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May 27, 2009 - 3:46 am

Psychoanalyst Stuart Schneiderman a href=”http://www.cio.com/article/493408/IT_People_Are_From_Mars_Why_Your_Marriages_Are_From_Hell_or_Headed_There”sent me a link to an article/a he was interviewed for on IT (mostly) guys and marriage. The title of the piece, “IT People Are From Mars: Why Your Marriages Are From Hell or Headed There” is (I suppose) a take-off on John Gray’s book, a href=”http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0060574216?ie=UTF8tag=wwwviolentkicomlinkCode=as2camp=1789creative=9325creativeASIN=0060574216″span style=”font-style:italic;”Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus./span/aimg src=”http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=wwwviolentkicoml=as2o=1a=0060574216″ width=”1″ height=”1″ border=”0″ alt=”" style=”border:none !important; margin:0px !important;” / Apparently, IT people are from another world when it comes to communicating with their spouses. br /br /Eleven men and one woman were asked about what they wished their spouse knew about their job. This is what the men said:br /br /blockquoteMost of the 11 other respondents’ answers to my question expressed some frustration with their jobs or with their marriages, or both. (The one woman who responded to my question wrote about the guilt-trips her kids lay on her for having to work long hours.) Their responses boiled down to the following five themes:br /br / 1. I don’t want to discuss the details of my workday when I get home.br /br /br / 2. Don’t call me at work unless it’s an emergency.br /br /br / 3. If I don’t return your phone call, it’s not because I’m mad at you/don’t love you. It’s because I’m busy.br /br /br / 4. IT management is not a 9-to-5 job. It’s complicated, demanding and stressful.br /br /br / 5. I’m not a tech support person, and I can’t fix all of the family’s home technology problems, especially when I’m at work. I spend my time on strategic issues and networking with other C-level executives. /blockquotebr /br /The men in the article are seen as the “bad guys,” that is, they are seen as uncommunicative and insensitive to their wives–and blamed for their shortcomings. The summary of the piece makes this clear: “your answers spoke more about your communication mistakes at home than they did about your spouse’s shortcomings. Read on for advice on how to fix this before a nasty crash.”br /br /Perhaps these IT men are a bit uncommunicative or perhaps they do have stressful jobs. But can you imagine if the same author interviewed women who were raising five kids and having a stressful time of it? Say the husband was calling home for some spousal care on the phone in the middle of three of the kids having a temper tantrum. Do you think anyone would be sympathetic to his plight and blame the wife for her communication mistakes? I rather doubt it.

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