Going on Vacation to Venezuela? What Could Go Wrong?
In any event, the high level of medical care means this is not a cause for concern; it’s just great: prompt, efficient and compassionate. Violent crime may upset some (only in urban and rural areas), but it promotes running and other forms of worthwhile exercise. With a bit of luck, it can be even more exhilarating than other extreme but more expensive sports such as bungee jumping; Winston Churchill once said, “Nothing in life is so exhilarating as being shot at without effect.” And for those who enjoy vicarious military excitement, there is lots to be seen. On March 13, it was announced that:
Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez formally took delivery … of the first four K-8W airplanes out of 18 purchased in China for military training purposes, which, however, came armed with machine guns, air-to-ground missiles, bombs and rockets. …
Venezuela’s purchases of military equipment from China follow its orders from Russia of 24 Sukoi-30 fighters, some 50 helicopters and 100,000 AK-103 automatic rifles in 2006 for some $3 million, according to Russian sources.
Advertisement
President Chávez will probably invite tourists to play with them since he enjoys doing so and is well known for sharing his simple pleasures with others.
Eco-tourism is very popular, and environmentalists will quickly find inspiration in the decline of Venezuela’s oil industry as well as discover new ways to conserve water and electricity, the supplies of which a thoughtful and ever compassionate government has wisely limited by allowing the infrastructure to deteriorate naturally in environmentally sound ways. President Chávez correctly “explained to us that we needed to take only three minutes showers, that we had no need for hot water and that he was creating a new ministry for electricity.”
Singing in the shower is out, but el Presidente is always thinking of innovative ways to help: earlier, he promised “to fly personally with Cuban scientists to ‘zap’ clouds and make them rain.” This alone would be a sufficient reason to visit Venezuela; where else can an immensely popular although very shy president be seen doing such things?
The steps being taken are wise and farsighted, and the funds which a more repressive government might have spent to maintain its own domestic infrastructure have instead been used to help other less progressive countries deal with their internal problems while advancing Bolivarian socialism at home. Chávez, bless him, is even trying to help Mexico revive as a tourist destination by funding and otherwise supporting the Ejercito Popular Revolucionario (EPR), a peace-loving bunch of guys whose aim is to destabilize the Mexican government and bring to Mexico the many Bolivarian joys now plentiful in Venezuela.
For the moment, however, Venezuela remains by far a better tourist destination than Mexico where, although possibly in its death throes, capitalism is not yet dead as el Presidente Chávez proudly proclaims it is in Venezuela. “We are going to bury Venezuelan capitalism,” Chavez said, adding that his administration would “take from the bourgeoisie control of the money which belongs to all Venezuelans.”
Entertainment is plentiful, but not the crass capitalist stuff so disgustingly common elsewhere. According to the Huffington Post, el Presidente Chávez has decreed its replacement with good socialist soap operas to inculcate proper values rather than capitalist avarice and vice.
El Presidente Chávez personally provides six hours or so of his own wisdom during Alo Presidente, which is broadcast throughout the entire country on Sundays (all other programming is preempted). He sometimes sings and recites poetry for all to enjoy. Not content with this great personal sacrifice, he also graces the airwaves with words of wisdom at odd hours of the day and night whenever he feels a need to do so. Even though Oliver Stone has encouraged him to be less self-sacrificing in these ways, he wisely ignores this well-meant advice. Despite the self-effacing nature for which he is widely revered, el Presidente Chávez has become Number 1 on the Venezuelan Twitter charts (formerly a tool of terror) and has
launched a blog, a webpage and totes a BlackBerry to keep his followers up to date and informed on his daily activities. The Bolivarian Revolution has quickly gained its footing in the Internet battleground.
There is never a dull moment in Venezuela, with peaceful demonstrations presented by the happy proletariat and a few spoil-sport opposition jerks for tourists and others to watch daily; but don’t get involved or even too close, as that could be unpleasant.
For great fun and enlightenment, Venezuela should be at the top of everyone’s vacation list. It might be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, so now is the time to go.
I can’t wait!! I will go there for my vacation this year! My wife and kids will love it!! I can hardly wait until OUR wonderful, glorious and superfantastic (as well as modest, kind, and hardworking) El Presidente turns our evil capitalist country into another worker’s paradise. . . .
The U.S. has been doing this for many years. Infrastructure all across the nation is crumbling.
Sounds like a “last in a lifetime” opportunity to me….
Here is an article I wrote about a decade ago about traveling to a really neat place inland in Venezuela.
Things were far, far better then, but I don’t think much has changed in Los Nevados, up in the Andes a long way from what passes as “civilization.” The article contains this link to a recent video showing the road we took to get there. I think the video is fairly recent; our driver went a tad slower than the guy in the video.
Amazing there must not be a word for “scope” in Venezuelan… (sic)
Well Dan, I guess I can provide you with an update if you want.
I’ll be arriving in Venz. tomorrow, to stay for a week. Unfortunately I am not going on vacation. I’m going to try to stave off an expropiation.
Ahh, I can’t wait to go back! It will be so much fun going to 6 different supermarkets to get the grocery shopping done! Plus, my immune system will come back stronger than ever, no more flu shots for me!
I wonder if Chavez will dare to give us Alo President instead of the Brazil – Ivory Coast game. In a way, I hope he does.
Please do! Have a safe trip and don’t eat too much. Maybe el Presidente will sing for you if you wear a cute red shirt.
Great satire Dan.
What’s really pathetic is that there are lefties- American lefties- who still try to pretend that Chavez is neither a dictator nor Communist- and that ‘Bolivarian socialism’ has been a triumphant success- a “model for the Americas”!!!
To paraphrase a great line from a great film, “there will be no capitalists tolerated in the casinos or the swimming pools.”
You can accomplish the same thing by coming to California. You’ll wonder at the physical beauty while you dodge the potholes in our formerly grand road system. You’ll marvel at the remains of the agricultural establishment that fed the country. You’ll see empty factories and the remains of subdivisions of empty houses. If you are lucky the power will stay on. And if you are careful you won’t run afoul of the infamous “Californis Carjacker”
The fame of el Presidente reaches far and wide. According to this, apparently Taiwanese, site, He has recommended a cure for insominia.
I’ve been there (VE) 6 times between 2002-2005. It got just a little bit worse each time. Colombia, which I visted an equal amount of times during that time frame, got a bit better each time I went there. Uribe is on to something.
I can’t resist this.
“If I didn’t live in Venezuela I would pay to get in”.
Here we live in ‘interesting’ times. But the natural beauty of the country is breathtaking.
We have the most beautiful women, the best plastic surgeons and the start of the Andes around Merida. Go up in the cable car about 14,000 feet and you will be breathless at the sight (and lack of oxygen).
Oh! I almost forgot, we have earthquakes as well.
Venezuela! reminds me of the last time I visited New York City(Moscow on the Huson);well, not exactly: the infrastructure is more modern in Venezuela,and the people and weather are much nicer.
thnx dan. i live in CA, cannot stand being in the states any longer than a few weeks. what you say about Venezuela is likely understated. if you have a family there and are struggling to feed them your experiencing the criminality of communism. i see it here in Nicaragua, another great country, with history, art, and culture that reveals the sterility of the usa. Nicaragua too, has experienced the boot of criminal governance from the right and left for too long. the part your satire misses and really should focus on is that the usa is in the exact same decline. as the usa bounces back and forth between left and right wing zealots, the decline of personal wealth, daily freedom, the ever mounting mountain of law, regulation and permits, the control of education and soon the media. i think you should have used your satire to show the entire west declining while patriotic dumb frogs in the pot thump their chest about liberty and freedom which abandoned the usa long ago. boiling frogs are all gringolandia represents any longer. even the illegals are leaving. heck the food is a lot better in mexico anyway. elect a libertarian, maybe the usa will be worth something then.
Thanks, Gcblues. I’ve done that several times, including here. There are parallels, and they are scary. This article in Christian Science Monitor catalogs some of the discontent in Venezuela with el Presidente. I could not avoid thinking of the United States and President Obama when I read it.
Don’t know whether to laugh or cry, I also watched first hand as Hugo and his gang took over between 06 and 08. Sad to see so many decent folks abused by such an idiot !
I recommend laughing, even forced laughing.
The way things are is a damn shame and things have been going downhill at an accelerating pace since at least 1998. Things were hardly perfect before Chavez assumed power, but based on what I saw between 1996 and 2001, they were far better. Venezuela produced most of her own food in abundance and there was a sense of happiness. Corruption? Ubiquitous. Poverty? Certainly.
I agree completely that there are lots of decent folks, and many of them unfortunately are complicit. Even those who were — and are still — complicit are having monumental problems. There will be legislative elections this year, but due to election “reforms,” the opposition parties seem incapable of taking over the legislature. Even were they to do so, that would probably be inadequate to deal with Chavez et al.
The best I can try to do is to make fun of him; he is a sick joke, but even laughing at sick jokes is less distressing than crying.
Here is an article by Daniel, down in Venezuela, about his recent trip to Margarita Island for a brief vacation.
Doesn’t seem quite as pleasant it formerly was.
Even those who like Chavez are unhappy. Here is an article from VHeadlines by Roy Carson, usually a big Chavez supporter, about the state of affairs in Venezuela. Maybe there is hope for someday. Among other things, the article says,
The article is worth reading.
President Obama is not the only “leader” upon whom the admirers are turning.
Oliver Stone’s marvelous new motion picture about Venezuela’s great strides forward under el Presidente Chávez hasn’t gone over very well in Venezuela. Variety reports that
I despair when US commentators say things are deteriorating just the same -or worse- in the USA as in Venezuela. That’s BS and an insult to the truth and to acknowledging the the truly deplorable and rapidly deteriorating conditions in Venezuela under Chavez: from infrastructure and services, to crime, poverty, violence and loss of civil and human rights. I’ve traveled far & wide across the US, and must attest that you have a well run and looked after country, which is in a league far and above the lamentable conditions of Venezuela. I agree people should complain and address problems so that appropriate measures are taken, but PLEASE don’t belittle your high quality of life by comparing it to my beleaguered country crumbling under the inept and despotic rule of the tyrant Hugo Chavez. You’ve got it far better than you might realize. And now… off to fight for Venezuela’s freedom & justice.