Indiana Jones 4 Doesn’t Rival Predecessors
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is packed with fights and chases and comedy — but then so were the old Tom & Jerry cartoons.
Indy 4, which is the worst Steven Spielberg popcorn flick since the forgotten 1941 — yes, it’s worse than Hook — is a series of campy comedy action scenes set in 1957 and awkwardly linked by a dopey plot that brings together the twin fifties obsessions of Communists and flying saucers, along with a search for El Dorado, the lost city of gold.
Like a petulant high school senior ripping down an old boy band poster that reminds her of the kid stuff she is sure she has way outgrown, director Spielberg and producer George Lucas, who gets a story credit, seem to think they’re too good to revisit the original trilogy so they mock it instead. As with Raiders of the Lost Ark and its first two sequels, the movie begins by blending the Paramount mountain logo into a matched image on film, but this time it’s a molehill, and so many furry little critters appear in reaction shots it’s as if Spielberg thinks he’s making a sequel to Caddyshack. The only truly scary moment is the first glimpse of the Play-Doh mask of plastic surgery that has replaced what used to be Karen Allen’s face.
The movie begins in the Nevada desert, where a sword-wielding KGB agent (a ridiculous Cate Blanchett, doing some embarrassing Boris-and-Natasha shtick) has kidnapped Indy because of what he knows about a mysterious mummy hidden in the same warehouse where the Lost Ark was stashed at the end of the first movie. Ray Winstone plays Indy’s buddy, a fellow adventurer with a secret, but he never has much impact.
Soon we’re in a chase scene set inside the warehouse that sets the tone for the whole movie. The supposed tension is repeatedly deflated with har-har one-liners, the stunts look more like computer simulations than something an actual mortal could pull off, and Indy’s success depends heavily on the stupidity and ineptitude of his pursuers.
Not long later, after a half-hearted rehash of the Red Scare (seemingly this was ordered up by Lucas, who gave us that clunky line about campaign finance reform in Attack of the Clones; Spielberg, even when he is trying to be socially relevant, is about as political as Norman Rockwell), Indy is sought out by a young dropout named Mutt (Shia LaBeouf). Mutt wants help in finding a professor and mentor (John Hurt) who is also a friend of Indy’s and has disappeared in Peru. LaBeouf, who was well-cast as the nerd in Transformers, is a bizarre choice to play a switchblade-wielding greaser; when he enters the film on a motorcycle decked out like Marlon Brando in The Wild One, it’s as if Richie Cunningham raided Fonzie’s closet.
For no special reason the two of them take off on a mad dash through the Yale campus on a motorcycle, and as much fun as it is to see the Old Campus and the Sterling Library pop up in a blockbuster, the sequence is too goofy to work as an action scene and not funny enough to be comedy. Where Indy spent the first three movies fighting for his life, here he easily brushes aside such baddies as, for instance, a guy holding a gun on him in the back of a truck whom he dispatches with a single kick. Often, he’s just lucky, such as when he goes over a giant waterfall as easily as if he’s riding the flume at Six Flags. His primary goal, it seems, is to work up not-quite-witty witticisms (asked if he has any last words, he says, “I like Ike;” borrowing from the Star Wars series, he says, “I’ve got a bad feeling about this,” a remark that was not actually that sparkling to begin with and which Lucas really should have retired by now.)
Even more distracting is LaBeouf’s ‘50s hipster patter — “smog in the noggin,” “what are you lookin’ at, Daddy-O?” But perhaps the single worst line in a movie full of them goes to Blanchett, who takes time out from a swordfight conducted with LaBeouf on the backs of two speeding cars to quip, “You fight like a young man — qvick to begin, qvick to finish.” As is often the case with Blanchett, she is not a scene stealer but a scene arsonist. She burns up all the oxygen around her.
Spielberg used to delight in springing surprises. The scene in Raiders in which Indy shoots the swordsman got perhaps the biggest laugh I’ve ever heard in a movie theater. This time, though, when Karen Allen reappears as Indy’s old lover Marion the big reveal turns out to be a piece of information that everyone in the audience will have guessed half an hour earlier. It’s hard to pay attention to anything Marion says or does anyway, so strange is the construction site of Allen’s face.
The weak slapstick and perfunctory derring-do — Indy climbs in and out of various caves and crypts, get attacked by disposable savages — add up to so little that when the treasure hunt starts to look like a shaggy dog story it’s not so much a letdown as the fulfillment of a really boring prophecy. Weren’t we promised in the first frame of the movie that what looked like a mountain would soon become a molehill?
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
Directed by Steve Spielberg
Starring: Harrison Ford, Cate Blanchett, Karen Allen, Shia LaBeouf
2 stars/ 4
122 minutes/Rated PG-13
Kyle Smith is a film critic for the the New York Post. His website is at www.kylesmithonline.com.
i liked 1941!
How embarrassing. Maybe it would have been better if Spielberg, Lucas, and Ford had all been killed by a meteorite directly after wrapping on Last Crusade. It would have saved the world a lot of pain and a lot of bad cinema (not to mention stupid political stunts).
I wish I read this review before I went to see this waste of 2 hours and celluloid.
BTW, I liked ’1941′ too.
Not at all surprising, in fact it’s what we’ve come to expect from the losers in hollywood.
“BTW, I liked ‘1941′ too.”
-ToddoCapeCod
Japanese Sub Commander: Where Hollywood?
Hollis J. Wood: I’m Rite-chere!
It had it’s moments.
I rented “1941″ recently and watched it. When it was done, I thought to myself “Steven Spielberg” directed this? Even John Belushi and Dan Ackroyd couldn’t save it. Yelling, screaming, fighting, blowing stuff up – there wasn’t any character in the movie that wasn’t a total idiot, doing the most idiotic things for no apparent reason.
It could have been a good movie – it had a great cast, a great story line, excellent setting. But the plot action consisted of stupid people destroying everything in sight.
I remember when a Speilberg movie was an event. Not in a long time. By the way, 1941 was the infamous let’s do a bunch of coke and make a movie movie.
‘Hook’ was a bad movie? I thought it was great.
One moment I laughed at was one that wasn’t supposed to be funny. Cate Blanchett’s character tells Indy of her plans to use the crystal skull to make American teachers teach real history (the commie version) to America’s children, seems like that part of the plan worked.
1941 is a favorite bad movie of mine.
I liked “1941″ too. You didn’t happen to watch it without a drink in your hand did you? I found it quite amusing.
Funny that you mention the shooting the sword wielder scene. I seem to recall that happened because they re-shot the scene dozens of times and Ford got tired and silly, and just pulled his gun. It was better than what was in the script, so they left it in.
Yeah I agree it was all off course…did anybody else notice the family affair the whole production was? Lots of Spielberg’s, Lucas’s, (adoptee’s?) Hanks…etc…A lot of the main chances in Hollywood goin’ straight back inta it’s own…the Nepotisim is stranglin’ any of the inspiration an’ passions tryin’ ta peek through…..At this point the creativity there was stifling…Harrison Ford ta me seem like he had suffered some kind of brain damage an’ obviously lackin’ that spontaneous touch he once had..(to tell you the truth, “Raider’s” was the only worthwhile film…the other’s get that “Return of the Jedi” sort of denial.)…the lines were so much rehash…Karen Allen seemed so self conscious of not bein’the “Karen Allen” of yore (though I don’t blame her fer that)It’s jest it came across in the film, an’ the filmmakers didn’t know what to do with it, but pretend it wasn’t there…an’ that’s like filmmakin’ 101. There was little chemistry between the leads (They’ve got to be pretty satisfied with what’s behind them I imagine, an’ can leave it all behind…they don’t have ta prove nuthin’..good fer them…but ya know…get the hell out of the way an’ give somebody like me who’s strugglin’ in this industry the wheel damn it!Thing is all the sort of periphereal investors harrass them into makin’ this easy money..because there’s that guarenteed audience in it.Harrison Ford has got e’ry right in the world ta walk away from this….Thing is they’d probably threaten him with death or sumethin’. Bunch of bums.)Shia La Beuf wasn’t the debacle I thought he’d be…but he’s made a fool in the ole “monkey’s are with you” Shia/Tarzan crap…I mean how many people gave Lucas an’ Spielberg substantial scripts an’ this is what they greenlight? Somethin’ stinks about that. This reeks of political/financial opportuniusim. Awful set pieces..the Ants? UFO’S….It was jest a giveaway…
An accurate review. So disappointing, but then, so was the entire 2nd Star Wars trilogy. Lucas hasn’t had tentacles in a quarter century. Maybe Frank Darbont’s screenplay that Ford and Spielberg like (but rejected by Lucas) will be leaked. I have no doubt it must have been cooler. You’re a little rough on Karen Allen. It’s impossible being an aging woman in Hollywood. It’s actually the fault of the writer and Spielberg. We know she can act. Her lines were awful, but she should have been directed on how to deliver the lines better if she was having a hard time chewing that crap. At the beginning of the film, the Lucasfilm logo appeared on the screen and every clapped including me. Never again. Oh, and Hollywood is a big place with a lot of people. Great things come from Hollywood as well as lame.
They saved a lot on scenery by shooting half of the movie in the dark.
First let me say that I have been a die hard Indiana Jones fan for many years, however this RUINED the entire series for me, just as the Star Wars prequels ended my longtime obsession with that George Lucas series. I’m not sure exactly how much acid Lucas and Spielberg dropped before they decided on the plot for this travesty of a picture, but I will never waste another dime on one of their washed up remakes.
I should have known where the movie was heading when they found the alien sarcophagus and made the references to Roswell. My wife figured out the plot in the first five minutes. Instead I kept watching as Indy dodged more machine gun bullets than 007 and an outrageous sequence of paranormal events took place, eliminating the need for a decent plot or screenwriters with any remote knowledge of history. The truly great Indy movies (Raiders and the Last Crusade) incorporated just enough history to avoid being insulting to one’s intelligence. This movie incorporated just enough Scientology to make me vomit. I have had enough of the big headed aliens who gave us the Pyramids, plumbing and the longer lasting light bulb. It was the Pharaohs, the Romans and Thomas freaking Edison. I realize Indiana Jones is about as realistic as Rambo but this film was ludicrous.
The worst part of the movie was the quote Indiana makes to his son when they discover the true nature of the treasure. It must have been plagiarized from a Magic School Bus episode. “Knowledge was their treasure”? I was waiting for him to start a lecture on the importance of college.
Another aspect which really grinded my gears was the reintroduction of Marion from Raider of the Lost Ark. All that trouble so that she can have four lines and look like a smiling, half crazy soccer mom behind the wheel for the rest of the film. The marriage scene at the end was a nice way to end the series gracefully in case the film bombed with fans (which I believe it will).
On a bit of a tangent,I’m glad someone else noticed that that ridiculous biker outfit Henry Jr. was wearing when he rides up to the train was ripped off from Marlon Brando’s character in “The Wild Ones”. It was replicated right down to the vintage springer motorcycle. Very cheesy and indicative of the lack of originality in the entire film.
One can only wonder how the filmmakers ever thought this film would resonate with audiences. I imagine the exchange between Lucas and Spielberg must have gone something like this. After getting way too old, and losing all the imagination that made them famous, they decided to ruin another one of their old film franchises for a quick buck. Spielberg wanted to remake E.T. and Lucas (having already murdered the Star Wars series) argued for Indiana Jones. Due to their overly inflated egos they finally decided that they would have to combine both films into one big waste of two hours and an insult to anyone who appreciated the original films.
The bottom line is that C.G.I. effects and writers strikes have given these once great directors the idea that decent plots are no longer necessary in movies. They are content to release lousy computer generated cartoons that bear little resemblance to the original films we had all come to love.
Awful
I thought that Mutt looking like Marlon Brando was a deliberate act of the character. Being a smart young man bored by his classes, he copied the attitude and trappings of a colorful larger than life fictional character because he had yet to meet his colorful larger than life father.
IF imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, then any future story involving Henry Jones III will show a good, but high strung, student ready for his own adventures. But they have to do something about that name; who will pay to go see “Mutt Jones and the City of Atlantis”?
As for the movies “1941″ and “Raiders of the Lost Ark”, I remember that “1941″ was not only a bomb, but it went over budget and was delivered behind schedule. Spielberg’s career was about to go down the drain; he had to deliver a ‘wow’ film that was under budget and on schedule if he wanted to direct major pictures again. He did that with “Raiders”. It saved his career.
Now that Harrison Ford, Mark Hamill and Carrie Fisher are 30 years older that they were for “Star Wars”, I wonder if George Lucas is working on the script for “Star Wars Chapter VII”?
Saw Raiders of the Lost ET. Very disappointing. Theater was silent most of the time. Bored, I think. I kept looking at my watch.
#1 problem: George Lucas as the writer. He is simply awful. The story sucks. The dialog is even suckier.
I wanted it to be good. It wasn’t.
The Indiana Jones franchise rests on Christianity or, at least, Biblical stories.
Raiders dealt with the Ark story that millions of people believe to be true.
Temple of Doom took a left turn into eastern mysticism and is rounded dismissed. It also recast Indy as a playboy lacking his boyish/bookish Raiders form. Yeech. And the female lead was less than useless, except as a future wife to Spielberg.
Last Crusade returned to form and dealt with the distinctly Christian (though insignificant) Grail artifact–though Indy’s(and his father’s) moral lapses were again disappointing and hurt the film.
Now another left turn has Indy chasing aliens and his moral lapses are co-starring.
Sorry: I want my heroes to be heroes, not deadbeat dads. And I want my stories noble, not Star Wars retreads.
What a sour and mean-spirited review.
First, as many have noted here, not everyone hates 1941. I seem to recall that even Pauline Kael spoke up in its defence. Sure it was overblown, but it had a certain charm in its dumb humour of destruction, and the dance hall fight was really a classic of its genre (with a terrific score by John Williams too.)
Secondly, not many may share my opinion on this, but I found Last Crusade to be completely devoid of excitement. While I love Connery generally, I thought it was a weak script and most of the jokes fell flat. Even the direction seemed really uninspired. It was a lot like like Return of the Jedi: a third instalment that was a real let down. I am glad they went on to revisit the series.
Thirdly, Crystal Skull did have excitement, and some decent humour, particularly in the chase sequence. I don’t really see how anyone could watch the jeep chase and not be impressed with Spielberg’s skills.
That said, I agree that it is not a perfect movie. I tend to think the fault is in the script, and the clumsy story exposition, but hey, I would still not call it dull.
And finally, the comment about Karen Allen’s face is just uncalled for. Whereas many reviewers have noted that it is a pleasure to see an older woman looking her age, you just see plastic surgery? I don’t know whether she’s had any or not, but I would say that most people feel it is far from obvious that she has had any.
I get the feeling you’re just attention seeking by saying that.
I disagree with your moral analysis of the Last Crusade. They were adventurers and not saints. And our heros are always imperfect. King David slept with Bathsheba and had a son named Absalom yet God still called him a man after his own heart. Dispite his misdeeds, he is still the hero in one of the Bible’s great stories. Men are men and while you don’t have to admire Indy and his dad’s sexual exploits, it provided some healthy comic relief as father and son realize they have had an immoral act with the same woman.
You are however right on with your point about the biblical themes. They resonate with most American viewers even if they don’t all go to church. Furthermore, it gave the movies a good moral message about the triumph of good over evil and the ultimate power of God over man. Not a bad thing for kids to see as well. I agree that the lack of that message was the fundamental reason that the Temple of Doom failed as well . In our minds and souls we are more likely to believe that power comes out of the Ark rather than an alien’s eyes. Lucas and Spieldberg have learned nothing from their audience.
To Steve:
I think the jeep scene pointed more to the talents of the wiz kids doing the CGI than to any genius from Spieldberg and that swordfight was from watching too many Arol Flynn movies when he was a kid. Nothing original or genius about it. Hey, I have an idea! Why don’t they release a special edition where they swordfight on top of speeder bikes on Endor?
This film was complete and utter rubbish. It makes me angry that I’ll never get those 2 wasted hours back.
The sword fight was just embarassing – and the scene where “Mutt” (a most stupid name if you ask me) was swinging through the Jungle like Tarzan on speed was just ridiculous. Yes, films like this rely on the viewers stretching their collective imaginations. But this was just insulting
Spielberg, Lucas and Ford have a real nerve subjecting people to this drivel.
well at least Sean Connery had the good sense to turn down the movie. i have not seen the movie yet so i think i will just wait till it hits the USA network in a few years.
I loved this movie.It was corny,but a whole lot of fun!I really appreciated seeing Karen Allen as Indianas love interest,once more.So she looks older,dont we all.Thats real life.I hate to see movies where the 60 year old man is paired off with the 30 year old woman,as if women over 40 arent sexy,dont fall in love,arent desirable,dont have fun..its insulting.This movie was fun!!And it had a happy ending!Indy is still plenty sexy,he can crack me with that whip,anytime!!!!
Terrible film.
That being said, I love the original Indy films. This new film lacked almost every single element that made the first 3 great.
1. Indy (and supporting cast) was too impossibly non-human. This was portrayed by the stunts that are clearly impossible for any human. That, and Indy just simply wasn’t the same. Seems like he was trying to hard.
2. The one-liners were sad. “They weren’t you baby”. Are you kiddin’ me? You spent two entire movies without a single mention or thought of Karen Allens character. All of a sudden shes the love of your life? Reality check, please.
3. Story sucked. Need I say more? Stick to mysticism and religious ideas rather than aliens and technology. A good rule of thumb: If it isn’t broken, why try to fix it? Should have followed in suit of the first 3 films: it worked. George Lucas = bad idea. His only good films were the original star wars. The Crystal Skull could have potentially made a great Aztec story of some sort. Please, leave aliens out.
4. Shia LaBeouf(or however it’s spelled) is way out of character. Style simply did not work for him. I expected him to be a geeky kid who ended up getting trained by Indy or something. But nooo… he’s an expert swordsmen. And he has incredible in-human balance, I might add!. And that haircut… *barf*
5. Karen Allen. I absolutely adored her in the first film. Best of the love interests – and by far. However, this film not only killed her character, it crucified her. Smiling soccer mom with 5 lines? Not the character I remember. What happened to drinking men under the table?
6. WHAT IS WITH THE RODENTS????
7. Villian. Don’t remember her name. Don’t care, either. Nothing villianous about her, and about as dull as a knife thats been pounded against a rock.
8. Steven Spielberg and George Lucas: HOW DARE YOU SHOW A SCENE WITH THE ARK AND NOT TAKE IT ANYWHERE? When I saw that I got excited, but then… nothing.
In conclusion… it’s a Bad, bad, bad, bad film. See the original 3. Do not see this. Not only is it a waste of money, but every other resource as well.
I’m telling you these guys spielberg and lucas need to be thrown from the directors chair. Do not let them commit the sin of directing another movie until they learn how. No offense, they just can’t get the edge that todays movie goers seek. They needed to hire in a better action director for this movie. Good action sequences are very complicated to pull off but it needs to be done or the movie will be weak. The russian guards at the beginning of the movie look half asleep half the time. No one really developed a solid character that was convincing. Two thumbs down say siskel and Qubert.
Sorry I was a bit intoxicated when I wrote the above message. sorry indy fans. All in all it was good. Even the aliens rocked.
i’ve just been to see this film for the second time – and couldn’t disagree with the majority of the posters on this thread more.(i went with four other people , and they all loved it)
it was everything and indy movie should be – i hope there’s another one – with harrison still as the central charachter.he , along with the rest of the cast were superb.
the story (by david koepp – NOT LUCAS) was cool – i apreciated it even more second time around.
the majority of the criticisims above are both tedious and pointless.
the guy who wrote the article is an attention seeking idiot.
my advice to indy fans – go see it – it has all the ingredients – in fact ,indiana jones suit being older.
to all the people who ‘were cheated out of two hours of their life’ – go and see a low budget french film or something!
Why ya’ll dissing the best film of the summer? See it a second time and you will like it. The space aliens seem corny but this is a period piece; that’s what Americans were into in the 50′s. “I like Ike” was genius. It really set the period.
Take the Indy movies for what they are, especially this one. It is like strapping yourself into a roller coaster for two hours for non stop thrills and excitement. Shame on this reviewer for stirring up such ill will amongst the Indy Nation. And wear your fedoras proudly! What, you don’t own a fedora? Then you shouldn’t be making any comments. So shutup.
—Yet more franchise slum, stillborn Boomer era Hollywood —’product’.