America Needs Better Villains than Porn-Addicted Jihadists
So they found a big stash of porn in Osama bin Laden’s compound. I thought the whole point of terrorism was supposed to be religious or something, but apparently the terrorists are like cafeteria Muslims — they don’t subscribe to the whole Islamic tenet of clean living and instead just adhere to the blowing-up-infidels part of the religion.
It seems one of the biggest goals of Islamic terrorists — besides pointless murder and mayhem — is to have absolutely no redeeming qualities whatsoever. We have bleeding heart liberals who automatically side with America’s enemies, but the terrorists are dead set on giving even those people absolutely nothing to hold onto. You can search and search for the terrorists to have any redeeming qualities, and the best you’ll come up with is something like, “Well, one time they only kicked a puppy when they easily could have stomped it to death.”
They’re just pointless, useless enemies — far more one-dimensionally vile than anything you’d find in the most hackneyed fiction. And that’s a big problem for us.
America has been in a slump for a long time. We just can’t get our act together and be the shining city on the hill we used to be, and I think a big part of that is terrorists. Not terrorism; terrorists — in that they are our big enemy right now. The fact is, to achieve great heights, America needs a great villain to overcome, and as long as our big enemy is a bunch of primitive thugs servicing themselves in barren compounds, we’re going to be stuck in a rut.
Look at the villains from America’s past. We started out against the British — sophisticated enemies and one of the largest empires the world had ever known. Later we took on Nazis, who had a plan for dominating the world and making a super race. Then there were the Soviets with their misshapen ideas of social justice backed nuclear by weapons.
Our outcome against all these enemies was uncertain, and we had to be our best — better than our best — to overcome them. The British made us give birth to the greatest nation ever. The Nazis bid us to become a world superpower. The challenge of the Soviets forced us to achieve numerous technological advances and even land on the moon. But now we’ve been focused on terrorists for about a decade, and that threat has led us to create … the full-body scanner.
I don’t want to belittle the terrorist threat too much — I mean, they can hurt us. But then again, so can syphilis. But it’s not exactly something all of America has to work together to overcome while being better than we’ve ever been. Our previous enemies could have destroyed our country, but our current ones mean we have a longer wait to get to our terminals at the airport.
Yes, they have a plan of world domination, but does anyone really take it seriously? Do they even take it seriously? I mean, if they did somehow conquer the West — and it’s hard to even come up with a science fiction scenario in which that would be possible — where exactly would they get their porn from? The Taliban? They might eventually make some of their own porn, but then they’d stone to death all the women involved, which would make it a hard industry to keep going.
And after ten years, what was the new plan of Osama bin Laden, the great terrorist mastermind? Orchestrate another attack on U.S. soil to get America to leave the Middle East. Yeah, because 9/11 totally made America say to itself, “Let’s leave the Middle East alone.” Didn’t Osama pay even the slightest attention to the outcomes of his previous schemes, or was he just non-stop preening himself for new videos and watching pornos? He had all this time, and the plan never evolved past:
PHASE 1: Randomly blow stuff up.
PHASE 2: ???
PHASE 3: Islamic domination of the world.
And I think that’s because they don’t even really care about their stated end goals. I think all they really care about in life is porn. Look at how the 9/11 terrorists went drinking at strip clubs the night before the attacks. And their idea of heaven? Seventy-two virgins. They’re not really trying to take over the world — they’re just horny idiots who have no greater goal than wallowing in their base desires. And you just want to slap them and say, “Hey, dummies, you can do that in Vegas — no blowing yourself up required.”
Also, they’re schizophrenic horny idiots in that they’re willing to kill themselves to achieve their debauchery while at the same time they throw burkas on their own women and watch Western porn. They don’t even begin to make coherent sense. Even the Soviets, as horrible as they were, had some sort of philosophical message about social justice so they could attract dim-witted college kids to their cause. The best Islamic terrorists can get from the faux-intellectual class today is to be treated like violent little animals who don’t know any better — like how they blame the guy burning a Koran instead of the people who murder and riot over the Koran burning. So Islamic terrorists are horny idiots with no real plan who can occasionally get sympathy from gullible people in the same way one might pity a rabid squirrel. And that is America’s big external threat right now.
If Superman never had any threat to deal with other than muggers, wouldn’t he eventually just get bored and depressed? That’s where America is right now. For the longest time terrorism has been treated as our main enemy when it takes all of the terrorists’ effort to be more newsworthy than the latest celebrity gossip. They’re just so beneath us, and we’re never going to get out of the doldrums until we take on a real enemy. I don’t know who, though; maybe China and Russia could team together and form Chussia (Rina?) and try to take over the world. That would be scary; we’d stop worrying about high gas prices and rise to the occasion to end this real threat to the world. We’d be back to our best, because we’d have to be.
As for Islamic terrorists, they’d be back to their normal position as a persistent, annoying side threat that we’re already well familiar with how to handle: shoot ‘em in the head, chuck ‘em in the sea, confiscate their porn.
You’re very naive to the Islamist threat to the West and its values. Terrorism is just one part of it. Check out the U.N. Check out how Sharia law has made inroads into European law, and how it is creeping into ours. Bravado is nice — but it’s very foolish and dangerous at this point in time.
We were as much, if not more, under the threat of Soviet-Marxist ideology insideously rotting the minds of our young (who are now the teachers at Univ., etc.), as we were to Nuclear war. That battle is still going on, and the rest of us are not winning. Now we have the Left and Sharia to deal with. There’s nothing amusing about it. Pay attention.
This struck me as I was reading this article.
There are only two ways to handle, to END, Islamic terrorism. They are:
1) Completely isolate the Islamic world. And I mean that literally. Blockade the middle East and Northern Africa. Do not let ANYONE from that part of the world, especially if they are Muslim, come to Europe or the Americas. Cut them off. None of us go there, none of them come here. That means getting our oil from somewhere else and not sending any computers or cars or anything else over there. Cut them off until they grow up and are ready to live in the twenty-first century with the rest of us.
Or
2) Do exactly what the Liberals here in the US and terrorists over there claim we are doing. Take them over. Get England, France, Germany, Spain, Russia, China, maybe India and Brazil and just storm all of these terrorist producing nations and put puppet governments in place, just militarily suppress the radical Muslims.
I can’t imagine that Islam became more radicalized since the 1980′s but, I remember back then and except for the occasional hijacking of an aircraft there just wasn’t that much terrorism. What changed? Simple. The Soviet Union fell.
Mr. Fleming sort of made this argument in his article. As long as it was the United State vs. The Soviet Union, we controlled the world. Not “We” the United States but “Us” and “Them.” They suppressed the terrorists on their side of the line and we did the same on our side of the line. We did a pretty good job of it too. Like I said, except for an occasional hijacking, which almost always ended with the bad guys in custody or dead, there just wasn’t that much terrorism back then. Certainly no jumbo jets flying into buildings.
We can’t go back to US vs. THEM. As Mr. Fleming pointed out, there just isn’t a REALLY good bad guy out there right now. So why don’t we, and some of our stronger allies, just play Empire again and go spank the misbehaving children.
Or we can keep doing what we’re doing now: keep giving them an alternative. Evidently, Osama discovered that Western porno is more fun than flesh-and-blood, burka-clad observant Muslim women.
Here’s the weird thing: the more they attack us, the more we’ll have to engage with them. You can’t be a purist/isolationist Muslim and keep doing things to attract the non-Muslim world’s attention. That causes the non-Muslims to get all mixed up in your affairs, often exposing your people to…alternatives. One thing a fundamentalist can’t stand, it’s alternatives. Alternative interpretations of scripture, alternative standards of behavior, alternative political systems – they’re all dangerous to the fanatic.
“The fact is, to achieve great heights, America needs a great villain to overcome, and as long as our big enemy is a bunch of primitive thugs servicing themselves in barren compounds, we’re going to be stuck in a rut.”
Um, Mr. Fleming, perhaps you wrote this before having your cup of coffee in the morning because it really is silly. There are plenty of really big villains in the world today that the WORLD needs to overcome, let alone the United States. Iran and North Korea are important ones to come to mind that have the potential of destroying, through the use of nuclear weapons, a good chunk of the world. We certainly could do without these cretans disrupting our lives and I do consider them big enemies. So there are plenty of big enemies out there to keep us busy and out of that “rut” of yours.
Terrorism, though, is a symptom of a much, much, greater problem. Radical Isalm is the problem and that isn’t simply a “rut” to be stuck in. It is a very real generational war, one that will last much longer than the Cold War. The sick individuals who follow radical Islam will fight to the death and don’t mind killing as many innocent people as they can, as 9/11 unfortunately proved so well. So these are not just a “bunch of primitive thugs servicing themselves in barren compounds.” These are dedicated killers who’s influence is spreading rapidly throughout the Middle East and, if they eventually do get a nuclear weapon, we could end up losing a major western city to these animals. So please do not minimize this threat. You do so at your own peril. And “rut” or no “rut,” it won’t be that easy to find and kill them. It took us almost 10 years to find and kill bin Laden. It will take much, much longer to destroy al Qaeda. That’s one heck of a “rut” to get out of, isn’t it?
1. Of course it sounds silly. You must not be familiar with Frank J’s work.
2. The threats you mention are real, and I doubt the author would disagree, but we’ve spent so much time walking on eggshells in our dealings with these threats that we’ve blurred the line between Good Guys and Bad Guys. Nobody is wearing the Black Hat anymore because 1. The Good Guys are afraid to give it to N. Korea/China/Middle East/etc ‘cuz then “they won’t play nice” (like they are now?), and 2. The Bad Guys don’t want to wear it since the people who’ve done so in the past have typically had their heads handed to them (an undesirable outcome, 72 virgins notwithstanding). No definition, no established enemy, no actions taken to mitigate the threats – the Bad Guys win by default. Ergo, the author’s conclusions are well-founded (when surrounded by tags).
3. btw – The title should’ve clued you in – this is Satire!
What? We already have all the enemies we need in the Democrat Party why wish for foreign ones?
I don’t know which is funnier; Frank J’s satire or the folks above who take it seriously.
Agreed!
But, well, that means it’s successful satire. Go look up reactions to “A Modest Proposal” (one of my favorites) if you don’t believe me.
You know you’re deep in trouble when a satire like this one makes you think so much. There’s a substantial part of truth in here. Rome vibes anyone?
See – http://pajamasmedia.com/barryrubin/2011/05/16/tell-me-what-theyre-reading-and-ill-tell-you-who-will-win/?singlepage=true
Of course the real enemies are straight out of central casting. He’s almost a perfect imitation of the Western image of a devil – complete with pointy beards, greasy smile, duplicity and deception dripping from every pore. The scrofulous Arab trillionaire sitting in his solid gold pleasure palace, demanding blow jobs from his sex slaves while ranting on about how dirty the infidel is – all of this should be easy to create the best portrait of an enemy worthy of total destruction since the Hun. But Marxist subversion, communist multiculturalism, and moral relativism have robbed our civilization of the ability to use the tools of propaganda, and yes, even jingoism and ethnic caricature to mobilize us to righteous fury. My God, we haven’t even the balls to name the enemy and identify his ideology.
I’ll say it: Muslims are our enemies. Islam is their ideology. It needs destroying badly. The Muslim needs an ass-kicking badly.
The Islamists are a threat, but only because our economic system has been subverted by an un-elected oligarchy of bankers and politicians. They would prefer that we focus on the terrorists rather than their plundering of our public coffers. We are quite close to losing this country from within…the terrorists are a second order threat. Trillions have been stolen from us and not a single person has been put on trial, let alone sent to jail (I don’t count Bernie M…he was a fall guy).
Islamofascist terrorists are not our main enemy, but Marxist 5th columnists who have followed the Gramscian and Alinsky playbooks.
Back-in-the-day, when I held a top-secret code word clearance, we attributed the victory over the USSR to us flooding them with American decadence. For the Soviets, the most desired Western goods were Levi jeans, Jack Daniel whiskey, Marlboro cigarettes, Playboy magazine, and Rock ‘n Roll music. The demand for Western goods by the masses toppled the Soviet. It would seem that Islam can be brought down with portable DVD players, a Jenna Jameson boxed-set, and some cheap hand lotion. Sounds like a plan!
I’ve been saying that for years. AQ et all said that it was western culture destroying theirs. Thus, it isn’t democracy thatkills them, it is half shirts, PSP3, computers, porn, you name it, we should have created a whole government section just for promulgating those items, cheap and any way we can.
More cell phones.
Be careful what you wish for, Frank…..ancient Mayan prophecies warn us that the time of Dark Aquaman is nearly upon us.
This article is beyond awesome!
Ya mean people who blend puppies aren’t enough of a challenge to bring out the very best in us?
Looking at the international pants-wetting the Japanese power plant problems triggered — problems that haven’t killed anyone yet that I know of — imagine what would happen to us should a nuke of any kind go off in an American city.
Would that get our attention?
The problem in trying to understand the criminal mind is in trying to understand the criminal mind from a position of reasonal sanity. Satire is not sharp enough, whereas double tapping with hollow points is effective.
Crime is said to begin with vice. The world is well populated with addict of all venues. The warfare is assymetrical, with the compassionate response favoring the unreasonable.
Isn’t one of the points of satire that there is a great deal of plausibility contained therein? Well written.
Even the mainland Chinese oligarchs are falling down in the villain department.
The ones that want to dominate the world with military power get cross wise with the ones that want to buy it and send their kids to college in the US. The one thing the Chinese have going for them is at least their women aren’t shrouded up and frankly the Chinese chicks scare me more than the men do. Stay away from the ones that speak good English.
As for our domestic internal enemies, more and more they show a remarkable aptitude in annoying people rather than influencing them. To quote Erik Flint:
“You can’t ever forget that most people don’t really have very strong political convictions. They just want to get about their lives. They will be naturally drawn to leaders who project confidence and seem to be getting things accomplished, and they will be naturally repelled by leaders who seem to stir up trouble but can’t get anything done.”
It is a grevious error to forget that we all have a fallen nature.
Even worse, is to be ignorant of the one who came to set the captive free.
And yet, many Christians have also become insnared. Pornography is more powerful than any narcotic as it preys on the most primitive instincts, twisting reality in man’s search for meaning and fulfillment. It is not until we find our meaning in God, rather than pleasure, that we can know that freedom.
Seems to me that you are implying that God is not pleasant?
Kathy, there is a big difference between pleasant and pleasure. Even so, pleasure is not always a sinful thing. It can be wonderful until it becomes a vice. When it becomes the standard for living, it most certainly does not reflect God’s will. Hedonism is far from dead in the 21st century and it stands in opposition to everything that the cross represents.
On the one hand, I see where Fleming is coming from. As the saying goes, you can measure a man by his enemies, and by that measure, America of late has been **small**. If it weren’t for 9/11, Bin Laden would place somewhere above Pancho Villa but well below epic antagonists like Hitler and Stalin. Well, well below.
However, in spite of my agreement with Fleming, I do take issue with one thing:
“…as long as our big enemy is a bunch of primitive thugs servicing themselves in barren compounds, we’re going to be stuck in a rut”.
It is dangerous to write off the enemy as such. As the 9/11 hijackers showed us, this enemy is not “a bunch of primitive thugs… in barren compounds”. On the contrary, they’re educated individuals who’ve unfortunately been persuaded to turn to radicalism. 9/11 lead terrorist Mohammed Atta, for example, held a degree in architectural engineering. Al Qaeda #2 al-Zawahiri is a trained doctor, a surgeon in fact. And looking beyond 9/11, the 1993 bombing terrorist had studied electrical engineering.
None of them were recruited from caves or barren compounds. On the contrary, as McDermott’s book “Perfect Soldiers” shows, many are recruited stright from universities; the 9/11 hijackers were mostly students from German and other European universities.
And Bin Laden himself? As books by Bergen, Wright, and others have shown, that “Arabs in a cave” myth is destructive because it’s misleading: The Afghan “caves” (plural) in question were in fact human engineered and sometimes even human excavated, using construction expertise that Bin Laden’s contacts were able to bring to bear. While hardly luxurious, they were also hardly primitive, even having electricity, water, and the like available.
No one should overestimate these terrorists. Bin Laden, leader of Al Qaeda, didn’t even have an escape route planned in his Pakistani hideaway. Many other terrorists, like al-Zarqawi or Khalid Sheik Mohammed have either been captured or killed. These thugs are eminently fallable. But at the same time, no one should underestimate them either. These terrorists may be many things, but one thing they’re not is “primitive”. They’re not supermen, but their not knuckle-dragging troglodytes either, nor are they bronze-age fanaticists. Rather, they’re like many other radicals in the 20th century: Educated, and well aquianted with western civilization and modern technology, but with a core of hatred towards civilization, and a backwards view of how to improve perceived faults. You don’t develop the pathological levels of inchoate hatred towards western civilization that they do without some exposure to it, and you certainly don’t get it from primitives isolated away from society.
LOL!
very funny & enjoyable read.
Satire=a literary composition, in verse or prose, in which human folly and vice are held up to scorn, derision, or ridicule.
Funny stuff. I’m a gullible person and often when someone speaks/writes, I take it seriously when they’re just kidding. Being not too bright, even I realized this was a tad tongue in cheek.
But I certainly could go for Jefferson’s comment at #2.
It’s really is hard to believe, but these idiots really think that by blowing themselves up, they will soon be with 72 virgins (I’m not sure if male or female. I guess they get a choice. What does the Hadith say?) An appeal to the basest of male instincts–how utterly pathetic.
How does the saying go? Boys are for pleasure, women are for children.
I felt the same ennui when we got Saddam. It was exciting at first but then he just seemed pathetic and by the time they hanged him nobody cared anymore.
We have already used up all the good French jokes so they are not really up for new enemy status. What has Japan been up to?
I do appreciate Obama understanding all this and trying to rally us against Gaddafi. Hard to get too excited about taking out a guy who dresses like Michael Jackson from some place that doesnt even have a Starbucks. Too easy.
Now I know how the lefties felt when Bush left. Thank goodness for Sarah Palin or the whole country would burst from unsatisfied hate-lust.
The real enemy is Islamicist fanaticism, just as communist idealogy was the real enemy in the cold war. Terrorists like Bin Laden are similar to the comminist/anarchist bombthrowers that were common before Lenin and the Bolsheviks took over Russia, and turned it into the USSR. The communist anarchists were an irritant, and mostly pretty pathetic and misguided individuals, but were not an existential threat. Once the communists took over Russis, and turned it into the USSR they became an existential threat.
Now, the islamic terrorists are a major irritant, but not an existential threat, and mostly misguided and pathetic. But Islamic fanaticism, if they ever take over enough major Muslim nations, like Egypt, Turkey, and Saudi Arabia, and succeeding in unifying them all into a common allliance, would then become an existential threat, just like the USSR or the Axis powers. So at the moment, Islamicism is not yet an existential threat, but like Communism and Fascism it could become one, if we dont stop it.
By the way, Bin Laden is no more pathetic and flawed, than many of the communist and fascist leaders, like Hitler and Stalin. Their threat lies not in themselves, but in what could happen if they succeed in unifying the Muslim world against us. In that respect, the real threat is not the terrorists, but the broader movements that are capable of unifying nations, like the Muslim Brotherhood or the Iranian Mullahs, and their Islamicist idealogy. That idealogy, which like communism is capable of unifying nations against us, is the real threat. Right now, it is only a potential threat, but if some more major Muslim powers, like Egypt, Turkey, and Arabia, ever fall to Muslim Brotherhood led islamicist governments, and those governments ally with each other, then they become a real existential threat.
This time, unlike with communism and fascism, we are trying to stop islamicist idealogy before they become an existential threat, rather than after. Whether we can succeed at that task, or we will instead have to knock them flat, and their nations with them, after they take over the Muslim world, is an open question. But one thing is clear, Islamicism is incompatable with a stable peaceful world, and must be crushed, either before they take over most muslim nations, or after. It will be less destructive to do it before they take over most muslim nations. But that may not be possible, and they may end up falling to islamicists. In that case we will have to either destroy those nations and remake them, like we did with the Fascists, or contain them until they fall internally, like we did with the USSR. But the one thing we can never do is appease Islamicist idealogy, like we did in the early days of Fascism and communism, since that just allows them to grow stronger.
Just wonderful, I confess I had to laugh when reading this, it’s creative thinking
Don’t lump the British with the Nazis and Soviets, who were villains, thugs, and murderers. Our form of government derives from the British system. They were the best kind of enemies you could imagine.
The reason the American Revolution succeeded was that the British were not single-minded about winning. There was sympathy with the rebels in Great Britain, even in Parliament. They were a great power and could have beaten our forces if they had put their heart and soul into it. Thank God they didn’t.
Watching porn is permitted in Islam.
http://www.islam-watch.org/MA_Khan/Muslims-Watch-Porn-Masturbation-sex-toys.htm
Muslims go on sin binges before blowing themselves up, because the act of “martyrdom” negates all of their past sins.
In the list of American greatness in the face of challenges, as a result of our last grand encounter with Muslims (the Barbary Pirates), we created the U.S. Navy.
I get the punch line here but….
Hitler at the time of the Beer Hall Putsch was a pretty laughable fellow too.
Osama himself was fairly effective as a leader but ultimately a failure. Like John the Baptist who started things but in the end got his head handed to him – literally – Osama is a pioneer.
The problem is with the millions and millions of followers who have been and will be activated. Yes, it is a cultural war that’s 1200 years old but the Muslims are feeling their oats, what with oil money and booming populations, and the West is increasingly lacadasical about preserving their own cultural hertige and values.
Fleming is correct that the threat is not inspiring us to our best efforts. It was at first but the Western authorities tried hard to dampen down the fires of revenge. That was probably wise at the time but in the long run, the conflict will continue.
Remember the exclamation of one Iraqi after the fall of Saddam? “Democracy, whiskey, sexy!” I think Osama’s porn stash suggests we’re making in-roads.
Maybe it’s time to open the San Fernando Valley front. Lot’s of films showing the pleasures to be had in this life(Vegas, Dubai, London, Bahrain…)
Do a blonde for Allah. Max Hardcore could come up with something.
I used to say that the best thing about Bin Laden was that he was decent enough to take the dishes out of the sink before peeing in it. After seeing the state of squalor he chose to live in despite having his harem about him, I don’t think I can truthfully say that anymore.
Your article reminds me of a quote I heard:
“Every great man is defined by who his enemy is” – Lex Luthor to Clark Kent (Superman) in Smallville
Seems that it is absolutely true
LOL
Good one, Fleming. The funniest thing I think I’ve ever read on PJM.
What is the point?
United States are the biggest Porn producer and consumer. People are stupid about porn. Porn industry is idolized by averybody, playboy magazine owner is very respected there. Are these american cultural values?
At least, muslims are not crazy about that as americans are.
Hello
Islam is the savior of the world and people around the world
Islam is good for all
Islam and Muslim people are very very good
All the peoples of the world should be friends and brothers
All divine religions invite people to God
Islam and Muslims and pro-Iranian and pro-peace and security, friendship and peace between all peoples of the world
Hijab for women
The veil is to prevent corruption and prostitution
Hijab is good
Hijab is beautiful
Women with any religion of Islam and Muslims are good people and beautiful
Beautiful girls and women to wear hijab
Be
I wish you health and happiness for all people
Goodbay