobs.
Hey PJMedia why is there never any edit widget on these threads?
Perhaps he could thank himself for the dismal previous four years where no crisis would go to waste. Where’s the thanks to George Bush for the endless supply of excuses for his failures in general and the need for, well, another four years to continue fixing the economy? Because nobody doubted things were so bad that four years weren’t enough.
What he should say:
“I quit, because I’m horrible at this job.”
But he won’t.
I’d especially like to thank John Boehner. Chris Christie, Mitt Romney, and all the RINIs who made my coronation to a second term possible.
I thought the author was talking about those largely Midwestern but also other swing state class of 2010 governors that did nothing to followup on evidence of widespread vote fraud (keeping the path clear for 2016).
If little O has an ounce of decency, he’ll turn his inauguration speech into a resignation speech and disappear from public life where he has committed numerous acts of self aggrandizement and conspiracy to commit treason, fraud and countless misfeasances.
The sad fact is that he could give this exact speech, and then some, and the media would still hail it as a brilliant success. He could add in a nice long gloat about how he allowed Americans to die in Benghazi because his reelection was more important than a few “worthless bumps in the road”, talk about how his second term agenda was to make himself king for life, and finish it off with a “U mad bro?” aimed at his opponents and the mainstream media would only clap and cheer louder. They’re the real problem here. If I may make an analogy; the country has AIDS, the mainstream media is the HIV causing that AIDS, and Obama is just the common cold taking advantage of the situation to become a fatal illness. Eliminate the Democrat’s propaganda machine and the nation’s immune system would naturally fight them off.
Obama is the perfect president for our time: shallow, ignorant, self-absorbed. Describes most of the people who voted for him too – at least the second time.
I have to disagree with you on one thing, Tom. McCain and Dole have that “most ineffective candidate” thing locked up.