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Ask Amelia: Do Blondes Really Have More Fun?

PJ Media's new advice columnist answers your questions.

by
Amelia Hamilton

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March 22, 2014 - 10:48 pm
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We just moved and had a kid. Our apartment is understandably a mess (not dirty, but disorderly). Whenever my mother-in-law comes over, she looks around in disgust and makes comments about it (telling my husband to vacuum certain spots, telling us she’ll pay for a cleaning lady). How do I nicely tell her to shove it? If she continues being this way, I don’t want her coming over, which means she sees the baby a lot less.

 —Frustrated Mama

Dear Frustrated,

It is completely understandable that your house would be messy after either a move OR a new baby. Combine the two? Sheesh. Is she trying to do something nice by having your husband help with vacuuming or offering a cleaning lady, or is she being judgy towards you?

I assume you’ve tried “well, things are a little crazy around here with the move and the baby!” and she’s just not taking a hint, right? I wouldn’t say no to a free cleaning lady (saves YOU the trouble!) — but, if it would come with strings attached, never mind.

Does your husband know it bothers you? I assume he does, so he might need to stand up for his woman and gently suggest to his mom that she cut you a break. I know that that’s a lot easier said than done!

That last resort is that you shove stuff in the bedroom or in bins or something so it’s more hidden when she comes over. You shouldn’t have to do that, but it might be worth it to keep the peace a little and make sure baby and grandma don’t miss time with each other.

Comments are closed.

Top Rated Comments   
Oh, please. First a gossip column, now a rehash of Dear Abby.

PJM is going down the tubes.

22 weeks ago
22 weeks ago Link To Comment
All Comments   (37)
All Comments   (37)
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Do blondes have more fun? Well, I don't know really. But what I can tell you is, dyed blondes don't have more fun, that's for sure. In fact, fun is the last thing on the minds of dyed blondes, let alone more fun. They say they want fun, but they don't. So trust me, while I'm willing to believe the folk saying "blondes have more fun", I can say without reservation, or fear of contradiction, dyed blondes definitely do not want any fun in the first place. Especially if their latest dye job turns their hair green. Because apparently, that can happen. On more than one occasion. So it seems woman have to watch it with hair dye. But even if they are careful, and do not over dye their hair, dyed blondes do not have more fun.
22 weeks ago
22 weeks ago Link To Comment
Frustrated Mama -

"How do I nicely tell her to shove it?"

You don't. Just tell her to shove it. Being nice is lost on people like her.
22 weeks ago
22 weeks ago Link To Comment
Oh, please. First a gossip column, now a rehash of Dear Abby.

PJM is going down the tubes.

22 weeks ago
22 weeks ago Link To Comment
God forbid they try to expand their base.
22 weeks ago
22 weeks ago Link To Comment
The mother in law was trying to be helpful to the new mother by directing HER son and HER resources to the problem, she was not being judgemental. People who don't change their hair color have more fun because they're not spending time and money becoming a fake blonde. Throw away the roommate's dishes and you won't have to worry that they're not getting washed. People who don't wash dishes should use paper plates.
22 weeks ago
22 weeks ago Link To Comment
I'm told that when my mother had me, Grandma came over and helped get the place in some semblance of order.

Maybe that's the way through here? Cleaning a house can be a real bonding experience, and you get lots of stories about the sock and newspaper pile to regale your kids/grandkids with.
22 weeks ago
22 weeks ago Link To Comment
Harry Voyager, EXACTLY my thoughts! If someone is complaining about how disorderly things are "draft them" to help clean up!!
22 weeks ago
22 weeks ago Link To Comment
the proper response would be thank you for your offer, and when do you want to send over the maid service and make sure that they are paid.

That would be a kindness as turning down a gift isn't that nice to a person that wants to give.

It also puts everything in perspective if the person then doesn't want to pay,.
22 weeks ago
22 weeks ago Link To Comment
I assumed she meant it. I thought of this, but people have different opinions when it comes to accepting monetary help.
22 weeks ago
22 weeks ago Link To Comment
Years ago, I accompanied my Father visiting some friends of his. A middle-aged power couple with a daughter in college. Charming people, nice house, distinguished, busy careers and all that. But the house was a PIGSTY. When a footloose-and-fancy-free young bachelor thinks your house is dirty...well?

I just could not think of any way to tell them without making a faux pas/etiquette doody. They could certainly have afforded a maid service but they probably didn't believe in such things.
22 weeks ago
22 weeks ago Link To Comment
Men who have taken the red pill do not take life advice from a female.

Men who have not taken the red pill live like the husbands of women who are like the first letter writer - in subordination to his wife and the mother of his wife.

Men who have taken the red pill advise those men who have not taken the red pill to grow a pair, i.e. take the red pill. And then tell the mother-in-law (aka BOSSY) to shove it.
22 weeks ago
22 weeks ago Link To Comment
Not enough to go on here. Both Ann and Dear Abby would have probably agreed that a young couple just moved AND with a new kid could not possibly keep a spotless house without some help. Maybe hubby's Mom was being snotty or maybe she was being as diplomatic as she could and Princess was over-reacting.

I think both of the sisters Friedman (Ann/Abby) would have agreed that she should have eagerly taken up the offer of a maid on mother-in-law's dime. This is definitely not an issue over which to start a lifelong family feud.
22 weeks ago
22 weeks ago Link To Comment
Every single incident in a man's life in which a woman, no matter which one decides to BOSSY said man is an issue over which to start a feud.

You put your foot down (*NOW*) or you live on your knees for the rest of your life.
22 weeks ago
22 weeks ago Link To Comment
I bet you're a real picnic to live with.
22 weeks ago
22 weeks ago Link To Comment
I bet he lives alone ;-)
22 weeks ago
22 weeks ago Link To Comment
He's probably a lot more fun to live with than a post partum wife, crying kid and bossy mother in law. And he's right. He has to lay down the law and tell mommy to step off. Grand mother are supposed to help not be a pain. Next time show her the vacuum and tell her to get busy.
22 weeks ago
22 weeks ago Link To Comment
Oh jeez, another advocate for BOSSY MEN. How about the concept of the married couple having a partnership where mutual respect (among everything else) is shared with neither one lording all the power over the other? Amazing the number of people who don't think this is what marriage is all about. The best way to deal with an obnoxious in-law? Ignore their nonsense & humor them.
22 weeks ago
22 weeks ago Link To Comment
*GREAT* blog recommendation here:

Judgeybitch.com

Common sense, but biting and funny as hell!
22 weeks ago
22 weeks ago Link To Comment
http://judgybitch.com/

It is a good read.
22 weeks ago
22 weeks ago Link To Comment
Judgybitch makes a lot of sense.
22 weeks ago
22 weeks ago Link To Comment
22 weeks ago
22 weeks ago Link To Comment
She doesn't make complete sense.
22 weeks ago
22 weeks ago Link To Comment
Well, I agree with her to the point that in the current era where the nuclear family has all but been destroyed, it's nice to see a pattern where two people want to make a lifetime commitment with one another. (Remember too, I am firm in my belief that gays should not be treated differently than everyone else). Studies have shown repeatedly that children raised by gay couples do better in life, in general, than those being raised by single parents.
22 weeks ago
22 weeks ago Link To Comment
We've had this discussion before. If you care about people you don't give them license, much less encouragement, to engage in destructive behavior. If someone happens to be caught in that predicament you do your best to help them make the best.

Regarding children, I agree that two lesbians who put the children first do much better than a single mom with a lot of boyfriends.

That doesn't mean that a family with a father isn't far better, but I agree that two lesbians treating the issue seriously trumps a flake who doesn't.

Regarding two men, it's best they not adopt: http://billlawrenceonline.com/archive/franklombard.html
22 weeks ago
22 weeks ago Link To Comment
"If you care about people you don't give them license, much less encouragement, to engage in destructive behavior."

As if the gay lifestyle by definition is destructive, not taking into account that many gays live positive, contented, successful lives free of sexually-transmitted diseases & other signs of either emotional or physical despair.

If you care about people, you allow them to make their own life choices as long as said choices don't infringe upon other people's God-given rights & freedoms with which we are all endowed. If you care about people, you don't encourage them to live out their lives barren of love & companionship just because you find their sexual orientation to be distasteful or "destructive."
22 weeks ago
22 weeks ago Link To Comment
Yes, it is destructive. Objectively, scientifically, medically. Next time you give blood consider the questions about it. You want to deny it? Why? I'll grant that setters of fashion certainly put the pressure on.

The most important question all people have to answer concerns whether God exists. That's followed by what does He want us to do and how do we know this.

If you accept that God wants us to be loving, forgiving and compassionate, you should ponder why it is that you accept it.

If you correctly conclude that the Bible is where these values are revealed, you will have to concede that the Bible also specifically and consistently condemns homosexuality. At least male homosexuality. It's a little more ambiguous about it regarding women.

You should also question the rather bizarre attacks being levied against the Bible by the rulers of our culture. You can see them often posted on this board i.e. the Old Testament condones rape and murder etc by people who get their knowledge of it from snippets found on internet search engines.


Feelings change. The consequences of actions never do.
22 weeks ago
22 weeks ago Link To Comment
If you take a moment to carefully think through the activities that point to a destructive lifestyle, they are the ones that are destructive no matter who does them. Examples: Anal sex (popular among heterosexual men & some straight women), infidelity, having children out of wedlock, irresponsibility, refusing to work for a living despite being of sound mind & body, etc. I think you get the picture.

I have long since accepted the fact that many in the gay community live wholesome, productive, successful lives. You, OTOH, appear to paint them with a very broad brush (particularly gay men).

We all will ultimately face the final judgment; if I am on the wrong side of it being in support of marriage equality, so be it. I am willing to take that risk.
22 weeks ago
22 weeks ago Link To Comment
Do you really believe that destructive lifestyles should get approval and encouragement no matter who does them?

And I'm not painting any group with a broad brush. Being gay isn't a sin. Sodomy is a sin.
22 weeks ago
22 weeks ago Link To Comment
"Do you really believe that destructive lifestyles should get approval and encouragement no matter who does them?"

Where on earth did I say or even imply that? I was merely challenging the idea that gays should be discriminated against on the basis of activities that are also committed by heterosexuals & laying bare the case that it's just sheer prejudice based on the fact that they are gay. Period.

I do believe that somewhere along the line we cannot be judge & jury regarding some personal choices, particularly with regard to what goes on privately between two consenting adults.

Not everyone agrees that sodomy is a sin, as the repeal of sodomy laws in many states reflect this POV. I just don't buy the "sin" argument as a valid rationale for backing up discrimination (as a violation of others' civil rights). Whether or not you are willing to admit it, you'd like to see gays returned to the closet. "That dog won't hunt" as it is said.
22 weeks ago
22 weeks ago Link To Comment
I can put words in the mouths of others too: Whether or not you are willing to admit it you'd just as soon let another do acts that lead to his suffering than avoid being seen as unfashionable.

Is that a fair description of your motivations?

Fashion changes as it is said.

You've been brainwashed to think that discrimination is always wrong and that marriage is a civil right. Can you even explain what the purpose of civil marriage is?
22 weeks ago
22 weeks ago Link To Comment
"You've been brainwashed to think that discrimination is always wrong and that marriage is a civil right. Can you even explain what the purpose of civil marriage is?"

On the contrary, you are the one who is brainwashed, IMO. You hinge your entire attitude on the notion that the gay lifestyle is a sin & that anal intercourse is destructive ("dangerous" is a term I prefer to use but even then, many manage to do it safely without suffering serious consequences).

"Marriage" denotes taking a number greater than one & making it one. People in the restaurant industry actually use it in reference to combining multiple containers of condiments; I have heard them do it. So, the term does have a number of contexts under which it is used.

Again, I stand by my initial assertion that gays should not be treated differently than anyone else. Again, I have yet to see overwhelming evidence that the gay lifestyle leads to suffering & is destructive. What poses the greatest challenge to them is the stigmas, biases & acts of discrimination other people undertake against them. Now that is destructive.
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22 weeks ago
22 weeks ago Link To Comment
The gay lifestyle, whatever that means, is not a sin.

Sodomy is a sin, but sin is not really the government's business. The government, though, should obviously not encourage things that are sinful. Do you think the government should encourage gluttony? Drunkenness?.

Anal sex is dangerous because it is destructive. This becomes the government's business to the degree it impacts the public order. Society should tell people not to do it just as they tell people not to shoot crack and share needles.

And if a particular practice that could quite well involve anal sex endangers innocent people, then it would be appropriate to pass laws against that practice.

--"Marriage" denotes taking a number greater than one & making it one.--

Subtracting three from four is marriage?

Why are there public benefits and legally binding obligations bestowed on people who sign a marriage contract? Why does the dissolution of a marriage require the involvement of the rest of us through public courts?

22 weeks ago
22 weeks ago Link To Comment
"..... or is she being judgy towards you?"

Judgy? What is that, some sort of newfangled valley girl talk? #imwtk
22 weeks ago
22 weeks ago Link To Comment
I agree. Judgemental is a perfectly good word.
22 weeks ago
22 weeks ago Link To Comment
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