7:26PM I’d be more impressed if he were keeping cops on the streets of DC or Chicago, rather than… Minneapolis. Really?
7:27PM Evelyn Woods called. She’s giving you her money back, Mr. President. Breathe already!
7:29PM We’re going to give you money to buy cars! We’re slashing prices! We’ve gone crazy!
7:31PM We swear we’re not helping deadbeats by giving them your tax dollars. And if I keep talking this quickly, you might just not notice that it’s so not true!
7:32PM We’ll hold accountable those responsible! TARP II is nothing like TARP I, and you know it’s true because I’ve said so, so very, very quickly!
7:33PM So c’mon down to Crazy Obama’s, where we’re slashing prices like craaaaaazy!
7:34PM “Our job is to solve the problem.” OK, quit borrowing.
7:35PM “It’s not about helping banks, it’s about helping people.” The quit giving them money, and give me some! Or at least speak at Mortal Human Speed.
7:36PM Regulatory reform? Fine, great. Start by getting rid of Dodd and Frank, mmkay?
7:37PM It’s rich that a guy who just added a trillion dollars to the deficit is complaining about a trillion dollar deficit.
7:39PM “Bold action, big ideas.” I’ll repeat a bit of wisdom I shared with you earlier tonight: Ammo and bottled water.
7:40PM Ever seen one of those Shorter Shakespeare productions? Those people take their time compared to the President. He could get through a full production of Hamlet in under 17 seconds if he really tried, I bet.
7:41PM “It is time for America to lead again.” In what? Speed talking and deficit spending? ‘Cause we’re already there, baby! We! Are! Number! One!
7:43PM To paraphrase Mojo Nixon: Barack needs cars! Barack needs cars! Also, if you were hoping that health care wouldn’t be nationalized until after the next election, think again. Er… maybe that should be, “drink again.”
7:46PM Government health care will be paid for in part by government “efficiencies.” Which is like treating your nasty case of syphilis by having unprotected sex with anyone willing to take five dollars.
7:48PM The President wants all of us to go back to college. Great. Now we’re going to need to start subsidizing pony kegs.
7:51PM The technical overlords tell me I drunkblog faster than the servers can take it. On a related note, useless Mostly Useless Senator Orrin Hatch needs to stay awake for his applause lines.
7:52PM Read to your kids! I wonder if Michael Moore will jump all over Obama for that one, while there’s a crisis going on.
7:53PM “With the deficit we inherited…” and then doubled, and will double again, and which I promise to cut in half to the first doubling, maybe, by 2012…
7:55PM Obama has found two trillion to cut over ten years. Which, unadjusted for inflation, is maybe 2 trillion out of 30 or 40 trillions of spending. That’s pocket change, kids. And you know what else? It will never happen.
7:57PM Back in ’96, Bill Maher made fun of Bob Dole’s tax cut promises as “We’re giving you money!” Think he’ll mock Obama’s “the checks are on the way!”? That’s a rhetorical question, mmkay?
7:58PM “We will not allow it!” He’s talking about people making nasty plans from safehavens overseas. Now that’s just silly. Kill them, yes, fine. Stop them from drawing maps? Can’t deliver on that one, sorry.
8:01PM Why is it Democrats always speak to soldiers as veterans as just another grievance group in need of more benefits? Support the mission — lead, command! — and the troops will follow. Treating them as victims… well, I can tell you from the veterans who make up damn near my entire neighborhood… that stuff doesn’t play here.
8:03PM “The world depends on us having a strong economy.” Credit where its due: Obama has completely and fully issued a full and total reversal on his campaign promise to engage in self-destructive protectionism. Take that, left wing!
8:06PM We must be getting near the end, because Obama has slowed down to Normal Human Speaking Range.
8:07PM “We are not quitters.” Speak for yourself, Mr President. I gave up on this thing five minutes in.
8:09 “Something worthy to be remembered… thank you.” If I may quote some of your supporters, Mr. President: Sadly, no.