Saving Guam from Capsizing All in a Day’s Work for U.S. Congressmen
Could Guam capsize? This is not a question a lot of people would think to ask. People just go about their little lives, eating Cheetos, watching Jersey Shore, and never once stopping to think what would happen if a U.S. territory flipped over in the water.
Guam is home to an estimated 178,000 people, and if they and all their homes were thrown into the ocean, it would be one of the greatest disasters in history. There would be loss of life, destruction of property, and permanent damage to the ocean’s ecology. This is a potentially huge problem, but most people are too busy with their new iPads to give it even simple consideration.
This is exactly why we have politicians. Politicians know to study and be concerned about actual important issues so the average citizen doesn’t have to worry about anything more consequential than which funny outfits he should dress his pets in. Our politicians are our best and brightest, and that’s why we put them in charge of what’s most important in this nation. Would the average citizen, when told about plans to put 8,000 Marines on an island, have thought to ask the general in charge about island stability issues? No, he’d most likely unscientifically say, “Guam seems stable to me!” (the same way laymen dismiss global warming because it’s cold outside) and just stare at the general’s shiny medals and ask questions about them.
The average citizen probably wouldn’t have even studied the issue, other than maybe looking Guam up on Wikipedia, seeing its president has the odd name of “Barack Obama,” and dismissing it as an enemy Muslim nation. But Representative Hank Johnson, who we can only assume is the smartest person out of the more than 600,000 people in his district in Georgia, was focused enough to have concerns about Guam capsizing and has potentially saved thousands of lives. They might name a street after him.
Of course, since our politicians are on a higher plane than us, this can cause a bit of a disconnect between them and the hoi polloi. For instance, what have people been concerned about lately? Things like jobs and our wars overseas — the sorts of things stupid people think are important. Politicians, being much smarter than we are, completely ignored those things and worked on health care, creating a giant new government program. The American people can’t understand this and, as happens when dumb people don’t understand things, have become angry. Now Barack Obama is stuck once again traveling around the country trying to explain things in vain to these troglodytes, telling them, “Shut up, stupids! I’m smart and know what’s best!” It’s a very simple point but they don’t seem to be grasping it.
Hey, this guy, Congressman Johnson, is black. Are your sure you are allowed to point out that he made one of the most boneheaded, idiotic, incredibly stupid statements ever made in the hollow halls of Congress? Isn’t it racist to criticize a black man even when he utters such abject stupidity? Come on, you need to use different standards when it comes to judging the ignorant utterings of Congressman Johnson. His ancestors were slaves, how the heck is he supposed to know that Islands don’t tip over. Knowledge like that only comes from white privilege. Next thing you’ll want him to actually read the bills he votes on. And we all know, thanks to John Conyers, that we cannot expect black members of Congress to do that.
It scares me when they make those huge Hollywood budget dinosaur movies in Hawaii,
think ‘Jurassic Park.’
All that massive dinosaur Jurassic weight running around stomping local wildlife and vegetation,
possible tipping over that small island.
Not to mention it could have caused our first black president to be eaten or drowned.
Why don’t we suggest that all the people of Guam test the islands resistance to capsizing? Won’t cost much. Have them all go to a beach on one side and then jump up and down real hard and see what happens.
Maybe we could even pass it off as a new earth day happening.
Get back to me when we get the results. I would like to calculate with my handy brand new ‘fudge’ climate model to see how much capsizing will effect earth’s climate. I would bet it easily adds 10 degrees to the total heat man is adding.
Who knows, mabye the tidal wave created by the jumping will reduce the earth’s population, thereby saving government rationed health care for those that survive.
Guam was in better shape back before Global Warming.
In July 1944 during the war in the pacific 22,000 Japanese had already invaded the island, then 36,000 Marines stormed the beaches killing over 18,000 of those poor bastards. Its possible that all that fighting and explosions and drunken Victory celebrations could have weakened that tiny islands fragile underwater structure.
I don’t criticize this Congressman for his concerns.
Another 8,000 drunken and disorderly Marines could cause a major catastrophic event.
SEMPER FI
STILL A MARINE EVEN AFTER I DIE.
“OPEN THOSE GATES”-
“I NEED TO TALK TO THE MARINE ON DUTY!”
Just don’t cut the anchor rope or it could float to China or worse yet California. I guess we could us Hank Johnson’s head for a bumper, it is full of nothing but air. Why did the Marines let somany of the poor bastards live?? Oil still leaks into Pearl Harbor.
@vietnam vet
Please tell me you were being sarcastic. I can’t believe that any Marine still living would stupid enough to say something like that seriously.
Please stop using my first name until you develop the ability to detect sarcasm, irony, and/or humor. I’m sure my directive will be as effective as yours to Vietnam Vet. Amazing how bold the whippersnappers can be behind an LCD screen (I was going to type ‘phosphor screen’ but that’d date me). Focus, people.
Hank Johnson says, “Nothing happened to Atlanta, not since Scarlet O’Hara burned it down so she could keep her slaves. You people aren’t serious.”
Rush had the good manners to mention this guy is very ill and has been for some time.
So, do we quietly remove all those from office who utter insanity? Might help with the new jobs created since there would be openings from the top down.
I’m not unsympathetic, but that’s all the more reason he should step down. His illness doesn’t absolve his making delusional remarks — it only raises more concern about his fitness for office. Clearly he needs to rest and recuperate, although his prognosis may not be good.
Hank Johnson replaced Cynthia McKinney.
And the Crazy Juice takes a while to kick in.
-ls
So one raving lunatic was replaced by yet another raving (and stupid) lunatic! What kind of thought process makes someone believe that an island could tip over or capsize?
Give the guy a break. Maybe he thought they were talking about that movie 2012 where all the Marines made downtown LA tip over and a mountain in some unimportant national park like Yellowstone or Zion blow up. Maybe he was one of the first on the new government approved wacky mushroom tests we’ve heard about. Maybe he was disoriented because he had just found out his health insurance had been canceled by some mean Republicans who passed a healtcare bill or something. Perhaps he is traumatized because he just heard that the Living La Vida Loca guy is gay. Who knows?
The point is, we should have pity on him. He’s obviously not well and just needs a hug.
This is certainly not the first or last time that we will be laughing ourselves silly over the utterances of our elected elite. But members of the Congressional Black Caucus (CBC)seem to have a real knack for posing really stupid questions: remember the one where a Congresswoman (I believe Sheila Jackson Lee) at the Smithsonian asked to see the spacecraft used when the astronauts landed on Mars? Or how Charlie Rangle asked how he was supposed to know he owed taxes on that property? Without getting into the quotes, one could probably write a large book on the unbelievable comments made by Maxine Waters alone.
Without calling their constituents racists, how is it that all the members of the CBC were elected in districts that are overwhelmingly black, regardless of how many educated, qualified, white persons have run for that seat? Why do they continue to be reelected (and Hank Johnson surely will be)? And why do the CBC House members never run for the Senate? … because they know they can’t win statewide on their ‘merits’, only in black districts.
Also, why have the great majority of dysfunctional cities in the U.S. been run by less than capable black politicians for decade upon decade … one would think that a change might be in order, but no – it would seem the constituents are stuck on stupid and conforming to the definition of insane (doing the same thing over and over again, yet expecting a different result)!
Do you think this racism (seemingly) will ever end, and sanity take hold?
You would think SOMEONE would have known what he was going to ask and ‘fact checked’ for him….anything to keep him from speaking. *sigh*
Has anyone watched Celebrity Apprentice? Rod B. Idiot. Incompetent. Politician.
#6.
If he is sick he should shut up and stay home. Better yet resign and go back to in D.C. where he was edjumaked. (Sorry his spelling mine is educated.)
sarcasm aside, if we, american people, are smart, why do we have the government that … we have?
This is what happens when you vote for people because of race, gender or ethnicity.
If you were going to have brain surgery would you gather up a group of doctors and say, ” I think I’ll go with the minority, he hasn’t had a chance to do this dangerous operation, or perhaps you’d say, let’s go with the woman, after all she wasn’t in the top 40 % of her class in Med school but hey, some people just aren’t good test takers.
NOOOOOOOOO! You’d find out which doctors specialize in brain surgery, which have done your specific procedure before and who has the best survival rate. You’d pick the person………………WITH THE MOST EXPERIENCE AND THE BEST TECHNIQUE.
Why is this so hard? It is not rocket science. Vote for the person who can string several sentences together at a time and that make sense. No matter what color, race, gender, religion, socio- economic group or party. When you make a mistake throw them out. Come on people even the moronic can understand this concept, except in Hollyweird but they don’t any kind of grasp on reality.
it won’t sink but those soldeirz might make it pop
my bubble guam always pops and it gets on my faze
and tht why i never chews when i are writng a haelth car bil
If anything, the Constitution has been nothing but a menace to politicians. Because of it, we’re currently stuck with democracy.
Relax, I understand President Obama is working on “improving” democracy.
“If anything, the Constitution has been nothing but a menace to politicians. Because of it, we’re currently stuck with democracy.”
Actually, we ARE stuck with a Democracy, BUT we are in fact not a Democracy,We are a Republic. Or at least we will be when we vote this latest crop of Yaahoos out of office.
12. dmitryb: This stupid American, i.e. me, has been asking that question for a looooooooong time, but too stupid to answer.
I watched Rep Johnson on youtube. Just . . . OMG.
My first thought was, ‘This guy is off his face. He looks stoned.’ I did wonder if maybe he’s very ill and taking some really, really strong drugs.
Surely he’s no longer competent (if he ever was) to continue in this job. He needs to resign.
HOW in the world do dolts of this magnitude get elected? How; anyone got an answer?
Why do black American’s tolerate the likes of Hank Johnson, Cynthia McKinney, and John Conyers?
Why do they reelect the likes of Sheila Jackson Lee, who famously asked if the Mars Pathfinder had taken a picture of the American flag left there by Neil Armstrong?
Do blacks really believe that their best interests are represented by people like this? Only because they share a similar skin pigmentation?
I find this heartbreaking. To be so deceived……………..
Mr. Peabody for dmitryb and Sherman:
Nowhere does it state that the smart people cannot be outnumbered by the dumba$$es.
In the video of the session where the Hon. Member was trying to get to the bottom of this potentially tragic, if not totally hilarious issue, he was directing his questions to a U.S. Navy admiral, who was exerting all his self-control to keep from laughing in the congressman’s face.
If we, the American people, truly care for our fragile republic, the next amendment to the U.S. Constitution should require that hecklers be present and seated in both Houses of Congress for all legislative business, and that the person of the hecklers remain inviolate while they perform their constitutional duties to laugh at the buffoons the dumba$$es send to Congress.
I would vote for that ammendment. Further, I propose that any congress person who is on any kind of tax or economic committe be required to run a) the congressional cafeteria (assuming there is one) or b) a franchise fast food place, like BK or McD’s, at a profit for no less than two years while also being made to do the taxes for said establishment, as well as deal with Immigration. Yeah, I know, that’s a long time, but maybe we can start doing qualifying rounds before you can even run in the general elections.
You know, when I first heard about Hank Johnson’s remarks, I thought to myself “Self, surely he is merely using a metaphor. Surely he didn’t mean what he said literally.”
And then I watched the video.
Oh. Em. Gee.
We’ve sent some real bright bulbs to Washington, haven’t we?
I’m pretty sure this is what happened to Atlantis. One too many ships landed and whoops!
anyway, if it tipped over, couldn’t everybody just climb back onto the bottom? remember the bottom would be the top now and it would have air and stuff
Mr. Larsen, do you remember how hard it was to get to the bottom of the Poseidon? And they had air for the whole trip.
Gee.
“1. Dave M. (now in S. Korea)
Hey, this guy, Congressman Johnson, is black. Are your sure you are allowed to point out that he made one of the most boneheaded, idiotic, incredibly stupid statements ever made in the hollow halls of Congress?”
It is people who speak like this who tarnish the growing conservative wave. Knock it off.
Everyone knows the guy’s skin color. There is no reason to bring race into any political discussion unless you are responding to a direct statement.
Spencer F.
no Mike i wasn’t on that cruise but i did see the movie of it and you have a point i think
excus me i have to go cass my vote on Net Knew Trality –thet Efsee Sea thing with the Broad Banned stuf
1. Dave M. (now in S. Korea
Hey, this guy, Congressman Johnson, is black. Are your sure you are allowed to point out that he made one of the most boneheaded, idiotic, incredibly stupid statements ever made in the hollow halls of Congress? Isn’t it racist to criticize a black man even when he utters such abject stupidity?
Why is my prior post no longer there?
Absolutely! These politicians are our “best and brightest”. So why don’t we give them free reign to run our lives? Well, there’s that pesky constitution thing.
I say get rid of it. What has it done for AmeriKKKa?
REPORT TO THE GULAG! NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Charlie
I’ve gone scuba-diving from the beaches in Guam.
There’s rocks and coral and stuff like that all the way down.
It looked pretty stable to me. Rest easy, Congressman!
You guys do realize he was deadpanning an inside joke with the individual whose testimony he was taking right? The Congressman and the officer testifying had known each other for years and it was an old joke between the two of them. It’s why the testifying officer didn’t act surprised or bat an eyelash over such a ridiculous comment.
There are plenty of legitimate criticisms to hurl at the Democrats, but this one wasn’t one of them.
http://neoneocon.com/2010/04/01/in-defense-of-hank-johnson/
That’ll explain it a bit better. I don’t expect anyone to think our Congressmen are geniuses, but nobody is stupid enough to believe that an island will capsize either.
Check the date on that “In defense of…” link..It was April fools , fool.
Read the comments: the “defence” that they were buddies was an April 1 joke.
Johnny -
Thanks for the link. That was……priceless.
Are you angling for the Johnson’s seat? I think you might have the right qualifications….
One thing to remember kids, these are the same morons that will controlling our new health care.
Sweet.
@Johnny: You do realize that the site to which you linked was making an April Fool’s joke with that explanation, right? Or maybe you were just deadpanning an inside joke. It’s so hard to know where ignorance ends and rapier wit begins these days.
“the video of the session where the Hon. Member was trying to get to the bottom of this potentially tragic, if not totally hilarious issue, he was directing his questions to a U.S. Navy admiral, who was exerting all his self-control to keep from laughing in the congressman’s face.”
All I know is, I am never going to play poker with that admiral…
Did you not notice how much the admir’l kept scratching/poking his eye? If he is raising your bet and he does that, call his bluff. He is desperately trying not to burst into laughter.
Can you promise not to shoot British people out of hand this time? I am libertarian so on your side, but my soon-to-be sister-in-law lives in Florida, so I would like to be able to visit the US safely.
Unfortunately, what people don’t know is that the Admiral in question and the Congressman are very old friends dating back to the movie “Top Gun” where they were both “technical experts”. They developed a deadpan comic routine on how Guam was going to sink under the weight of all the military equipment based on it, the delivery of the routine was utterly deadpan and both “seemed” completely serious…While I’m more than willing to admit we have some dumbass congressmen, and much as it pains me to defend one who apparently is an idiot, this time these two were reliving younger days. I first heard about this routine on Megan McArdle’s blog and have since seen eye witness accounts of it from other blogs by people who are in the entertainment world and participated in making “Top Gun”.
I understand that they were quite funny…
Yes, I heard they were taught the routine by leprechauns and usually did it while riding unicorns.
Rich -
Unfortunately, what most people pushing the “he was only kidding” line don’t know is that Congressman Johnson’s office has released an official ‘clarifying’ statement regarding the Guam issue.
According to the official statement from his office, “The subtle humor of this obviously metaphorical reference to a ship capsizing illustrated my concern about the impact of the planned military buildup on this small tropical island. With the addition of 8,000 Marines and their dependents – an additional 80,000 people during peak construction on the tiny island – could be a tipping point which could adversely affect the island’s fragile ecosystem and could overburden its stressed infrastructure.”
Okaaaaaaay.
Rich – ask yourself: does that official clarifying statement jibe with the theory he was simply reliving an old comedy routine with a buddy? Wouldn’t they have just SAID “Hey guys, he was reliving an old comedy bit with a friend. We think it’s a sad commentary on today’s political scene that you took him seriously”.
No, instead they try to spin it that he was speaking metaphorically, but was otherwise serious.
BS. If that was the case, he would have spent more time talking about Guam’s ecosystem and it’s fragility and less time rambling on about the physical dimensions of the island and searching around for how to express “least widest”. Personally, I don’t think that all his mental facilities were present in that hearing (by a long shot) and if the cause of that deficiency is due to an illness, he should resign.
I also think it’s disgraceful that some would defend him based simply on party fealty. Doesn’t it BOTHER you that someone who is that out to lunch is voting on legislation effecting 300+ million Americans? Or is it okay so long as he has a (D) after his name?
You all do realize that Johnson suffers from Hepatitis C, which causes something akin to Alzheimer’s, don’t you?
Yes, he should resign.
Idiocracy knows no race or gender.
According to http://neoneocon.com/2010/04/01/in-defense-of-hank-johnson that was just an inside joke between Johnson and the witness, Admiral Willard. They are old-time friends who have long engaged in dead-pan humor about how tiny is the island of Guam.
Well, yeah, but read down farther and you’ll find
But an awful lot of readers (both new and old) thought I was being serious here, despite the date being April First, and despite my putting a reference to April Fools Day within the body of the piece in what I assumed would be a big hint. I really didn’t want to put a note in the post itself yesterday saying “ALERT: April Fools spoof!” (I thought that would ruin the joke) although such a message appears many times in the comments section. But people don’t always read the comments section, and many just didn’t remember that the date was April 1st..
I waited till today to write this explanation and place it within the body of the post, since April Fools Day is now over and now The Truth Can Be Told. So here it is: this is a spoof. ....]
One word: Democrat!!!!!
Intelligence and morality are two things you never expect to find in any Democrat, so this wasn’t shocking at all to me. If a Republican (not from Arizona) had said this, I would have been shocked. But coming from a Democrat, it makes as much sense as “pass this bill and then we’ll figure out what is in it”…
I cannot believe so many of you quickly dispel the fine Rep as nutty. I see no proof on this thread that any one of you did a study to determine if in fact he was wrong. And therefore I submit you have no proof to the contrary that Guam may tip over. I mean beside the stuff you learned in 5th grade geography.
Not only is congress wasting your money, now they are stealing my jokes. Years ago, in one of my high school history classes, I had a sweet but dim student ask, in a suspicious tone, “How DO islands float anyway?”.
I’ve been milking that story as “stupid question” humor for years. Now, along comes Hank Johnson, and totally undercuts me.
By the way, my answer to the poor girl was “styrofoam”. I guess you could say that I damaged her education, but apparently I qualified her for the U.S. Congress.
EVERYONE SHOULD READ THIS
Eight False Things the Public “Knows” Prior to Election Day
Friday 22 October 2010
by: Dave Johnson | Campaign for America’s Future | Report
There are a number of things the public “knows” as we head into the election that are just false. If people elect leaders based on false information, the things those leaders do in office will not be what the public expects or needs.
Here are eight of the biggest myths that are out there:
1) President Obama tripled the deficit.
Reality: Bush’s last budget had a $1.416 trillion deficit. Obama’s first budget reduced that to $1.29 trillion.
2) President Obama raised taxes, which hurt the economy.
Reality: Obama cut taxes. 40% of the “stimulus” was wasted on tax cuts which only create debt, which is why it was so much less effective than it could have been.
3) President Obama bailed out the banks.
Reality: While many people conflate the “stimulus” with the bank bailouts, the bank bailouts were requested by President Bush and his Treasury Secretary, former Goldman Sachs CEO Henry Paulson. (Paulson also wanted the bailouts to be “non-reviewable by any court or any agency.”) The bailouts passed and began before the 2008 election of President Obama.
4) The stimulus didn’t work.
Reality: The stimulus worked, but was not enough. In fact, according to the Congressional Budget Office, the stimulus raised employment by between 1.4 million and 3.3 million jobs.
5) Businesses will hire if they get tax cuts.
Reality: A business hires the right number of employees to meet demand. Having extra cash does not cause a business to hire, but a business that has a demand for what it does will find the money to hire. Businesses want customers, not tax cuts.
6) Health care reform costs $1 trillion.
Reality: The health care reform reduces government deficits by $138 billion.
7) Social Security is a Ponzi scheme, is “going broke,” people live longer, fewer workers per retiree, etc.
Reality: Social Security has run a surplus since it began, has a trust fund in the trillions, is completely sound for at least 25 more years and cannot legally borrow so cannot contribute to the deficit (compare that to the military budget!) Life expectancy is only longer because fewer babies die; people who reach 65 live about the same number of years as they used to.
Reality: Government is We, the People and the money it spends is on We, the People. Many people do not know that it is government that builds the roads, airports, ports, courts, schools and other things that are the soil in which business thrives. Many people think that all government spending is on “welfare” and “foreign aid” when that is only a small part of the government’s budget.