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Wouldn't it be nice if we farmed out our political debates to beauty pageants?

by
Frank J. Fleming

Bio

May 28, 2009 - 12:19 am
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But think of how much more mannered, orderly, and nicer on the eyes things would be if instead, we farmed out political debates to beauty pageants.  The beauty pageant contestants would be given a question and then they’d give their answers pleasantly with no arguing. In addition to judging the merit of their positions based on their arguments, we’d also have the swimsuit competition and talent competition (such as playing the flute or juggling) to help in the decision. At the end of the day, the judges would make their choice and the issue would be settled. We may disagree with the judges, but there will always be next year to try again, and so until then we can put our minds to other things like curing cancer or getting that 120th star in Mario Galaxy.

Will this lead to better policies in government? I don’t know, but that’s sort of beside the point. Can anyone show any evidence that the current system of political debate leads to smart policies? I’m simply saying that this way things will be much more civilized and prettier. Other countries would see all these attractive people politely debating polices and then look at their own fat, sweaty people pointing to charts and graphs to make their points and feel ashamed. We’ll be the beacon of civilization; perhaps we’ll even be worshiped as gods.

Again, there is no evidence any of this would lead to better policies, but there’s also no evidence it would lead to worse ones. So I’m thinking all in all it would be a gain for society. We’ve now had hundreds of years to practice our futile attempts at rational discourse, and that has led to nothing but having multiple choices of twenty-four hour news channels to get headaches from. So why keep up this pretense that we’re getting anywhere by leaving debate to supposedly smart people? Let’s instead leave things to the attractive people. Could things really be so bad if we just vote for the nice-sounding people who are pleasant to look at? Basically, that’s how we elected the current president, and a lot of people seem to like him. I don’t know what he’d do for the talent competition, though. Can Obama play the flute?

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Frank J. Fleming is the author of Punch Your Inner Hippie, coming November 11th, and the science fiction novel Superego, coming later this year, writes columns for PJ Media and the New York Post, and blogs at IMAO.us, and if he were president, he'd never be seen on the golf course during international crises, because he'd be in the White House basement playing video games.
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