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Drunkblogging the McCain-Obama Bout

In the blue corner, Barack Obama. In the red corner, John McCain. Documenting the blows with a martini in hand, Vodkapundit's Stephen Green.

by
Stephen Green

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October 7, 2008 - 5:00 pm
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8:35PM Instant analysis? McCain won, but not by nearly enough to matter. He was up against a punk kid, and barely came away on points. Barely.

8:33PM McCain is answering the questions for real. I’m not sure it serves him much better than Obama’s smooth (if silly) segue.

8:31PM Obama: I ask my wife. “But I do know that I wouldn’t be standing here if this country hadn’t given me opportunity.” Which, of course, he segued into the bio part of his stump speech. Lame.

8:30PM Last question from New Hampshire: “What don’t you know and how will you learn it?”

8:29PM Put the squeeze on Iran by altering their cost-benefit analysis! We will email them Excel spreadsheets most forcefully! And maybe even if PDF format! Forcefully talking!

8:28PM Obama: “We cannot allow Iran to acquire a nuclear weapon.” So onward with those tough, direct negotiations! And he’d take away UN veto power! By… uh… not letting… the UN… um… veto stuff. And things.

8:27PM This Anglosphere proponent LOVES it when McCain talks about a “League of Democracies.”

8:26PM McCain: “We would not wait.” Although he didn’t commit US troops. Another grown-up answer. I eagerly await Obama’s next wimp-out.

8:25PM If Iran attacks Israel, would you commit troops or ask for UN approval?

8:25PM Obama: “They’re engaged in evil behavior.” But he won’t look for the evil label. McCain: Maybe. If I say yes, it might ignite a new cold war, if I say no it ignores their behavior. That’s a grown-up answer.

8:24PM Yes or No: Is Russia today an evil empire?

8:22PM Georgia wasn’t a stable situation, says Obama. His response wasn’t stable on Invasion Day, either.

8:21PM “Ukraine right now is in the sights of Vladimir Putin.” McCain just won the vote of every Ukranian immigrant in the upper midwest. It won’t win him any states there, but I’m glad he said it.

8:20PM Obama makes me want a cigarette, and not in that nice afterglow way.

8:19PM He’d twist arms in Afghanistan, too. And according to his primary debates, in Canada and Mexico. But the government of Iran gets into the Oval Office “without preconditions.” “Naif” is too kind a word for this china-shop wrecking MFer.

8:18PM Obama would twist the arm of the Iraqi government, too. Has he NO idea what stability means, or how to encourage it?

8:17PM “I’ll get Bin Laden, I know how to do it, I’ll get him, but I won’t telegraph my punches.” I would vote for, without reservations, the first candidate to admit that bin Laden is a symptom, not the disease, and that we can deal with him accordingly.

8:15PM Obama says we gave Pakistan ten billion dollars over seven years. To which a dedicated earmarker Obama must be thinking: Pikers!

8:13PM Brokaw: “I’m just the hired help.” And Team Obama is signing the checks!

8:11PM Obama just said we should have twisted Musharraf’s arm even harder, back when he was still President of Pakistan. And THAT’S how you get stability there? This man is so unprepared I’m literally frightened of when January 20 rolls around.

8:08PM If Brokaw had any shame, he’d apologize right now and turn the whole thing over to the remaining questioners in the audience.

8:07PM “What is the McCain Doctrine, if you will?” Goddamn you, Brokaw. Gwen Ifill would be ashamed to be in the same room with you.

8:06PM Did I mention I’m pissed at Brokaw right now?

8:05PM What is the Obama Doctrine When We DON’T Have a National Interest at Stake. That is the most biased, loaded, in-the-tank question I have ever heard in any debate in any election. F-ckin’ ever. Tom Brokaw just blew any pretense at neutrality.

8:04PM Shorter Obama: We’re a force for good! Except when we do stuff! And things!

8:04PM Obama looks uncomfortable and unconvincing when he’s praising the troops. Kind of like an unrepentant adulterer giving confession.

8:03PM Obama has got to stop with the heavy sighs.

8:02PM McCain just deftly reminded viewers that there is a world beyond our borders. From the first hour of the debate, you’d have never known it.

8:01PM McCain says “my friends” and PLEASE don’t take a shot. I don’t want needless deaths on that tiny little thing in my libertarian soul I call my conscience.

8:00PM Obviously, Biden doesn’t make laws in Delaware. But McCain doesn’t make laws in Arizona, which Obama just slammed him for.

7:59PM Obama just admitted that banks move to Delaware where the laws are looser. And who is the senior senator from the great state of Delaware?

7:58PM Obama: Health insurance “is a right.” We were endowed by our Creator with a really sweet no-co-pay plan from Aetna, and maybe some free speech. At least I think that’s what Jefferson wrote.

7:56PM You know how bad this debate is? I’m skipping my third martini and going straight to a double vodka rocks. Maybe a triple.

7:55PM McCain also says 95% of the American people will get something. However, he never claimed they’ll all be members of the middle class.

7:54PM McCain will use computers too! And judging by the slurping, those computers will be served with fava beans and a nice chianti.

7:52PM Obama says McCain’s healthcare plan will give with one hand and take from the other. Which might well be true. Obama’s plan, however, will give with one hand and… stuff will just appear in it. Really.

7:51PM Obama promises to lower health care costs to small business. Except for some small business, I suppose, who fall under the “Screw ‘em” policy. Oh, and he’s going to use computers!

7:50PM “Selling health care as a commodity has become a very profitable industry.” Health care ISN’T a commodity? It ISN’T an industry?

7:49PM Is anyone else getting a little creeped out by that slurping inhale McCain keeps doing?

7:48PM Brokaw can’t keep either of these guys in line. I don’t know if he’s biased, but he’s certainly not very disciplined. Ooh — there’s the bondage thing again.

7:47PM Obama: “McCain voted 23 times against alternative fuels.” Which alternatives? Burning hippies? ‘Cause I’d be pretty much in favor of that, assuming it was done far enough outside of town to keep to local noise ordinances.

7:46PM Hey, go easy on the Amiga, OK?

7:45PM McCain is doing that shorthand-speak again.

7:44PM What is Congress going to do in two years to save the planet? The questioner looks to be about 23, and just as naive as you’d expect.

7:42PM Not a knockout blow, but nice.

7:42PM McCain says, “I’ll answer the question.” Nice.

7:41PM Seriously, Obama is stumbling over some easy lines, and he seems angry. Ruffled. Is McCain under his skin?

7:41PM “A vast majority of small businesses” will pay lower taxes. And the rest? Kos said it best: “Screw ‘em.”

7:40PM Obama: “We’re going to have to tackle entitlements, and quickly.” But maybe not too soon. Maybe in my first term. Maybe not. But way soon. And did I tell you about my middle class tax cut to 110% of Americans?

7:38PM Brokaw just slapped Obama down when he asked for extra time. Obama did NOT look gracious about it.

7:36PM McCain: Obama’s tax plans are “like nailing Jell-O to a wall.” Good line, but now he’s flubbing the rest of the answer.

7:35PM Glenn Reynolds asks why he’s not getting rapid response emails from the Obama people. Hell, I don’t even get ‘em from McCain’s people.

7:34PM Random drunk question: Who makes Obama’s shirts? Very sharp.

7:33PM While Obama is sucking up to Detroit, Jennmcn asks in the comments, “Is anyone else catching the smirk on Obama’s face every time McCain speaks?” Yes, Jen, and it doesn’t do him any good at all.

7:31PM McCain is going back to re-answer questions he’s already answered. I know McCain isn’t senile, but he reminded me of someone who was.

7:30PM “What sacrifices will you ask the American people to make?” McCain says he’ll eliminate bad programs, and starts in FIRST on corrupt defense spending. Smart, smart move. Maybe his best of the night. And then? He repeated the three million dollar projector line. It was much weaker the second time around. But my second martini is just as big and strong as the first!

7:29PM Obama is still implying that he’d use a line-item veto he doesn’t possess, and that his party is against amending the Constitution to provide. Will no one call him on this?

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