Drunkblogging Tonight’s GOP Debate
5:46PM AsI prepared for the third GOP debate — and my third drunkblog — in eight days, I was sorely tempted to take my PJTV on-air coffee mug and just fill it up with cheap bourbon. But we try to run a classy(ish) joint here, so instead I poured some scotch into one of the nice, crystal Old Fashioned glasses. And then I filled on PJTV on-air mug with ice, in case I need to pick up the pace any time in the next two hours or so.
The bottle is on the left side of my monitor. The ice in on the right. I wonder which will run out first.
5:57PM I’m watching the webcast, since NBC’s own DVR schedule says Fear Factor is on tonight. Not a bad idea, letting Joe Rogan moderate the next debate. Dodge a question, eat a bug. Get an applause line, take a shot from a fire hose.
The possibilities are endless and intriguing.
5:58PM Earlier on Twitter I wrote that Newt Gingrich is expected to come right out tonight and tase moderator Brian Williams.
I’m kinda hoping that’s less a joke than it is a prophecy.
5:59PM One minute before showtime, and NBC’s webcast still isn’t up. Stand by…
6:00PM OK, here we go.
I keep telling NBC that “Rock Center” sounds like an ’80s gay porn star, but they never listen. Either that, or Brian Williams has an entirely different target demo than I imagined.
6:02PM Huh. None of the rules involve ingesting live palmetto bugs. I demand a recount.
6:02PM Williams: All of you but Ron Paul have wins, so big congrats to everyone but Ron Paul, who must obviously suck.
6:03PM To Newt: Is what your opponent says about you true?
Opening question is a big, fat lob!
6:03PM Newt, you do a great job at these debates. But the constant self-comparisons to Reagan are more than just a bit overdone. Mmkay?
6:04PM To Newt: Make your case, please, Mr. Speaker.
Another big, fat lob.
Now is when I recuse myself from making any more porn star jokes involving Mr. Williams.
6:05PM Seriously, Brian’s opening was pretty much, “Don’t tase me, bro!”
6:06PM To MItt: Tell us what’s great about you.
Mitt: I’m a leader. Newt resigned in disgrace. Twice. Or something. And I saved the Olympics while Newt was resigning in disgrace as I saved the Olympics from cap’n'trade while Newt held hands on a sofa with Nancy Pelosi while I had my leadership.
6:07PM Newt: Mitt just lied four times. Check my website.
And suddenly I’m flashing back to Ross Perot’s 800 number.
6:08PM Dear Mitt,
Bragging how MA voters loved you might not be the best gambit with GOP primary voters.
Love,
-VodkaPundit.
6:09PM Mitt: Newt took a million dollars from Freddie Mac while I was saving the Olympics from people who didn’t love Reagan.
6:10PM Mitt: I was overwhelmed with a lot of attacks in SC.
I hope Iran isn’t watching this.
6:10PM Newt: Mitt “is a terrible historian.”
Newt is sealing the deal with ’90s history buffs.
6:11PM My understanding is — and this is unverified — that Rick Santorum and Ron Paul are both here tonight, too.
6:12PM To Rick: How do you win?
More hardball!
6:12PM Over his last two — and fairly solid — debate performances, I have become more and more convinced that Rick Santorum is wearing a hairpiece.
6:14PM Dear Rick,
Half of all candidates lose elections. At least. So don’t go bragging you were just one of many, mmkay?
Love,
-VodkaPundit.
6:14PM To Ron: You really can’t win, huh?
6:16PM Ron: “I’m in the race.”
Barely. Second, third, third — it’s like Duck Duck Goose for stoners.
6:17PM Ron: “I have no plans to [run third party], no intentions.”
You could drive Supertrain through that loophole.
6:18PM Newt is playing nice with the libertarians. I don’t buy it, but I do appreciate it.
6:18PM To Mitt: Tell us something juicy about your tax returns.
6:19PM Mitt: I used company funds to wire cash to a $5,000-a-night hooker in New York.
No, wait — that was Eliot Spitzer.
And now Mitt is changing the subject to ALL Americans’ taxes. It’s a good answer, but I still want to see him eat a bug.
6:20PM Does charisma have a narcoleptic little brother? Is his name Brian Williams?
6:21PM Wow. Is Newt really talking about “the Hong Kong model?”
6:22PM Newt wants to cuts Mitt’s taxes to create jobs. His words. That goes a long way to diffusing the tax question for Mitt.
6:23PM Mitt: “I knew [attacks on my wealth] were going to come from the Obama team.” But then instead of turning it back on Newt and Rick, he goes positive.
6:25PM Rick: I like capitalism, too!
And Santorum is strong on his anti-bailouts, anti-TARP stance. But the Tea Party has no love for him, because he’s too easily “distracted” by social issues — where his heart really lies.
6:27PM I don’t want to say this debate is lifeless, but it wouldn’t VOOM if you put 10,000 volts through it.
6:28PM The nice thing about MSNBC’s webcast is, how on a very fast network connection it totally locks up now and then.
6:29PM MItt to Newt on Freddie Mac: Historians don’t get paid $1.6 million dollars.
That’s not what the Dean at Mizzou told me.
6:30PM It’s Tea Party fun hearing Newt defend all these multitudes semi-government enterprises.
6:30PM If this Mitt/Newt goes on much longer, I’m going to tase myself.
6:31PM Wow. Newt was silent for three seconds. And it was painful.
6:32PM Newt: Mitt’s lying about my record!
6:32PM There are reports that TMZ has photos of Ron Paul and Rick Santorum on this stage. Link to follow.
6:33PM Commercial break. I’m setting down the taser for now.
6:40PM Sorry — MSNBC’s feed dropped out again. I see Ron is talking details the financial crisis about which he is entirely correct.
But then he’ll talk about how sanction against Iran are the same as war and SKWACK SKWACK SKWACK.
6:41PM Mitt: I’m for helping people and getting government out of the mess.
Pretty sure that, even sober, that would confuse me.
6:42PM Newt: Repeal Dodd-Frank tomorrow and the economy would improve tomorrow.
Yep.
6:43PM Good to see all this agreement on the stage against Dodd-Frank, except for Rick Santorum, who isn’t being allowed to speak until we get a written answer regarding his hair.
6:44PM Mitt: “First of all you thank Heaven that Castro has been brought to meet his maker.”
Heh. Nice Florida line.
6:45PM Of course, Williams has phrased the Dead Castro issue as an Illegal Immigrant issue, trying to wedge the contenders from Florida voters.
It’s a cheap trick. Expected, but cheap. Much like most of Rock Center’s videos from the ’80s.
6:46PM Is Ron Paul shrinking or are his suits growing?
Ron: “The Cold war is over… we’ve propped up Castro.”
6:48PM Rick: If China were 90 miles from our shore, we’d be stuffing bricks.
Meh. I’m with Ron on this one. Cuba hasn’t been a threat to us since 1991.
6:48PM And do you know how much it pains me to agree with Ron on foreign policy?
6:49PM MItt: “Of course it’s an act of war” if Iran were to shut down the Straits of Hormuz. But Obama “keeps shrinking our Navy.”
6:51PM Newt: “The most dangerous possible thing,” is appearing weak in front of Iran, vis-a-vis Israel.
6:52PM Wow, but Mitt can give a good and obvious answer badly.
6:53PM Ron: Why does Iran hate us? “We’re blockading them!” “It’s an act of war,” and WE are committing it!
We’re blockading Iran?
Really?
Fucking moron, pardon my English.
6:59PM Special guest moderators Somebody Somebody Somebody and Somebody Somebody Somebody. No Paul Lynde?
7:00PM To Rick: Give us your complete Rules of Engagement for a limited air war with Iran. 60 seconds, please.
To everyone who says there’s no such thing as a stupid question: Shut up.
7:02PM I don’t know who this new questioner is, but she makes Brian Williams seem as fun and relaxed as Paul Lynde.
As I’ve got that going for me, which is nice.
7:02PM Rick: I”ll build pipelines in places most countries don’t even have places.
I poke fun, but I’m liking this answer.
7:03PM Q: Why are you such hypocrites about Spanish?
7:04PM Newt: I love the Irish.
Erin go bra, bro.
7:05PM MItt: Teach English.
He’s using more words, though, and not very well.
7:06PM Ron: “At the national level we have to have one language.”
But Florida can do what it wants, so long as it doesn’t involve birthright citizenship or restricting trade with Cuba.
7:07PM Newt: He’s just reiterating his own version of the DREAM Act, which is a smart policy.
7:08PM Mitt is in favor of… “self-deportation.”
I’m not sure about the Church of Latter-Day Saints, but I know the Catholic Church thinks that’s a sin.
7:10PM Newt: I’m against sugar subsidies unless I’m not. Because of beets.
7:11PM Mitt: “Get rid of subsidies and let markets work properly.”
The properly is redundant.
7:12PM MItt’s on the Obama attack, which he does very well.
7:13PM Ron: I wouldn’t stop funding Everglades protection, because of the wars and the interference and the state level things.
Folks, I tell you when I’ve been drinking.
7:17PM SAT Question: Brian Williams is to Relevance as Rip Taylor is to _______.
7:18PM Terry Shiavo? Really? I hate Santorum, but this is the most relevant thing we can manage tonight?
7:19PM A follow-up on this? Really?
7:21PM Ron: “That situation doesn’t come up very often,” in regards to Terry Shiavo.
So now we’re talking living wills at a national debate while the real unemployment rate is 15.6% and the President is saying no to jobs at every turn.
Worst. Debate. Ever.
7:21PM I cannot explain to you the all-encompasing suckatude of NBC News.
7:22PM Next question: Please suck up to the Florida space industry now.
7:22PM Worst. Debate. Ever.
And I’ve watched a bunch of these. You know that; you can trust me on this one.
7:24PM There is only one explanation for this debate: NBC News wanted to show off the GOP contenders as the world’s Most Boring and Irrelevant White Guys. On tomorrow night’s NBC News primetime program, the second coming of Black Jesus.
Compare and contrast, dulled audience.
7:26PM Commercial break, brought to you by Ming the Merciless.
7:30PM Dear Brian Williams:
Please stop referring to your Parade of Stuff No One Cares about as “this conversation.”
Love,
-VodkaPundit.
7:33PM Q: Tell us how you’re conservative.
There is no way someone earning as much money as Brian Williams does, is this moronically uninteresting by accident.
7:33PM To Rick: Tell us how you’re electable.
There is no way someone earning as much money as Brian Williams does, is this moronically uninteresting by accident.
7:36PM Ron: “I think we’ve lost our way completely.”
There’s some truth in that, my insane brother.
7:38PM MItt: “I do not support a Federal mandate,” and did not as governor of MA.
7:38PM Williams: “I know none of you believe in polls.”
Or evolution!
7:39PM Q: What scares you about being President?
And after you beat that fear, as President, what kind of tree would you be?
7:40PM Q: “When was America last great?”
These are questions, really?
There is no way someone earning as much money as Brian Williams does, is this moronically uninteresting by accident.
7:42PM Williams: “I want to thank all our candidates.”
I want to tell Brian Williams to go to hell, for taking a primetime opportunity on a (formerly) major network, and treating it with all the respect a narcoleptic gives to hootch and Ambien.
7:47PM Now is time on drunkblog when we summarize. And tonight, that’s a mercifully easy job to do, because tonight’s debate was unmercifully awful. So much so, that I did the job a full twenty minutes before the debate ended. So if you’ll allow me the indulgence — and you do know that I love to indulge — please allow me to repeat myself from the 7:24PM marker:
There is only one explanation for this debate: NBC News wanted to show off the GOP contenders as the world’s Most Boring and Irrelevant White Guys. On tomorrow night’s NBC News primetime program, the second coming of Black Jesus.
I stand by that remark, as offensive as some people may find it. Tomorrow night, I’ll be right back here at my desk to cover the State of the Union Address. And I’ll tune in to NBC News to cover their coverage, so we can do a little Compare & Contrast of the two events.
But I will tell you safely in advance: It’s Boring White Guys versus Black Jesus.
Mark my words. Tune tomorrow and see.
Hey Steve, You gonna keep up with ice, scotch, commenting, AND tweeting. You’re my hero!
This better be good. *hic*
Sic Semper fi!
another one? didnt we just have 25 of these in the past 3 months?
another one?
It is one NBC here. Is it possible just in Florida?
IOTW made a thread with a list of media people taken down by Newt, pictures with NEWTERED posted across their face. Great piece.
Anyway, I have been looking into the charges against Newt, it seems that the charges against him seemed to be very familiar. It is almost like I have seen it before………………………oh yeah, the leftists and the Establishment did the same thing to Sarah Palin just recently. How could of I missed that!?
By the way, the last charge that was against Newt, the IRS was never able to tell him what law or rule he broke. Hmmmm, I wonder if they are going to pay him back with interest and penalties. I suggest that tactic if the idiots continue on that course, he will have to address it one way or the other, just like how the media has asked Obama about Sinclair, Ayers, F&F, Solyndra, AIG and Dodd, etc etc. I am sure they are holding back and will go for broke this election cycle.
I have a bottle of Captain at my side, this election cycle is playing hell with my liver, but my alcohol system is winning against the blood. There is that.
We saw “Rock Center” and had no idea what it was – network, website or a show.
On the rocks around here I guess.
For those complaining about the quantity, I actually think this helps the Repubs. Yes, it gives more video clips that the leftist media can edit to take things out of context, but it is impossible to hide the entire clips when they are right here at the touch of your fingers. By the way, the media’s favorability rating is the only thing lower than the Congress’s at this time. Well except for maybe an Al Gore run in 2016, or a Biden one.
Can you please give us the link so we can watch along? It’s not playing on NBC on the west coast until 9pm Pacific…
Got it:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3032553/ns/politics/
Thank you SO much! I was going crazy trying to find it on my cable channels and it wasn’t available. At least I can get it online!
Santorum: Is he doing bit better or did I just start drunkblogging too soon?
Ooops, here comes crazy Uncle Ron.
ZZZZZZZZZ
the only thing stiffer than Romney is Brian Williams.
Newt could probably eat a whole bowl full of bugs and it wouldn’t seem like any big deal. I’d like to see Mitt eat one too, but he would probably demand some fancy chutney on the side.
BORING…It seems that taking the audience out of it takes all the air out of the room. The whole debate feels as bloodless and quiet as, well, Romney.
So let me get this right. We don’t like Romney because he isn’t doing enough to entertain us? Maybe we should be watching Jerry Springer or American Idol or something.
This is about beating obama.
No bull?
Personally, I’m not looking to be entertained by my candidates, but if they can deliver their messages so that I can stay awake, that is helpful. I was referring to the format of the debate, with no audience sound whatsoever.
My problem with Romney has always been that he’s a bloodless technocrat. I don’t know what his one or two or three guiding principles are. But after the last three years, a bloodless technocrat might be just fine. I have other problems with the other candidates, but one of these guys is going to be our nominee.
I read his book about his experiences with the Salt Lake City Winter Olympics a few years ago. I got some insight from that. Book was called “Turnaround”. I am not interested in who can do the best rant. Those guys always do well on TV. And that was pretty much what I meant to say.
Occupy Brian Wilians’s brain, somebody, please. My two idiot sister-in-laws arguing is more interesting and enlightening.
How about this Williams? Ask “which of you stands the best chance of cleaning up Obozo’s mess?”
Is it just me or does the audience appear to be under pain of death if they show any excitement, applause or breathe?
This is so boring. I don’t know why Rick Santorum or Ron Paul even bothered to show up.
Mitt Romney reeks desperation and Newt isn’t hitting it tonight.
Ron Paul was the only one to get it on Cuba. Not everything has to be turned into some big government solution.
But it’s funny how that same stance on other “evil” countries (Iran notably) somehow makes him the worst candidate ever and a crank.
Hmmmnn. Newt on language as a unifying force. Interesting …
Well, sanctions against Iran would be an act of war – but the assumption is that if the sanctions come from ‘everyone’ then Iran would rather not declare war back on ‘everyone’ and so it’s not war, but administrative punishment by the global regime – and some want that to be the UN, others want it to be Arlington, VA. Ron Paul says: not a good idea to have one of these global regimes.
Look, if you favor sanctions and a hardline approach on Iran it’s because you view Iran’s violation of the proliferation treaty as a de facto declaration of war against the West. A point of opinion, possibly accurate as well. Still, sanctions are an act of war.
The question is not: whether there is a moral equivalency between the US and Iran, but rather: whether our long term foreign policy has objectively provoked their behavior, and whether or not this country can get along if we decided to just leave these guys alone (in the long run). The first step would be saying: yeah, they’re killing our troops because, well, we’ve threatened them and invaded all of their neighbors, and capriciously killed more than a few Middle Eastern dictators (and have overthrown their government, and sent Saddam to invade them only to then invade Saddam). If we admit that their response has been rational – if not moral, given the regime itself – than maybe there are rational incentives for them to leave us alone if we leave them alone.
That is the issue, much more so than it being as simple as: “crazy old uncle Paul”.
And I totally agree with the Rock Center comment. Holy cow, I’ve been thinking about this all night.
Beets! It’s Newt’s shout out to separated-at-birth Dwight Schrute!
is this the worst debate evah…. man,it’s like watching paint dry.. what’s up with the people in the audience they got guns to their heads?.. and who the heck are the two jokers sitting behind williams.. they look like the type who would have your knuckles cracked if you smiled.. notice i said they would have your knuckles cracked.. look too pu$$y to do it themselves.. very very weird debate.. worst one yet…nobody wins with this one…
Newt’s sugar answer seemed a bit outdated. Cane sugar is more in vogue these days.
Stephen, regarding the SAT Question: Brian Williams is to Relevance as Rip Taylor is to _______.
I give. What’s the answer?
– “When you get home you’re gonna laugh!!”
I noted that my program page (Dish network) showed regular programming for the NBC channel. Only upon going to it did I discover that the debate was on. Looks as if they (the network honchos) didn’t want to make this debate too conspicuous. Far be it from them to help these candidates get too much exposure.
It also wasn’t listed on the Dish network in my area–even though it was on. Interesting, your comment does make me wonder if it perhaps could have been intentional.
I couldn’t find it on DirecTV and didn’t know it was on webcast. Sounds like I didn’t miss much. BTW, Steve, if you keep your alcohol in the freezer, you don’t need ice.
I’d love to see a GOP convention that’s not another coronation of the ‘my turn guy’ So here’s hoping *none* of them lock it up before then.
Oh God. I fell asleep. Did I miss anything?
No worries, David. I think Brian Williams fell asleep too.
Oh goody! I love snoozefests, they’re so………… so ………… snoozy! zzzzzzzzzzzzzz
The debate added nothing to the campaign. I can’t imagine any undecided voter making a decision based on tonight’s debate.
Helped me.
Seems to me that Romney eviscerated Gingrich for his lobbying as a historian. Gingrich could only stammer and then attack the messenger.
With so many debates, do you ever worry about liver damage?
You assume that after having to watch so many debates some quick terminal illness wouldn’t be a blessing.
– Bottle of Wine by the Kingston Trio in the background.
Next time, share these crucial survival tips earlier in the process, please!
Thanks for the blog, especially since I got about ten sentences of the debate from my feed. Sheesh.
I’m saving my drinking for tomorrow (virtuously.) Not that I intend on listening to it. I’ll just read you and slowly get drunk out of my gourd.
Ya think they were ignoring Santorum b/c today is Roe v Wade day?
Ya think??! Can’t give him any time to start on THAT now Brian, can we…or many of the other points. Did a great job anyway–esp. w/Terri Schiavo and living wills. This IS Florida and end-of-life issues matter. Death panels are on the horizon!! Santorum won despite the least amount of time–in my humble opinion:) God Bless America!
Babies are God’s way of saying all is right with the world! And in case you missed it:
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052970203718504577176641699224320.html?mod=googlenews_wsj#printMode
“7:24PM There is only one explanation for this debate: NBC News wanted to show off the GOP contenders as the world’s Most Boring and Irrelevant White Guys. On tomorrow night’s NBC News primetime program, the second coming of Black Jesus.”
Out of curiosity, why don’t you just say “Regular Jesus?”
Brian Williams is to Relevance as Rip Taylor is to Cheerleading……
MSM changed tactics, IMO, they are now playing down everything to avoid another Mitt meltdown. So the debate is not to be funny, lively, or whatever, not even publicized.
Watch Herman Cain deliver the Tea Party State of the Union at http://www.TeaPartyExpress.org ! The live stream starts on Tuesday, January 24th at 10:30 EST/7:30 PST.
Brian Williams is to Relevance as Rip Taylor is to decor. Duh.
NBC fails. They removed the audience reaction factor to try and level the playing field and let Mitt come back to the top slot on behalf of Obama. Didn’t work. Mitt botched it and ended up looking like an angry little attack dog… bow yapyapyapyap! I was yelling “Shut the hell up!” at my TV as he meandered through the same 3-4 lies he likes to dish as a put down on about Gingrich.
Same here. Geez O’Pete, Romney is a pain in the ass. And for all his “accomplishments” I’m getting the feeling that he is none too bright. I bet a debate between him and Obama would be a real thigh slapper (assuming that the audience didn’t start snoring five minutes in).
Do we need applause lines to feel good about our candidate? Whichever side can shout the loudest wins? The refusal to allow clapping and shouting is supposed to force candidates to rely on the substance of their comments and reveal to the rest of us whether they actually have a grasp of the issues and have workable ideas.
I nod off when I hear the rhetoric lines.
“Let’s be clear” – lie coming.
“fundamentally change” – I haven’t got a clue what to do so we need to fix it.
“the notion that” – I can’t refute the facts so I will belittle them as fantasies.
“level the playing field” – I am a collectivist but I want you to think I believe in fairness.
“working for the cause of social justice” – I am a communist but I will never admit that to anyone.
why not have a contest “drunkblogging” the state of the union?
the winner is the one who can last through the whole thing without destroying himself or his property in the process
could be much more entertainment value than this obscure/fixed debate which, as lady liberty noted, was an orchestrated effort to reaffirm romney as the frontrunner
How do I get to the live drunkblogging this evening? I’ve never been able to find Steve’s columns until the next day.
Hogstrashd: My thought exactly. What happened to the rambunctious, freedom lovin’ conservatives who usually pile into one of these affairs? This crowd must have been issued Norco when they took their seats. Just cause a lefty like Williams told ‘em they couldn’t respond (in order to be fair to everyone) who says you got to pay him any mind? Hell, folks. This is America! You got a First Amendment! Exercise it! You want to applaud, do it! You want to boo, go for it. Who the hell is Brian Williams, other than the most boring man on the planet. So let’s make a deal. Those of you who attend the next debate, do it with some life. Let the rest of know what you think about a given answer. C’mon guys, get a life!