A Secret Santa List for Politicos
I am generally better suited to playing the role of Grinch than St. Nick, but as the new Era of Hope and Change dawns, I find myself compelled to load up a red satin bag with gifts, gags, and lumps of coal for some of our favorite politicos. I’m moved to paraphrase the brilliant work of Terry Pratchett and note that America has become a nation where elected officials are not so much revered as blamed. Given the recent track record of many who are currently perpetrating governance, I would not normally be inclined to spit on most of them if their hats were going up in flames, but this is the season of charity so we shall soldier on in the spirit of the day.
My first gift would have to be placed under the tree of Senator Hillary Clinton. (Sweet Baby Jesus, after eight long years here in New York I still find myself unable to type those three words sequentially without my morning coffee threatening to come back up the wrong way.) Were it not for her, the Democratic primary race might have been a boring affair, leaving many of us in the chattering class with little to occupy our time. And since she is already doing the Empire State a great favor by moving to new digs at Foggy Bottom, it is only fitting that we respond in kind. For you, Madam, a set of irregular, used luggage and a 10% off discount card from U-Haul. Don’t feel obliged to write.
Next up, I have some stocking stuffers for John Murtha, Ted Stevens, and Daniel Inouye. Each of you should receive a coupon for 52 free meals at Arthur Bryant’s Barbeque in Kansas City. Perhaps with that much high quality pulled pork in your systems, you can stop leading the charge to drive fiscal responsibility in Congress toward a slow, painful death. (Should Ted be unable to redeem his coupons due to incarceration, they may be exchanged for ten cartons of Marlboros, in the hope of postponing permanent “bitch status.”) Chow down, boys.
No Secret Santa list would be complete without a $100.00 gift card from the Casual Male Big and Tall Shop for Larry Craig. Trust me, Senator, we all know how hard it can be to find properly fitted clothing for those with a wide stance.
Rahm Emanuel will open his Christmas card from yours truly and find a one year subscription to the New York Times. Assuming you somehow escape the tender yet toxic embrace of Rod Blagojevich and slither away from trouble, you shall doubtless find yourself with a rapidly growing list of people to whom you will wish to mail dead fish. Given the Gray Lady’s recent woes, their future as ideal fish wrapping seems assured, so the gift should see frequent use.
Get your self one, Jazz, I’m sure she already has one, and she knows how to use the ammo. Remember the automatic fire demonstration in Kuwait. It’s good to stock up, though, because they will be getting more expensive and hard to get. There was nothing fair, or honorable about what was done or said about her, this year. From Couric and Gibson’s hatchet editinterviews to Tina Fey’s display of her own cluelessness meant to represent her, to Sullivan’s delusional hyperventilating on whether her child was her own. One doesn’t waste this kind of exaggerated garbage, on someone who doesn’t threaten them, She’ll be back, count on it.
to represent Sarah
Hey Jazz, did you get lazy or what? How come you left out the likes of Chucku Shumer, Barney Frank & Beans, Chris Dodd, Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi, Dick Turban, et al.? Would have been fun to see what Santa had in his bag for those turkeys!
No, they’d be in the bag as the turkeys, with no reprieve, if Sarah had anything to do with it. Dodd already has his special loans from Countrywide, Barney his quilted pillow from Fannie Mae. Harry Reid a bag of coal, so he knows how bad it is. Durbin, an autographed
copy of the 20th hijacker’s poetry. Those are just suggestions.
MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM THE LEFT COAST & ELVIS
Enjoy the Holiday Season, we will all be back to reality in January:
http://greensrealworld.blogspot.com/2008/12/have-very-merry-christmas.html
I think Obama, contrary to Jazz’s implication, has actually increased his popularity into the upper 70s with his largely Dem Centrist appointments and carefully timed invitation to Rick Warren (as younger evangelicals are abandoning the Wall Street Corporatists, free trade Darwinists gutting their jobs, and anti-abortion absolutists….Evangelicals who also have no problem with Mormons and Hispanic Christians.)
Obama has invited the over-the-top theatrical homosexual activist anger on Warren’s invitation, but it is turning into a solid gold Sister Soulja moment for him. The more the far left folks like Code Pink and homo agenda crusaders hyperventilate and express shock! outrage! that Obama is trying to be President to all Americans – the better for Obama it is. (And the better for the country – it’s a time of great crisis, its time for the sore loser partisans to go home, the “Our Sarah” and “My Hillary!” “Caroline Melts My Heart” Goddess worshippers to thinking how they can help return our country to being a promising future for their kids.
Time for people to begin thinking pragmatically about how to fix this economic catastrophe, how to get our energy needs resolved, how to return America to good standing in the world.
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Jazz does pick up the Goddess Palin outrage from Narciso, one of her worshippers. But in his post he shows the necessary elements of Goddess worship – the emotional bond to an unqualified female, insistance on using their 1st name. (Repeated for other Goddesses on the Right and Left, driven by media celebrity culture – “Our Sarah”, “My Hillary”, “Blessed Lady Di”, “Beloved Caroline”, etc.)
Hey Jazz, did you get lazy or what? How come you left out the likes of Chucku Shumer, Barney Frank & Beans, Chris Dodd, Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi, Dick Turban, et al.?
Good point, but so many lumps of coal, so many deserved jail sentences, and so many people deserve to be given a revolver with one bullet it it and left alone in a room that it is hard to make any list comprehensive. We don’t even know who were the worst villains, yet.
The magnitude of America’s collapse is so great and the negligent to criminal behavior of so many people in both parties, in private and regulatory firms, and plus the eager collusion of ordinary US citizens doing house flipping, spending half their income at ChinaMart, jumping into mortgage deals they couldn’t afford right in hurricane alley — it is so complex that who did what, who are the worst of the worst will take years to unravel. It might be like looking at a destroyed Europe, in 1918, and demanding to know – who caused this to happen??? WWI and the people that failed, the people that caused it, the people who were too stupid to stop it before it went unstoppable – that took many years to figure out.
With the economic collapse, the US creating poisoned financial instruments, the lumps of coal may be one day thought to be ridiculous…revolutionary justice and firing squads more appropriate for the Dodds, Madoffs, Chris Coxs, Greenspans.
Since the collapse was a long time coming, it may reach back and taint the reputations of not only Bush II, but Clinton, Bush I, and Even Saint Reagan Himself – as his Reaganomics, dereg of the “Free Market” and sacred shibbleths like “unfettered free trade, supply side economics, and “Trickledown” were given greater “testing” to see how well they worked after he left office by 3 subsequent Presidents.
The 80s started some temporary prosperity – but also the transformation of America into the greatest debtor nation, an unending string of financial scandals and bubbles, loss of 8 million industrial jobs, a trillion dollar loss of US wealth every year on the trade deficit. and further concentration of wealth and power into the hands of the Elites.
I feel honored Cedarford, you really hate me enough to point me out, that’s the best present I could receive. Obfuscating the role of the major players in this debacle, is an important skill set, are you auditioning for the Times. The fact that Barney Frank was personally ahem, backstopping any inquiries into Fannie and Freddie Mae, Dodd’s Countrywide connections, et al. It takes this kind of skill, for proper scapegoating of the likes Obama and Biden are all too willing to offer. Yous seem a likely former Ron Paul supporter with his condemnation of everything before 1980. And you call us delusional. What’s the harm with our support of the governor, does it really threaten you so if she’s such an inconsequential figure, who would you suggest to solve this. Merry Christmas to you sir, and have a happy (and hopefully less bile filled New Year)