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Drunkblogging the State of the Union

President Obama makes his first State of the Union speech tonight. Vodkapundit's Stephen Green is ready — martinis in hand. (See also Richard Fernandez: "The State of the Union Speech")

by
Stephen Green

Bio

January 27, 2010 - 12:05 pm

5:40PM I have: Two monitors, one live stream from CNN, one live blog on PJM, one ice bucket, one cocktail shaker, one martini glass, one 1.75 liter bottle of Grey Goose (half empty, alas), and a more or less complete lack of patience with our Administration and Congress, and a burning desire to gloat over every little tiny thing.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is what drunkblogging is all about.

5:43PM Last time I drunkblogged one of these things (Obama’s West Point address about Afghanistan) was the first time I tried it downstairs in the new studio — using a web feed instead of a TV. And give credit to CNN, because they give a pretty raw feed before the show. And watching these folks gladhand… well, if you weren’t drinking with me already…

5:49PM First sloshed sip of the evening, and POTUS hasn’t even arrived for SOTU. This could be a long night.

Then again, maybe TOTUS will break, and POTUS will be reduced to hosting the first globally-broadcast game of Congressional Pictionary.

5:51PM Four years ago, Bush very classily welcomed “Madam Speaker” to her new job. Will Obama do the same for Senator Scott Brown?

5:54PM Maybe it’s just the low-def webcast, but don’t you think Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid look especially lifelike tonight?

5:56PM Usually, one Supreme Court justice, like one cabinet official, stays behind in a secret location. But today they couldn’t locate any long straws.

5:57PM If you can’t hack the speech, check out how much robots dig Obama on today’s Trifecta.

5:58PM Here comes the Cabinet, currently thankful for more than a dozen jobs saved or created.

6:00PM I couldn’t quite make out what Rahm was saying, or who he was saying it to, but the expression made me think, “Fredo, I knew it was you.”

6:02PM Rumor from @AndyLevy is that the speech will go 75 minutes. Please, remember me fondly.

6:06PM Sauron is in da house!

6:06PM We’re cheering our impending demise!

6:07PM Dark blue suit, tie in Presidential Red. I’m pretty sure that’s worth a shot.

6:08PM Raise a glass to Crittenden, too.

6:09PM Look! We’re STILL applauding our impending demise! You’d think he’d just won a war, not just lost a bunch of elections.

6:11PM How many thankyous are on those prompters, anyway?

6:11PM “The state of our union is… LINE?”

6:12PM “The state of our union is… ?”

6:12PM Bull Run? D-Day? I can see where this is going, but… it’s not exactly moving.

6:13PM “We must answer history’s call.” Dude, you should have gone before you left.

6:13PM “So we acted… the worst of the storm has passed.”

6:14PM “I know these anxieties are out there…” Should have said, “I know you are anxious.” Even his wording is distant, disconnected.

6:15PM Um… yes, we’re tired of the pettiness. So stop blaming Bush for everything, m’kay?

6:16PM “Overcome the numbing weight of our politics.” Yes, this speech — already — is about as fun as getting a filling.

6:17PM “Stubborn resilience.” Just short of a good phrase, but again his wording is whatever the opposite is of uplifting. Downtrodding?

6:17PM “Our union is strong, we do not give up.” Finally, something positive.

6:18PM This is a government that “embodies our strength?” We’re f*cked.

6:18PM “We all hated the bank bailout.” “I hated it, you hated it, about as popular as a root canal.” I have nothing to add to that.

6:20PM “I’ve proposed a fee on the biggest banks.” Which will come right out of that loan you’ll be applying for.

6:20PM Wall Street is going to crater if picking on banks is the big applause line of the night.

6:21PM 25 different tax cuts? And how many tax increases has he threatened us with? Google “Tax THIS! site:pjmedia.com/vodkapundit” to find out.

6:22PM Millions of Americans had more to spend… except for the 17% who can’t find enough work.

6:22PM Two million jobs saved or created! Honest! And it was only 1.5 million on Sunday morning, and only “thousands and thousands” slightly earlier on Sunday morning.

6:24PM Who are these “pundits on the right?” Last I checked, David Brooks was singular, despite the S at the end of his name. Oh, and also he’s not on the right. So, uh, there.

6:24PM “For every success story, there are other stories.” Again, this is one seriously oppressive SOTU.

6:25PM A jobs bill. We’ll borrow more money from our kids to hire people to siphon more money out of productive people. Folks, I wasn’t kidding earlier. We’re f*cked.

6:26PM “Businesses… ready to grow!” Then GET OUT OF THEIR WAY!

6:27PM 30 billion dollars, from TARP, to small banks for SBA. I can’t wait to see what the Chamber of Commerce has to say about this.

6:27PM 30 billion dollars, from TARP, to small banks for SBA. I can’t wait to see what the Chamber of Commerce has to say about this.

6:27PM Here’s the thing. Obama is treating “small business” as an interest group, showering them with giveaways. But all they really want is to stop the threats of regulation and taxes and GET OUT OF THEIR WAY. Just sayin’.

6:28PM High-speed trains! Green jobs! I’ve learned nothing! Applaud your impending demise!

6:29PM Business to Obama: Stop helping already. Please. We’re begging you.

6:30PM “I want a jobs bill on my desk without delay.” And the Congress that has spent a year not passing health care or cap & trade says, “We’ll get riiiiiight on that.”

6:31PM “How long should we wait?” Last I heard, about 75 minutes.

6:32PM Washington has told us to wait? Where was he when America invented damn near every single thing in the last couple centuries? Name a big Chinese or Indian consumer product that isn’t a copy. We’re not in second place — unless Washington spends another year like the last one.

6:33PM “I’m not interested in punishing banks.” He just wants to take money from them and tell them what to do. “This hurts me more than it hurts you… ”

6:34PM “If the bill… doesn’t mean the test of real reform… I’ll sign it anyway because it’s been a year and I’m looking bad here, folks. Please.”

6:34PM Obama cures cancer!

6:35PM We’re making batteries and big fans. THAT took government intervention?

6:35PM OK… I’m blushing. He had me at “nuclear power.”

6:36PM Obama cures cancer! (I’m so excited I had to say it twice.)

6:36PM Pelosi jumped up so fast on that “cap and trade” line that she didn’t even leave a wet spot on her chair.

6:37PM All these things Washington will do… sigh. That’s it in a nutshell.

6:38PM “We will double our exports in the next five years.” And then we’ll be as rich as China! Obama cures cancer!

6:39PM I just missed an applause line while shaking a fresh martini. Forgive me.

6:39PM You know what’s a great way to increase exports? Threaten our trading partners!

6:39PM We’ll get rich selling sh*t to Panama! (Pardon my English, por favor.)

6:40PM Obama gives you an A in Social Studies! And cures cancer!

6:41PM Obama gives you college diploma!

6:41PM Obama owns your college debt! But he cures cancers! And has Pells!

6:42PM Ahem. Sorry. I lost control there. All better now.

6:42PM “No one should go broke because they go to college.” And no one should get cancer! Obama cures cancer!

6:43PM Sorry. Lost control again there for a moment. We’re all fine here now. Thanks. How’re you?

6:44PM “We still need health insurance reform.” And we’ll get it, just as soon as… hello? Harry? Nancy?

6:44PM “Let’s clear a few things up.” “I didn’t take on health care because it was good politics.” And that, said Yoda, is why you fail.

6:47PM “Our approach would bring down the deficit by as much as one trillion dollars over two decades.” Fine. But when those two decades mean another 20 or 30 trillion dollars of debt, you’re talking about scooping pee out of the ocean with sieve.

6:47PM “I will not walk away from these Americans.” That, Mr. President, is what we’re afraid of.

6:48PM “Let me know.” Dude, the voters of Massachusetts just did.

6:49PM We’re gonna cut all the spending I just proposed!

6:50PM The guy who just bragged of his (mysterious) 25 tax cuts just ragged on the Bush tax cuts.

6:50PM “Just statin’ the facts.”

6:52PM “Families tightening their belts, making tough decisions.” So Obama plans to propose something that’s not even a cut on a tiny fraction of spending. Which is like me cutting back on the drinking by buying three cases of the cheap stuff instead of 35 bottles of the cheap stuff and one almost-nice bottle.

6:53PM We can’t afford to let people get rich! THAT’S how to get the economy to grow.

6:54PM That deficit reduction commission? Things are so bad we need to privatize Congress. Oh, if only…

6:54PM I’ll stop drinking! NEXT year!

6:56PM Obama cures deficits! And something about cancer! And newness!

6:57PM Did Obama just promise to spend money without increasing the debt? But he’ll cut the taxes he’s increasing that Bush cut that… oh, f-it, I got lost in a logic loop.

6:57PM Obama just promised to give us the government we deserve. Haven’t we suffered enough already?

6:58PM “With all due deference to separation of powers, I’m going to ream the Supreme Court a new one.”

6:59PM He’s going to put more stuff online, and this time, he means it!

7:01PM Did you see that episode of MST3K with that awful movie with that supermodel whose name I’ve forgotten that was so bad that by the second half of the movie they couldn’t even make any jokes anymore and all they could do would moan and sometimes shriek?

Yeah, those were some lucky guys.

7:01PM Did he just call Scott Brown a bitcah? (Sorry for the obscure Buffy reference.)

7:01PM We’re sowing division! And not curing cancer! We suck, we non-tone changers.

7:03PM “We were sent here to serve our citizens, not our ambitions.” So drop health care, cap & tax, etc. Mmmkay?

7:04PM “We can argue about who to blame for all this.” No, we pretty much just want to stop all the new stuff.

7:04PM “Lets leave behind the fear and division, all you people who don’t agree with me who I’m going to tax and regulate back into the Stone Age.”

7:05PM “Better airline security” =”Harassed passengers who saved your ass on Christmas Day.”

7:06PM We all love our country, especially those who say “God damn America.”

7:06PM Hey — foreign policy. Remember that? And he’s ending the war he one in Iraq with that big surge. Remember the Obama Surge?

7:07PM “This war is ending.” That’s what the Japanese said, right before Midway. How about we win one — for the Gipper?

7:08PM Joe and Michelle support the troops! Well that’s all gonna be OK then.

7:10PM Nukes are the greatest threat? Nukes exploded over New York: None. Terrorist ripping the heart of of Manhattan: One. So I’m gonna go with putting getting rid of our nukes on the burner BEHIND getting rid of Iran’s nukes. Just a thought. Roll it around your brain a little. Try it out.

7:10PM Vigorous sanctions! Iran is isolated! And maybe has more sanctions!

7:10PM Engagement cures cancer! (I think I’ve become confused.)

7:11PM Muslims cure climate change and maybe cancer and AIDS and blow up people who kick puppies! (I’m sure I’ve become confused.)

7:11PM Over ten thousand Americans cure Haiti!

7:12PM OK. Now I’m mad. That rat-f*cker just claimed to support the protestors in Iran? He said maybe ONE thing since June of ’08, and did nothing to actually help? I used to just disdain Obama. Now I hate him.

7:14PM I think he’ll get right on repealing Don’t Ask/Don’t Tell just as soon as he’s closed Gitmo.

7:15PM Cribbing off Twitter: @jimmiebjr

“I have embraced the vision of John F. Kennedy and Ronald Reagan” Okay. Except you embraced the competence of Jimmy Carter & Herbert Hoover

7:16PM “We lose faith.” And he’s placed the blame on everyone but the one.

7:18PM We can keep our poll numbers high? OK, 46 is higher than say, 32 — but the trend lines aren’t exactly friendly. And neither are recent election results.

7:18PM “I wake up every day, knowing your little lives suck way worse than mine.”

7:21PM We’re into the Big Finish… but there’s no new here. For a guy who got his bottom handed to him in three big elections, he’s strangely reluctant to change course. In fact, he’s not even willing to change tone. Which means, whatever you thought of Bush’s lousy last three years, Obama has already outdone him in being tone-deaf.

7:22PM Let me restate that. This guy hasn’t gotten one single thing done since Porklulus was passed 11 months ago, and he just doubled down. Well, you know what? Who cares how much is in the pot when it’s other people’s money?

Stephen Green began blogging at VodkaPundit.com in early 2002, and has served as PJMedia's Denver editor since 2008. He's one of the hosts on PJTV, and one-third of PJTV's Trifecta team with Scott Ott and Bill Whittle. Steve lives with his wife and sons in the hills and woods of Monument, Colorado, where he enjoys the occasional lovely adult beverage.
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