Every day the Republican wave rolls deeper inland toward the Democrat strongholds once considered safe, and Obama’s “let’s project our foreign campaign receipts onto Republicans” rhetoric is in full retreat. As a result, congressional Democrats are turning to the darkest reaches of absurdity for election strategies. With less than two weeks until the elections it would appear that Monty Python’s peasant repression strategy is emerging as the dominate modus operandi.
Exactly how does the Monty Python peasant repression strategy work? Behold the instructional video that I personally smuggled out of the DNC’s most secret gulag.
Now with proof in hand, we can fully appreciate this method put in action in races across America. Let me invite you to come see the violence inherent in the system.
“Shut up!” demanded Maurice Hinchey, Democrat incumbent from NY’s 22nd Congressional District, as his Monty Python training rolled off his lips with textbook accuracy, literally quoting directly from the Holy Grail movie. The part of Dennis the Peasant was being played by William Kemble, a reporter for the Kingston Daily Freeman. Kemble had been pressing Hinchey on one of his investments, which was dubiously receiving federal grant money. Later Hinchey properly repressed the reporter with finger stabs and chokeholds.
House Majority Leader Steny Hoyer seems to advocate a limited use of the technique, improvising only the strategy’s initial verbal threats as opposed to Hinchey’s holistic adoption. Hoyer had his chance to put Democrat peasant repression to work at his last debate with challenger Charles Lollar. After Lollar eloquently lambasted Hoyer’s loose grip on the nation’s purse strings and during the thunderous applause that followed, Hoyer put peasant repression practice to good use. “I’m coming after you!” Hoyer threatened Lollar — not once, but twice.
The use of the technique in elections this year can be traced back as early as January (although some could credit Alan Grayson as architect), when a Democrat strategist working for Martha Coakley put the method to use against a Weekly Standard reporter. With the dry run completed, Democrats wasted little time implementing peasant repression across their caucus.
One early adopter was Bob Etheridge of NC-2 who nabbed himself a pair of peasants for asking whether he supported Obama’s agenda. However, new methods are not without errors in execution. I would hold out Congressman Etheridge as an example of poor implementation, accidentally assaulting the peasants before verbally lashing out.
Sometimes the Holy Grail scenario is so similar to the situations incumbents are facing you’d expect Democrats to start burning witches upon more witches. In Illinois, a peasant pointed out that Congressman Phil Hare’s claim to be a veteran was as fanciful as King Arthur’s claim to the throne of England through Excalibur. Hare’s DNC training kicked into high gear as he unloaded a barrage of peasantry intimidation.
Now that it is October, Democrats are implementing peasant repression at an alarming rate. In NY-29, Democratic candidate Matt Zeller is threatening to take away an entire congressional district should a majority of fellow residents fail to enlist as his peasants. Steve Driehaus of Ohio intends to throw one pro-life peasant in prison for billboard communication with other peasants. Florida Democrat Alcee Hastings threatened opponent and peasant Bernard Sansaricq for bringing up that little “one of the only judges ever to be impeached” thingy in a debate. For the record, that makes two opponent peasants in a row that Hastings has repressed.
Some Democrat staffers and supporters have been spotted putting peasant repression to work, providing evidence that the strategy is permeating entire campaigns. An example Lincoln Davis’ campaign manager, who was caught on camera shoving a pesky question-asking peasant. Democrat governors, on the other hand, leave the dirty peasant work to their own loyal, dirty peasants. Oregon Governor Kitzhaber and Ohio Governor Strickland both had supporters on hand to assault peasants filming at Democrat rallies.
Don’t let the violence of these methods deter you from seeing the brilliance of the strategy. While one would think that making threats and resorting to violence would make for bad press in the largest news organizations, you’d be mistaken. Thus far, most of it has gone unreported, and when it has been reported, peasants like Joe Miller are blamed.
November elections are coming up quickly and there is little left for the ruling left to do but make more threats. So go ahead Democrats, stop witch-baiting and get in there with your best fist throwing and fulminations, just not in that order. As the numerous examples above have proven, no one in the media is going to come to the peasants’ aide when they cry out: “Help! Help! I’m being repressed!”