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Liberals Are Mostly Not Exactly Like Terrorists

Terrorists can use guns, make bombs, and survive in caves. Liberals are scared of loud noises and apparently can't survive if their every need isn't provided for by the federal government.

by
Frank J. Fleming

Bio

March 30, 2010 - 12:12 am

It is often said about terrorism: “They only have to win once; we have to win every time.” That’s the most daunting part about stopping people who want to cause death and mayhem and have no concern for their own lives. We have to be one hundred percent perfect on stopping them, because if they succeed even once it’s a catastrophe. Looking at it that way, it’s almost a miracle we haven’t had more large-scale attacks on our home soil. Still, the terrorists will keep trying, and it seems almost inevitable that one day we’ll slip up again, and they’ll succeed.

It’s a lot like that with liberals. They keep coming at us with their new giant government programs, and conservatives have to defeat them every time. If we ever fail to block a new entitlement just once, then society will soon adjust around it, and it will permanently take root. After that, removing the entitlement would be like ripping a bottle away from a baby — politically infeasible. It’s there forever. Thus conservatives have to block liberals one hundred percent of the time, and if we as a country ever slip up and let liberals pass their giant new plans even once, we’re damaged forever. That’s why conservatives are so upset about the passage of ObamaCare.

So are liberals just like terrorists? Now, most people, when asked that question, would immediately answer, “Why, yes, of course.” All the obvious parallels are there. Both terrorists and liberals have an utter disdain for the average American, hate America and wish to destroy its freedoms, hate all our military interventions in the Middle East, dislike Israel, are suspicious of American patriotism, and are foul smelling. Plus, Americans would feel much safer if both were locked up somewhere in Cuba. Also, I don’t know if anyone else has noticed this, but the names of the leaders of the liberals and the terrorists are sort of similar: Osama and Obama.

No? Well, I thought they sounded alike.

Furthermore, both groups employ the strategy of suicide attacks. Terrorists will kill themselves to hurt Americans for the promise of sexy dames in the afterlife. Liberals in Congress appear willing to commit political suicide by cramming an unpopular health care bill down America’s throat for the promise of later living in a utopia where all the smart people like them get to make all the big decisions for everybody — the secular version of paradise.

So it does seem that liberals are exactly like terrorists, but I’m once again going to be the contrarian and say they are actually quite different. Yes, I wish it were so simple as treating liberals and terrorists the same and taking out the staff of Media Matters with a predator drone strike, but that’s not reality. The differences between liberals and terrorists are very important.

For one thing, what do we do when we capture terrorists? That’s right: We waterboard them to get them to talk and tell us where their base is or what their secret plans are or what their favorite color is. Terrorists have information we need. With liberals, we’ll do anything we can to keep them from talking. They talk way too much as it is and often in venues where it’s completely unwelcome, and we’d just as soon waterboard ourselves as listen to them (which is the problem MSNBC has with ratings). Plus, it’s not like they have any secret plans we don’t know about. What are they going to tell us if we waterboard them?

“I’ll admit it! ObamaCare is the first step towards single-payer and a complete government takeover of health care!”

Who doesn’t know that? Liberals are too dim-witted and too arrogant to keep any of their thoughts secret. As we learned with Obama, if we want to find out what liberals really think of Americans, we just have to slip a tape recorder into a fundraiser with elites in San Francisco.

Another difference between liberals and terrorists are sleeper cells — terrorists could have infiltrated American society and be waiting to attack. Liberals, on the other hand, are completely incapable of associating with normal Americans. Remember when John Kerry tried to go hunting to appear like an American? If only terrorist sleeper agents were that obvious and awkward.

This raises the whole competency issue, which is another big difference. Terrorists can use guns, make bombs, and survive in caves. Liberals are scared of loud noises and apparently can’t survive if their every need isn’t provided for by the federal government. And while Obama and Osama sound very much like each other, what’s their biggest difference? That’s right: Osama had actually demonstrated leadership abilities before being put in charge.

The biggest and most important difference between liberals and terrorists is this: Terrorists will never actually be able to defeat America, while liberals most likely will eventually succeed. Terrorists can kill people and destroy property, but those idiots are never actually going to defeat America in this universe. The worst they can do is make us so panicked and scared that we nuke the crap out of everybody, but we’ll still be around after that.

Liberals, despite their idiocy and incompetency, will probably topple America one day if history is any guide. As I said before, anytime they succeed and get a new government program through our defenses, it’s there forever. We can swat down their ideas most of the time, but eventually, if just by sheer luck of circumstances, they succeed. The New Deal, Great Society, ObamaCare — they just keep adding to the size of government, and no political force is able to remove entitlements once they’re entrenched in society.

Eventually they’ll make the government so bloated it will crush itself under its own weight like a beached whale. Then there goes America, and there go all our hopes and dreams. The only consolation is that, no longer having the government to take care of them, all liberals will freeze to death come the first winter. Still, there goes America for good, thanks to liberals.

Pretty scary thought, huh? And don’t think the terrorists haven’t noticed. Remember what Osama talked about in his latest video? “Climate change” and the drastic steps nations are going to have to take to combat it, i.e., more government controls. Al-Qaeda is trading bombs for what they know will truly destroy the Great Satan: Obama’s rhetoric.

So are terrorists like liberals? They’re getting there.

Frank J. Fleming is the author of Punch Your Inner Hippie, coming November 11th, and the science fiction novel Superego, coming later this year, writes columns for PJ Media and the New York Post, and blogs at IMAO.us, and if he were president, he'd never be seen on the golf course during international crises, because he'd be in the White House basement playing video games.
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