Happy Birthday, Dear Leader Kim Jong-Il
The deficit and other petty problems of the United States are well on their way to bipartisan solutions. Freedom, prosperity, democracy, and peace have returned to Arab lands due to President Obama’s multicultural outlook. Now that Obama has taken to slamming Israel and apologizing for the wicked ways of the United States before she came under his leadership, it seems appropriate to examine the many ways in which the Democratic Peoples’ Republic of [North] Korea (DPRK) is continuing to show the rest of the world how to achieve those same goals for all. There are important lessons to be learned if only we will look and listen.
The DPRK is celebrating the sixty-ninth birthday (or seventieth — it all depends on how one counts) of Kim Jong-il, its hereditary Great Leader, eventually to be replaced by his son Kim Jong-un, the Brilliant Young General. The synchronized dancing and swimming demonstrations were remarkable as was the evident rapture of the appreciative spectators.
Not to be outdone by the human celebrations, nature got into the act by displaying a large bright halo over the sacred manger mountaintop where the Great Leader was born:
The bright sun rose up, throwing its brilliant rays and the area of the Paektusan Secret Camp turned into a fascinating picturesque of spring. Then rarely big and bright halo persisted in the sky above Jong Il Peak for an hour, starting at 09:30.
There is no truth to any rumor that President Obama is jealous or that he plans to release any personal information to assuage the illegitimate concerns of those who do not know for certain where he was born and hence have been unable to arrange similar natural events in his honor; he is too modest and self-effacing to desire that sort of thing.
Candid reports of the glories of the DPRK can be found here; they counterbalance rabid lies seeping into the DPRK from foreign countries:
North Koreans are enduring a winter of discontent exacerbated by total lack of electricity for home heating or lighting. In Pyongyang, says Mr. Ha, electrical power is a luxury that few are qualified to receive. Residents have battled the sub-zero cold, he says, by draping vinyl over windows and doors.
Along with news about Egypt are photos of Kim Jong-il quaffing a glass of wine and of the faces of his oldest, Kim Jong-nam, and youngest, Kim Jong-un, in line to succeed his father as North Korea’s leader, the headline reads, “Republic of Fat.”
“They’re sick because they ate too much,” says the caption under the pictures. Opposite those are pictures of emaciated children and a young woman whose body was discovered in a field after she starved to death. “This woman is picking clover not for a rabbit but for herself,” the caption says.
Great Leader Kim feels the pain of his flock, and it has been reported that he may even be resorting to fake designer goods to distribute to his loving people as his birthday gifts to them because that’s all he can afford. As recompense and to spare the people the pain of trying to understand the situations in Egypt and elsewhere, all news of that sort of nonsense has been blacked out.
Meanwhile, the DPRK has completed its second missile launching tower (a Voice of America headline says “Space Launch Site”) at Tongchangdong, near the border with China, and appears to have expanded and modernized its uranium enrichment program. It may conduct another nuclear test late in 2011 or early 2012 as its way of demonstrating its hopes for peace to a critical and suspicious world.
Polishing a turd just results in a really shiny turd (albeit with artistically assorted corn, nuts, rusted penny, monopoly game hat, grandpa’s watch, heavy artillery from 1954, other miscellaneous nuts n’ bolts and all).
Dear leader is a mental midget who believes his own bull. Eventually he will run out of other people’s minds.
Have you noticed that “Teacher Appreciation Day” bears stiking similarities to the North Korean mandated mass swoon for Dear Leader?
Funny how you haven’t heard much from North Korea ever since we sent a carrier battle group there and decided to stand up to that insane megalomaniac who runs North Korea. Dictators are nothing but bullies and if you stand up to them they usually fold like a cheap tent. If you don’t stand up to them, only bad things will come of it, as we have seen throughout history (especially just prior to World War II in Europe). South Korea, Japan, and the United States should no longer have to stand for any threats coming from this petty dictator and, with the way things are in North Korea today, Kim Jong IL and his son will hopefully be replaced by somebody else in that starving nation of his, maybe even a general. We can only hope.
According to the South Korean Chosun Ilbo, North Korea is importing animal feed from China for its happy and well fed people. And,
However, the purpose might be merely to amuse the Pyongyang residents between happy meals.
A Korean acquaintance tells me that since the Korean war, the average height of Korean men has diverged such that North Koreans are on the average almost 4 inches shorter than South Koreans. I wonder if that is due to nutrition or perhaps the Kim-Jong clan gets to do most of the procreation in the North.
Here is all the proof we need, from a reliable
propagandanews source (Google translation of original article here), that all is well and getting better all the time in the DPRK. According to the article,In view of the luxurious way of life available there, some thought is doubtless being given to providing food aid to the starving peasants in the United States and elsewhere.