Drunkblogging Bill Clinton’s DNC Speech
7:09PM OK, here we go. I have a massive head cold and an even bigger scotch.
This will get ugly.
7:10PM Sandra Fluke as a warmup act to Bill Clinton.
Irony is dead on the left. It died young and left a corpse that wasn’t all that attractive, considering how much it spent on contraceptives.
7:10PM “Empowered.”
Drink.
7:15PM Guess we’re going to have to let that Costco membership slide. What a shame — we’ve needed a lot of cheap booze the last four years.
7:17PM Wow. They brought out Elizabeth Warren for real.
“I never dreamed I’d be the warmup act for President Bill Clinton.”
Yeah… neither did he.
7:18PM Rich Democrats telling sob stories to a nation with 11% (real) unemployment won’t go over so well, methinks.
7:19PM I’m watching the C-SPAN feed, meaning I get all of this without any sort of cutaways or commercial interruption.
So… y’all owe me, bigtime.
7:20PM “The system is rigged,” says a member of the party responsible for Solyndra.
The shamelessness, it know no bounds.
7:22PM “We’re Americans; we celebrate success.”
You didn’t build that, Elizabeth.
7:23PM “Bottom up” seems apt. I just expected to hear it two speakers ago.
7:24PM “Vaporize Obamacare,” like it’s a bad thing. Well, that’s hunky-dory with half-plus of American voters. That should tell you what audience the Democrats are playing to tnoight.
7:25PM “We don’t run this country for corporations, we run it for people.”
The problem is: They run it at all.
WE own this country, I heard one time.
7:27PM I should be spending less time with Elizabeth Warren — and how! — and more time with my drink.
7:30PM “Jesus told me to tax the bejeebus out of you and maybe drown a secretary.”
Am I parsing too closely?
7:31PM “Joe Biden is ready” to eat paste.
7:32PM Wow. The Democrats haven’t put up this big a skirt chaser on such a stage since…
Oh. He’s introducing Clinton.
7:33PM Um… playing a Fleetwood Mac song that was old when Clinton used it 20 years ago ain’t exactly “forward.”
7:34PM “Responding to things that come up” is just too close for comfort to the punchline from the old joke about good secretaries.
7:34PM Clinton owns this room.
7:35PM “Yesterday’s gone, yesterday’s gone.”
I told you irony was dead on the Left.
7:36PM Yes. Barack Obama had it rough at private school in Hawaii and Occidental and Harvard and Hyde Park and all. We get it.
7:37PM “I want to nominate a man who’s cool on the outside, but burns for America on the inside.”
Sigh.
7:38PM “I proudly nominate him to be the standard-bearer of the Democratic party.”
And now comes for the not-proud stuff about the Republicans.
7:38PM Wait for it… we’re gonna hear about the Clinton economy soon.
7:39PM “We’re all in this together.”
That’s the problem after four years, isn’t it?
7:40PM Is that counting temp jobs at Solyndra?
7:41PM Clinton is good, he really is. I voted for him in ’92, despite my best (well, “better”) intentions. I was young and foolish and sober.
7:42PM It’s fun watching Clinton proclaim his love for Republicans, when you think of the four years he spent going head-to-head with Newt Gingrich.
7:43PM Really, you have to go back a dozen years or more for a speech this good from Bill Clinton about Bill Clinton.
7:44PM Business and government cooperating…
This is an unmitigated good…
And people sometimes ask me why I drink.
7:45PM I want business and government at loggerheads. Gridlock. Because when the guys with the money are making deals with the guys with the guns, the rest of us don’t stand a chance.
7:46PM “He is still committed to constructive cooperation.”
THAT is the best reason Clinton could give us to reelect this guy.
He means well, he really does. FORE MOAR YEERS!
7:47PM Speaking of Hillary… where is she?
(Sorry, was that impolitic of me?)
7:47PM We have fewer enemies.
Try telling them that.
7:48PM “President Obama’s whole record on national security…” is drones and Bush II, yes?
7:49PM Whoa. Did Clinton forget that Obama ignored, shelved, straight-armed, his own bipartisan deficit-reduction commission?
7:50PM FORE MOAR YEERS!
7:51PM I haven’t seen Bill this happy in years, giving a speech for a man he, by all accounts, doesn’t respect very much. But then I remembered Hillary is in the Cook Islands and China and stuff.
7:52PM Calling Dodd-Frank “pesky financial regulations” is like calling a malignant brain tumor “a mild headache.”
7:52PM After twenty years, nobody — and I mean nobody — can steal from Reagan better than Clinton.
7:53PM Reelect Obama because… incomplete.
Wow. Lame.
“Are we better off than we were when he took office?”
That’s the “I did not have sexual relations with that woman” of 2012.
7:56PM Dude… incomplete. Mulligan. Do-over.
Clinton delivers these reasons with everything Clinton can muster — and although his voice is a bit weaker than before, he still musters plenty — but these are not good reasons.
7:56PM Oh no. Now he’s riffing on that “Bridge to the 21st Century” line from 1996.
It’s still all about Bill.
ABA. That’s how I’ll remember tonight.
7:58PM Bill, you don’t want to talk about manufacturing jobs (or auto jobs, for that matter) on the eve of the eve of a crappy jobs report, and after three straight months of manufacturing contraction.
7:58PM Poke fun all you like, but I love conventions for the big hats.
7:59PM “Jobs score.”
Can we get Politifact working on this, please?
Nevermind.
8:00PM You’ll save money on gas buy not buying a deathtrap CAFE car you can’t afford.
#FORWARD!
8:00PM You’ll save money on gas buy not buying a deathtrap CAFE car you can’t afford.
#FORWARD!
8:01PM I so could not follow that sentence, but it sounded very ominous.
8:02PM YEA! We’ve found a new way to make it more affordable to shovel more money at college administrators.
I’m pretty sure we’re f****** saved.
8:03PM Will those young Americans be having subsidized sex to qualify for free abortions on their way to the dean’s office to submit their alms?
8:04PM If either of my sons are still on my insurance at age 26, I’ll ask myself where the hell I went wrong as a father, or why the hell there’s still a Democrat in the White House.
8:07PM Because Obama saves money. That’s what he does. When you ask why he cut money out of Medicare, that’s like asking the Terminator why he knit all those lovely doilies.
It just. doesn’t. happen.
Obama saves money. It’s what he does.
8:07PM “I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.”
Me, neither.
Drink.
8:08PM “A lot of people believe this stuff.”
I can point to about 20,000 just on my TV screen.
8:10PM “Medicare will now grow broke.”
I know Clinton flubbed his line a little, no big deal, but “grow broke” might be the perfect summation of four years of Obamanomics.
8:11PM With all credit to David Burge, the thing that will end Medicare as we know it is Medicare as we know it.
Also left unanswered in Bill’s speech: Show me the money.
8:13PM Bill Clinton is flat-out lying (I know, I know) about the work requirement. Go to kausfiles.com for the full story. Mickey Kaus, a serious-minded liberal, owns this story.
8:14PM Michelle looks like tonight will not be the night she is proud of her country for a third time.
8:16PM “Tight controls on future spending.”
How about one control on current spending? Just one.
Also, that’s great big brass balls, mentioning the Simpson-Bowles commission Obama ignored like a… crap, metaphor fails me, it’s so ballsy.
8:17PM Debbie Wasserman-Schultz is all glammed up. She looks like an extra from a Sheena Easton video.
8:17PM When I said I missed Bill Clinton, I mean, I always miss him until he comes back.
8:18PM Oh, dear. Republicans will, apparently, take the One Ring, put it on, and get all Sauron on your asses.
8:19PM It was my understanding there would be no arithmetic.
8:20PM “It passes the arithmetic test.”
Sure, it’s easy to add to 16,000,000,000,000.
8:21PM We’re at the barnstormer part of the speech. Also, my beard filled in.
8:22PM Clark Kent called. He wants his tie back.
(Only old-school comic book fans like me even noticed.)
8:24PM “God bless you, and God bless America.”
I don’t agree with Bill Clinton on a lot of things. But when he says those words, I believe them.
8:25PM On the other hand, I haven’t seen a hug that awkward — the one between Clinton and President Obama — since Liza Minnelli and David Gest said “I do.”
8:29PM Will there be a wrap?
Sadly, no.
I have to save some for the main event tomorrow night.
Check in right here about 22 hours from right now.
Elizabeth Warren is on right now. My, how her blush accents her high cheek bones!
They can spin all they want. pontificate all the want, promise all they want.
They cannot escape the facts-
” With 22.4 million households using food stamps, fully 15 percent of the American population is on the program. ”
http://finance.yahoo.com/news/record-46-million-americans-food-200000079.html
If Obama had a shred of honor he would simply admit he is in over his head and get out of the way.
“7:17PM Wow. They brought out Elizabeth Warren for real.
“I never dreamed I’d be the warmup act for President Bill Clinton.”
Yeah… neither did he.”
LOLOLOLOL — Poor Bill who always liked them plump and pretty. Curse you, Steve. I just spit coke all over the manuscript I’m proofing. Lucky for you it’s not something alcoholic I just wasted.
Also — unkind but I have to say it — I never thought president “have at it” needed much warm up. (And is it bad I miss Clinton? Heck, I almost miss Carter.)
just an fyi, Fox.com has a commercial-less, talking head-less feed as well, just so ya know.
I’m sorry, folks, but this is going to be completely predictable.
And we’re off …
We are here to nominate a president & I’ve got one in mind too, Mitt Romney
Obama has known adversity???
He knew Adversity Smith briefly, but he didn’t shake her hands, and never kept her card.
Clinton looks well-preserved. Here’s a thought: Maybe the BBC should look into making him the next Doctor Who. You know you all want to see that.
Dream economy?
I want a man who had the good sense to marry Michelle. A little buyer’s remorse there, Bill?
+1
Thank you Stephen, you are a balm to all of the all too serious complaints online.
Because in 4 years you’re going to wish to god you’d elected my wife…
Barry didn’t build himself.
We believe that we’re all in this together. Cool, can I borrow you’re car?
Affirmative Action and the leftist elite build Obama.
I will start with a Boodles Gin…neat.
Boodles is my FAVORITE, and I’m only 41 years old…
Diggin a bottle out now.
Boodles is great, though I’m a Glenlivet 25 fan. Anything strong to get through the dems pour excuse for a meeting.
I turned my wife onto Boodles, and she’s a believer.
I hear that there’s something on opposite the shopping channel. Can you enlighten me? Because it’s gonna have to be killer for me to not buy this cute little bracelet.
Investments in education create wealth? Sure, for college administrators.
Investment (taxation) absolutely spurs growth.
What, me hate?
Katrina, Haiti … OMG, Sleeveless in on her feet!
Sometimes I couldn’t tell you I’ve been…”working with”? Don’t tell Hillary.
Chicago’s getting an infrastructure investment – I heard they needed to expanded the City Morgue.
Bill Dandy to the rescue!
Bill Dandy to the rescue!
Bill Dandy to the rescue!
Go, Bill Dandy! Go, Bill Dandy!
He was sittin’ there in his office on a Harlen building top
Stainin’ dresses till he was about to drop
Obama came on bended knee, his presidency on a downward course
Uh huh, that’s right, of course
Bill Dandy to the rescue!
Go, Bill Dandy! Go, Bill Dandy!</i.
Give that man a cigar!
(former) President Platitude: No one’s right all the time and a broken clock is right twice a day. OMG. This is the “much anticipated” speech?!
Pretty sure Warren flubbed the chapter/verse of the bible quote.
Isn’t she being intolerant?
Obama appointed Hilary and bunch of tax cheats.
He even appointed Hillabeast, yeah, it’s called keep your friends close and your enemies closer, duh.
Come on, Bill. This is boring.
No more years! No more years!
Lets see…a Mayor of LA who cheated on his wife tells us the Repubs treat women like its 1812… a woman who cheated and lied her way into a job meant for a disadvantaged minority at Harvard talks about the system being rigged…and a man accused of raping five women while President lectures me on accomplishment…yea, lets give’um another four years
So good to see than the “first black presidents” replacment cartletge of his nose from his cocaine useage of the 80′s is still holding up so well.
We’re going to keep President Obama on the putting green! YAY!!!!!
Those Republicans sure can lie!
I have to keep the fox feed behind some other window so I don’t find myself gazing upon the first wookie, or Bubba, for that matter. Freecell and Minesweeper work for this.
7:46PM “He is still committed to constructive cooperation.”
Stoopid thing posted. And we should be committed, if we vote for him. Just put walls around the country and call it a madhouse.
We co-operate as long as God and Jerusalem are left out of the platform.
Bubba is landing some body blows here, guys. He is bringing to the fore the intransigence of the loyal opposition, the latter term being rather ironic in the case of our current House, wouldn’t you say?
Yeah! Down with pesky regulations! That’s my motto.
We’re on the way to a modern economy – well that’s good news. By the way, do modern economies have budgets?
… modern, well-balanced economy … WHATEVER the hell that means
Did Clinton, really say, that “they”, want to get rid of financial regulations? Surely he did not mean regulations like the http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Glass%E2%80%93Steagall_Act
The guy still has it. I wasn’t expecting all that much, but he is delivering. It may not be a game-changer, but it is about as good as it could be.
Hey! The economy’s picking up! Who knew?
Employment is growing – remember that on Friday when the employment numbers come out.
Bill’s desperate endorsement speech. Hmmmn …
Hillary’s missing in action. Bill’s endorsing Obama.
Somewhere, somebody must be holding Hillary (and/or Chelsea) for ransom and Bill needs to keep his cash liquid for more (ahem) personal expenses.
It is a tradition in both parties that the sitting Sec. of State does NOT attend the convention.
Ah you don’t know squat, Bubba. All you knew was to get your Arkansas @$$ in front of the GOP congress and pretend to lead. Hefty help from the media made it work, well that and Newt not knowing when to shut up and win.
Listen to Bill as he lowers expectations.
He’s laid a new foundation for shared prosperity!!! Holy Crap!!
Saved or created jobs. Exactly how many of each?
Do not trust what you experience or see, trust what I tell you to feel
Auto industry restructuring? Saving auto parts jobs? Tell that to 20,000 Delphi workers who lost their pension guarantees.
pay no attention to the man behind the next GM declaration of bankruptcy
Summary of Bill Clinton’s speech:
Which are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
Didn’t save GM and Chrysler, gave a big wet sloppy kiss to the UAW at the expense of GM and Chrysler. I will never again buy detroit iron.
Ditto.
ZEEEERO
Teleprompter reading skills:
Clinton – B+
Obama – Incomplete
Teleprompter: Unionized. Accountability unnecessary.
The percentage of people with college degrees is dropping because people don’t see anyway to justify $100,000 loan with no jobs. Talk to the kids in Spain.
16th in the world for young adults with college degrees! Luckily they can’t find jobs!
They’re building a bridge back to the 20th century.
Damn, I’m askeered that if Bubba were a preacher man, I’d be ready to go forward. Help me be strong, Lord.
No more profits in Healthcare – sounds like a real growth opportunity
Was waiting for “I feel your pain” (bite bottom lip, give lame thumbs up)
I often wonder if they hear the crap that comes out of their own mouths, and do they believe it or…is it just a schtick? Part of me thinks it’s schtick because they pretend to want to help while they go watch porn at the firehouse on Saturday nights.
Someone once told me that people become politicians because they have no marketable job skills or talent, or character. Thus, DC becomes “Hollywood for ugly people”.
Seems to get proven more and more every day.
Bill hasn’t provided this kind of warm feeling for me ever since he blasted on my pretty blue dress.
“The insurance companies will have millions of new customers” … thanks to the government mandated requirement that everyone must buy healthcare.
And this is good how?
Are we better off? You bet we aren’t. And it’s gonna get worse … 54321.
Anybody know the score of the football game??
24-10 Dallas leads
4% increases in Healthcare for two years before the majority of Obamacare has taken effect – sure count that as a win. Especially after a decade of almost double digit increases – thanks Obama.
“Sandra Fluke as a warmup act to Bill Clinton.”
Well, he does have something of a history with ugly women.
And to think, I wasn’t going to have a drink tonight.
Oh. We’re getting serious now.
Grow broke?
Clinton is way ahead so far; hopefully, he won’t go on and on and on. Wait a minute, this is Bill. Never mind.
Yea, a lot of people believe Clinton’s bs too!
Scare ‘em Bill. Scare the HELL out of them!!!
Eastwood was better
And Clint went on for about 42 fewer minutes.
Anyone know the name of Bill’s plastic surgeon? He’s looking “refreshed and renewed” in a way that’s the tiniest bit … unnatural.
They could always abort those kids, Bill. Your cohorts spent the majority of two days talking about aborting kids. Problems solved.
Forget all about everything you see, hear and feel. Bill Clinton is in control of your TV set. Look deeply into his eyes. You are getting sleepy, very sleepy. Everything is wonderful. No one is unemployed. Gas cost only 99 cents a gallon. Sex change operations will be free. The oceans will recede.
Thank God we have Bill to tell us what really happened. Thank you God!!!!
We’re actually doing pretty damn well! Oh, absolutely! And the GM bailout was a smashing success! We have more job opening than ever before! Especially in Michigan! Cutting car-mileage is really cool, and it’s making us all rich! Obama’s energy policies are absolutely brilliant! But we need to EDUCATE more well-drillers … OMG, we are not producing enough college-degree children. We need more taxation!!!! — I mean, investment!!!! Insanely-escalating tuition fees has NOTHING to do with it. And now for the wonders of Obamacare.
Michelle looks like she’s at an NBA final, fixated on the clock.
But anyway … There were no cuts to Medicare whatsover. All Obama did was close the donut hole. He did this to make Medicare solvent.
They’re clapping, but I see a lot of confusion on the Democrat faces. We need some humor.
More donut hole … I still don’t get it … but Romney is really bad because he doesn’t care about cripples. Seriously.
back in the day I used to read Pravda translations. This reminds me of it. “The better things get, the more we starve”?
People moved off of welfare under Bill. They moved back under Obama.
Personal empowerment. Courtesy of the gov’t?
Okay, BJ, are we getting close to the wrap yet?
“We are not going to let our campaign be dictated by fact-checkers.”
Sort of like Rumsfeld’s, “WE define reality.” This is kinda fun.
Clearly, the DNC attendees are all ginned up for four more years … of Bill Clinton.
Add 5 trillion to the debt in 3 years and offer 4 trillion in reductions over 10 years that are not under your control or administrations? Uh, sounds kinda stupid.
Um someone forgot to mention the Republican congress when Bill Clinton was in office.
1994 – the days of The Newt and Young Turks. However, the Dems shall sweep that under the rug of Things Unseen and Unmentioned.
OMG — I just got it: Bill Clinton — the DNC’s Cowbell.
More cowbell.
More cowbell!
Or is it cow-Bill??? Hmmmmm? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm???
Kidney stone + percocet for the pain + no sleep at, what is it now? 4am? = posts that are pretty stupid. Sorry internet people.
Is he still talking?
Are you still drinking?
I’m watching SYTYCT on the west coast, it’s a more honest political commentary than anything gonna be coming from Bubba.
“Arithmetic…and Newt.
Yes, republicans are luddites. down with machines. explode the debt. enslave the people. Thanks Bill. He ended the nightmare of Reaganism.
Anyone remember Bill’s opening line at one convention?
“As I left off saying last time.”
Oh, now he is delusional!!!!
How can a non-existent budget pass the arithmetic test? Can someone tell me that?
Sooo … Vote for Barack Obama because I, Bill Clinton, have declared I was a frickin’ great president 12 years ago. Just listen to the list of achievements I will now recount of why I was great, and why you must vote for Barack Obama.
Yes America can come back from Obama – Vote Romney – thanks Bill – get out!
Michelle is on to him, undermining The One
Pass the spinach, “That’s all I can stands cuz I can’ts stands no more!!!”
GTFO
I beleeeeeeeeve!!! (Lord help my unbelief.)
He’s still talking … “One of three things is gonna happen …” Pell Grants, National Parks, roads, bridges, the middle class … ALL are at risk … We’re all at risk. WE CANNOT DOUBLE DOWN ON TRICKLE DOWN!!!!! Only Obamanomics passes Bill’s economic test. Pretty words … pretty words … and Bill KNOWS we are coming back (from what? — Obama?) … but something about our Founder’s sacred honor, fortunes … just don’t stop thinkin’ ’bout tomorrow. Really super. Man, I gotta pee really bad …
God and Jerusalem were selected, not elected!
Can anybody say ‘snake oil’!
Ah ….. That was good. So now what? What? Roll call? Of the states? Okay, I’m outta here.
Bill Clinton just gave a good speech for re-electing Bill Clinton. It just makes Obama look worse by comparison.
That is the point. Revenge is best served cold.
A whole decade of the 21st century has come and gone, but they are still building that bridge from the 20th century. The bridge was not shovel ready.
Oh, mine, he actually said Obama was cool outside. He’s definitely a racist.
Totally objective, completely conservative and world-renowned “journalist” David Brooks has spoken: “Michelle and Bill, far better than anything the Republicans had to offer.”
Some people like to be lied to. Most of them are under 6 years old, but not all.
some people like fairytales at bed time.
Some people like fairy tales all the time, but especially at bed time.
Convicted perjurer who lost his law license nominates Chicago politician for President.
Promises free lunch for all journalism and education majors to be paid for by engineering and medical students.
Only the stupid or crooked vote for these guys. Recent report says marijuana use drops IQ by 7 points. The perjurer who didn’t inhale nominates the man who did. The Free Mary Jane crowd votes D, probably twice since the memory isn’t so good you know.
Stephen,
You voted for Clinton in 1992?!?
I knew there was something about you that bothered me.
That, and your weekly review of the Sunday morning shows.
Otherwise, you seem to be an outstanding gentleman with good sense.
No matter what Barry is gonna say, Bill’s speech is the only thing that will be vaguely remembered by Sunday.
– America will be like California.
I love the ending basically telegraphing to all the illegals that they better vote Obama or else their free ride is over.
I feel alot dumber after listening to that, I think…
“Business and government cooperating…” I believe that is the functional definition of Fascism.
Hope you feel better soon.
– Obama defeating Hillary.
“It’s still all about Bill.”
That’s a feature, not a bug. If anything, the backroom functionaries in the party want to keep attention on Bill, the best prezidant evah. That helps distract people from the current occupant’s legendary failure. It’s pretty much all they’ve got at this point.
I haven’t seen a bait-n-switch this brazen since Clark Griswold got stuck with that Family Truckster!
I had almost forgotton how much that man, Bill Clinton disgusts me. And how I couldn’t,t even watch the news, when my kids were little, and inocent. I still despise the man.
The Most MASTERFUL Piece of SABOTAGE Yet! Bill Clinton #Eastwooding the DNC with his own empty chair.
It was ignorant of you, not impolitic.
http://www.cnn.com/2012/09/05/politics/dnc-no-hillary/index.html
All she had to do was stay in DC. Instead, she went sailing off to the Cook Islands for urgent State business… Someone wanted her as far away as possible.