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Happy Birthday, Dear Leader Kim Jong-Il

The synchronized dancing and swimming demonstrations were remarkable as was the evident rapture of the appreciative spectators.

by
Dan Miller

Bio

February 19, 2011 - 12:20 am
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The deficit and other petty problems of the United States are well on their way to bipartisan solutions. Freedom, prosperity, democracy, and peace have returned to Arab lands due to President Obama’s multicultural outlook. Now that Obama has taken to slamming Israel and apologizing for the wicked ways of the United States before she came under his leadership, it seems appropriate to examine the many ways in which the Democratic Peoples’ Republic of [North] Korea (DPRK) is continuing to show the rest of the world how to achieve those same goals for all. There are important lessons to be learned if only we will look and listen.

The DPRK is celebrating the sixty-ninth birthday (or seventieth — it all depends on how one counts) of Kim Jong-il, its hereditary Great Leader, eventually to be replaced by his son Kim Jong-un, the Brilliant Young General. The synchronized dancing and swimming demonstrations were remarkable as was the evident rapture of the appreciative spectators.

Not to be outdone by the human celebrations, nature got into the act by displaying a large bright halo over the sacred manger mountaintop where the Great Leader was born:

The bright sun rose up, throwing its brilliant rays and the area of the Paektusan Secret Camp turned into a fascinating picturesque of spring. Then rarely big and bright halo persisted in the sky above Jong Il Peak for an hour, starting at 09:30.

There is no truth to any rumor that President Obama is jealous or that he plans to release any personal information to assuage the illegitimate concerns of those who do not know for certain where he was born and hence have been unable to arrange similar natural events in his honor; he is too modest and self-effacing to desire that sort of thing.

Candid reports of the glories of the DPRK can be found here; they counterbalance rabid lies seeping into the DPRK from foreign countries:

North Koreans are enduring a winter of discontent exacerbated by total lack of electricity for home heating or lighting. In Pyongyang, says Mr. Ha, electrical power is a luxury that few are qualified to receive. Residents have battled the sub-zero cold, he says, by draping vinyl over windows and doors.

Along with news about Egypt are photos of Kim Jong-il quaffing a glass of wine and of the faces of his oldest, Kim Jong-nam, and youngest, Kim Jong-un, in line to succeed his father as North Korea’s leader, the headline reads, “Republic of Fat.”

“They’re sick because they ate too much,” says the caption under the pictures. Opposite those are pictures of emaciated children and a young woman whose body was discovered in a field after she starved to death. “This woman is picking clover not for a rabbit but for herself,” the caption says.

Great Leader Kim feels the pain of his flock, and it has been reported that he may even be resorting to fake designer goods to distribute to his loving people as his birthday gifts to them because that’s all he can afford. As recompense and to spare the people the pain of trying to understand the situations in Egypt and elsewhere, all news of that sort of nonsense has been blacked out.

Meanwhile, the DPRK has completed its second missile launching tower (a Voice of America headline says “Space Launch Site”) at Tongchangdong, near the border with China, and appears to have expanded and modernized its uranium enrichment program. It may conduct another nuclear test late in 2011 or early 2012 as its way of demonstrating its hopes for peace to a critical and suspicious world.

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