5) Of course, this idea of a “jobs mandate” is constitutional. Some old-fashioned pundits might mistakenly think that employers — not the government — should be free to decide whether and when to hire new workers, based on their own individual circumstances and requirements. But more enlightened scholars realize that “not hiring someone” is a form of “economic activity” that could affect commerce and economics across the country, especially when such individual “not hiring” decisions are considered in aggregate. Hence, by the Commerce Clause of the U.S. Constitution, Congress has the authority to limit or outlaw this widespread practice of “not hiring someone.”

6) Nor is this socialism. So those cranky Tea Party types shouldn’t be upset. The government is merely helping employers to be “responsible” and “do the right thing” in their hiring. This isn’t a government takeover of private business, but rather a “public-private partnership”! (Speaking of which, we need to start renaming muggings as “mugger-victim partnerships.”)

7) Finally, if this program fails to turn the economy around, we’ll all know whom to blame — the free market. If this ObamaJobs “employment reform” fails, then it means that the private sector blew their chance to fix things. We’ll then have the political capital to outlaw the private job sector altogether and implement a “single employer” system, where the government assumes full control over all jobs, salaries, benefits, and workplace duties. That way, we can finally guarantee that all Americans’ wealth (and sacrifices) are “shared” properly.

President Obama should once again heed the advice of his former Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel to “never let a good crisis go to waste.” If he does, he could make this ObamaJobs program every bit as popular and successful as his ObamaCare health program!