Fear, the True Philosopher’s Stone, Will Save Us All
Once upon a time, in a far off land, alchemists strove day and night to discover the philosopher’s stone. They believed that it would convert base metals into gold and perhaps even confer immortality.
The enlightened sages of today know better. A real philosopher’s stone had to be found to convert hot air and carbon emissions into gold, thereby eliminating the perceived threat of climate change.
The need became quite pressing, because popular fears of global warming were unfortunately decreasing due to record cold winters in some places and even record cold summers (generally in Republican places), and suggestions that opening of the Northwest Passage for year-round transit due to the melting of sea ice might not be a done deal.
Sadly, some were lulled into complacency by cancellation of global warming events due to record cold temperatures and snow. Some miscreants even had the audacity not to believe that the seas would rise many feet and make ocean front property available in Kentucky — even though sales of such property were needed for the economic stimulus it was hoped they would provide. Alas, search for the philosopher’s stone still seemed futile.
This was not due to a lack of study; far from it. Indeed, members of Congress had long been diligently researching global warming, now more generally referred to as climate change to smooth over unfounded concerns of the scientifically illiterate that there was no global warming. There has to be climate change, one way or the other; every one can figure that out.
Over New Year’s Eve, while the rest of us sluggards were getting drunk, wearing silly hats, and polluting the planet with carbon dioxide, Rep. Brian Baird (D-WA) and a few others sacrificed their personal comfort and safety to travel to the far off South Pole. Those who suggest that they went south for warm weather are wrong. Among other important fact-finding efforts, they visited a penguin rookery to see the “threats to the wildlife.” It has not been reported whether they made campaign speeches to the penguins or solicited their advice on global warming climate change:
Lawmakers say the trip offered them a valuable chance to learn about global warming and to monitor how federal funds are spent. “The trip we made was more valuable than 100 hearings,” said Rep. Baird, its leader.
Baird is certainly correct about the value of congressional hearings, and perhaps about monitoring the use of federal funds as well. How better to monitor them than to use them? Doesn’t a good chef sample the culinary delights he prepares? The more than $500,000 cost of that one trip was clearly a small price to pay for the insights gained — some of those insights provided by the long-suffering but loyal spouses who sacrificed themselves to accompany them. Such “insight and perspective” greatly amplifies “the educational benefit … gained as a lawmaker,” a spokesperson for one of the brave participants in the fact-finding mission explained. Perhaps the spouses shared their enhanced empathy as well.
I am delighted to announce that despite fitful starts and stops and many valiant but unsuccessful efforts, the real philosopher’s stone has at last been found! It was reported on August 8 in the New York Times, upon which all right thinking people rely, that:
The changing global climate will pose profound strategic challenges to the United States in coming decades, raising the prospect of military intervention to deal with the effects of violent storms, drought, mass migration and pandemics, military and intelligence analysts say.
These horrific consequences will topple governments, feed terrorist movements, and destabilize entire regions. Fear is the true philosopher’s stone, and it’s discovery will finally lead us to the Promised Land.
The issue no one ever seems to raise with the AGW crowd, is why they only talk anomalies and above average instead of actual temperature readings. This is because they have chosen a time period in the last century as “average”. For surface temperatures it tends to be 1951 to 1980 and for sea ice 1978-2000. It begs the question why are those ridiculously short time periods used? Several answers…follow. Not enough high confidence data exists is the major answer, but for surface temperatures this is extremely unusual since there is data extending back to the 1900s. Additionally, the 1950′s into the 70′s was a rather cold time…dooop! Already the deck is stacked. If you take NASA’s own data from 1900-2000 and call that data set your “average”, you actually see a cooling trend for the last 8 yrs.
But seriously, calling a 30 yr and a 22yr span of time as average for a recent planetary climatic cycle (ice ages followed by thawing approximately every 130,000yrs) that has been going on for the last 700,000yrs, your data error probability magnitude is off the chart. It is the equivalent of me looking at a lion for less than 1/1000th of a second and claiming I know what the average behavior is….not possible.
All the AGW crowd is doing is telling us the difference between a 30 yr period in the past and today. Even that they seem to get wrong. NASA got caught fudging the data…..
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/comment/columnists/christopherbooker/3563532/The-world-has-never-seen-such-freezing-heat.html
I could keep ranting but eyes are glazing over.
I think the appropriate term is Gorebal warming. Hopefully people are starting to wake up and find out that the Gore’s and Obama’s are saying do as I say not as I do. This can be seen by Mr. Gore’s use of our precious energy. His home comsumes 10 times the average home and he drives around in those (gas miser) SUV’s. He has made a fortune spouting the garbage of Gorebal warming, so he will not have to worry about the price of living going up across the board with cap and trade.
I would have been more impressed with Baird & Co.’s trip to Amundsen/Scott Station if it had been done on the Fourth of July. Remember, seasons in the Southern Hemisphere are opposite those in the Northern Hemisphere. New Year’s is the depth of winter here, but it’s high summer in Antarctica.
By the way, right now, travel in Antarctica, according to the U.S. Navy, is severely restricted due to higher-than-normal snowfall and strong storm activity, both reaching levels not seen in fifty years. In short, it’s pretty darned cold and nasty down there, even by local standards.
Congressman Baird might want to have another close look at the continent, right now. That is, assuming he can actually get there.
clear ether
eon
If this Global Warming gets out of control, we can always use some some of that Nuclear Winter.
Alchemy was the pursuit of transmutation of the soul, not metals. Lead was the state of a soul without communion with the creator, gold was the soul after joining with the creator. Symbolism is required because at the time the King was God, or whoever the ruler was…believing in a God other than the ruler / pharaoh was punishable by death…so an intricate metaphor system was was developed to represent the search for Our Creator
At a much later time people began to practice the actual Scientific pursuit, and alchemy and chemistry branched off, with chemistry the pure chemical and scientific arm, and religion the philosophical arm. But at its inception it was the search for God in a time of kings and pharoahs. This predates the time period of Noah and the Flood.
Incan ritual practices, there are records of 54 deaths of young men, but most reports are scattered. Most of the ritual murders appear to be the losing team of what we would call re-enactments of past Incan Battles. These were not yearly events, most are spread out by hundreds of years, it was not a yearly occurance.
The Philosophers stone is a spiritual quest, not a physical on, immortality for the soul, not body. A Byproduct of this quest was the science of chemistry as individuals not understand the true nature of alchemy went about actually trying to transmute lead into gold.
Global warming / Climate Change / insert favorite metaphor here, will happen or not happen regardless of what humanity does. Do we influence the earth, of course we do. We can bring it faster or we can slow its approach down. But history teaches us that we cannot stop it.