Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20147:23 PM

Here, at the end, he again mistakes speed for energy. And perhaps even for conviction as well.

He excited Washington — elected, appointed, and credentialed media — with promises of ACTION and DOING SOMETHING and MOVING FORWARD.

The rest of us, tired and wiser but hopefully less cynical, have seen and heard it all before.

And we aren’t hopeful about the change.

I’ll catch up with the comments tomorrow, so keep them coming.

Goodnight. Thanks for reading — I wouldn’t go through this without you.

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20147:19 PM

If there’s equality under the law, where’s my waiver?

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20147:19 PM

“My fellow Americans… men and women like Cory remind us that America has never come easy.”

There’s a bailout for that.

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20147:17 PM

“Nothing that’s worth anything in life is easy.”

Which is why we need to extend unemployment benefits.

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20147:16 PM

This is one hell of a great vet the President is speaking of right now.

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20147:14 PM

A shout-out to the vets, which is always appreciated.

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20147:14 PM

“No other country in the world does what we do. On every issue, the world turns to us… because of the ideals we stand for.”

Define those ideals, please.

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20147:12 PM

Wiggleroom is bragging about providing electricity to Africa while the Chinese have bought half the continent.

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20147:11 PM

Um… Mr. President? We negotiated nuclear weapons with the Soviet Union because…

…and hear me out here, I know this is complicated…

…because the Soviets…

…lean in close now, so I can whisper…

…BECAUSE THE SOVIETS ALREADY HAD CRAPLOADS OF NUKES.

OK, I think maybe we both learned something tonight.

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20147:09 PM

Honestly, I admire this guy’s chutzpa. He can stand there and brag that Iran is dismantling just days after Iran said they weren’t and wouldn’t.

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20147:07 PM

“America will always be at [Israel's] side.”

Maybe sometimes with a shiv, but still.

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20147:06 PM

He’s gonna close Gitmo! Again!

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20147:06 PM

He’s gonna close Gitmo! Again!

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20147:05 PM

Strawman alert. Did anyone every say only the military could protect us from terrorism? I think we all learned that lesson from the brave men and women on Flight 93 over a dozen years ago.

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20147:05 PM

Strawman alert. Did anyone every say only the military could protect us from terrorism? I think we all learned that lesson from the brave men and women on Flight 93 over a dozen years ago.

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20147:04 PM

I’ll repeat something I said in an email today, and then on Twitter.

George W. Bush inspired the creation of drunkblogging, but Obama made it hurt.

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20147:02 PM

No serious person can utter the phrase “unified Afghanistan.” It simply can’t be done.

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20147:02 PM

Here’s a question: What is our mission in Afghanistan?

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20147:01 PM

What’d I miss? Nothing?

Yeah, nothing.

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20147:00 PM

We’re at the part of the speech where he’s pretty sure nobody is still watching.

So that’s twice he’s been right tonight.

I’m going to go quickly refill my drink. We won’t miss anything, either one of us.

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20146:58 PM

“I ask every American” to help somebody get covered by March 31.

Folks, if ♡bamaCare!!! were getting people signed up, then the President wouldn’t be begging for help right now. It’s the worst of Amway and the worst of AmeriPrise, all wrapped together by two TelePrompTers.

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20146:58 PM

“I ask every American” to help somebody get covered by March 31.

Folks, if ♡bamaCare!!! were getting people signed up, then the President wouldn’t be begging for help right now. It’s the worst of Amway and the worst of AmeriPrise, all wrapped together by two TelePrompTers.

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20146:57 PM

I miss James Buchanan.

And for the record, “Amanda” might be helped, but ♡bamaCare!!! is still WAY in the hole in number of patients with actual coverage. See VodkaPundit.com tomorrow for more.

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20146:56 PM

I miss James Buchanan.

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20146:55 PM

Nine million Americans have signed up for ♡bamaCare!!! or for expanded Medicaid coverage.

How many are paying customers, adding solvency to the system?

Hello? Is this thing on?

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20146:54 PM

That last little post, the one about My IRA… I wish I were kidding. But if this thing gets off the ground, we really are screwed.

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20146:53 PM

“Tomorrow I will direct the Treasury to… start ‘My IRA.’”

Oh, no… guaranteed retirement deposits.

We had a tech bubble, then a housing bubble, so I suppose we simply must have a retirement account bubble.

Baby, you ain’t seen broke yet.

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20146:53 PM

“Tomorrow I will direct the Treasury to… start ‘My IRA.’”

Oh, no… guaranteed retirement deposits.

We had a tech bubble, then a housing bubble, so I suppose we simply must have a retirement account bubble.

Baby, you ain’t seen broke yet.

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20146:51 PM

In all fairness, Wiggleroom does now seem energetic and engaged.

You know why? Because this War on Different Peoples stuff works. It worked against Romney two years ago and he’s hoping it works to save the Senate in 2014.

Sure, it sets brother against sister — but that’s nothing compared to keeping Harry Reid as Senate Majority Leader.

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20146:49 PM

“Do what you can to raise your employees wages.”

Or, you know, just pass a law.

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20146:48 PM

40 Helens Agree: All Americans should earn above-average wages.

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20146:47 PM

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to War on Women II.

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20146:44 PM

President who promises not to add one dime to deficit speak with forked tongue. Hell, a knife and spoon, too.

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20146:44 PM

Wiggleroom is stumbling over the last syllables or rushing over so many words, that he’s making me pine for the relative speakerisomeness of Bush. Either Bush.

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20146:40 PM

Something, something, “America fielding a full team.”

Honestly?

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20146:38 PM

“This Congress needs to restore the unemployment insurance you just let expire… let me tell you why.”

No.

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20146:37 PM

“Tonight I’ve asked Vice President Joe Biden…”

Which should tell you how serious Wiggleroom actually is about his new jobs training thingy.

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20146:37 PM

Oh. Good. We’re going to get another jobs training thingy on top of our existing 50-plus jobs training thingies.

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20146:36 PM

Cutting a trillion dollars of deficit over the next two decades is like me cutting out one cocktail a month starting never.

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20146:35 PM

You know why this is so tiresome? It’s not the man — OK, it isn’t entirely the man.

It’s that this is the same progressive, top-down wishlist of crap people just don’t care about, that I’ve been hearing since I was a kid — back when climate change (“a fact,” Wiggleroom just said) was global warming, after it was the next ice age.

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20146:33 PM

We’re a global leader in solar, which produces very nearly some of our energy needs.

Fracking? Coal? Drilling in the Gulf?

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20146:31 PM

“The all-of-the-above energy strategy I announced… is working.”

Fracking? Coal? Drilling in the Gulf?

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20146:30 PM

I’m waiting to hear about the magnets. Or maybe reverse mortgages.

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20146:30 PM

“China and Europe aren’t standing on the sidelines.”

The fact that this President looks to unstable, dictatorial China and moribund Europe as his inspirations should tell you everything you need to know.

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20146:28 PM

“Let’s do more to help.”

Hasn’t he helped enough?

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20146:28 PM

“I’ll act on my own,” tonight’s threatening theme, “to reduce bureaucracy.”

Oh. Please. No. He did NOT say that.

But he did.

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20146:27 PM

JOBS! ROADS! PORTS! The only thing he didn’t say was “shovel ready.”

Wonder why?

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20146:27 PM

If Wiggleroom is serious about closing tax loopholes, I’m all for it. How about we close some waivers in ♡bamaCare!!! while were at it?

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20146:26 PM

“Opportunity is who we are”

I thought we were the change we were hoping for. Or something.

We’re getting retreads from 2007, and it feels like it.

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20146:25 PM

Man, these applause line are weak.

Wiggleroom is rushing it, mistaking (on purpose I’d wager) speed for energy.

But “I’m tirrrrrred…”

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20146:24 PM

Oh. Good. We’re going to subsidize college some more, to make it more affordable, right up until the payments come due.

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20146:23 PM

Praising the First Lady — I won’t pick on that.

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20146:23 PM

“America does not stand still and neither do I.”

BOOM.

The Founders would have called it tyranny. And gathered up pitchforks and things.

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20146:22 PM

“Upward mobility has stalled,” says the man whose health insurance scheme has put an effective cap on middle class income.

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20146:21 PM

Tonight’s schtick, decoded: Work together and do what I want, or I’ll go ahead and do it anyway.

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20146:20 PM

“Let’s see where we can make progress together.” And if not, he has a pen and a telephone.

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20146:20 PM

“Congress finally produced a budget” which will undo lots of that pretend deficit reduction.

Forward!

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20146:19 PM

“We are not doing right by the American people.”

I’m not going to argue with that.

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20146:19 PM

“That’s why I believe this can be a breakthrough year for America.”

Peggy Noonan writes better stuff telling Siri her grocery list.

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20146:18 PM

He rushed over the phrase “the state of our union is strong.”

I mean, he buried it in a rush of braggadocio about this dismal economy and “cutting the deficit by more than half.”

From the stimulus that didn’t stimulate? That’s no boast.

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20146:17 PM

“Tonight this chamber speaks with one voice.”

Holy I hope that’s not true.

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20146:16 PM

People doing their parts! It’s funny that most of the people he’s talking about aren’t doing parts dictated by Washington. Maybe there’s a larger lesson in that.

Maybe.

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20146:15 PM

Professor Ditherton Wiggleroom (that’s the President to you non-Sharp Longtime VodkaPundit Readers™) reminds me tonight of Madeline Kahn is Blazing Saddles, and fortunately I’m not speaking of his wardrobe.

“I’m tiiiiiired, so tired… ”

And so we begin with an anecdote about a teacher.

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20146:13 PM

To call the applause tepid would be to call my second cocktail finished.

That’s a cue for me to refill.

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20146:11 PM
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Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20146:09 PM

Wiggleroom makes me miss Clinton’s timeliness.

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20146:08 PM

From the comments.

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20146:03 PM

It’s the calm before the nap.

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20146:03 PM
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Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20146:03 PM

Did anyone catch which cabinet member is in the undisclosed location tonight?

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20146:02 PM

Are you as tired as I am of the human props?

Although to be honest right now I’m not sure if I mean the Professor’s guests or the Congress.

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20146:01 PM

Somewhere upstairs I hear my three-year-old crying. He has no idea.

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20145:56 PM

Watch and cherish Joe Biden’s last few moments of consciousness for the evening.

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20145:55 PM

John Boehner and a big hammer. That’s halfway to a (late) Pete Seeger song right there.

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20145:54 PM
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Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20145:51 PM

Reminder: I do not play drinking games. I drink.

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20145:50 PM

Because I’m more machine now than man, I’m also putting some stuff up on Twitter. (Lord, but I need an assistant.) I’ll share some of it with you here, but if you aren’t following me on Twitter then there’s something deeply wrong with you.

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Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20145:48 PM

“Getting something done” seems to be the theme on C-SPAN tonight, which I suppose means that was the secret DNC memo this morning, just like I used to receive my money and marching orders from Karl Rove, after learning the secret handshake.

And that’s just it, isn’t it? DOING SOMETHING, movement, action, laws, executive order — those are GOOD things, because Washington is GETTING SOMETHING DONE.

The fact that we’re the ones paying for all the unintended consequences doesn’t seem to matter, much less get reported on.

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20145:45 PM

For the record and despite the rumors, I am not the openly gay former NBA player sitting in the gallery this evening.

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20145:39 PM

Crap. I have to refill my drink already, and it was a big one.

Gonna be a long night of a short speech.

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20145:38 PM

I should note that my friend Tom Dougherty has a Practical Guide to Viewing SOTU, as opposed to the completely impractical one I provide for you.

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20145:36 PM

On a personal note, you know what I enjoy most about the callers on C-SPAN? Their practicality. No, their sanity. Maybe it’s their dulcet tones.

Stephen Green | JANUARY 28, 20145:35 PM

Good evening and welcome to tonight’s drunkblog of President Barack H. Obama’s 2014 State of the Union address.

Now with the formalities out of the way, let’s get to the cocktail-fueled snark, shall we?

Since I can’t do a better job of previewing what Professor Ditherton Wiggleroom will say tonight than Twitter’s @Shoshido, here she is in her own tweet.

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Or as Wilhelm II liked to say, “Ich habe einen Stift und ein Telefon.

He was a real statesman, that Wilhelm.