Obama’s Auto Industry Repair Dream Team
No reasonably intelligent politician wants to become the Obama administration’s car czar. That’s because if one or more of our venerable Detroit automakers bite the dust under a czar’s watch, it’s his or her fault. Since the new president has appointed key administration and cabinet officials to press his aggressive green agenda, there are few advocates for good business judgment to pick from. And probably fewer who have spent time in the driver’s seat of a car.
So far, we’ve learned that there will be not one but two czars: Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner and National Economic Council Director Lawrence Summers. The two will oversee an across-the-government panel of officials from the Treasury, Labor, Transportation, Commerce and Energy departments, as well as the National Economic Council, the White House Office of Energy and Environment, the Council of Economic Advisers, and the Environmental Protection Agency.
Anyone who thinks this gaggle of Beltway bureaucrats will accomplish anything that resembles change Detroit can live with is living in a universe that’s dramatically different than mine. It’s like counting on Barney Frank and Chris Dodd to help fix the financial system.
So after thoughtful consideration and employing my trusty dartboard, I’ve come up with my own panel of people who could give automakers advice that they could actually put to use. Some are true car enthusiasts and all are known and admired by the American public — a phenomenon that’s unlikely with the president’s pundits. I’ve decided that the goals should be to build cars fellow taxpayers want and make money for shareholders after paying back the loans.
I’ve started with Jay Leno, a great guy who earns lots of money entertaining people to support his voracious car habit. Jay would be in charge of performance, something he lives for. It doesn’t matter whether it runs on gasoline, electricity, or recycled French fries, if the result doesn’t produce a grin, Jay will surely veto the effort.
You forgot the service department. I vote for Carlos Mencia. He has great common sense, and those Mexicans know how to keep a vehicle running for a long time.
I vote for Nancy Pelosi. Anyone who can take not only the sow’s ear, but the tail, feet, snout and innards (pork waste)…and sell them to the American people as a silk purse (Swindle-Us package)…could probably turn a profit in Detroit before the spring thaw.
Great idea and a good article.
IMHO, anyone picked to oversee the auto industry needs to, at the very least, know how to tune up a car. However, this makes sense, so it will not be considered in Washington.
Ha. Nice, Mr. Douglas. Its amazing that your joke picks are better qualified than many in Obama’s cabinet. I think they’re up to date on their taxes too.
Hey Brian,
this is a nice page
What auto brand is the car on the picture? Can you tell me this auto brand? This would be very nice
@ Marc Malone: He forgot the service department?
goodbye Kathrin
“I’ve come up with my own panel of people who could give automakers advice that they could actually put to use.”
You are engaging in well meaning but intrinsically absurd behavior. The most brilliant people who have ever lived cannot provide such information. Ultimately, only the free market can perform this service.
At this point in time, these automakers do not have to primarily satisfy the desires of the buyers. That is a secondary consideration. Nope, they must first, last, and foremost keep the politicians happy. In such an environment, it is next to impossible to create popular vehicles.
Mr Douglas:
“Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner and National Economic Council Director Lawrence Summers. The two will oversee an across-the-government panel of officials from the Treasury, Labor, Transportation, Commerce and Energy departments, as well as the National Economic Council, the White House Office of Energy and Environment, the Council of Economic Advisers, and the Environmental Protection Agency.”
Be afraid…be VERY afraid.
It appears that most of this Automobile Stavka will be composed of long-term DC bureaucrats.
Anyone who has paid their dues commuting into or out of DC on Interstate 66 will be intimately acquainted with the horrendous traffic jams that occur every morning and evening.
More often than not, when you finally see what the cause of the congestion is, it turns out to be someone whose vision is impaired by sunlight.
You will see them, motoring along at 35 mph on a 55 mph thruway, eyes squinted and their bodies hunched over the wheel, veritably coiled springs from the stress and the tension of “driving blind”.
Now understand the context…these are folks who every workday morning drive east into the rising sun, and every eveneing drive west into the sunset, sometimes for DECADES.
But they fail to have a good set of sunglasses in their vehicles.
This is our government, folks!
These are the people who actually press the buttons and pull the levers and stoke the boilers that keep the Great Big Federal Merry-go-Round a-spinnin’.
You are invited to draw your own conclusions about how well they will run Detroit.
Leno couldn’t handle the job; He’s too busy trying to come up with Bush jokes.
Unions. Protect the unions. the sacred core of the Democrat party.
Obama can’t afford to bankrupt the GM machine because it pays health benefits for it’s retired and the day that stopes, more medicare costs. Billions per year.
I am going to the old Eastern Block to see if I can lay my hands on a Trebbie(sp) factory, I’m sure it will be cheap and it is certainly the car of OUR future.
Actually thebest person for Car Czar will never get it becuase he has been par of the evil empire. And that is Bob Lutz who worked in top executive positions an all the Big Three companies. He is the person who could look at the design of a new car a say that will sell or it won’t. No monster focus groups needed. And almost always he was right.
Most recently he has been spearheading the Chevy Volt, but alas he is taking retirement rather than becoming the target of the geniuses from Capitol Hill.
To sell cars you need to generate excitement. Lutz and Leno know that. Faceless bureaucrats at the EPA don’t.
“Faceless bureaucrats at the EPA don’t.”
So what? Your point is essentially meaningless. It does not matter what Lutz and Leno know about vehicles. Those faceless and the politicians are in control.
Man, that was an excellent list. I personally would choose Chip Foose for the exterior, Jobs for the instrumentation, and Lauren for the interior. I think you should get the Carmax people to handle the dealerships. Awesome place! no haggle, no pressure.
You are also going to need a labor guy. I say the go for the use Goodell(NFL Commish, no nonsense, make people accountable type.
My vision person would be whoever it is that handles Hyundai. Talk about going from a “throw away” car to now making a car that rivals the best luxury sport names in the business. There my friend is your brand image.
Politicians can’t manage themselves, this whole mess is pretty scary.
ANTON
#10
MY GOD ! YOU ARE SOOOOOO RIGHT.
The problem I see with the idea suggested is that market-based creativity and results-oriented expectations would come along with the package of Jay Leno.
If we don’t know anything else about the Obamians, we know they are firmly opposed to both of those.
ANTON
#10
YOU ARE SOOOOOO RIGHT !!!!!
On a side note I find it troubling that politicians keep trying to appoint Czars. And yes I have a problem with more than just the term itself.
While JAY LENO is a fine comedian, being famous does not qualify him as an expert on the automobile industry. The nature of the question indicates one of the worse media problems. Why are we assigning expert status to people who are NOT EXPERTS? Since when did a politician become an economics expert just because they are politicians? Since when did an actor become an “expert” just because they are celebrities? Since when did a media figure become an expert just because they are on tv? Im still waiting for a satisfactory answer.
LETS SEE-PUT NASTY PIGLOSI IN CHARGE OF GM AD WATCH THE FOLLOWING HAPPEN-(1) A RUSTY PAINT JOB(2) PERPETUALLY FLAT TIRES (3) THE ENGINE WILL LOOK LIKE A NASCAR VEHICLE AFTER AN 18 CAR PILE UP. GUARANTEED.
HEY CYBERSTOOPID-FUNNY, IVE HEARD THAT LENO STILL HAS ABOUT TWO MILLION LEWINSKY JOKES HES REVIVING NOW. AD IVE NEVER HEARD BUSH AND LEWINSKY BJ QUEEN IN THE SAME SENTENCE. FUNNY, BUT EVERY TIME IVE HEARD A MONICA JOKE, THERES BEEN THE NAME CLINTON ATTACHED TO IT SOMEWHERE.
If you made Pelosi or Rangel the tsarina or tsar of the auto industry, they would run it into the ground with burdensome regulation, pay off the unions with public money for early retirement (at 150% of last wage, plus OT), and then convince the press that they had done a great service to the environment and to public transit.
This is a no-win situation for anyone who doesn’t hold high office with a D before hir name.
The reason Bambi hasn`t named his Car Czar yet is because his secret police still haven`t found thee guy that invented the Yugo