More Scandalous Stories About the 2008 Campaign
In the spirit of Game Change, here are some other little-known tidbits from the election.
January 17, 2010 - 12:00 am
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The new book Game Change, with its inside look at politics, has been selling out everywhere because of all its shocking revelations about many political figures. Not to be outdone, I’ve decided to start researching my own book — Bad Stuff ‘Bout Politicians — which will include numerous scandalous details I found through my super-secret inside sources. Some have already accused these sources of being “imaginary,” to which I respond, “No, you’re imaginary!” Others have accused me of being on drugs, which is completely untrue, and you can’t have any.
Anyway, here are some of the shocking things I’ve found so far, much of them about the 2008 presidential campaign:
- John Edwards’ $400 haircut: $10 for the haircut and $390 for hookers.
- Of the many Democratic senators’ reactions to Barack Obama running for president, Harry Reid’s was actually the least racist.
- John McCain’s speech at the Republican National Convention was significantly altered from his original “so I hate you and you all hate me” version.
- Sarah Palin had never actually shot a moose, but had instead found pleasure in laying a gun down in front of a moose and cruelly breaking its self-esteem until it took its own life.
- Hillary Clinton was so enraged by her loss to Obama in the Iowa primary that the only way to calm her down was to give her a big box of cute little kittens that she could bite the heads off of.
- Barack Obama’s rumored drug use was a lot more recent than most people think, but he vowed to never do it again after he woke up one morning with Joe Biden as a running mate.
- When it started to look like Sarah Palin wasn’t fully vetted, the press immediately took up the slack, analyzing everything about her — a process that continues to this day. When they get done, the press swears they’ll then take a look at Obama.
- To avoid a scandal due to remarks he might make, to this day no one has told Senator Byrd that the president is now black.
- In the same speech in which Barack Obama referred to bitter people clinging to guns and religion, he later said, “I just really hate those people. Hate them. What is that everyone always calls those people? Oh yeah: Americans. I hate them.”
- Bill Clinton’s philandering had by the 2008 presidential election become increasingly uncontrollable, his romantic trysts moving on to involve multiple women, then farm animals, then plants, and then lawn furniture.
- Barack Obama first had second thoughts about Joe Biden as a running mate when saw him repeatedly lose to a chicken at tic-tac-toe.
- There are some rumors that Chris Dodd ran for president, but I haven’t been able to find any hard confirmation of that.
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Lame.
Mr. Fleming, Page 1 had some really funny and witty stuff on it. Don’t mean to hurt your self esteem, but you ran out of good material at that point. You should have stopped there.
Don’t listen to those barbarians, Frank. They wouldn’t recognize awesome if they stepped in it.
I made mistake of drinking coffee while reading this.
Frank, you owe me a new keyboard now.
Very Funny indeed….
Hey, you forgot to mention George Bush !!
But then again..all you had to do back then..was buy a newspaper…ha ha…
The last one is the best.
Why is it I have no problem with distasteful ‘hit’ humor, & this IS distasteful, when it is applied equally among both liberals & conservatives?
For the past many years Americans have been subjected to distasteful, vicious, & hyper-partisan attacks that many in the media, including entertainers, wanted to pass off as humor.
In the final analysis, that ‘humor’ was designed to mock, marginalize, & denigrate any whose political position did not match the lockstep of the favored party. This partisanship is what has contributed to the massive loss of market share the networks have experienced. It has actually been quite satisfying to watch the networks talking heads, destroy their own source of a paycheck. Then again, they are all so overpaid, that they can survive for quite some time w/o a pay check.
When even we ‘rubes’ from middle America can easily see through the disgusting bile spewed as intelligent commentary from supposedly intelligent individuals who think their opinions should guide us all into the light of truth, justice, & the liberal way… its obvious the real rubes are those spewing their hateful bile at any who have shown the liberal perspective is as empty headed as the commentators comments are.
Personally, I thought both pages were hilarious. I particularly enjoyed the last two!
Hilarious! Although, some of these tidbits don’t sound far from the truth. Of course George Bush is to blame for all the scandals and mishaps on the campaign trail. In fact, it’s his fault that Game Change was even written. I personally would rather read Frank’s tidbits than read the actual book.
What’s with the birth certificate thing? Clearly an anti-”Birther” statement. I thought this was humor, not politics…?
Good job, Frank. Except for one; my cats are now hiding under the couch, saying “make him say puppies”
A valiant try. Luckily, for those who really like to laugh at politicians, there’s the Republican party. You don’t even have to make jokes.
So, #12 Martha Coakley and Al Frankin and Joe Biden are Republicans?
Barack Obama finally won the support of Bill Clinton when he agreed to drive 100 miles to get Clinton a McRib sandwich.
Are you sure your info is correct? I heard he won the support of Bill Clinton when he agreed to get him coffee.
Luckily for those of us who like to laugh at politics, there are the Nielsen ratings, in which the best liberal cable news comes in a around 7th place.
There are also Fenelin Napkins.
The one about the press promising to take a look at Obama is the best. Totally accurate.
Absolutely hilarious. Take this show on the road and back to broadway. A comedy hit that will run for years!!!
Congrats. and compliments, Frank.
Manny
What a hoot! Every one a gem. I may be no expert at humor; however, this is the funniest bit I’ve read in some time.
They were all funny, but the last was the best.
The line about Biden losing tic-tac-toe to a chicken is sad………………..but true!! Stand up Joe! Take a bow. Let`s us see you! aaahahahahhahahaaa
A much-needed dose of good humor.
It is, humor …. right?
The first two pages were awesome, but the last two pages sucked.