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Everything You Always Wanted to Know About the Budget

But didn't know to ask Frank J. Fleming for the answers.

by
Frank J. Fleming

Bio

August 27, 2012 - 12:00 am
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You act like we didn’t get the unicorns Obama promised, but you have to remember that unicorns are invisible, so we may have gotten them, and you just don’t know it.

Noted. Anyway, my point is that the federal government needs to stick to things directly under its control, i.e., spending, to make sure it doesn’t make the situation even worse. Continuing to spend at the current level and hoping we can eventually pay for it is like someone buying a house he can’t afford the monthly payments on and then buying lottery tickets on credit every week, hoping that he’ll win before the creditors come after him.

You can do that?

Don’t do that.

Can’t we just raise taxes on the rich to pay for everything?

No.

Says who?

Math.

I’m still not comfortable with math making governmental decisions.

Well, it does have very little influence these days. But the only way to ensure we’ll have a sustainable budget is to make spending cuts.

Can’t we just cut things we don’t use, like the military? In Paul Ryan’s budget, he actually proposes changes to Medicare. What is it about old people that makes Republicans like Paul Ryan want to murder them?

More than half of government spending is in entitlements, so the only real way to get spending under control is to make changes to things like Medicare and Social Security. Also, the changes Paul Ryan proposes will only affect those under 55, so they won’t affect old people.

The changes will affect future old people.

Also known as “young people”.

Yeah, but we can’t go around saying that Paul Ryan’s budget will affect young people, because young people don’t vote. We need to scare old people.

We are aware of that.

It just seems so uncaring to go after entitlements. Isn’t Paul Ryan Catholic? And didn’t Jesus teach us that we have to have the government take care of everyone?

Jesus preached about personal charity. He never talked about being charitable with other people’s money. Especially not with money we don’t actually have.

But wasn’t Jesus always robbing from the rich to give to the poor?

I believe you’re thinking of someone else.

I’m pretty sure I once saw Jesus use a bow.

I’m absolutely certain you’re thinking of someone else.

I’m still not convinced that we need a budget — and we certainly don’t need to work toward one so extreme that it actually balances. Harry Reid says we don’t need a budget.

Harry Reid is clearly senile. He once argued that taxes are voluntary. He is obviously not all there, and you shouldn’t listen to him.

But Joe Biden said…

You’re really not picking the best people to listen to.

Still, won’t cutting or changing entitlements people depend on show that we just don’t care about people?

If we’re helping people in a way that’s unsustainable and will thus one day be forced to yank the rug out from under everyone, then I’d say we’re only pretend-caring right now. If we really cared about people, we’d find a way to do it that we could actually afford. So I’d say this current situation of skyrocketing debt is us not caring enough about people.

So how do I get a bank to lend me money so I can buy lottery tickets?

Seriously, don’t do that.

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Frank J. Fleming is the author of Punch Your Inner Hippie, coming November 11th, and the science fiction novel Superego, coming later this year, writes columns for PJ Media and the New York Post, and blogs at IMAO.us, and if he were president, he'd never be seen on the golf course during international crises, because he'd be in the White House basement playing video games.
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