Choosing Life and Beating the Odds: Accepting Down Syndrome
When my husband and I found out we were having another baby, it was a surprise. Our son Ben was only six months old at the time and Matt was preparing to leave for another deployment. He won’t be home for the birth of this baby. It was definitely not the way we had planned to have our next child, but we shrugged our shoulders and started making plans. The pregnancy began the same as it did with Ben. I went to the naval hospital, confirmed the pregnancy, and made arrangements to go to the same practice out in town where I went while pregnant the first time. And, like with Ben, I opted to have a first trimester ultrasound called the nuchal translucency screening.
This test measures the thickness behind the baby’s neck. That, plus a blood test, tells you if there’s a chance the child has Down syndrome. Like most of my friends, I got the test done purely for the ultrasound — to get a chance to see the baby for the first time. And, to my shock and dismay, the test came back positive. There was a 1 in 6 chance the baby would have Trisomy 21, or Down syndrome. The doctors were quick to tell me that there was no need to worry, that these tests come back with false positives all the time, and that there was still an 80% chance that the baby would be perfectly healthy. Still, to be safe, I was referred to a specialist an hour away to get a higher level ultrasound done.
Matt had not yet left for Afghanistan, so he was able to come with me to that first appointment. We saw the baby, and found out that we were having a boy. His little heart beat as he squirmed all over the screen. He had adorable little fingers and toes. To us, he looked perfect. But the doctor was concerned, and pointed out that there were several markers for Down syndrome and also a possibility of a heart defect. The large amount of swelling behind the neck, he told me, could be a sign of a heart defect which could lead to heart failure and stillbirth. Matt handled the news pretty well, but I cried the entire way home, and spent the rest of the night feeling depressed and miserable.
By the next day, I had started to become angry. There was nothing wrong with the heart, the doctor had admitted that himself. And he also had said, when asked by my husband, that the swelling could be perfectly normal and sometimes goes away on its own. Why would he scare us so much when there was no definitive evidence of anything actually being wrong? I had one more appointment with this doctor, where they would do another ultrasound and I would have the option of getting an amniocentesis done, but I swore that if he was as negative as he was the last time, I would insist on seeing another doctor.
Maybe someday your son will meet our 22 year old nephew who has Down syndrome. He has a vocabulary of less than 20 words and a marvelous sense of humor. He’s a terrific ham at family gatherings and his favorite outing is going to NBA games with his Dad. Enjoy your son! He’s gonna LOVE you!
Cassy,
It’s very unfortunate that you let your flavor of politics slip into this beautiful story of you having a Down’s Syndrome baby. You repeat how, unlike Sarah Palin, you never considered having an abortion. Well, Sarah Palin never considered it, either. She said she understood how someone could consider it, not that SHE considered it. I don’t think I’ve seen any mother and family more happy and more loving with their Down’s Syndrome baby than Sarah Palin and the Palin family.
post # 20. My daughter with Down syndrome is 6 and I listened closely to Sarah Palin. She said she understood how someone could consider it, not that she considered it for herself.
post # 58. Also Cassy, Sarah Palin never said she considered abortion. I think that point needs to be driven home. Never. Said. It.
The joy these people bring to your life will change you.
My daughter’s journey through pregnancy was much like yours, my little grandson has Down Syndrome. She was 30 years old when she had him. He had multiple surgeries his first year of life and it was difficult but he has made up for them now!
He is a busy, three year old, knows his colors and participates in his little preschool class. He loves SpongeBob and the dog and loves his family with all his heart.
When I told my 85 year old father that his new great-grandson had Down Syndrome, he thought for a moment and said, “he will make better men of his brothers and better people out of all of us.”
And I think he has done that.
“he will make better men of his brothers and better people out of all of us.”
Omigawd – tears and lump in throat…..
Your 85 father has it exactly correct. Our little 3 years old boy has done just that, and has drawn our family closer. Thank you for sharing that pearl.
Cassy,
What a joyous, triumphant, and inspiring story to find here at PJM! Thank you so much for your courage in sharing it with us. And I sure do agree with Emma that Wyatt’s “gonna LOVE you!”
Your initial “Why us?” question, but especially its resolution–“But, for the most part, instead of being scared, I’m optimistic. I’m excited to meet my son and see what we can accomplish in this world together”–stunned me with its resonance with a quote I came across just a day or so ago while re-reading a book by Jack Schwarz. “The answer to the question Why me, God? Because I needed the changes that this situation will provide.”
If you don’t happen to know of Schwarz (he’s dead now), he was a highly evolved person, someone whom I would call a mystic, others might perhaps call a yogi. Among his many gifts was an ability to exercise control over physiological processes, that most of us do not have. (He was actually studied by researchers at Menninger Clinic (back in their Topeka days), along with other so-called “voluntary controls” like the Indian, Rolling Thunder.) He was born in Holland and later came to America. The story is told that when the Nazi’s in Holland imprisoned him during WWII, they were preparing to torture him, but were unable to proceed because the extraordinarily strong love that he projected to them acted like a physical shield that rendered them incapable of proceeding, and they ultimately abandoned their intention.)
In any case, I’ve always drawn great sustenance from his writings, and because your story seems like such absolute confirmation of the truth he demonstrated, in addition to its coincidental timing right on the heels of my chancing upon that line again, I decided to follow my feelings and share it with you.
My daughter is part of a disabled group with a lot of Downs kids. Its pretty hard not to grin around Downs kids playing, you may enjoy parenthood a lot.
My son just turned 18, your son will rock your world.
A really touching, heartwarming story I am so glad you shared. Best of luck to you. From what I can tell with Downs children I have seen, they are a pleasure to be around, anxious to please, etc. I hope you keep us posted here as to how things go with your son.
Go, Cassy! What a beautiful story! All the best with your growing family.
I worked as a childcare worker right after college for emotionally disturbed/developmentally disabled kids. For the most part we could get them to follow the program. There was one in my dorm, who had mental retardation and Down’s Syndrome an was passive-aggressive, to get him to do anything you actually had to form a relationship with him. A very fun kid, someone whom I still remember 25 years later.
That baby has ever right to live as any other baby. When a civilization starts killing 90% of the people it doesn’t think is “acceptable,” where does it end? The Nazis were experts at attempting “racial purification,” and then the circle of people they wanted to kill just grew wider and wider. So if Downs kids are not acceptable today, who won’t be acceptable tomorrow? I’ve always felt that a woman has a right to choose in matters of abortion, but, then again, I’ve always been a fan of the underdog. And kids with Downs certainly need people to stand up for them, because we need to stand up for the weak, the helpless, the people who just can’t make it on their own. THAT is what real civilization is all about, not killing the people we just don’t appeal or are convenient to the rest of us. Shame on them, and much good luck and God speed to this wonderful woman.
I enjoyed the article and wish the best for u and ur family. i do have a problem with the judgement of those women who have considered abortion in this type of situation. my sister has a down syndrome baby and she was tormented with the decision of having her child or aborting. in the end she chose life for him (which I believe was the right choice) but to criticize a person for having the thought I feel is a bit harsh. my sister is an amazing loving person and in the end made the right decision. but to say she is a bad person for thinking about abortion just feels wrong. it was her journey in life and she’s stronger for it. and she feels guilt to this day for thinking of terminating her sons life, but to ridicule her for her struggle seems cruel. everyone makes mistakes and I hope u can withhold judgement. it doesn’t make her any less of a mother than the next. again I do not feel abortion is right but everyone reacts differently to the news of a disabled child and I can understand being so overwhelmed and just wanting an easy way out. the point is she did choose life for her son, but for her the decision was more difficult. I think it is amazing u never had those thoughts, honestly I do, but please don’t fault those who did. I feel that’s human, to b scared and want a way out. but she faced it and is an amazing mommy! good luck to u and ur family!
I have to agree with this comment. I, too, have gone through the experience of having a baby diagnosed with Down Syndrome. Like Sarah Palin, when faced with the terror of having a child with special needs, the thought of abortion occurred to me. The important thing is not what thoughts crossed our minds in the dark, terrified moments in the middle of the night, but that in the end we chose life. I have never regretted that decision.
Cassy, you will be incredibly blessed by this child. I also agree with one of the comments above; your family, including Ben and any other siblings Wyatt has, will be better people for having known Wyatt.
Down’s Syndrome wasn’t named until a doctor named it. Before then, women just had children, some of whom were “slow”, which I think means they weren’t sharply distinguished in behavior, appearance, or general mien from their brothers and sisters. Since your child will have an older brother, and second, since there, bluntly, aren’t as many down syndrome infants being born, there’s a good chance he’ll be treated normally as he goes about his life.
I was the go-to babysitter for down syndrome kids when I was a teen. I can spot the “angel babies”, and coo over them. My children can’t tell why I call some babies “angel babies” and others just “sweet babies” which suggests to me that they can’t sort kids by obvious down syndrome features- they don’t know to look for eyefolds. which means they can’t be casually cruel, if so inclined.
you might want to wander down the “nutritional healing” pathway on dietary advice. I don’t know how valid it is- the advice is mostly lots of vitamin C while pregnant (helps collagen development) omega 3s- neural development- after birth- it thins blood- and breastfeeding as long as possible. Oh- fully dose on magnesium- it helps with spindling- when cells are splitting- it helps with muscle and nerve development. Also, it’ll proof you against eclampsia and diabetes. and then bathe your infant in water with epsom salts, for soothing.
Each month of breastfeeding is worth, more or less, an IQ point a month. I’ve read that extended breastfeeding on a down’s syndrome child can push their development into average child territory. It’s quite a commitment, but it might be one you want to consider.
He’s going to be lovely. That he’s active, and that his heart is strong, and that you love him already, are all good indicators.
We, all, here, wish you well, and wish blessings on all your family.
Breastfeeding is not just important for the nutritional benefits (as it is to any child); it is particularly important for the oral motor development of babies with Down Syndrome. Please see the article “The Oral-Motor Myths of Down Syndrome” by Sara Rosenfeld-Johnson on the critical importance of breastfeeding children with DS: http://www.talktools.com/content/The+Oral-Motor+Myths+of+Down+syndrome.pdf
If you can find a copy of the book: “Motherhood the second oldest profession” by Erma Bombeck there is a beautiful short story therein of why God chooses to give special needs children to some women.
I would try to type something half-way intelligible but I’m crying so hard after reading your post that all I can say is “bless you and your precious child”.
Our 10-year-old daughter, Rebecca, has Down syndrome. What a life!
As far as she’s concerned, the rest of the world is simply her staff – she snaps her fingers, and we all go running to do her bidding….
You are in for the time of your life, and Wyatt is lucky to have such a loving family surrounding him. God has truly blessed you (you’ll REALLY understand what I mean after he’s born!).
Love to you and yours -
Congratulations!
Cassie, I am ten years down the path that your feet are on, and I am delighted to see how wise you are in your decision to give life to your child with ‘designer genes’! I have written a book I would love to send you, it has stories from 34 parents like us who chose life for their special needs children.Its called “A Special Mother is Born”. I describe it in this interview on NRO. http://www.nationalreview.com/articles/289310/down-love-interview
I can’t think of better parents for little Wyatt.
MydaughterwithDownsis6andilistenedcloselytoSarahPalin.shesaidsheunderstoodhowsomeonecouldconsiderabortion.shedidntsaysheconsidereditforherself.
My daughter with Down syndrome is 6 and I listened closely to Sarah Palin. She said she understood how someone could consider it, not that she considered it for herself.
Great post. Truly one of the first positive things I’ve read here for a long, long time. Marinating in the whole “we’re melting” meme – while true – gets very depressing day in day out.
Three quick anecdotes from my world.
My wife has a teaching credential in special education with a focus on moderate/severe disabilities. She has interned and had her own elementary school classes with kids with intellectual disabilities. I am fortunate to have been around them for different events like helping out with the carnival day at the end of the year, etc. She is a SAHM now, but works eight hours on the weekends as a one-on-one aid for a young man with Downs AND he’s on the Autism spectrum. He is 18, is non-verbal and has the mental capacity of a 1-year old. But we hang with him, take him to the zoo, throw a football, kick a soccer ball. He humbles me every time I’m with him.
I had a neighbor boy with Downs on the street I grew up on in CT. I was very protective of him when people (usually my “friends”) would make fun of him or whatever. Today he still lives in the same house, lives with Mom and has held the same job for many years. His quality of life is great and he is more responsible than most of the people I know.
Volunteer with the Special Olympics. It’s fantastic.
These are wonderful, loving kids and adults with so much to teach us about life and love. I hope we cross paths with your boy someday Cassy. All the best.
Our son has no guile, no malice, and bears no grudges. Very stubborn, and very much a boy. And very demanding for parents as there is never the maturation for indepedence. But his laugh is so contagious, so embracing, so desired, that he is a joy like no other. And, his personality is so rich, though limited in pronunciation. He will not start another war, will not rape, nor assault, nor DUI, nor murder, nor become a criminal. The more “perfect” children create these civil problems, and seldom give joy to others. Yet, society aborts these children.
I haven’t been so stupid as to think that somehow having Down Syndrome means that Wyatt will have some kind of horrible life.
That’s what people tell themselves: that the child’s quality of life will be poor.
But they’re lying to themselves; they’re worried about their own quality of life, not the child’s.
Also, it’s more important to be good than to be smart, as you’ve observed.
1 CORINTHIANS 10:13
The very existence of people with disabilities poses an existential question to everyone they meet: Can you love? Can you look beyond the physical, intellectual and behavioral differences and see and love the human being, the child of God? It takes a higher kind of insight and value system to recognize that the value of a human life isn’t measured by physical beauty, IQ, achievement, utility, or economic worth.
You will experience the very best and worst of other human beings as you move through life with your son. You’ll also have days of fear and frustration with him. You’ll develop a new maturity and discard the shallow and superficial junk that clutters your life. Much of it will be painful. But, you’ll experience life to its fullest. You’ll love your son fiercely and will never regret your decision or wish for another path. He is a very special gift and you’re blessed to be entrusted with him.
That is some pretty heavy stuff in your first paragraph, Obla. I will be copying and pasting and reflecting on it often.
Not to turn this into a political rant, but this is why the Satanic-marxist left must be defeated at all costs. They put a price tag on life. Whether it be smarts, looks or the ability to sit down and obey. They only want from you what they can use. Once they’ve used you, you are garbage. To be pushed to the curb for an early morning pickup. And the lovely, little babies with Downs? Worthless in their eyes. Given no chance.
It is truly an evil-filled world.
I am the proud aunt of a beautiful little girl who has Down Syndrome. I don’t get to spend as much time with her as I would like. She has had more than her share of health challenges, but she never ever gives up. Her determination is an inspiration.
I wish you, your family, and Wyatt all the best, and may you all be always surrounded by love.
A recent study of families and people with Downs Syndrome showed that family members were overwhelmingly positive about the Downs Syndrome child’s effect on family life. The numbers were in the high 70′s and 80′s. The most important measure in the study, however, IMHO was how the Downs Synsrome person measured his or her quality of life. Something like 97% reported being very happy in their lives. As a parent I would take those happiness odds for my child everytime. This is one of several reasons why I ca not understand why 90% of these babies are aborted. Who are we to determine another’s quality of life? And, who does not smile everytime they have an interaction with a Downs Syndrome person? It’s impossible not to smile, and again, IMHO, that smile is evidence that they are a gift from God. God Bless Wyatt!
I have a neighbor with downs, I can’t even begin to guess his age. It could be anywhere from 20 to 40 years old for all I know. He rides his bike through the neighborhood and will stop to chat with me when I’m doing yard work. I usually get the neighborhood gossip from him! LOL He works at our local grocery store and is friendlier and a more conscientious worker than any of the teens that work there.
I have a thirteen year old Down Syndrome son, who we adopted at birth, and then struggled with him through open heart surgery to repair his heart at about two months. He has not stopped since, he is a busy young man who has been a blessing to me that I cannot put into words. He is full of love, he is the funniest kid I know and his social skills are off the charts. He is doing great in school and will be a high schooler next year. He has brought so much joy to so many people as he lives his life to the fullest. I love him with all my heart. You will find your child will be a tremendous blessing and he will love you without reservation. Enjoy your life with him.
I used to work in a home for developmentally disabled adults. I never met a Down Syndrome person that I didn’t like, be they children, adults, or seniors. They have some sense of joy and uninhibited affection that the rest of us lack. I’ve often wondered if they are not the “old souls” who the rest of us could learn from.
Your roller-coaster ride of emotions is a very familiar one to me. Fourteen years ago, I was told my daughter likely had Down Syndrome. She was a miraculous surprise after years of infertility. My husband and I decided the miscarriage risk from an amnio was unacceptable, so we’d wait until she was born to learn the answer. Surprisingly, after the initial shock, I didn’t obsess or worry about it as much as I thought I would. I guess the happiness of having a baby overrode my worries.
Today my daughter is a beautiful 13-year-old. I’m grateful that she does not have Down Syndrome, but she has a couple of chronic health challenges that have been plenty unnerving and worrisome. And, being a human being, she of course does things that make her parents nuts!
Our youngest child has Downs Syndome. His name is Tim and he is 23 years old. Tim has 2 older brothers and 6 older sisters. He gets a good deal of attention. When Tim was first born, his oldest sister remarked once that she thought our family must have been sent for Tim. Some years later, the same sister changed her thought and said she was now convinced that Tim was sent for our family. Your baby is clearly one of God’s ambassadors. Enjoy your time together, Dan Malone
Ms. Fiano,
Being the husband of a Special Education Teacher of mild-moderate learning disabilities children and meeting MANY of her students, parents, friends etc., your family will, ‘Cross that bridge when you come to it’ and hope to make the best of ANY situation.
Your son may be high functioning Downs whereas some areas of his life is limited though other areas are surprisingly typical.
For the record, my wife and I feel Downs children more times than not have the most amazing smiles, outlook/disposition and personality that is downright infectious!
This joy many exude stems from their family.
God Bless and congratulations on your Wyatt.
We would have aborted had we known. Seventeen years later, I’m glad we didn’t!
Dear Cassy,
CONGRATS!!! My youngest child is Shawn, age 5. He has Ds. And he is a rock star. Hands down. This life lived with him is richer and sweeter than anything I could have ever dreamed. Besides being utterly adorable and hilarious…. he is very capable. Everything that has changed about our lives since he arrived has been for the better.
If you are interested, I share many anecdotes about my Shawnie on facebook…and my friends say that it has blessed and changed their lives and their perspectives. I’d be happy to connect with you on facebook. Also, there are many private Ds groups on facebook that are excellent for encouragement and support. Those groups can help you maneuver through the world of education, medical specialists, etc. I’d be more than happy to connect you in any way.
God bless you and your family! I’m so sorry that your husband is going to have to miss the birth. God bless him and thank him so much for his service to our country.
I echo what Melissa said. Don’t forget Special Olympics when he’s old enough (maybe 7). I’ve coached SO track & field for 15 years and have seen amazing things. The love and concern the athletes have for one another being one.
I haven’t read it myself, but check out “Adapt My World”, written by one of my fellow coaches (Joyce Plaxen, I hope she doesn’t mind) on her experiences and lessons from her daughter. And, remember, you’re not alone in this. God bless.
Special Olympics officially starts at age 8.
But there’s a Special Olympics program available in some areas called “Young Athletes.” It’s for children with disabilities (and their siblings!) who are ages 2 1/2 to 7.
I found a website last year that parents with down syndrome children can appreciate. It is a blog of a photographer who has a down syndrome child. It is a beautiful site written with a beautiful perspective. http://www.kellehampton.com/
She is a fantastic photographer and gritty writer that doesn’t hold back. Her birth story of her youngest daughter is one that all mothers should read. I rarely comment on articles that I read, but your article is wonderful and I think you would appreciate her story/blog.
May God’s blessing be on you and your family as you welcome this child. My daughter was born with normal chromosomes (no problems recognized in utero) and yet she was a special needs child. Never walked or talked. We often wondered how much she understood as we talked to her. However, she did understand love and she loved to be cuddled and she returned the cuddles. She passed away 5 years ago and I still miss her every day. You are in for the ride of your life, enjoy it!
It is a love feast, but I can not be so happy and serene.
Why? Because I saw the other side of the coin, when things don’t go well and love in no enough to fix things. When “Dear Children with Down Syndrome” throw his younger brother, a few months old, out of windows without a reason. When he is too much aggressive to be managed by the parents or when the parents are too old to manage him.
I believe in freedom and responsibility, so I will not argue Ms. Fiano did the right thing or wrong thing. She and her husband are the only persons with the right to decide this because the burden of the decision is their.
But is it really so? The welfare and the public health care given out by the government is not free, it cost others money, sweat, blood.
Her decision will burden, like it or not, his older son (and the others she will maybe have). It could be a burden light like a feather or will be a much heavier burden. We can not know now.
The point is
1) “it is your decision, your burden, your responsibility, your miracle”. If in future you are not able or willing to bear this weight, please don’t wail and weep when others will not be willing to bear it for you. The others have their responsibilities to their children and themselves and could only be commended if they help you, not condemned if they don’t help you.
2) don’t judge others if they decide differently from you. You appear to be more than able to care for your disabled child but others could not be in the same position as you (and please don’t call him “child with special needs” it is only PC-talk). Often, for people not really well off, a disabled child make impossible to raise other normal children.
3) The Nazi comparison (of another commenter) is bogus. Parents have the right and the duty to decide for themselves and their children good. The Nazi decided for other’s children not only for theirs. And remember Deuteronomy 21:16-21. If it is there, there is a reason.
Wow, who is the “retard” in this situation? You are an insensitive moron. There’s a lot of things I would like to respond to right now, but I refuse to lower myself to your level.
You, sir, are simply a vile human being.
A time to speak, and a time to refrain from speaking…
Whatever pain is behind your point of view, it sounds like you could use a little of the love being expressed here.
Here’s a simple prayer you might be able to use that Sarah Palin quotes in her book, “America by Heart,” that was a favorite of Elvis: “Send me some light, I need it.”
May your troubles be few, and those that befall you, ones you find the strength to bear.
Often, for people not really well off, a disabled child make impossible to raise other normal children.
Seriously? What an elitist attitude that only the rich can raise a special needs child. Are you a troll? Ar just a hater in general? Either way, I hope you are not a parent.
“remember Deuteronomy 21:16-21″
Seriously? This deals with a person that absolutely will not do what they know to be right, not someone who cannot do right due to mental defect. Don’t take Scripture out of context.
And furthermore, what is the point of posting this? ALL LIFE is a gift from God. Do we need to list off the people who were disabled in some way, and their world-changing achievements? Quite simply, your worldview is different from Cassy’s. So, when you say “Don’t judge others if they decide differently from you.” – well, judgment is the Lord’s (Matthew 7:1), but you can certainly infer from other Scripture that this is not what Jesus would have intended. Instead, He said
“Let the children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God.” (Mark 10:14, ESV)
The simple, straightforward mind of a child is what it takes. Wyatt may have that for his entire life. And who knows – these tests have been wrong before. Wyatt may be perfectly normal. I’ve seen my “he has cerebral palsy, he’ll never be able to walk, much less run” son run all over the playground; it makes me sad to think about losing the joy that he’s brought us over the past nearly 7 years.
The granting and removing of life is God’s to do, not man’s. Don’t try to justify it through logic; that’s just the way it is.
Micro,
I want to tell you a story. My younger sister got pregnant at the age of 16, even though I lived in the states and she lived in the US Virgin Islands with our drug addicated mother she chose life. At the age of 17 she got pregnant again, she once again chose life. When my niece was born my sister discovered she had down syndrome. At !8 she found out she was pregnant again. Her doctors told her that since her first two pregnanices were high risk and her sencond child has down syndrome she should abort the baby. He explained to her that she might not make it or the baby might not make it and if it does he or she may have serious problems. So my sister is 18 years old, already has two kids, a dead beat daddy for the first one and little financial help from the second, no help from family and friends in worse situations than she is, she unfortunatly chose to have an abortion. My sister is now 30 she has three wonderful children, is about to be married to a wonderful man and is financialy secure for the fist time in her life. Do you know what her biggest regret in life is? The little life she chose to take. Its not the extra stess that having a special needs child put on her life, its not that she had her two girls so young. Its the life she didn’t give a chance. My niece is 13 now my sister has moved back to the states and I can honestly say that in the five years my sister has been back I have never thought of my niece as a burden nither has my mother (who finially cleaned up her act), my step-father, husband, mother-in-law, father-in-law, my three children, or any of the church members who look after her in childrens church or sunday school. My sisters husband to be, his son and his family all love my niece and welcome her with open arms. Her teachers at school love her and I have yet to meet a person who meets her that doesn’t look forward to seeing her smile. And Finally there is my sisters oldest, who you said whould be burderned by her mothers choice. At 14 I have never seen a sister who is more aware, considerate, selfless, giving, or protective of their younger sister. She loves her more than I have ever seen a older sister love a younger sister. She would not chose to change or chose to not have her in her life. These children are not a burden they like all children are a blessing. All children deserve a chance at life no matter the circumstances under which they were conceived.
Mirco, you’re out of line.
1. You are a patronizing scold. Shut up.
2. You are a patronizing scold. Shut up.
3. You are vile. Your resort to that Scripture is inappropriate, at best. You should be judged accordingly. Oh – and shut up.
May God have mercy on your soul.
Micro, wow. That was an unnecessarily harsh comment to post. I’m sorry you’ve had bad experiences, but to assume that Cassy’s family is ruined–just RUINED–now is a terrible way to think.
Cassy, my five-year-old son doesn’t have Down Syndrome, but he does have spina bifida, and we found this out when I was almost 20 weeks pregnant. I had a lot of the same feelings and emotions as you. I felt love for my little unborn boy, but I was so incredibly scared and nervous about the surgeries, the caretaking, and all the possibilities…yikes!
When he was born, that all changed. Yes, we’ve had scares, surgeries, extra caretaking, and all…but when I actually had him in my arms, all that terror disappeared. He was suddenly REAL, and everything has been worth it. Just as everything has been worth it for his four non-spina bifida siblings.
You have a wonderful gift of writing, thank you for sharing your journey. Good luck and God bless!
Cassy,
My best friend of 30 years has a child with DS, and I myself am the parent to a beautiful daughter with special needs(she has Cystic Fibrosis). The joy brought by these children is incredible, and they teach you more about yourself than you ever thought possible.
Micro was harsh, but perhaps some harshness is needed when things go all soft and pillowy in the face of things that are not–by any defintion–good.
It’s hard to raise a disabled child. Some people can’t do it. Others shine and grow.
And all Down’s syndrome people aren’t ‘delightful childlike angels’. They’re people, as different as other people. Some are nice, some are not. The people I know personally who have DS can be spiteful, jealous, angry and downright hateful–and they can be pleasant, helpful, grateful and absolutely blissful. Just like everyone else.
But they are disabled. They have problems. And that has to be dealt with daily. They’re not ‘special’. That’s, as micro noted, PC garbage. And it’s PC garbage that hurts the very people it’s supposed to help–by verbally ignoring and avoiding the idea that these folks have a defect that doesn’t let them access all of life. Perhaps a focus on healing the defect as opposed to obfuscating the problem would do more, no?
Cassy, you’re already a good mom, you’ll be a good mom to Wyatt. Remember, don’t let the world call him ‘special’ because it doesn’t want to look at him–bring him up like a boy who’ll show the world why he’s special all on his own merits. Just like you’re doing with Ben.
I understand what you are saying, but it is not true that “some people can’t do it,” when referring to raising a Down Syndrome child. It would be terrible if they were all “little angels.” My 3 year is as mischievous as any “normal” 3 year old, and every Down Syndrome person is as unique as other people are. But life is not meant to be made as easy as possible, to sidestep all the lessons that are out there to be learned, and certainly not by aborting babies. On the other side of heartache there is joy, and oftentimes pain and suffering bring understanding and empathy.
In the end, I believe that God will send these little spirits to others in one way or another, but many people (92%) miss out on these great opportunities presented to them. To say to young Cassy here, or anyone for that matter, that little Wyatt is blessed to be born to such a great mother is well-meaning, but not the point. Anyone CAN choose to be a great mother, and a Down Syndrome child can help that to happen. Also, there are great adoption services specifically for Down Syndrome children, often with long waiting lists.
What it comes down to is: 1) do you value all innocent life?; and 2) do you trust that the Creator has a plan for you that includes this little person entrusted to your care?
Our youngest is 26 and a CP youngster. Most of the comments about joy and trials apply to what we’ve seen and done. You are on an interesting and rewarding path. He is a Gift from God.
The best continuing place I’ve seen handicappers depicted anywhere close to what our experience has been is on South Park where Timmy and the other youngster are just as bad as the other kids. Only difference is that their bodies don’t like them a whole lot. If you can get thru the gratuitous filth of South Park, it may be worth your while to watch. And they did a lampoon of Special Olympics several years ago that cuts really close to home. Best of all, it does make you laugh (depending on your sense of humor). Good luck -
This story hits incredibly close to home. One difference is that we received a phone call from our doctor’s office 3 days after learning about our Down Syndrome little boy telling me that “your wife’s procedure is all set for Tuesday”. At the time, I was shocked, but the next 5 months were very difficult.
The good news, the next 6 years have made us realize that we are some of the luckiest parents in the world. We’ve been blessed w/ a little boy(Mattie) who wakes up every day with a smile and makes us hug a lot! As I’ve said many times, he’s my hero. He’s everything that I wish I could be in my life. He’s happy, healthy, clever, handsome and does NOT judge anyone. He’s responsible for no less than 6 million smiles in his lifetime.
I’d love to tell you that it’s easy. It’s not, but being a parent is challenging with “typical” children (ie, my 10 year old daughter going on 16)
. It’s not easy, but it sure is interesting and a lot of laughs.
Congratulations on your blessing. I thought you might like to read this paper about what it would be like if people with Down Syndrome ruled the world. http://www.nads.org/pages_new/news/ruletheworld.html
Wyatt is so lucky to have strong, loving parents. In a world that makes me cringe and curse every day, you have made me smile and cheer. Thank you.
My Aunt with Down’s lived to be seventy. She used to babysit all of us cousins. We loved her.
My wife and I also had the same downs positive test results on two of our five pregnancies. We never proceeded with the amienothesis part of the test but we were very concerned, about the downs syndrome prognosis. Faith the reason we stayed the course. We were rewarded with two healthey babies Ian who,s going into the Marine corps in June and Ellen who,s a lifeguard and has three saves to her credit . The other three children were also borne without any health problems.I understand your anguish and hope that you are comforted by my story. Sometimes those tests aren,t very dependable. And It is,t always as bad as it sounds. We also beat the odds.
It’s sort of sad that most of those babies end up in the trash can. Downies are nice, I actually work with them. Don’t ya touch my clients!
I saw a little girl of about 10 or so playing near the creek as I approached while walking my dog. She was enthralled with the ducks and other water birds. I heard her giggle, thoroughly enjoying herself. Her parents were watching a short distance away with huge smiles on their faces. She heard Haley’s dog tags and turned to greet us looking directly in my eyes and I will never forget that look for as long as I live. Why they call it “down” is something I will never understand because the look from her face was anything but that. It was as if I could see all the way into her soul and she was seeking to see into mine. My mind’s eye will never forget that beautiful face. Life is a gift; I wish you many “presents” from the life you were given..
Cheryl, it’s called Down Syndrome after John Down, the British physician who discovered the condition.
I worked for about a year with Down Syndrome adults — and know some of the joys and pains associated with the difficulties they face. I was in my 30s, and became especially close to one young man about my age. Chris was a football fan — and imagine the fun we had when a neighbor offered me a pair of Rams tickets for a game he couldn’t attend. I love my job teaching high school — but wouldn’t trade that year at the sheltered workshop for anything. Please know that there are many blessings to come into your life through little Wyatt — and know as well that you will have the prayers of so many of us as you await his arrival.
One other story — this one from when I was 20. I worked at the exchange at Great Lakes Naval Training Center over Christmas break when I came home from college. The Saturday before Christmas, the store Santa’s wife went into labor with their first child, and I was pressed into duty as St. Nick in the toy department. I remember this beautiful little girl around six or seven walking up to me, pulling her older sister behind her. This little girl looked at me and said “Santa, I’m Kerry and this is my sister Sarah — she’s special.” I took a good long look at Sarah — and noticed for the first time that she was a Down Syndrome child. It was all Santa could do to keep from crying over the beauty of this scene, and the love that this perfect little angel of a child had for a sister who the world would have viewed as less than perfect and who too many would say should never have been born.
Please know that little Wyatt will be a blessing to his older brother Ben, and to whatever other brothers and sisters they may have.
Wonderful post, Cassy. God bless you and your family.
Every life is as God meant it to be. Wyatt is a blessing for you, as you, Matt and Ben are a blessing for Wyatt.
Watching Wyatt grow with you will be a blessing for us all. I hope you can share that joy with us.
My sister has twin sons who are both austistic and they turned 19 on Wednesday. They have been a challenge, to be sure, but they are both a joy and a wonderful addition to our family. We have learned so much from them and my young children have really learned compassion for those who are different. God bless you, Cassy. I’ve been a long time fan of you and your blog, way before you and Matt.
Autistic*
We have a 9 month extra 21er. I think of her as our families Sun. She is the center of everyone lives, we gravitate to her, and she brings the brightest light to our family. She is complete Joy! You wait and see, it’s still Italy. Just a brighter, more heightened experience.
Thank you for you story, Cassy. We applaud your steadfast commitment to life.
There is the very real possibility that Down Syndrome will become nearly extinct from the earth in near future due to recent simple genetic blood tests that are meant to specifically target Down Syndrome very early in pregnancy. While open government sponsored eugenics is mostly a thing of the past, eugenics is taking place quietly in the shadows, pushed by those who use “choice” a cloak. If you doubt it, simply read some of the comments on blogs concerning the subject. You will be shocked by the hatred and intolerance many people exhibit towards Down Syndrome people, and to those who advocate for Down Syndrome rights – chief among the right to be born. One example:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/gabe-lyons/raising-children-with-down-syndrome_b_1260307.html
I would encourage everyone who comments or reads here to get involved. There are organizations all over, many linked on facebook, that are fighting hard for our children and their future. Some Down syndrome people are going to college, getting married, opening businesses, play musical instruments, learning foreign languages, living on their own. The old views are changing, but we must fight for their right to be born. Eugenics is not coming, it is already here. It would be tragic shame if Down Syndrome people were to disappear from among us. It is happening right now.
My 36 year old son, who was born with Downs Syndrome, turns 37 in two days.
He is the inspiration of his siblings (a lawyer and a physician) and perhaps the happiest person I know.
It is so encouraging to see all the comments here from parents and relatives of children with Down syndrome. Cassy and Matt; I hope you take strength and inspiration from their stories. Remember your son is not a “Down-syndrome child” he is a child who happens to have Down syndrome. Child first; syndrome last. I work in a dance studio which has not only offers adaptive movement classes for children with Down syndrome (and they are the hit of every recital), but we also mainstream children with Down syndrome into our regular classes if that is what they prefer. Everybody’s definition of “perfect” is different, isn’t it?
To those who somehow want to defend women who abort their less-than-perfect children because of those imperfections or “defects” I have this warning: you are embracing the same eugenicist mindset that Adolph Hitler employed in his slaughter of Jews, homosexuals and Gypsies just a few decades ago. Repent of your horrible thinking. We must never decide who lives or dies based on their number of chromosomes, nationality, gender or religion – or any other “reason” you might give for why they are less worthy of life. Shame on you.
Also Cassy, Sarah Palin never said she considered abortion. I think that point needs to be driven home. Never. Said. It.
Our family also has a “something extra” child whose birth was a complete surprise to her young, healthy parents. Once the shock wore off, she was enrolled in interventions that helped her achieve physical and developmental milestones. Challenges? Sure. Worries? Of course. She is happy, outgoing, loving and just enough naughty to make life interesting.
Our son Noah (you mentioned his site in your article) was born with Down syndrome, and I can say our life is great! We love him so much! Please let us know if we can encourage, or support you in any way! I’m proud of you for your stance on life!
I am the “normal” twin. My sister is MR and CP. The effect my sister has had on my life is not capable of description. I never knew my sister wasn’t “normal” until I was around 9 or ten. She was normal to me. That realization has woven into my being and I have no doubt that I have more empathy, am more considerate of anyone’s differences (be that a disability or a difference of opionion) and am more mindful of how our society treats the disabled/elderly than I would have been without my sister in my life. Your older son will gain perspective that he wouldn’t have. I am so grateful for my own perspective.
As a prolife activist, I had the honor to know a woman named Lidia and her kid Ignacio (Nacho for friends), a little boy with Down syndrome just like yours. He is a cheerful kid who goes to school and plays with other kids; and because he has it more difficult than others in learning, he also tries harder.
Do not let the odds bring you down, and if they do, think about how many laughters and hugs await you when you two finally get to meet each other face to face. Nacho is a beautiful child and so will be your little Wyatt, of that I am sure.
All the best from Uruguay,
María Inés
Thank you for sharing. I have a Bro w. D. He is such a wonderful person. He was preemie w. heart problems and not supposed to live. He is 59 yrs old today. He is funny, outgoing, very shrewd. He has great faith and will pray for you right there if you are sick or senses you are distressed. He did not walk or talk or potty train for 5 yrears, but extra vitamins and diet helped him a lot. It was hard on my mom, as my dad was an alcoholic at that time and she could not go to work to support us- no one would take care of him. Today he knows everyone in the community and is everyone’s friend,the life of the party, loves to tell jokes. He loves and enjoys life. He was a gift to our family even tho at times things were hard, especially when he gets sick, its very serious. Diet and supplements really improved his development even as an adult(Remember it’s a syndrome.) Gluten free helps. We love him dearly, and I often think how much we would have missed out on if my mom had aborted him. Not that she would even consider it. My life is so much richer and I’m a better person because of him. He taught me to look at people thru God’s eyes.God knows who He can give those gifts to: people who need them.
That’s an amazing article. Good luck to you and your family and your baby as ya’ll look into the future. My dad always says that God never gives us anything we can’t handle. I don’t know you but I think you guys will be wonderful parents.
Hi, our daughter with DS is 3 and doing GREAT! I highly recommend joining some groups of moms, doctors, and others who are treating people with DS with vitamins and herbal extracts, to prevent some of the brain damage and even dementia that comes with time. We started at 8 months with a very gentle supplement schedule and added on as time went by.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/DSTNI/
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/DownSyndromeInfoExchange/
and a Christian oriented mama group I just know you’ll love….http://einstein-syndrome.com/join