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My Plan on How to Fight the Next Middle East War

Frank J. offers some pearls of wisdom on what to do the next time (and there will be a next time) America decides to take down a villainous Middle East dictator.

by
Frank J. Fleming

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April 9, 2011 - 12:00 am
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We sure keep getting into wars in the Middle East, don’t we? There are just so many people there in dire need of a good bombing — terrorists, nutso leaders, camels who look at us cross-eyed  — that it’s hard to choose whom to even focus on. But instead of the rah-rah “Let’s kill those bastards!” you’d expect from Americans, we’re now in more of a long, drawn-out-sigh, “Not another war” mood. And remember that this is from people like me who have nothing at all to do with the military action over there — we’re not even required to find the countries on a map, much less be engaged in combat. I guess we’re just tired of hearing about the wars.

War is hell … if you’re in the war. For everyone else, it’s the whining that gets to us. The constant calls of “quagmire” and how everyone is dying for nothing and that we’re only making things worse and how we’re wasting money (yeah, the left used to pretend to care about that) really wear on us. I don’t know how our troops are doing with all the deployments, but all the civilians seem worn out from only hearing about war. We’re all war weary — despite most of us not being directly affected by any of the combat. Maybe our troops can handle getting shot at and going on multiple deployments just fine, but we can’t deal with the civilians complaining about it all the time.

So what’s the solution? Don’t get into any more wars? Well, President Obama has pretty much proven that’s not a possibility. I mean, he was the stereotypical liberal peacenik, denouncing President Bush as vehemently as possible as an awful, awful man for even contemplating getting us into a conflict with a country that was no direct threat to us, and even he couldn’t help but start another war in the Middle East (I mean, “kinetic military action in the Middle East,” wink wink). It’s like the dictators there exist just for the purpose of being villains. If you accurately portrayed them in a movie, critics would call them unrealistic for being too one-dimensionally evil and crazy. And when you see people that terrible and also so much weaker than us militarily — the U.S. fighting them outright on a battlefield would be like the NFL versus a peewee league team — no one has the willpower to not smack them around.

Obviously avoiding wars in the Middle East is not a realistic option, and I’m sure we’ll get involved in plenty more in the future. So how can we do that and avoid the constant whining of dumb hippies and having all those useless countries in Europe call us warmongers? Well, think back to the Iraq War and when people really started to viciously complain about it. We had broad support going in, and people were still pretty up on it during the initial bombing campaign and even once we got to the point of pulling down the Saddam statue. People truly started getting angry, and the “Bush=Hitler” signs came out in full force, when we stayed and tried to help.

Bombing a country is nothing, but hanging around the country afterward, helping it rebuild and establish a system of government where the citizens don’t get bossed around by a homicidal dictator, gets us into trouble. And it is pretty difficult for the troops; it requires them to stand out there exposed among the populace instead of just running around in tanks and exploding stuff. Plus it takes a long time, during which there will be constant whining about it, especially if there are Republicans in office to blame. The left basically collaborated with the insurgents in Iraq, saying, “Hey, if you kill more troops, then we will scream even louder about how awful this war is and hopefully get Bush out of office. So help us out here!”

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