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America Needs Better Villains than Porn-Addicted Jihadists

Our previous enemies could have destroyed our country, but our current ones mean we have a longer wait to get to our terminals at the airport.

by
Frank J. Fleming

Bio

May 17, 2011 - 12:00 am
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So they found a big stash of porn in Osama bin Laden’s compound. I thought the whole point of terrorism was supposed to be religious or something, but apparently the terrorists are like cafeteria Muslims — they don’t subscribe to the whole Islamic tenet of clean living and instead just adhere to the blowing-up-infidels part of the religion.

It seems one of the biggest goals of Islamic terrorists — besides pointless murder and mayhem — is to have absolutely no redeeming qualities whatsoever. We have bleeding heart liberals who automatically side with America’s enemies, but the terrorists are dead set on giving even those people absolutely nothing to hold onto. You can search and search for the terrorists to have any redeeming qualities, and the best you’ll come up with is something like, “Well, one time they only kicked a puppy when they easily could have stomped it to death.”

They’re just pointless, useless enemies — far more one-dimensionally vile than anything you’d find in the most hackneyed fiction. And that’s a big problem for us.

America has been in a slump for a long time. We just can’t get our act together and be the shining city on the hill we used to be, and I think a big part of that is terrorists. Not terrorism; terrorists — in that they are our big enemy right now. The fact is, to achieve great heights, America needs a great villain to overcome, and as long as our big enemy is a bunch of primitive thugs servicing themselves in barren compounds, we’re going to be stuck in a rut.

Look at the villains from America’s past. We started out against the British — sophisticated enemies and one of the largest empires the world had ever known. Later we took on Nazis, who had a plan for dominating the world and making a super race. Then there were the Soviets with their misshapen ideas of social justice backed nuclear by weapons.

Our outcome against all these enemies was uncertain, and we had to be our best — better than our best — to overcome them. The British made us give birth to the greatest nation ever. The Nazis bid us to become a world superpower. The challenge of the Soviets forced us to achieve numerous technological advances and even land on the moon. But now we’ve been focused on terrorists for about a decade, and that threat has led us to create … the full-body scanner.

I don’t want to belittle the terrorist threat too much — I mean, they can hurt us. But then again, so can syphilis. But it’s not exactly something all of America has to work together to overcome while being better than we’ve ever been. Our previous enemies could have destroyed our country, but our current ones mean we have a longer wait to get to our terminals at the airport.

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