Pelosi Barricades Self in Office, Refuses to Hand Over the Gavel
WASHINGTON – Events took a strange turn Thursday when Rep. Nancy Pelosi, the soon-to-be former speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives, barricaded herself and small number of her staff in her office in the Cannon House Office Building in Washington, D.C. It remains unclear whether the staff members inside the office with her are active participants in the action, or whether they are being held by Pelosi against their will. Crying and shouts of “Never!” and “My blog will always be called ‘The Gavel!’” could be heard coming through the wall in the hallway outside the blocked door.
Capitol police say that Pelosi began blocking the door to her office shortly after dawn Thursday morning. It’s unclear exactly what sparked Pelosi’s move, but Illinois Rep. Mike Quigley was reportedly seen leaving her office a few minutes before the sound of furniture moving and hammers were heard to echo from inside her office. Quigley is among a growing number of Democrats seeking a new direction, or just some sign of a grasp of reality, in his party leadership after its defeats last week. He had reportedly met with Pelosi to urge her to step aside, or at least stop referring to herself with the pronoun “we.”
“That time of morning it’s usually quiet in the building,” said Capitol police spokesman Sgt. Dan Hillen. “But we started getting reports of what sounded like someone remodeling their office so we went to check it out. We found that Speaker Pelosi’s office doors were locked from the inside. Our officers knocked, but no one answered or opened the door. We did hear someone inside, who we now believe to be Pelosi, whisper, ‘Cheese it, it’s the cops!’ before uttering a long, loud shush. There were also sounds of muffled crying. We retrieved the keys to unlock the door, but met resistance from inside. Those inside have apparently moved quite a bit of furniture and at least one sculpture into the doorway, and something large and wooden has been nailed across the doors to keep them from opening.” Hillen speculated that the object nailed across the door might be the giant gavel that Pelosi famously toted across Capitol Hill when she became speaker.
Hillen says that as far as he knows, there has never been a situation quite like this in the nation’s capital.
Is this real? This sounds like some thing I’d see in a sitcom or reality show. If this is real, with the whole chanting and tamborine, etc., it just reinforces my belief she and crew are just a hold over from some bitter, angry, communist, sixties protest group. I mean really, barricaded themselves and are singing or chanting? What happened to the term, “professional,” politician?
It’s satire but very close to the truth (good humor is, right?)
Hey, as they said about Dan Rather’s expose about George W. Bush pulling strings to get out of going to Vietnam when it was shown to be garbage, ” its fake but accurate.”
And it may be kind of off topic, but is it just me or does Nancy Pelosi bear a striking resemblance to the female monster in the classic film The Bride of Frankenstein?
The image of Medusa in the latest “Clash of the Titans” comes to mind, especially the giggling and slithering after Perseus. She did (Medusa, that is) manage to turn the Kraken to stone. Let us hope that doesn’t happen with the new Congress.
No, woofty. This is not real.
The scary part is, I just realized that I think so little of her I find this behavior plausible.
I think her last stand will be in her (our) plane.
Pelosi has a medication problem. Either she’s on it and needs to get off. Or off it and needs to get back on.
Don’t worry, Preston. Allen West is coming to town next week and he’s already promised to tell Nancy, ‘Hand me that damned gavel!’ I wouldn’t mess with him.
The botox has invaded her brain..nuf said..
No.
woofty. Look up the term ‘parody,’ and put your worries to rest.
Too Funny! Fits her character too! Kooky.
“…but no one has actually nailed objects across doorways or placed a large marble bust of Che up against the door to keep people out, as Pelosi evidently has.”
ROTFL
The whole thing was funny, but that really cracked me up.
Thanks, Bryan. Good job.
Mr. Preston:
“(Yes, this is a parody. Unfortunately, Pelosi’s four years as speaker actually occurred.)”
I’m rather glad that you spelled that out. Up until the “large marble bust of Che” bit, I wasn’t ENTIRELY convinced that it indeed was a parody.
I’d recommend that a reinforced concrete and bronze life-size sculpture of Senator Joseph McCarthy be commissioned, firstly because he earned it, and secondly because it might prove quite useful as a battering-ram should a situation like this ever actually occur…
(And I think the late Senator would be flattered that his effigy be put to such good and honorable use).
Aw, damn, it’s not real…
My goodness, I actually thought it might be a news report until I got to the end of the piece. Bit of a shock, that …
An article worthy of the Onion. Bravo.
Time to deal with the problem the way the Janet Reno handled Waco………
Margaret in Austin: Not the Onion (the Onion sucks) but http://www.thepeoplescube.com
Man, ‘poor Madame Speaker’. I hope she’s holed up with her hair stylist. Within a day or 2 her natural gray hair will see the light of day (then again, she could be bald!) and there’s only so much 20 year single malt scotch in her office. maybe she brought in said scotch from her ‘personal’ airplane before going to the fox hole.
Worse yet, the botox will long wear out and.. yikes!
For good comedy it must contain a kernel of truth…from the above comments you hit the nail on the head with Pelosi’s own gavel!
Probably a sign of things to come! Does anyone think she will just go quietly? Nah!
She won’t emerge until Armani fits her for a straight jacket.
This article has such a horrid plausibility. Had the author avoided a few of the sillier elements, I’d be searching Google News right now.
As I started reading this piece, I checked the calendar to be sure that it wasn’t April fool’s day; then I got to the last line of the article only to realize that indeed it wasn’t AFD, but another day in the life of Ivan Denisovich cum a dream from my father, all with duck soup after Wednesday’s reception.
The Idiot is looking for her Fy-odor.
It does happen:
The inventor of the Vector W2 sports car who
barricaded himself in his office and refused
to relinquish control of his bankrupt business.
The disk drive manufacturer who showed his
concerned creditors a warehouse full of drives
ready to ship, with each box containing a brick.
The burning question: What will the Congress Critters do
when they realize that at long last the party is over,
and it is time to go home ?
P.S. Is it a coincidence that both of the above examples
took place in California ?
Honestly, I had to read the first couple of sentences twice to catch that it was humor. That’s how low my opinion is of Pelosi.
I’ll up you one: I had to read the entire article twice, thinking that that woman will get us all ki-ll-ed. But honestly, if this did happen, It would not surprise me much. Actually, not at all.
What a garbage. Are they all like that is SF???
No. Fortunately.
On the other hand, this is the city where a write-in candidate (Tom Amiano) managed to garner enough votes to force a run-off with the ultimate machine politician, Willy Brown. So…Maybe?
Wait. All the politicians are that bad. I just remembered Gavin Newsom. I’ve been trying, desperately, to forget him.
No, you’re right. Damn.
I knew there was a reason I moved out of SF in 1991!
Fantastic article. Clever, smart and well written. Immensely worth the read. Thanks for the laughs!!
Pelosi’s behavior in the face of the American people has been despicable. I wish her the fate she planned for me.
I’ve thought that the physician’s assistant with the botox injection used needles that were too long. This would explain a lot of the brain freeze statements she’s made.
“Noun, verb, expletive, Pelosi” seems to be what passes for conservative thought these days.
“Intelligent people talk about ideas. Average people talk about things. Small people talk about other people.”
Here’s one for ya…
Nancy Pelosi used bribery, arm twisting and threats to pass Obamacare against the will of the people in the middle of the night, without allowing those voting to read the Bill.
Look out, Gulliver! We’re comin’ fer ya!
By your “logic”, all politicians are “small people”.
Sooo, I’m supposed to be a more stand-up kind of guy regarding a satirical piece of the nation’s most powerful and sadly delusional woman in the country?
Your sanctimonium is unneeded and out-of-place altogether regarding this article.
Please, ‘enlighten’ me of the ‘respectful, fact finding intellect’ bestowed by WaPo, DailyKos, CodePink or a myriad of other liberal, emotionally driven knee-jerk. Short conversation, eh?
Your last sentence, “Small people talk about other people,” itself could refer to your first sentence, “‘Noun, verb, expletive, Pelosi’ seems to be what passes for conservative thought these days.”
In short, you’re doing precisely what you accuse “small people” of doing.
So, either you’re a small person, or you think conservatives aren’t really people. Or perhaps both.
Either way, you’re clearly not capable of intelligent thought, since you completely missed the point I just made. Just another lefty troll, in other words. Go back to KOS for more training in elementary logic.
The photo included above should be preserved as our remembrance of ‘Madame Speaker’
Don’t joke about this stuff. It’s too easy to mistake for reality.
Peloi has also ordered three empty, luxuriously customized 747′s to circle Washington DC 24 hours a day until further notice, just in case she, her little doggie, one of her friends or neighbors, or any of her immediate or distant relatives feels like going anywhere. A button is installed in each of the bedrooms in each 747, which allows her to personally empty the contents of the jet’s restrooms onto the heads of Americans. She cackles for at least 30 minutes each time she does this.
When somebody mentioned this was a terrible waste of fuel and of taxpayer’s money, she hissed “Shut up and get your sorry butt back to work! Your place is to work 50 hour weeks, so we can conficate your salary to pay for the crazed extravagant whims of your betters! Just who do you think you are, you pathetic miserable serf!” Then she knocked him out with a blow from her giant gavel, and had his house, car, retirement and all of his assets confiscated.
When Al Gore heard about the jets, he also implemented it for each of his three enormous mansions. That way, he can travel more quickly to give speeches (adding 85,000 lbs of CO2 to the atmosphere per trip) to self righteously lecture everybody else that they have to live on $1.17 per month, and that he is proposing legislation to force everybody to eat hay, live in caves, and use little holes (instead of toilets) that they have to dig using only their fingers. He is also proposing legislation to force the taxpayers to pay for the fuel for his fleets of customized 747′s that will be refueled in the air in perpetuity, only landing to pick up him and a few of his friends (and their private chefs, bodyguards, secretaries, masseurs, butlers and chauffers), so they can all continuously and sanctimoniously lecture everybody else to be very, very poor and Green.
Perhaps Soros will purchase the building and let her remain in the Speakers office. He owns the White House already and controlled a U.S. House majority until last Tuesday. Time to kick the blood-sucking SOB back to Transylvania.
you know she stole that litte dog from a pretty little girl named….
guess the clintons sorta opened up theft/damage as a cheap thrill for the e-lite upon leaving. wonder how much of that sort of stuff gets covered up? better get those key rings up front (jet, office, limo’s, whatever?).
in her defense -
it was reported that pelosi having her own jet plane was insisted upon by the security people. without it she would have to go through scanners all the time and… well… nobody wanted to have to look at that.
Nazi Pelosi is one sick, demented socialist! Put her in her plane, strap a parachute to her back and drop her in Indonesia. She can stay there with her muslim terrorist, obama, or what ever his name is. They can run that country into the ground!
We’re in the worst economic situation since the Great Depression and you want to give her a parachute? Shame on you. I’d say make her hire a leaky rowboat, but when it sank, the environmental disaster of her nasty butt sinking into the ocean would be worse than the BP oil spill.
To both credit the author and discredit Nancy Pelosi I thought this had really happened up until the final sentence.
What’s worse is that it wasn’t at all surprising, if it had happened.
Thanks for this hilarious, superbly well-written article!
Best. Punchline. Ever. (This. Week.)
Silly waste of “column inches”.
…and yet, you found it compelling enough to comment on it. If it were truly a waste, why didn’t you just click the back button on your browser of choice?
This is just pathetic. Pajamas Media, you are the loser you paint Pelosi as being. You have to make up stories about her now??? Here’s a little tip: clearly mark your fiction as such, otherwise your facts will be in doubt from now on. I thought you were worth reading on a daily basis, but now I don’t know. Who wrote this? A teenager?
Oh lighten up, Vince. The article was clever; thank goodness for that last sentence. Like another poster above, I was ready to google the news for more evidence…….
Thanks!
A good laugh, a plausable story and highly likely.
DaveO
Moral: It always pays to read an entire article! Even to the very last line.
i realised this was fantasy/parody early on, but i have no difficulty imagining pelosi being carried kicking and screaming from the speaker’s office as the speaker’s gavel is forcibly pried from her clutching claws, as a matter of fact i see the mental picture as rather entertaining.
Though extremely funny, the sad fact remains that the speaker of the house has way, way too much power for reasons that should be obvious to those of us with good sense & even minimal knowledge of what our constitution says.
Somebody needs to call an exorcist and send him to her office, pronto. Her creepy persona will only get worse if her head starts spinning.
You think it mere coincidence that the Catholic Church is actively recruiting priests to learn to perform exorcisms?
Nice satire! But who knows something like this might happen!
As for Nancy Pelosi’s future;
“Future? You have no future! Your future has been used up!”
I still think they’re going to have to tranq her to get her out of that office. They’ll have a gurney and a straitjacket for backup, too.
I admit, I’d pay good money to watch.
Dear “military veteran, worked for NASA, hails from Hot Air, was producer of the Laura Ingraham Show”: I am also a military veteran, worked for NASA, hails from Broken Wind, NV and was one of the producers of my two children, so we are kindred souls.
The barricade situation will likely end when the vegans get a taste of meat and they come out beaming the first real smile they ever smiled.
I waited for a table in the lounge of a busy restaurant where the band leader told jokes and sometimes announced table’s that were ready. Then we heard, “Donner party of four your table is ready. Suddenly a messenger ran up and whispered in his ear, and he corrected his statement to, “Make that Donner party of three”.
The first person out of Polosi’s office will be the top of the food chain, I can’t wait to find out who.
There was one part left out ,, Pelosi’s had so many lifts that her Navel is now her between her Breasts , the snorting sound heard , 2 or 3 more lifts , and , she will have ,, a Goatee ! Break out the Burma-Shave .
“cheese it, ish the cops…”— still laughing 2 days later
it truth is stranger than fiction i cant wait for my orville redenbachers on eviction day
Oh, if only it were true. If only…
You all that thought this was real past the first couple paragraphs need to check whether or not you are really reading with your brains or just reading to hear what you want to hear.
That aside, hilarious =)