I put her through school, asked her to work from day one, as that had always been the agreement, worked in this country whilst going to school and sleeping on the floor so that I could save for a life here, pay my rent and support them back home whilst she was going to school, only to have her refuse to work once I got her here, never respect my want and need to also be a parent to my daughter, have her tell me that the money that I worked so hard for was hers as well, and to this day, she still lords my little girl over my head, and last but not least, she was physically abusive once. I was a very good husband, not perfect, but very, very good and I honestly used to love her so much that I had even crawled across landmines just to be with her (Russia and closed cities), and I am telling you very clearly that I do not feel that way about her now.

Fortunately, I am not a victim, as that would render me powerless and what she did, was my fault, because I allowed it to go on in my life, but suffice it to say, that I will never, ever get married again. I’d rather burn in hell. Stripped of the one human that matters to me and why? So my ex can have more money (she still isn’t self supporting. I’ll never do it again. Never.

To make matters worse, the family courts, judges, attorneys and the soon to be ex-wives all figure to make out handsomely at the financial expense of the men, no matter how good of a person he is and was. The aforementioned do not care at all about the child’s right to a father, a father’s right to the child or the fact that many children do not make out well at all in single mother households. The facts are clear. Sadly, people still pretend that the facts aren’t the facts due to their continuing greed.

Women squawk about wanting equal rights, there are multiple examples of women that are extremely successful in their careers (Carly Fiorina ad infinitum), yet women have ZERO problem with making excuses for themselves as “mothers,” “victims,” yet touting your self sufficiency and equality EXCEPT when you’re busy having family court take what are his children too and HIS money.

You ought to be ashamed of yourselves, but of course you’re not and until you are and until things are equal, I’ll forego marriage. It just isn’t worth it.

ps. Many of you will say that women don’t make out any better from a divorce than a man does, but we all know better. I see it everyday at work. I don’t know how many men have come back from deployment to find out that she is having sex with someone else, filed for divorce, took the kids and half, and now she wants alimony too. Pathetic.

Once you get married, guys lose this ability but women not only retain it, they get a stronger one which is “call a halt and get something extra out of it”. So all of a sudden, she has no reason to be nice to you, no reason not to nag you and deprive you of your freedom, no reason to watch her appearance, and no reason to ‘give it up’ to you – a phrase women use which I find bizarre as it suggests that sex is purely a gift women can choose to give to men, rather than something to be enjoyed equally by both. How many ‘whipped’ guys do you know who are in the trap of “no sex and no friendliness unless you do as I say?” In a relationship this cannot happen, because if it does, the relationship will end, and that applies to both men and women. If a man decides to stop making an effort by being romantic, taking care of his girlfriend when she’s sick, watching his appearance, etc, she will dump him, and rightfully so. The exact same is true of the girlfriend if she loses interest.
In a marriage, if a man does any of the aforementioned things he will too be dumped – and taken to the cleaners in the process. IF, on the other hand, it’s the woman who stops making an effort, there is realistically nothing the man can do about it other than basically pay her half of his wealth to leave him. So it’s a sad fact of human nature than once someone no longer has to work for something, they won’t. Astonishingly, I even see women admit to this on these online forums, when the uncomfortable scenarios come up for discussion, and the responses usually seem almost shocked at the suggestion that the person you marry should be the same person once you’re married: “Why would I do that now, I already got him to marry me so I don’t need to ‘win him over’ anymore?”

I sincerely hope that this is not true, I believe in true love – but all the evidence I’ve ever seen suggests otherwise. I am only 23 so perhaps it’s simply that those who are unhappy complain about it, while those who are happy don’t shout about it – I hope that’s the case, but I still grit my teeth for the day when my girlfriend will no longer “have” to care about our relationship and I can look forward to a celibate life with someone who only ever nags and tells me what to do. I googled something like “why should men get married” hoping to find some consolation and I found this article…………….

My disappointment – as you can imagine – was extreme.

I came here through Google, interested in the idea of feeling like I would never marry anyone – reading this material has gotten me to reflect on much of what I have studied as a theologian and the understanding that has been passed on regarding this topic within the wisdom literature traditions that gave us the Bible and other texts. Granted, the vision and opinion of women transitions over time, but contrary to what many feminists claim (and at HDS one encounters much of this) the role of women from a cultural and scriptural point of view – especially in the late second temple period – is astounding.

Effectively, the male of the species is a persistent sojourner – his role within the familial and civic unit is defense and support of the infrastructure of a culture.

The female of the species establishes the culture of her household, just as a city establishes the culture of its citizens. This has lasting impact and is taken very seriously, to the point that prophetic narratives warn against marriage or deny requests for marriage to women who belong to cities or kingdoms that are pending judgment and execution – reason being that if you married a woman from a country or city that was pending the fulfillment of prophecy, you would bring the curse of the city along with you into your own household.

While this has little interest to secular circles, it yields a number of principles that I have followed, despite being mocked for my singlehood into my mid-30s, and throw back at my friends that learning how NOT to date and whom NOT to marry is as significant as the reverse. Perhaps more so.

The guidelines that I have followed are as follows:

1) I should be able to tell my child ‘listen to your mother’ and sincerely mean it.

2) I should appreciate the personality, mannerism, language and habits of my wife, because my kids will generally follow her lead more than myself. This isn’t a perfect mix but – for example, if I start taking it personally when I am ‘neglected’ then I miss the entire boat.

3) The purpose of marriage is the establishment of a hearth – ultimately to host and have something to offer to the community. If this is not the aim for both people, marriage is pointless and unnecessary.

4) The purpose of having children is to multiply the benefits we have received – to provide an opportunity to engender a person who might grow wise and do good things on earth. There are a lot of people who wants children, but really should just have puppies – and even then… poor puppies!

5) Be wary of beauty – it is a trap 90% of the time. It is designed to dissuade you from your values and your own will – it makes people crazy. Some call this love, but scripture is quite clear about calling this foolishness. If a person is not trained to seek wisdom and see that as the most erotic of enterprises, then marriage – indeed many of life’s ventures are doomed from the outset and unsustainable.

There are many other statements that are harder to quantify in modern times – but one that I think many will relate to is that a contentious wife (or husband) is the most terrible curse for a household…

When I have shared these comments with women my age, they become very frustrated. They don’t feel the responsibility is evenly spread – and I tend to agree. It is difficult to be a mother – it is not easy. It is not for everyone.

When I share this with girls in my youth programs, they are actually quite happy. Young girls want the bar to be raised, and when the bar is raised, they do have a good chance of becoming adult women – not latent adolescents tromping through their 30s and 40s with overbearing, disoriented narcissistic tendencies. And I have met a number of women who appreciate that when the bar is raised, their marriage and their children have a much larger impact than their own happiness. Their marriages are less likely to be co-dependent addiction factories or vampirical contests of endurance.

Nothing gets a young girl or woman more interested in learning that the principle that every piece of information – every skill, every bit of knowledge they take in and understand – it’s an investment in the future of their family and ultimately in society for at least 60 years down the line. I have found over the years that I have done this – making that kind of impact transforms a young woman’s thinking in ways that career goals and breaking the glass ceiling just cannot match.

My daughter is four and threw her teddy bear away because ‘ he was old and a boy’

I think of suicide often and fight a daily battle with depresson.

I remember she was so happy when I asked her to marry me.

It is very sad what women have decided to do to men. Just because you can do something does not mean it is a right thing to do.

The legal system is cruel and encourages women to use children as pawns to get money and assets. My daughter has been taught that I am old Papa and old things should be thrown in the bin. She says it makes her sad and that she hit under her bed and cried after momma made her throw her ted out. She is scared that I will be put in a plastic bag and thrown out and I had to show her that I could tear a bin bag so I could get out if I was put in one.

The court system has backed my ex completely, her female barrister knew the female judge and I learned afterwards that they were both themselves divorced.

I read a lot of internet postings from women who have affairs and decide that their husband is ‘stupid’ or ‘shit’ or ‘emotionally abusive’ (I’n my case writing a love letter to her after she had dcided to divorce was represented as psychological torture in court),

It’s is very sad what these small selfish mean women and their embittered mothers have done to men, children and society. The pride and ‘bravery’ in their ‘strength’ to be sexually unfaithful, ‘follow their heart’ etc.

Men should not marry. It is sad that the law and a twisted femminism with no courage to face the fact that there are just as many women as men go bad when faced with material and sexual temptation has destroyed an institution of partnership and love. Children and men suffer.

I miss my daughter (I get to have her stay for three weeks a year).

As for American women being morally corrupt, as some have suggested, that is a generalization and is certainly not applicable to every American woman. I’m British but I have moved to the US and I don’t think American women are very different to women of other nationalities. They do have high expectations, but then, so do most men it seems. An example would be that a close friend’s marriage is falling apart and he blames his wife for their problems, but as a friend of both partners, it is clear that they are both equally to blame for the circumstances they find themselves in. He would never admit this.

It really comes down to this – the law needs to be changed. Men should have to contribute a reasonable amount for child support, but they should not have to support their ex-wife in her chosen lifestyle after a divorce. They should also be allowed a fair custody hearing and both parties should share custody unless there is a very good reason why this should not be the case (i.e. in cases where it is proven that one spouse or the other is violent or completely unable to support the child). And women should not be able to make outrageous claims about the behaviour of the husband, unless there was strong prior evidence. Any woman with a conscience would not be okay with their estranged or ex husband not seeing his children. He has rights too. And no matter how bitter you are, denying someone their right to see their children, or to be financially secure and move on with their life is not acceptable.

I think any reasonable person (yes, even a liberal woman such as myself, who seems to be widely abused in many of your comments ) can conclude that men should have equal rights in marriage, divorce and child custody. I am uncertain why women tend to get custody of children unless it is because of the old theory that women have more of a bond with their children because they give birth to them? I have no idea how widely believed this notion is. But men should have equal opportunities. I’m quite cautious about getting married. But then, I have an understanding, supportive and open minded partner who can communicate with me when he is unhappy, without fear that I will act like a five year old, as so many women seem to do. I don’t think today’s society encourages women to pursue marriage either, mainly because the prevailing social view in the west is that marriage is doomed to fail. This is not encouraging for any woman or man and so the attitude that you can walk away if things don’t work out has prevailed instead. The idea of a divorce or breaking up a child’s family is a nightmare scenario, but marriage has always been risky for that very reason. Only difference now is that divorce is more socially acceptable. I sympathise with any man who has been screwed over by his ex wife and pre nuptial agreements are certainly a major sticking point. I’ve never been able to decide whether they are proof that a partner doesn’t trust his intended, or whether they are just practical. I would probably be offended if a man asked me to sign one – it would signify he had doubts about my integrity, but it is unfortunately something many people now feel is necessary because of some terrible court judgements that have ‘taken men to the cleaners’. Marriage should not be a business and the law needs to adapt to reflect this. Equal rights are not being upheld in divorce courts and this must change. Sorry this is so long!

Now Denmark, should seem like your utopia. It does not take in young couples mostly due to its land capability. I would imagine is expensive as heck to live there. So, everyone is going to hop over to Sweden due to the socialist utopia that is Denmark.

Marriage is a bad institution to people who don’t know how to make it work.

And yes, if you want to be free then you must reduce contact with another conscience. I guess it’s directly proportional to loneliness.