Unless they get so angry at us that they send terminators from the future to kill us.
Have we evolved as a nation past the need for a competent president?
"Give me a large government telling me what I can and can't do while spending most of my money, or give me death!"
How conspiracy nuts, basket cases, paranoid loons, and other half wits can fool the rest of us into thinking they make perfect sense.
Truthers, birthers, and the idea that Obama is a secret Muslim are conspiracy theories that pale in comparison to the fantastical notion that ...
Our previous enemies could have destroyed our country, but our current ones mean we have a longer wait to get to our terminals at the airport.
Compared to 100 years ago, we are all fabulously rich. And we owe it all to the working rich who created it.
Frank J. Fleming knows the very first thing that went through your mind when you heard of bin Laden's death: were all the religious niceties observed?
Frank J. offers some pearls of wisdom on what to do the next time (and there will be a next time) America decides to take down a villainous Middle East dictator.
Do we really want all of us to be a bunch of educated people who never do anything useful — like the Obama administration but for the whole country?
American leftists are a bunch of reactionaries who defend the status quo and get angry at actual change.
If you commit violence, at least tell everyone you were inspired by a Dave Barry column and not me.
No matter how much liberals try to mystify the Constitution and obscure its meaning, hearing the actual text of the document quickly destroys that fiction.
Amazing predictions of major events that will almost certainly, probably, mostly occur in 2011 unless nothing happens.
Americans are trained from birth to say we love freedom, but is freedom really what we're all about?
Just when you think you've got the voters in a liberal frame of mind, reality blows all your plans to hell.
It was probably a lot easier back in ancient times to figure out who the stupid people were. They were the ones who did things like taunt the mammoths.
Because in the Democratic land of epic, mega, ultra, apocalyptic levels of sucking, those who kinda suck are king.
We should treat them all just like known mafia members; we don't have the evidence to send them to prison just yet, but we'll keep the FBI constantly on their tail.
What is America coming to when a seven-year-old girl can flout the law and defy the government?
The problem isn't that we hate other races. The problem is, we hate the wrong race.
I'm not exactly sure when it happened, but being for gun control has gone from a legitimate political viewpoint to mental illness.
It's not like the only evidence of the Holocaust was a bunch of scientists pointing to a computer simulation saying what they think would happen to the Jewish population in Europe.