President Obama is all excited about this brand new thing he’s thought of, after four years in office, that no one has ever thought of before.  He’s going to make the government smarter and more efficient. And he’s really going to do it. He even has a hashtag for the Twitters — #SmarterGov — and everything. And despite a few obvious problems with the plan — like in the new, smarter government, where is Joe Biden going to work? — Obama is really going at this one with childlike glee. He wants to make the government leaner, quicker, and more intelligent. Unstoppable.

And that’s about the most terrifying thing I can imagine.

Really, have you thought about how scary it would be if we actually had a smarter government? Right now, the IRS is targeting conservatives, the Department of Justice is spying on journalists, and the NSA is spying on absolutely everyone. Now imagine if the government were much smarter when it went about doing all these things. We’d never even hear about the targeting and spying as the government went after us in efficient and intelligent ways. We’d be defenseless.

Currently, about the only thing protecting us is the fact that the government is stupid and plodding (“hey, this Snowden chap seems trustworthy; let’s tell him all our spying secrets”). The federal government is a lot like Godzilla — it’s big and dumb and smashes things without even thinking. Sure, it’s threatening, but at least we can always see it coming and scurry away. Now imagine a smaller, sleeker, faster Godzilla that doesn’t just smash every building it runs into but instead picks its targets intelligently. We wouldn’t even know it was there, and suddenly the power would be out all over the city. Yeah, that’s a much scarier beast, and that’s what Obama wants to make our government.

Just think for a moment of the same government that carried out the Fast & Furious program — but this time pretend it had a brain, so it didn’t get caught so easily. A government like that would basically be a supervillain. With a smarter government, we might as well move the Capitol to a hollowed-out volcano from which the government will plot what it’s going to do to us. And think of its minions — the bureaucrats. The only thing that tempers their maliciousness is their stupidity, but imagine such malevolent creatures being given intelligence. That’s like making a cat smarter — you know it’ll just use all its brain power to plot murder.