Ask Dr. Helen: Does a Father-Free Home Breed Success — Or Just Power-Hungry Politicians?
Father’s Day is here and it is a time to reflect on how important dads are to us as I do here in a PJTV show on why dads matter.
However, there are people who feel differently. These people think that fathers are not only unimportant but that they might even impede one’s success in life. At least this is what I got out of an article at The Daily Beast entitled “Washington’s Fatherless Elite” in which author Lisa Carver explores why so many successful politicians (such as Obama) and others are from father-free homes:
I was recently helping a graduating senior put together his college applications, and it about killed me. Whenever I began to fret that the forms weren’t filled out absolutely perfectly, he’d just smile roguishly. He wasn’t prompt, he didn’t worry. He knew everything would work out just fine.
“No it won’t!” I wanted to yell. “We have to take into consideration every possible complication! Life is a series of disasters to be narrowly averted!”
The difference between us? One big one is that he grew up with a loving dad to comfort, help, and support him, and I did not. My dad was in and out (more out than in), instilling in me a persisting sense that no help is coming, that life is mine to tackle alone, that finding a solution is completely up to six-, or 16-, or 36-year-old me. And it may be that running a country, a state, or a courtroom in today’s world benefits from exactly this type of survivalist, crisis-oriented personality.
Carver goes on to talk with a politician who grew up without a dad:
I was a man amongst men in the State House of Representatives and was a member of the good ol’ boys club. It fostered a feeling of belonging in the male world. I love my mother dearly, but there are times when a father’s guidance would have served me better. I poured my entire sense of self into becoming a politician on the upswing. I passed over a few opportunities to have made a family. I skipped past moments of simply enjoying my life and obsessively devoted every waking hour with thoughts of how I’d advance to the next level.
I came to understand that I’d substituted a father’s involvement in my life with one deeply entrenched with my political peers.
What follows are some of my own thoughts and questions on this subject — for I have always wondered why so many (especially liberal) politicians and Hollywood types have so many father issues.
Every child needs a mother and father. I would tend to agree that “fatherless” politicians, successful as they may be, are not motivated by a sense of public service. My ex had a father who was also more “out than in” and she is successful yet a narcissist at the same time.
My father abandon my brother and I when I was 4 and left my mother to fend for us in 1938. I never really knew him. My mother did not desert us but she remarried a stern , humorless man who never adopted us. He kept a roof over our heads and we grew in a rural environment during WWII.
I disliked my step father and wished secretly that we could live without him. Nevertheless he maintained his role as father even though there was no love in him.
Neither I or my brother was successful financially but raised families with our own children.
Later in life I rose to a managerial position in a major airline and it delighted me to send my retired parents free airline passes to fly wherever they wished. I know it pleased him greatly and flying first class in a 727-200 was probably the most wonderful experience in his life. My mother was always apprehensive but she thought it was grand.
For me , it felt like a thank you to parents who struggled to raise us in difficult times and I finally understood my step father was of greater importance in my formative years than I could ever imagine.
Happy Fathers Day Fred ,if you are reading this somewhere.
Although it sounds like a good theory, people are much more complicated than that. My oldest son spent his formative years without a father, and he is a very caring, sensitive young man, who has a huge interest in politics (as do I).
I have been married three times, and each time I ended up with someone who was very narcissistic and controling to an extreme, although the marriage did not start out that way. All three of my husbands grew up with fathers who were very involved with their children, so it may be nature rather than nurture.
As for the anger, I have found that African-American (AA) males are angrier than White males or Latino/Hispanic males. I think one reason is that sometimes they (AA males) feel they are being slighted, and they automatically think that it’s race related. They then get their feelings validated by other AA males, and they never have to consider that it might be for another reason, or that it wasn’t a slight at all.
I imagine that there are other factors that have not been considered. It would be interesting to find out what other factors could be contributing to this.
PLEASE NOTE: What I have written about is personal experiences. I am not trying in the least to group men and say they ALL act that way. However, the ones that I have known have acted in this manner.
As someone who grew up with a mother who’s father died before she was born and then married a man who she divorced before *I* was born…I *think* I can speak from experience when I say that ‘GOOD’ FATHERS matter…A LOT.
‘GOD’ is the only ‘FATHER’ I’ve counted on and turned to in times of crisis and need. Amazingly, God has done some pretty amazing things for me because of my faith in him/her. The fact that I’m alive to even write on this blog is proof positive that GOD is GOOD.
When my husband was sent to me from God, he not only gave me a husband but a ‘father figure’ [albeit a reluctant one]. My daughter and I shared ‘Daddy’ in the sense that I got to see first-hand what having a ‘Father’ was like through her eyes. Even though my husband is only six years older than me I still call him, ‘pa-pa’ but, before ya get skeeved he calls me ‘ma’. lol
Today I make the dough for my pizza. I’m making hubster a couple of killer pizza like only Delia knows how to do ‘em. I have my sauce and fixins all sliced and diced and cooked up so all I have left to do today is the dough and I hope my daughter shows up early enough to help because I really need to teach her more of my cookin’ techniques.
Life. Live it. Love it.
One result of being fatherless is being able to write two autobiographies before the age of 48.
You have a lot of elements in play. One is the influence of having a father. Another is the tendency of children with an absent parent to romanticize and idolize the absent parent, especially when the absent parent is of the same sex.
When race enters the picture, there’s even more of a reason for the child of the same sex to identify. In that case, the child not only feels a need to idolize, but also a need to choose. This is particularly true when the absent parent left the family willingly.
When you put this all together, it explains a lot about the POTUS. It explains why he actively sought out an African identity, after being raised to adulthood culturally white American. It also makes it almost inevitable that at some level, he has a grudge against white America.
In his mind, dad left for a reason, and that reason is that mom wasn’t good enough for one reason or another. He has to believe this, because the alternative is to believe the truth: that his dad was a bum. Since he (on the basis of sex) has to identify with the father, he has to rationalize that there’s something wrong with mom.
He probably doesn’t understand any of this. And now the entire world will suffer the consequences of his father’s poor character.
Famous leaders of the 20th century who lost their fathers in adolescence or earlier:
Hitler, A.
Stalin, J.
Hussein, S.
I’m sure that there are many more.
8. Self-hating Boomer,
Begins with an ‘O’ and ends with an ‘ahhhhh chit!’?
TO: Self-hating Boomer
RE: There ARE ‘More’
“Self-hating Boomer:
Famous leaders of the 20th century who lost their fathers in adolescence or earlier:
Hitler, A.
Stalin, J.
Hussein, S.” — Self-hating Boomer
Bill Clinton
Barack Obama
Are we seeing a ‘pattern’ here?
Regards,
Chuck(le)
[The Truth will out.....]
TO: Dr. Helen, et al.
RE: I Have To Wonder…..
…..if there is a study of amorality vs. fatherless upbringing.
And if we take it to the next logical step, politically speaking….
…..are there more ‘fatherless’ people amongst the ‘progressives’ than amongst the ‘conservatives’?
Regards,
Chuck(le)
[The Truth will out....and a lot of people are going to be 'embarrassed'.....]
“Without dads to teach them about power, boundaries, and love, they resort to wielding power over others in an effort to control the father or punish the father that they never had. Or, in reverse, they may imagine their father as something more than he was or in order to win his love, try to use his or her position to further what he or she thinks an imaginary father would want.”
But of course! Unmanly fathers tend to produce unmanly sons, who develop thence into either thugs or wimps. We can find examples of both forks of development throughout all branches and levels of our governments.
Nevertheless, I predict that the Left’s attempts to delegitimize fatherhood and to remove men from the rearing of their progeny will continue, as will their efforts to blame men and the traditionally understood manly virtues for all the ills the flesh is heir to. It’s gotten them this far…hasn’t it?
Well I don’t believe Obama Sr. was Obama’s father, it was actually Frank Marshall Davis….Look up Obama’s baby picture and the two men. He looks very much like Frank Marshall Davis
No, my daddy was really Malcom X. That’s why I don’t release my birth certificate. [rolly eyes]
TO: Pamela
RE: Heh
“Well I don’t believe Obama Sr. was Obama’s father, it was actually Frank Marshall Davis….Look up Obama’s baby picture and the two men. He looks very much like Frank Marshall Davis” — Pamela
Can we get some DNA samples? Maybe from some White House intern?
Where’s Monica when we REALLY ‘need’ her?
Regards,
Chuck(le)
[The Truth will out......]
Ms. Smith, you enter here in the realm of taboo, somehow skidding.
Since you used a picture of Obama and his father, let me comment here. My concern is what Obama did not want us to know about his father, or, in other words, what he omitted from his so-called autobiography “Dreams of My Father”.
These facts I learned while researching Obama’s past to decide on my vote. Please, correct me if I am wrong:
1) That his father was a polygamist, as he married at least once, if not twice, while he was already married.
2) That he mistreated physically Obama’s mother.
3) That he chose a university for graduate studies in the US that was better, but not allowed for money to take his family from Hawaii with him, to another choice he had of a lesser university that gave him a scholarship with ample funds to move in with the family, thus sacrificing the family’s well being for his.
4) That his alcoholism was such that he could not control it, to the point of having an accident while driving intoxicated in Kenya when he lost his 2 legs, and then finally dying in an automobile accident also in Kenya while intoxicated. Obama mentioned an automobile accident, period.
All this info may not be big deal. It is just that as much info as possible should be used for one to decide, right?
I also believe that President Obama has been less than candid with us on his drug use.
Do fatherless homes really breed “success”? I do know they breed a higher percentage of poverty and gun violence.
My father was a tough man who brooked no nonsense. He grew up in the depression, faced two years of combat in WWII, put himself through college, law school and MBA. He had his moments of tenderness but that wasn’t his way. But, he was honest and had integrity. He was generous and helped those in need. These were the lessons I took away from my childhood. In other words he lived what he preached, and those lessons have helped me greatly. I would be a different man if I had not known him.
Our society today has demeaned men in general and this has spilled over to fathers. We have an enormous number of children born out of wedlock thanks to past government policy and phony do-gooders. The role of a man and of a father is not valued as it has been in the past. We have divorce judges assuming that the man involved was at greater fault than the woman and favors her with money and kids. We have colleges teaching victim studies (gender, ethnic, sexual orientation etc) that don’t educate but indoctrinate; the message being straight men are the bogeyman and if white, a double bogeyman.
I don’t know if and when the demeaning of men will stop. But as long as it goes on, so does the tearing of our cultural fabric. I’m thankful for the father I had even though he had many faults and he couldn’t express his love easily. On today’s father’s day, I feel grateful.
An interesting, true, story: a zoo was having problems with its elephant herd, having only one matriarch and a bunch of young males. The young males would tear up the place and generally create havoc. The zoo finally brought in an older male elephant who took it upon himself to put the young ‘uns in their place; things calmed down considerably thereafter.
All I can do is look back at my own family history. For as far back as I have been able to find – at least 10 generations – my forefathers have stayed with the family (excepting, of course, war and such) and been good fathers. We have had practially no divorces, no murderers, no criminals. Nobody’s been extremely rich or powerful, but nobody’s been extremely bad off either.
I think what Dr. Smith was trying to say is that in some cases, frustration rooted in fatherlessness sometimes results in aggression, which can sometimes be channeled into ambition. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, except that since the motivation is dysfunctional at its core, this kind of ambition can motivate destructive goals.
This is everyone’s problem.
Lisa Carver’s article does not include any statistics about those who grow up without fathers and those who do not. In addition, she does not distinguish between those who grow up fatherless because their mothers did not marry, those who grew up fatherless because their parents were divorced, and those who grew up fatherless because their fathers died. So far as I know, sons who have grown up without fathers because their mothers never married tend to grow up violent and daughters to be promiscuous. Human beings need fathers as well as mothers.
Statistically, fatherless homes produce significantly less successful children than intact families, and the difference is large for almost any measure – school, drugs, crime, etc. That’s not inconsistent with a high number of power-hungry politicians coming from fatherless homes of course. A cynic will see a connection right away.
Does this line of investigation and reasoning have any bearing on gay adoption (or gay marriage, for that matter)? Why or why not?
Generalizations about the left and the right are generally not that useful; nonetheless, people who do not consider husbands & fathers important are likely to believe that the government should take this role. My sense is that a government can only constrain, it can not help the building of integrity, the internalization of values. Parents do that. One of the greatest gifts our forefathers gave us was the internalization of discipline, the desire to do good not because we will be punished or our neighbors won’t approve but because either our God has told us it is wrong or we believe it is the wrong thing to do. Our fathers (and our mothers, but I suspect the fathers model this more successfully for boys) teach us that. A society that becomes one in which we only do the right thing because of restraints is going to need more restraints and more punishments. It is also likely to be more chaotic. It is likely to be a society I don’t want for my children.
In my experience it’s not whether or not the father is in the home it’s whether or not he is involved with his children. Me and the father of my sons’ divorced when they were 10 and 5, I moved 800 miles away. He was involved as much as he could be, I let them stay with him every summer and every break they got in school. My father stepped in with my oldest and was involved with him in Scouts (He’s an Eagle). After graduation from high school he moved up to his dads. My youngest is more into sports and when he was 15 he decided to move to his dads. It broke my heart to lose my two sons within 1 year but my oldest son told me that it was for the best, that his younger brother needed his dad. My oldest did a lot of “dad” things with my youngest and he was there too. I didn’t fight it because I knew deep down that they were right. Dad’s are important to boys, especially in the teen years. Both of my boys are awesome men!
Daddy’s are very important to daughters, they give us an identity and teach us how we should be loved. I remarried and had a daughter and that marriage tanked too. We have a daughter and I have turned down positions for career advancements that would take her away from her father.
It all boils down to the dad being a dad, whether they are in the same house or not. And that means us mom’s need to let them.
In regards to gay adoption, it’s my opinion, that children need to identify with someone of the same sex. That can be done through a network of close friends. It’s not about who you are with, it’s about the kids.
The campaign against men hasn’t “spread” to fathers. It started with fathers, as portrayed in TV comedies going back at least as far as Homer Simpson (if not farther back). The Cosby Show (with its actual father portayed instead of an irresponsible male who’s spawned a brood of child-hellions) is the exception in TV history, not the rule. Unsurprisingly, much of working Hollywood also happens to have father issues, as they let us know at EVERY opportunity.
“Bastards sire bastards.”
-S. King, “The Talisman”
Re:123
No, it doesn’t.
My Dad was mostly missing during my growing years. I saw him maybe twice, on rare occasions three times a year. He wasn;t a bad person, just a lazy POS musician.
anyway, in a way I guess I over compensated by having a survival drive, knowing I cannot count on anyome but me. Over the years I have gotten better, and am very successful, but not neccesarialy always happy. My mom, who tried to do it all, was always there for me, but also never had the guidance of a male figure to know when sometime she needed to say “yes” to things males do. Now I drive motorcycles to her chagrin, own a gun, have a wife who understands that and realizes there is no point in trying to change my mind. I guess I am living my childhood in my 40′s (we are childless due to medical issues). So in the end it balances out, but I agree if the balancing out is a politician who controls other people life it can be very scary.. No wonder I hate these politicians, I already have a hard enough time controlling my own life while they find new ways to screw it up…
Self-hating B and jw touch on interesting deeper questions. I read years ago that there was a measurable difference on some measure between children who had lost their fathers to divorce vs death. I can’t find it, and have no idea whether it is actually true. It is a plausible and comforting narrative, but such things have a way of becoming accepted as fact without sufficient evidence.
As a father of five sons (three adopted), whose father went to prison when I was six, I am much interested in the question of what the value of a father is. I also work with adolescents and adults in acute psychiatric emergencies and have a sense of what is involved. I greatly respect research, and would value good general data over my own anecdotal evidence, however extensive. Nonetheless, my impression is that children without fathers have less self-discipline in their personal lives. Those with bad fathers have anger and resentment, but even so fare better than those with none.
123, the answer to your question is grimly humorous. The studies have not been done comparing children of heterosexual couples who have been there from birth through adulthood versus homosexual couples who have raised children from birth through adulthood. Why? Because the latter population does not exist in sufficient number to do a decent study.
jw (21):
I remember hearing that the children of soldiers who were killed in battle tend to grow up rather well, despite the lack of an actual father, because mom points to the picture on the wall and essentially says “make him proud of you.”
123 (23):
Yes. Because in a homosexual pairing adopting a child (it’s not a marriage) one of the two isn’t the other sex. Mothers and fathers play unique roles in raising children, and they’re not interchangable. Children, both boys and girls, need both mothers and fathers.
How do fatherless boys learn to socialize with girls/women in a healthy male manner? It seems they are all but certain to become “Alan Alda” types that are more like women with male plumbing. While women say they want sensitive men whom they can talk to like their girlfriends, a feminized man doesn’t command respect from women.
As fatherless children become normal or common in society women will respect men less and less and the effect of fatherless cultural decline accelerates.
As it happens, compensating for inner pain and deprivations or even abuses in early life is often a strong motive for performing well in various endeavors, and just as often a motive for neglecting or exploiting others.
In any case, to recommend it as a way of breeding superior workers in any field is plain stupid.
It’s sort of the broken window theory of economics applied to the human soul.
To take the recommendation just a small step further, for the sake of demonstrating its absurdity, consider that many of the most insightful and compassionate people in the field of psychology and in the arts, are people who suffered neglect and abuse in their early life.
So if we want compassionate and insightful psychologists and artists, the thing to do is to promote the neglect and abuse of children.
Poppycock!
The author is logic-challenged. Or should a say … a dope.
I disagree with the basic premise of this piece. While I’m not a supporter of government generally, I think the assumption that politicians tend to be the products of broken homes is pretty much wrong on its face. Barack Obama is one thing, but George W. Bush seems to have grown up in a fairly stable household and he was no less authoritarian.
I don’t think it’s a generalization that holds any water.
26:
The first generation of affluent, politically-motivated gay and lesbian parents may do fairly well at providing a “network of close friends” to serve as substitutes for a parent of the opposite sex. The proverbial “male role model” in most cases, as lesbian parents are more common than gay male parents.
But finding someone who will be as dedicated to a growing child throughout his or her life as a parent would be is difficult under the best of circumstances. Single moms have a hard time providing dedicated long-term “male role models” for their kids. Especially at lower socio-economic levels. The same is likely to become true for gay and lesbian couples in less-than-ideal circumstances.
Same-sex divorce may be especially difficult for kids. What happens to the kid with four mothers (all with their own ideas about who should serve as substitutes for a parent of the opposite sex) as opposed to two mothers and two fathers after a heterosexual divorce and remarriage? How confusing do parental models become then?
And although Rosie O’Donnell was apparently conscientious about providing male role models for her little boy, he still wanted a father. She told him, in effect, that he couldn’t have one because if he did, he couldn’t have her for a mommy. “. . . because I’m the kind of mommy who wants another mommy”. Bet that shut him up about the desire to have a father. There are other reports of children of lesbian couples asking for a daddy to move in with them. Their children want a dad just like children of single moms want a dad.
However, I am more concerned that promotion of the idea that two mommies or daddies is “just the same as” a mommy and a daddy will lead to fewer fathers staying in long-term heterosexual relationships, including marriage. All a kid needs is two parental figures of some kind. Grandma or grandpa can stand in for a father who decides to leave the family, for example.
Promoting the idea that there is no difference between gay and heterosexual marriages will intensify the current societal attitude that fathers have no important role which is difficult for others to fulfill. Children growing up with this idea will be less likely to regard fatherhood as the critical societal role that it is.
Why shouldn’t (straight) boys choose to do something more fun, more respected, more rewarding or more important with their time? Why should young women concentrate on establishing a stable, committed relationship with a man before having children when that man is expendable in the family?
Dr. Helen,
Please look at the history of the *author* of the piece. Lisa “Suckdog” Carver’s an artist with a rather colorful history of her own, and would tell you more about where she’s coming from. Check out the summaries of some of her books, or her descriptions of her life in the 80s and 90s.
TO: Robert
RE: You….
“George W. Bush seems to have grown up in a fairly stable household and he was no less authoritarian.” — Robert
…are TRULY a card-carrying member of Densa.
Obama has already proven to be ‘worse’ than Bush II based on his blatant lies and deception. Then there is the arbitrary firing of the two IGs who were investigating things that Obama didn’t want investigated. This is markedly different from Bush firing US Attorneys that were NOT doing their job. [Note: And why aren't the Democrats, who were so upset at Bush for firing the attorneys, SILENT on the firing of the IGs. Especially since Obama co-sponsored a bill that made such arbitrary firings ILLEGAL!?!!!]
Let’s leave alone the fact he has, in six months, destroyed the economy.
Your argument that the premise of Dr. Helen’s article is wrong has just been shot to hell.
Regards,
Chuck(le)
[Prevaricator, n., a liar in the maggot stage of development.]
Dr. Helen;
“Also, I wonder if fatherless politicians are part of what is driving the anger against men in our society.”
Negative feedback loop. They are driving it and are driven by it.
Let’s get down to bedrock, a bastard son has to deal with an utter existential rejection, does he not?
At some level. he has to come to terms with the fact that to the male who may have sired him, he was no more than an orgasm, and this is a heavy number for a boy to deal with.
God knows how many fatherless children come up to me when I’m out and about with my own son. It is enough to make stones weep…and what may be worse are the boys who do not approach, but rather stay aloof, but always watching. I can see the hurt and the loss and the jealousy in their eyes as plainly as if it had been stenciled across their foreheads with red spray paint.
“The residual anger many of them feel towards men perhaps makes many more likely to try and control and dominate other men as a way to make up for the most important man in their lives not wanting anything to do with them.”
Perhaps. Although I think that it is just as likely that they’d seek success as a way of getting the fathers they never had or barely knew to finally take notice of and approve of them…and maybe to fear them; that the absent father can be made to “answer” for the crime of abandoning the son. Justice of a sort.
So you ask:
“Do fatherless homes really breed “success”? Or do they just lead to some politicians who make decisions based on their own need to “succeed” rather than focusing on what is best for the country?”.
What is the working definition of “success” that you are using?
From your article it is clear that you also see that success is a vector, as opposed to a scalar, quanta.
“Success”…but to what purpose? To make some anonymous sperm-donor pay for his irresponsibility?
This is a “success” we can all do without quite nicely…including the little boy who is now surrounded in the trappings of power.
I doubt very much that he will ever succeed in getting the fathers’ love that he might be craving above all else.
And he can inflict a lot of pain on a lot of other little boys in his quixotic quest.
I would say here that from the research I’ve read, the impact of a fathers’ death upon a boy is nowhere near as deleterious as that of a father who was never there, or who abandoned his progeny, especially where the widowed mother holds the deceased father’s memory in esteem and respect.
Dr Helen, thanks, great site and very insightful.
Fatherhood has been steadily devalued since the 60s, as evidenced by the “anything goes” values of the me-generation, acceptance and higher rates of divorce, and like all good long-term studies it takes time to see the impacts, as we are now in the rise of leaders like Bill Clinton and Barack Obama, who are essentially narcissists, if not borderline sociopaths, in their lack of respect for truth and integrity.
Traditional fathers teach respect for women, moral guidelines, self-restraint, courage, integrity, humility. A broad look at our popular culture finds these all lacking, unpopular, and despised by thinkers in the “post-modernist” movement in academia, by radical feminists and leftists who now call themselves “progressive”, and by the mainstream media, who disdain anything that smacks of traditional values, in the name of their own free speech.
Our kids and grandkids are in for a rough haul while the pendulum slowly swings back…
It is too bad that what was once respected
Folk Wisdom, accumulated through generations
of learning things the hard way, has somehow
been transmuted into anecdotal evidence at best,
and superstition at worst.
Truth is where you find it, even in a comic strip
like Lil Orphan Annie, one of whose story lines
included a Dad worried about a teenage son being led astray by a Thuggish authority figure.
The Thug’s Stomping Boots arrived in the mail,
and he invited the son to come along while he
tried them out, on an old man trapped in an
alley; The Old Man shot the Thug dead, looked
at the son, and wondered aloud:
“He was with the other one, maybe I ought to…”
Trademark hair-standing-on-end fright shot of
the son, followed by the fastest return to the
fold on record.
If the US is luckier than it deserves, something
analogous will happen to the Federal Government
in general, and POTUS in particular.
I think what we have here is an example of orphan neurosis. Children who grow up without one or both parents are much more likely to fall into various snares in society. Those that do manage to overcome the difficulties that so many of their peers fall victim to often have some major obsession, such as tracking down half-siblings, finding birth parents (in the case of adoptees or those raised by grandparents), wanting a large family, or the aforementioned example of seeking political power, feeling they have something to prove, either to the world, or to their fathers.
I grew up with my granparents, my oldest brother grew up in a fatherless home. He is — and always was — “driven,” but without the ability to enjoy the fruits of his enormous drive. He rose through the ranks of the military officer class to become a young Colonel, but it was a sham because he was just convicted of defrauding the government of some serious money. On the other hand, my life is much more quiet. I teach at a college, I just adopted my 8 year old granddaughter and recently bought a modest house. I think my life is better, and I’m convinced my “dad” had something to do with that.
Seems to me that what’s going on the common mistake of looking for THE REASON for someone’s behavior and latching onto lacking a father (or mother) as THAT REASON. It’s piss poor psychology and just as dumb as all the other theories which attempt to use a single event to explain someone’s psychological makeup.
30. Assistant Village Idiot:
Self-hating B and jw touch on interesting deeper questions. I read years ago that there was a measurable difference on some measure between children who had lost their fathers to divorce vs death. I can’t find it, and have no idea whether it is actually true.
~~~
I recall reading the same study. I think it was late 70′s, ’80 at the latest. It is a subject of meaning to me as my father died when I was 12. I recall it stating children who lost their father’s to death faired better than children whose parents divorced. My father’s death was very devestating. I’m grateful to have a wonderful husband, who is a wonderful father, to our daughter’s and our son’s.
Joe,
I absolutely agree with you. Humans are very complex, and to try to pin down “the one reason” for someone’s behavior is ridiculous.
One has no future in the Democratic party unless they can promote the idea that government makes a better husband and father than do husbands and fathers. They themselves are of course always good husbands and fathers, in their own mind at least, it’s just everyone else who needs to be displaced by government programs.
To big government leftists, fathers are an enemy to be destroyed in order to gain power and control over every detail of people’s lives and income. Where class warfare failed, government induced destruction of the family has been wildly successful in growing government size and control.
To expect anything other than a “government as father” candidate from the left is absurd.
I don’t have time to read all the comments, though several are very good. My two cents are: Fatherless breeds more fatherlessness and divorce breeds more divorce. My father had serious emotional problems and was gone most of the time after I was 5. Mom simply could not fill all the gaps, and I turned into a loner who did not participate much with groups or sports. When I finally married at age 33, I thought all was well but cracks developed when I couldn’t bring proper calm and discipline to situations. We eventually divorced, though I am still very involved with my kids, and will not do to them what my father did to me. My sisters are also divorced, and have come to hate men or the idea of marriage.
I wonder what Mark Sanford did with his kids on Father’s Day.
“I wonder what Mark Sanford did with his kids on Father’s Day.”
Huh? Since when the hell is a FATHER supposed to do something with or for his kids on FATHER’S day.
What’s with all the questions, Dr. Helen? Thought you were the psychologist. Have you no theories, no answers to share with us? Or is the truth that answers vary widely with individual circumstances, but you can’t throw red meat to the wolves at Pajamas Media with a truthful answer like that? Better to bring up disingenuous questions in the guise of solving real problems, then throw the seeds of hate out to the haters to foment. Ever take ethics in graduate school, Doctor Helen? Didn’t think so. You are a disgrace to so many things.
“Famous leaders of the 20th century who lost their fathers in adolescence or earlier:
Hitler, A.
Stalin, J.
Hussein, S.
I’m sure that there are many more.”
Self hating boomer, George Washington was also raised by a single mother. Maybe you should add him to your list as well.