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EPA to Regulate Water Vapor Emissions

A second Nobel Prize for Obama?

by
Robert Zubrin

Bio

September 1, 2013 - 12:25 am
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Far from damaging the economy, the president said that the new regulations will create vast numbers of jobs, with over a million inspectorate positions at the newly formed WCA alone. Millions of additional jobs will be created by the expansion of production at manufacturers of EPA-approved condensing systems. Beyond this, enormous economic growth could be expected from the new “blue technology” sector, devoted to advanced water vapor recovery technology. As an example of such growth, Mr. Obama pointed to a $550 million contract recently awarded by the WCA to Biolyndra, a hi-tech Silicon Valley startup backed by billionaire investor George Soros that proposes to use genetic engineering to create plants that will capture water vapor out of the atmosphere with their leaves and return it as liquid to the ground via their roots. “This is only the first such grant we have awarded,” the president said. “Many more will follow. The benefits to all concerned will be incalculable.”

In fact, according to leading Wall Street figures close to the administration, the new regulations offer the potential to spur economic growth in ways that go far beyond what is currently envisaged. “I like the plan,” said Steven Ratner, a noted financial veteran who played a key role in implementing the 2009 stimulus program. “But it’s just the beginning. While initially it might be appropriate for the EPA to give out DHO vapor waivers as advisable, looking to the future, it would be better for the agency simply to approve or disapprove the use of a waiver on a case by case basis, but then require the approved parties to buy the actual waiver on the open market. The federal government could then acquire substantial revenues by issuing waivers for sale to major investment houses, which could then hold, trade, or market them retail to the public. As the EPA incrementally increases the penalties for violators, the value of the waivers would be certain to rise strongly, creating trillions of dollars in equity. This could then be used as security to issue credit for further waiver purchases, which will drive prices still higher. The sky is the limit with this one.”

International reception for the plan was also sharply favorable. Exemplary of the response was a statement issued by Supreme Revolutionary Council of the Islamic Republic of Iran, which read in part: “This is exactly the kind of program we have always dreamed that the United States would implement.” Similar warm responses were also voiced by the governments of China, North Korea, Syria, Venezuela, and the Sudan, as well as al-Qaeda, a prominent Middle East-based non-governmental organization.

Meanwhile, in Oslo, authorities with the Nobel Committee quickly put to rest rumors that the president’s previous award might prevent consideration of the historic plan as the basis for another. “Einstein won two Nobel Prizes,” said a source close to the committee leadership. “Why not Obama?”

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Dr. Robert Zubrin is president of Pioneer Astronautics, a Senior Fellow with the Center for Security Policy, and the author of "Energy Victory: Winning the War on Terror by Breaking Free of Oil". His newest book, "Merchants of Despair: Radical Environmentalists, Criminal Pseudo-Scientists, and the Fatal Cult of Antihumanism" has just been published by Encounter Books.

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Top Rated Comments   
This article highlight the hazards of trying to parody this administration. I got all the way to the second to last paragraph before realizing it was proabably a satire. The rest of it sounded too typical of what the fanatics in the Obama administration would do. It's tough to lampoon this adminsitration because no matter what kind of ridiculous story you can dream up, it still doesn't sound too far off base from what these fools might actually try.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
However they will still permit the use of dehydrated water to combat large scale forest fires. This product, rumored to be produced by Ciilyandra inc. can be administered by EPA drones.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
Sounds way too much like what this crowd of Washington DC yahoos might seriously propose.

Besides former EPA head Lisa ("Richard Windsor") Jackson not yet being prosecuted for illegally conducting agency business sub rosa, this week we read of massive, not to mention illegal, EPA payroll shenanigans, ones naturally costing the taxpayer "millions" as all DC shenanigans do.

Maybe we could save the planet by drying up the dihydrogen oxide gas in bureaucrats' heads.

1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
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All Comments   (55)
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We will need to shut down nearly ALL major industries in the South! This dihydro-monoxide compound is generated by most of them, including many entertainment venues! Homes produce the compound, too! It seems this compound is generated in air-conditioning systems when water is used to cool down the condensers' heat output, resulting in a coolant to chill interiors! So, to reclaim the dihydro-monoxide gasseous compound, we will have to chill it so it recombines into water!

This will eliminate air-conditioning, resulting in many wussies moving north to escape the heat! Are the northern states ready for the massive influx? We may well have to cede the South West back to Mexico!

This will NOT include Texas, of course, who will have re-formed itself BACK into a Republic in due course. These Texans pride themselves on living in a place hotter than Hell, and will just continue to wonder what all the fuss is about!
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
Hundreds of people are killed because of this dangerous chemical called dihodrogen monoxide. They die a horrible death in something called drowning.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
Henry,
One minor clarification about greenhouse gases. Compared to the gaseous form of Dihydrogen Monoxide, Carbon Dioxide is a minor greenhouse gas with a greenhouse vale of 1 while Dihydrogen Monoxide is assigned a value of 10; all other greenhouse gases are calibrated relative to that scale. There are only two places on Planet Earth where Carbon Dioxide is a significant greenhouse gas and those are the North and South Poles. That is why anytime a body of ice larger than an ice-cube melts at the Poles the environmentalists view this as a reaffirmation of their new age religious cult. As the poles melt, in response to increasing Carbon Dioxide levels, that will trigger a cascade of increasing temperatures across the planet, or so the theory goes. If you check the current weather reports for Peru, South Africa and Alaska, we may not hear from the environmentalists until next spring. If the Livingston & Penn event continues to advance on the Sun we may not hear from the environmentalists for the next 100 years. But I have every confidence that if conditions become very cold on Planet Earth, the environmentalists will come up with a new scam to loot the public treasury. Why do you think “Global Warming” was renamed “Climate Change”?
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
Well, if we don't stop the global warming hysteria it will come to this. Pound for pound, water vapor is a far stronger greenhouse gas than carbon dioxide ever was.

The whole idea behind CO2 causing a greenhouse effect was that increasing levels of CO2 would cause just enough of a temperature increase that it would dramatically increase the amount of water vapor in the air, leading to runaway heating.

And yet, everything the environmentalists want to replace carbon burners with spews forth water vapor in far greater abundance, as though humidity somehow didn't trap heat.

Mark my words, it will come to this.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
WARNING:

Illustrating absurdity by being absurd is dangerous with these people. Back in the '80s when the government decided to protect us from ourselves though mandatory seat belt laws I asked, "What's next, mandatory bicycle helmets?"

The rest is history.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
Sadly, this isn't all BS. AGW theory is, in fact, based on the presumption that rising CO2 will bring about higher temperatures which will put more water vapor into the air. CO2 becomes heat saturated , trapping less heat with each doubling, and within a few meters of atmosphere -and can at most contribute 1.2 C to world temperature . Go read the IPCC documents- AGW thoery is based on a runaway positive feedback effect with water vapor, and since water vapor (clouds) can also reflect heat it is not at all clear what the net effect will be ( UNless you look at the long term records and realize that CO2 has been much much higher in Earth's past, and yet somehow didn't become a cinder.. )
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
Actually, they ARE doing this in Maryland. The progs here now tax us for dihydrogen monoxide run-off. If satellite/drone pix of your property show you have concrete covering “too much” of the land, you are charged for the H2O that's not absorbed on your property. No, not being brilliant like the Zube, I am not making this up. (“In 2010 the EPA ordered Maryland to reduce stormwater runoff into the Chesapeake Bay.” So they gave us the “rain tax.”)
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
Haha! This dihydrogen monoxide hoax has been around since the 90s: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dihydrogen_monoxide_hoax
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
Wait a moment... Dihydrogen monoxide is an essential nutrient that is frequently depleted in food processing. It is almost 90% oxygen by mass, which clearly shows its importance for oxygenating tissues. As for the depletion, for example, organic grapes have over five times the percentage of dihydrogen monoxide compared to genetically-modified raisins. The paleo diet might also reflect the importance of this nutrient. Sugar and wheat flour have almost no dihydrogen monoxide at all.

... and don't get me started on citric acid ...
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
Joseph,

You raise an issue which I had not even considered until reading your post. Are the organic farmers, who charge more money for their organic produce which doesn’t look nearly as good as genetically engineered produce, using Certified Organic Dihydrogen Monoxide in their farming? Where is our Dear Leader on this critical issue? If Certified Organic Dihydrogen Monoxide is not being used, can the crops be correctly labeled organic?

Just remember that one German Organic Farmer has killed more people than have died in all nuclear accidents since the beginning of the atomic age!
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
While this story had me laughing my fool head off, I would like to point out one small error in the delivery. The correct name for this deadly chemical is Dihydrogen Monoxide (DHMO), not Dihydrogen Oxide. The Monoxide will drive fear into the hearts of any low-information environmentalist as it sounds like Carbon Monoxide. The official website to ban DHMO, which is now over 14 years old, can be found here: http://www.dhmo.org/. It is amazing how easy it is to nail the fools with this joke and they keep on coming. Actually given the deteriorating condition of our educational system, there are more of them today than there were 14 years ago.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
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