Our Next Contestant: Miss Anti-Abortion
Is there any point to political debate? We’ve been doing it in this country for hundreds of years and seem to be reaching no conclusions — and it doesn’t seem we soon will. It’s just people yelling at each other and no one learning anything, and each day we are no closer to utopia than the day before. In fact, it seems to get worse, as we look at the shouting heads on TV today and think of how much better things were in the time of the Lincoln-Douglas debates. Of course, no matter how reasoned that appeared, it didn’t keep the Civil War from happening. Political discourse has been nothing but a failure throughout history. Let’s be done with it.
“Without political debate, how will we make decisions on political issues?” you ask, to which I say, “Shut up.” I mean, really, why are you asking questions to a column? You’re part of the problem. I bet you shout at the TV too.
Still, I have considered other alternatives. The best way would be to use Science! to prove which are the best political positions and render all subjective opinionating moot. I tried this and ran into problems, as it involved testing political theories on lower primates. Unfortunately, the monkeys responded by attacking and biting the primatologists, and the whole thing devolved into something pretty reminiscent of Crossfire and no more elucidative.
It’s all quite frustrating, but just as I was thinking the only viable option is to dissolve society into unaffiliated packs of hunter-gathers, innovation happened. Some lumpy fellow — I forget his name — thought to ask a tough political question of a beauty pageant contestant. She then smiled and gave her answer. I don’t remember what it was about or what her answer was, but what I do remember is that it was pleasant to watch.
Look at political debate today. We have O’Reilly spending an hour yelling at people to shut up and Keith Olbermann doing his silly little monkey dance he calls a “Special Comment” for liberals. Then there is Hannity & Colmes — or there used to be Colmes; I can only guess that their arguments finally deteriorated into violence that left only one standing. Also, we have political debates that involve unappealing people droning on and on while moderators try to bait them into fisticuffs to drum up some news. It’s all uncivilized and pointless. And unsightly. Frankly, most political pundits aren’t lookers and often appear to be dorks (excepting me, of course; women want me and men want to be me). The average pundit looks like he might have stopped to argue tax policy on the way to a Star Trek convention. No wonder so many people are disenchanted with politics.
“Can Obama play the flute?”
he’d better not :
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Pied_Piper_of_Hamelin
People named Frank shouldn’t be allowed to use the word “Frankly.” Everything you say is “Frankly.” You don’t see me running around using the adverb “Advocately” all the time.
As for the talent portion, Obama doesn’t play the flute; he plays the American people.
Well, Frank, again you are completely misinformed. Of course Obama can play the flute. He can do anything and everything. He can even take over the country’s auto industry and close independent dealerships because they didn’t vote for him. Before, this would have been considered outrageous and he would be impeached immediately. Now, it is just a testament to Obama’s awesomitude.
You should know more than anybody after your Obama article, Obama can do no wrong. He’s too great. Jerk.
What is this goombah Fleming gassing about. It seems strange.
Yet another argument for Palin…She can play the flute without either a wikipedia article or a teleprompter with the music displayed on it
xcontra:
You need someone to read it to you?
“The best way would be to use Science! to prove which are the best political positions and render all subjective opinionating moot.”
Okay, Mr. Fleming, let’s use science to talk about abortion!
According to Science, life begins at conception. Therefore, when the two parts of the human reproductive puzzle are joined, a human being is created.
Murder is the premeditated killing of an innocent human-being.
Hence, abortion is murder.
Do I have to translate, or help make this more clear for you, or are you able to comprehend? Or is it that I need to make it more complex and cerebral for you so you can parse it into some convoluted arguement which turns the whole issue into a black hole of anti-logic?
It wouldn’t work. Notice how “reality” shows need to get edgier and edgier to hold public attention? Sure, at first it would be a novelty having beautiful women and handsome men do our politics. But after a while, people would get bored, start shifting in the seats, hoping her bikini slips. Then someone would start a competing show in which beautiful people answered political questions while stripping naked, and that would steal all the audience, and then someone else would just go straight for all-out porn while the political bits were written on cards visible in background, or possibly tattooed across the man’s ass or the woman’s boobs (provided she’s Christy Canyon sized). Then we’d get bored with even that, because human beings could (and according to Scripture actually did) get bored in Paradise and act up, looking for something better. Then someone would suggest gladiatorial combat instead, and after we got bored with that we might finally come full circle and someone would suggest polite debate by intellectuals in from of TV cameras. Basically, political debate is like flatus. You can’t eliminate it, or make it smell good. You’re limited to learning not to do it in confined places or while having sex, and to apologizing afterward if you lose your self-control and do it where and when it will annoy other people.
#7 wancow: “according to science, life begins at conception.” I agree with that statement. The zygote is alive. “Therefore, when the two parts of the human reproductive puzzle are joined, a human being is created.” And able to fully function outside of the womb as a human being does?
“Murder is the premeditated murder of a human being. Hence, abortion is murder.” How do you feel about spontaneous abortions, where the mother’s body simply rejects the fetus? Is the mother therefore guilty of murder, even though she had no conscious control over what her body did?
How do you rate miscarriages, which is a form of abortion? Using your logic, the mother should be charged with murder, especially if she inadvertently did something to cause the miscarriage? Let’s see; mom was out running some errands and somebody rear-ends her car. She has a miscarriage. So, she should have been home-confined to protect the fetus?
Abortion wouldn’t be the issue it is if birth control devices were more readily available. I suppose you’re opposed to the morning after pill? How do you feel about women using other birth control pills? After all, the pill prevents pregnancy. Or men using condoms? The Catholic Church advocates abstinence; the so-called rhythm method; as the only form of birth control? Do you agree?
“Abortion wouldn’t be the issue it is if birth control devices were more readily available.”
I really hope you’re kidding. Birth control is both widely available and cheap in America. Hell, the Planned Parenthood down the street from me will give you condoms for free. Sometimes I think it will take sending out free BC in the mail in order for some of the pro-abortion advocates to concede that birth control is widely available, and that it doesn’t matter how available it is when people choose not to use it, despite it being free.
Steve B/Colorado most of your arguments are just crap. Murder requires mens rea – or as wancow says “premeditated”. Please explain how a miscarriage is “premeditated”.
I’ll concede that the issue of contraceptives is not clear cut.
However, the rest of what you have to say is just a waste of space.
#7 — According to Science, life begins at conception.
I’m sure I could possibly drag up a dozen trained science types who believe in little green men.
#10 — I really hope you’re kidding. Birth control is both widely available and cheap in America.
I think he means stuff akin to RU-486.
***
Why are you talking about this stuff? The court ruled on this nearly 4 decades ago and is still supported by the people. Less than a quarter of the population wants to ban it.
The conservatives will *never* win the debate and engaging it is pointless. Fleming here is correct: move along, folks. Nothing to see.
#11 — Steve B/Colorado most of your arguments are just crap.
Try hard to follow. Here’s where he’s going: if a woman drank a mild poison and caused herself to miscarry she could be prosecuted for murder. He’s asking what you imagine the ground rules are.
#10 Geoff. It isn’t as available as you might think, particularly for teen age girls. It’s not necessarily a good idea that most are sexually active, according to studies I’ve read about their activity. But some religious groups try to deny this and keep girls away from birth control.
It’s good you can drop in to your local Planned Parenthood office. Here in Colorado, PP offices are routinely picketed by the religious right community. They take down license plates of PP patients and try to track them down. Demonstrators shout loud invectives at many patients going into our PP offices, as if the medical needs of those individuals is any business at all of the religious busybodies.
The metro Denver PP started construction on a new building about 2 or so years ago. Anti-abortion advocates started picketing the homes of executives of the contractor/builder. Thus, there is considerable pressure on existing & potential PP patients.
I agree with G. Alston. These issues were decided by Roe v. Wade (right of women & families to control their reproduction) and Griswold v. Connecticut (rights to privacy in sexual matters). But true freedom lovers must be eternally vigilant against those who live for the day when these Supreme Court decisions would be reversed.
9. SteveB/Colorado: “How do you feel about spontaneous abortions”
What part of Premeditated didn’t you understand? Do they give awards for stupidity in American Highschools already?
12. G Alston: “I’m sure I could possibly drag up a dozen trained science types who believe in little green men.”
Don’t spend all your time listening to George Noori. Biologists agree universally that mammalian life begins at conception. Humans, by the way, are classified by biologogists as mamals
“#7 — According to Science, life begins at conception”
No, according to science the sperm and ova were alive before they ever joined, so if you are trying to use that definition, then I guess, as they said in The Life of Brian, “Every Sperm Is Sacred.”
Frank, I missed the point, that the article was supposed to be humor. Sorry.
16 – Meaning of Life not Life of Brian
#15 Wancow: I asked you some specific questions to see what sort of answers you might have about various forms of terminated pregnancies, since you are so adamant that abortion is murder. As G. Alston wrote in #13, what are your ground rules?
Sadly, you respond with personal attack rhetoric. If you’re unsure what a spontaneous abortion is, you might want to do some research in medical journals before accusing someone of “stupidity.”
As an example, some studies have shown that use of IUDs by women; a birth control device; can have a higher incidence rate of spontaneous abortions. If use of the device is “pre-meditated,” as you say, then is a woman potentially committing murder by use of this birth control device? Here’s one more question: how do you feel about termination of ectopic pregnancies; which is a form of abortion?
Going by the logic that abortion is murder, then miscarriage would be manslaughter. My question would be, why is it that only the woman who is presuumed guilty? If both of the parents decided to abort the fetus, waouldn’t they both be guilty of murder? And, if the woman miscarries because she has to do physical work while pregnant, wouldn’t the man be responsible for not doing that work, so the woman could rest?
Also, if my body rejects the fetus and I miscarry, does that mean that deep down, I actually hate my husband and don’t want to carry his child?
Lastly, if those scientists are correct and little green men do exist, is it possible that they are, in fact, responsible for the miscarriage?
Apologies on the Monty Python faux pas; I saw it during the fuzzy years…
“Lastly, if those scientists are correct and little green men do exist, is it possible that they are, in fact, responsible for the miscarriage?” and if a little green, er, woman has a miscarriage, is that murder too?
OK, which one of the PJM rednecks killed Dr. Tiller today?
According to CNN he was one of the few US physicians who perfomed late term abortions. As I suspected late term abortion doesn’t seem to be common.
In reply to whomever asked above if a woman drank a mild poison (is there such an animal?) in order to miscarry, should she be charged with murder? I dunno about that, per se, but she sure does need to be locked up in the nut farm to keep her from giving this “mild” poison to anyone else that pisses her off. I’d hate to be her significant other when she was having that time of the month!
I think it’s a great time for pedophiles in this country. They can have their way with infants still in the womb all they want with no chance of recourse. Since children have no rights while in the womb, why not? Countless mothers-to -be are already talking about cashing in on their freedom of choice to pimp out their unborn children as a side income just before they terminate at 9 months. Ahhh the “land of the free.”