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Man’s Best Friend’s Guide to the 2008 Presidential Race

Tired of Wolf Blitzer, Keith Olbermann and the rest of those human pundits? Pajamas Media is proud to introduce Boris the Labradoodle - the first, as far as we know, dog pundit. Boris will henceforth be following the Presidential Race for us from his unique perspective.

by
Boris the Labradoodle

Bio

November 20, 2007 - 1:00 am

It shouldn’t surprise anyone that dogs have opinions about who’s gonnna be the next person living in the White House. And humans should listen to us. We aren’t called man’s best friend for nothing. We look out for our peeps because we love you. We are devoted to you. We are loyal. And you feed us. Even you cat people, and allergic people, we love you too. We can’t help it. It’s in our DNA.

See, we’ve been in this crazy world together for thousands of years, and dogs know that what’s good for you is usually good for us. Just look at America, for starters. We can all agree it’s got its problems, even if we disagree about what they are and how to fix them. But overall, from where I stand (kind of low down, but I don’t miss a scent), democracy definitely has a leg up (and I don’t use that expression lightly) over the other forms of government people have tried. Let me put it bluntly, dogs (and cats, who will be angry at me for speaking for them and angry at me if I ignore them… aagghhh, don’t get me started on that twisted, co-dependent passive-aggressive relationship) have never had it so good as we do here and now.

Could it be better? Sure. Personally, I’d like a spot on the big bed and an unlimited supply of Greenies. More importantly (actually, to me, there is nothing more important, but that’s because I live in the moment) are there dogs suffering, abandoned, abused, even put to death in America? Tragically, yes. But there’s also awareness, activism and progress. I’m optimistic about our future. Which is another great thing about us dogs and why you need us around and should listen to us… okay, to me. Unless there are other dog pundits covering the election, in which case, can I have a Greenie and call it a day? Sorry, I get lazy sometimes. I’m a dog!

Look, everyone knows politics is a dirty business and covering politics may be dirtier still. I say, bring it on, because I, Boris the Labradoodle, am a connoisseur of dirt! Over the course of this presidential race, I’m going to be sticking my nose where humans squeamishly fear to go and telling you what I smell. As a dog, partisan politics is incomprehensible to me. And in case you’re wondering what party my humans belong to, because that might influence my opinions, the truth is I have no idea. Neither do they. The whole thing gives them a headache or bores them, so they don’t pay attention. Which is why I have to. I didn’t ask for this job, but I will perform it with relish, because, as I know you know, that’s the beauty of us dogs!

PS. In case you’re wondering, I’m not Russian born, Russian Wolfhound, or living with Russian humans. So why am I called Boris? If someone gave you a Greenie every time you answered to that name, I bet you’d be Boris too. Anyway, it’s a very nice name and I love it when I’m called!

Boris the Labradoodle is a seven-year old Labrador Retriever and poodle mix. He is single and childess.

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