Terrorists can use guns, make bombs, and survive in caves. Liberals are scared of loud noises and apparently can't survive if their every need isn't provided for by the federal government.
America hates patronizing dimwits who would spend their money and push them around, thus making liberalism very unpopular.
Why do liberals insist that the freedom enjoyed by a child is superior to that treasured by adults?
Maybe a third party would be a complete disaster, but a fourth party could actually work. Sort of.
If the people were saying, "We're blowing you up for Jesus," we actually know pretty well where to point to in the Bible to show them that's wrong.
In the spirit of Game Change, here are some other little-known tidbits from the election.
Typical intolerant America. Any day now, there'll probably be a proposal for separate drinking fountains for terrorists.
For starters, maybe we could try to owe fewer dollars in debt than there are stars in the known universe. (Also read Roger L. Simon: "2010: A Year of Living Dangerously?")
Bearded, obese, and probably mentally unstable, Santa is someone we obviously don't want near our children. (Also read Claudia Rosett: Browsing the White House Christmas Catalog)
Liberals have only one piece of wisdom to add to any discussion about war: "This war is just like Vietnam!"
It's not because of how we inhibit them politically that the left despises us; they hate us for our freedom.
Due to Sarah Palin’s aerial patrols, wolf attacks are down 30%.
Before you tell a foreign leader what a great Rottweiler he has, make sure it's not actually one of his children.
Maybe we could sell other countries our celebrities — as long as they promise to take good care of them and groom them and give them walks every day.
With all our technology, we've lost touch with what is truly important: killing and eating things.
Maybe the birth certificate controversy should be over whether or not Obama is a little girl. Because he's acting like one.
Don't these conservative Christians realize that Roman Polanski made just one little mistake? Haven't they seen Chinatown?
The big problem in America today is all these people who won't let the government do everything.
Twenty-eight years following Jimmy's reign of terror, did we let our guard down?
Perhaps they should just rename the Peace Prize the "Down with America" prize.
Chicagoans feel Obama owes them big. It's payback time in Copenhagen. (Update: A Slap in the Face.)
Advice to liberals about how to calm down those dangerous, racist, angry, fire-breathing right-wingers.
Would ACORN help Darth Vader track down and kill a Jedi? Only if the evil Galactic Empire offered free health care. (Also read Ed Driscoll: ACORN files lawsuit against filmmakers.)