Homeland Security Is on the Job — Don’t Panic!
Return to your seats immediately! Extinguish all incendiary comments!
December 30, 2009 - 12:00 am
On the morning of December 28, Janet Napolitano confidently reported that “there is no indication that the man who attempted to destroy an airliner in Detroit on Christmas Day is part of a larger terrorist plot.” Larger than what? Tea bag protests? Right-wing religious nuts who shamefully display Christmas trees? She also assured us: “Despite Abdulmutallab’s success at getting dangerous chemicals on board the plane, commercial flying is safe.” Compared to what? Going for a casual stroll in Juarez? Well, it’s still a big relief.
There was, of course, some incredulity when Secretary Napolitano (in the interest of national security) feigned ebullience earlier, maintaining that “the system worked” and “everything happened that should have.” Her comments were immediately taken out of context by the right-wing nuts who are out to get this fine civil servant fired, unjustly. Put into the proper context, she was obviously correct. There were no complaints from CAIR — a highly regarded group protective of the rights of downtrodden and oppressed Muslims in the United States — and the full quotas of eighty-year-old Episcopalian bishops and three-year-old toddlers were immediately subjected to close airport scrutiny.
Nevertheless, leaving no room for error, those screening efforts will be further intensified immediately, as will those of suspected tea party protesters and other right-wing extremist enemies of the state who oppose ObamaCare. We must be mindful of the clear and present dangers they present, and must be thankful that not even one of them has thus far managed to explode a large airliner over a heavily populated city. Credit where it’s due.
More or less concurrently with Ms. Napolitano’s morning revelation on December 28 that there was no “larger terrorist plot,” it was speciously reported by ABC News that:
Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, charged with the attempted Christmas Day bombing of Northwest Airlines flight 253, told FBI agents there were more just like him in Yemen who would strike soon.
And in a tape released four days before the attempted destruction of the Detroit-bound Northwest plane, the leader of al-Qaeda in Yemen boasted of what was planned for Americans, saying, “We are carrying a bomb to hit the enemies of God.”
Two days before Ms. Napolitano’s assuring comments that there was no indication that a larger terrorist plot was involved, ABC News had reported the following:
The plot to blow up an American passenger jet over Detroit was organized and launched by al-Qaeda leaders in Yemen who apparently sewed bomb materials into the suspect’s underwear before sending him on his mission, federal authorities tell ABC News.
Even the pristine mainstream media are trying to cause panic and can’t be trusted. It’s great to get the real scoop from Ms. Napolitano. It is also comforting to learn that she is keeping current with world events and that under her wise guidance we are all safe.
It had been reported that Ms. Napolitano would soon visit our enemies in Israel to find out how they deal with airport security measures, so that the United States will not make the same mistakes. Good on her! This is a dangerous world, and she can’t be too careful! As was predicted with extraordinary prescience by the New York Times when she was confirmed as secretary of homeland security on January 20 of last year, she has brought to the job:
… pragmatism and nonpartisanship. Like Mr. Obama, Ms. Napolitano promotes herself as a postpartisan executive governing from the center, even if it infuriates the left and the right. Allies and adversaries alike praise her as having a sharp mind.
Right on! Sharp as a tack! President Obama should be proud that she was his choice.
Nevertheless, President Obama, who doubtless got carried away in the intense emotion of the moment, had better watch his language. In his comprehensive and highly informative address to the nation on December 28 concerning the alleged acts of a mere isolated extremist, he:
… said he launched two probes because … it’s “absolutely critical” that “we learn from this incident and take necessary measures” to prevent similar acts in the future.
Obama said he’s ordered a review of how information regarding Abdulmutallab’s terrorist ties was handled by the federal government and an overall examination of the nation’s terrorist watch list system.
The second probe will examine all screening policies, technologies, and procedures related to air travel, he said.
“We will continue to use every element of our national power to disrupt, to dismantle and defeat the violent extremists who threaten us, whether they are from Afghanistan or Pakistan, Yemen or Somalia, or anywhere where they are plotting attacks against the U.S. homeland,” he vowed.
Demonstrating a momentary lack of cultural sensitivity, President Obama actually used the “t-word,” earlier banned from the administration lexicon as “too inflammatory and representative of old-fashioned ‘politics of fear.’” A new phrase was wisely offered as a politically correct substitute: “man-caused disaster.” It is obviously possible that some who are about to cause, or have caused, man-made disasters may be offended by the appellation “terrorist,” which should therefore be avoided at every opportunity.
“Right-wing extremist” is a far better expression and should be used consistently.
It is comforting to know that the country is in good hands and that, despite President Obama’s regrettable “terrorist” slip of the tongue, things will continue on in their seamless and noble fashion under his wise command and aided by his trusted friend and colleague Secretary Napolitano. We should all look forward with unrestrained glee to the future when the Department of Homeland Health and the Department of Global Carbon Emission Control will guide our lives. One can only hope that they demonstrate comparable dedication and efficiency.