A Modest Proposal for Curing Back Pain
The latest research from Germany shows that people who are highly indebted are eleven times more likely than others to suffer from low back pain. This is so even when other factors are taken into account and controlled for.
Rarely does medical research have such obvious policy implications. As everyone knows, low back pain is enormously damaging to the economy: it has been estimated that it costs the American economy $100 billion per year in lost production. Even in these days when you have to talk in trillions to get anyone’s attention, $100 billion is not trivial: it is, after all, a tenth of a trillion.
Of the personal suffering caused by low back pain I do not need to speak. Anyone who has sat at a computer all day knows all about it.
Since indebtedness has undoubtedly increased of late, it follows that low back pain must also have increased (assuming, of course, that German research is as reliable as their cars). The loss to the economy must also be increasing, therefore.
How can we deal with the looming low back pain crisis? The answer, surely, is obvious. Those who have inadvertently indebted themselves by going on holiday to exotic locations, and by buying flat-screen televisions as large as cinema screens and the other bare necessities of human existence, ought to be at once forgiven their debt.
Think of the advantages, both economic and humane, of this wise policy. People who would otherwise be languishing at home, groaning on their couches on a pittance, worrying themselves sick, would be returned to productive employment. There would be a virtuous circle: their incomes would increase and thus the demand for goods and services would also increase. The Medicaid drug bill for analgesics and other medications would be reduced. Prosperity and economic growth would soon return to the land.
There are, no doubt, naysayers who would object to the moral hazard, so-called, of such a policy. Would it not only increase future improvidence if past improvidence were so easily forgiven? But it is the universal opinion of philosophical historians that man is a creature that never learns from experience. There is no danger, therefore, that anyone will learn anything from the whole episode.
Banks, according to the naysayers, will not lend again if people are forgiven their debts. This again is nonsense. Both theoretical and empirical considerations prove it is not so. What are banks supposed to do with their deposits if not lend them? How else will they make their profits? And the briefest consideration of the history of Argentina, to take only one example from Latin America, establishes beyond all reasonable doubt that defaulting on debt every few years is not in the least incompatible with borrowing large sums very soon afterwards. The great thing about economic decision making is that mirages spring eternal.
Of course, as a doctor I am not primarily concerned with money or economics. I am much more moved by the vast reduction in pain, and the increase in quality-adjusted life years, that debt forgiveness will bring about.
But who, you ask, is to enforce the low back pain-reducing debt-forgiveness (LOBAPAREDEFOR for ease of reference) program?
That is an easy one to answer: an executive order would do the trick. After all, if you can call money into existence at the stroke of a pen, surely it is possible to make it disappear by the same means. Besides, it would be one in the eye for all those overpaid creditors, who do nothing all day except rake in the interest, and therefore a blow for equality.
LOBAPAREDEFOR is a public health measure we can all support. It would reduce human suffering enormously. Besides, it is time the fat slobs got off their backsides and went back to work.
Thanks for the tip. As soon as the legislation gets passed, I’m gonna max out my Visa. Going bankrupt is where it’s at.
Your…proposal…is uncomfortably close to how many of our ex-spurts, devisers of policy, actually think.
Speaking of pain, lower back, all over.
Mr. Dalrymple, your essays have been an oasis of sanity over the years.
The abstract doesn’t say if back pain is caused by financial strain or if it is the other way around (much more likely).
How about, as a doctor instead of an economist, you find a cure for back pain. Then all those who suffer will be able to be more productive, and not face financial strain.
Since inflation is a natural result of calling “money into existence at the stroke of a pen”, debt forgiveness may be an effective inflation-fighting tool for policymakers. It’s just a matter of using the right tool at the right time. And it’s logic is circular enough as to appeal to the new-agey believers in the land of Hope and Change and Lightgiving.
Where do I sign up to teach this to Obama’s crack economists and acolytes?
Money. Is there anything it can’t do?
This is so close to the magical thinking going on in Congress and the Obama administration that it barely qualifies as satire. It’s like the country is being governed by a bunch of wishful thinking idiots who read and totally bought into “The Secret.”
The study made me think of something I once read about George Soros saying that the secret to his financial success was that when he made a mistake or realized that a prediction he had made was wrong, his back would hurt, and the only way to make it better was to take some sort of action (either fight, or flight). It seemed a little silly at the time but maybe there’s something to it.
My share of the National Debt has gone up to, what, $50,000? No wonder my back hurts.
Don’t give ‘em any ideas, egad.
How about revoking disability benefits for low back pain? I was in a man-v.-vehicle altercation about 15 years ago (being the man, I lost) which has resulted in back pain of 10 years’ standing. I qualify for social security disbility but haven’t taken it – and don’t plan to. Staying productive is the best medicine, I’ve found.
I suspect that the German attitude toward debt is significanlty different from the American attitude toward debt.
Many people indebted to credit card companies are paying 30% interest. At that rate, they’ll never escape the debt trap.
A modest proposal: Eat less and exercise more. That will strengthen the very muscles responsible for back pain.
I am told you can get pretty good treatment even if you live in America and have back pain, without having to pay thousands for it, and its quick. Just run out in road and either get hit by a car or pretend you got hit by a car and just wait for the ambulance. And remember, its important that you do not talk in the ambulance cuz they might ask you for a credit card or for your insurance card. Then, just keep screaming (please practice the scream before you run out in front of the car) until your treated and given a bunch of scripts then leave and never go back there again. I am told that works. Hope that helps anyone suffering from back pain.
Great idea. I’d extend it to all diseases. Debt causes ‘stress’. Stress exacerbates illness of all kinds. Voila! A cure for cancer.
This explains a lot.
The lack of concern for deficits by the “progressive” economists is likely the result of ignoring the terrible pain in the nation’s back because they were too busy being a pain in the a__.
I think my hemorrhoids are caused by alimony payments.
The concept of mass debt forgiveness is written into the Bible; it’s called the Jubilee. A lesser Jubilee occurred once every seven years, and then in the fiftieth year, there was a great Jubilee, before the cycle repeated itself. A lesser jubilee saw the forgiveness of all unsecured debt and release of all indentured servants. The great Jubilee saw the nullification of all secured debts.
Hilarious!
Dalrymple does it again.
It isn’t likely that we will have a national debt forgiveness – creditors are voters also. But I suggest that we follow the lead of our government and simply stop caring about the level of our debt. Also lets declare that from now on all interest rates for private debt will be pegged to Federal Funds Rate currently less than 1 percent. Thus you can be born and die with debt without worrying about paying it back – the carrying costs are just another cost of living like your cable or heating bill. And if the Fed rate gets too high we are all screwed anyway. Gee, my back feels better already.
The axiom upon which you base this entire article is completely flawed: “German cars are reliable.”
Instead of eliminating debt to fix back pain, why not just eliminate back pain? There are many myths floating around out there regarding back pain although, I have to say this is the most interesting one I’ve heard yet!
To truly understand what is at the root of your back pain try this simple test. Lie down on your back for 30 seconds with legs extended out, resting on the floor. Now bend your knees so the feet are sitting flat on the floor near your behind for 30 seconds. Which one feels better? If your back pain diminishes with knees bent then your spine has excessive extension stress acting on it. There are simple exercises to correct this. If your spine felt better with legs extended then you have excessive flexion stress acting on your spine. Again this is easily correctable.
Chronic pain results from a cycle of issues. Anatomical problems feed biomechanical issues which then affect movement habits that reinforce the original anatomical and biomechanical problems. Fixing back pain requires attention to all three levels. It’s quite simple to correct though.
Good luck and thank you for your interesting article.
This is just not fair! What about the people who are not fortunate enough to be saddled by debt caused back pain? Where’s our piece of the pie? Okay, how about we get free pie?
Say it like a pro: one trillion dollars over ten years, not $100 billion per year. It makes it sound like more money.
20. Because it’s not a flat $100 billion/year, it’s back loaded. The cost grows in the out years.
Rattling pleased with this amazing health and forethought information, I love your diets, I will update you on my condition.