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A Horribly, Horribly Fairer Tax Proposal

The "Frank J. Fleming Super Double Extra Fair Tax Plan"

by
Frank J. Fleming

Bio

November 2, 2011 - 12:00 am
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What’s a fair tax plan? A lot of people say it’s one where the rich — especially that wealthiest 1% — pay for almost everything because they have lots of money. Others say fair is making sure everyone pays at least something, as right now 47% of Americans don’t pay any income tax at all. Still, others say simplicity is what makes a fairer tax plan. For instance, Herman Cain has his 9-9-9 tax plan that would replace our current tax system with a much simpler business flat tax, individual flat tax, and national sales tax, all set to a certain percentage (I forget what). It seems like a neat idea, but if you hold the Book of Revelation upside down, it’s exactly what dog warned us about.

So there are a lot of interesting ideas about taxes, but still nothing that has been proposed is fair enough. It’s like everyone else saw the outer-bounds of extreme fairness and turned back in fear. Not me, though; I fear nothing. Thus, I propose to you the simplest, fairest tax system imaginable. It will be called the “Frank J. Fleming Super Double Extra Fair Tax Plan,” and if it is implemented it will:

1) Instantly balance the budget

2) Give the poor free health care and other benefits

3) Eliminate unemployment

4) Reduce economic disparity, giving less wealth to the wealthiest 1%

These seem like bold claims, but these are the results you accomplish when you truly tap into fairness and ignore the voices in your head screaming, “No! That’s _too_ fair! Turn back!”

So how does it work? It’s extremely simple — so simple even the average congressman should be able to understand it. First, we need to come up with a budget for the next year’s expenses. Here’s the nice thing: There’s no limit on that. If we want lots of government programs and “free” health care and whatnot, we can just go ahead and add it. All we have to do is make sure we price it realistically.

Once we have the yearly budget, we then figure out taxes. This is, once again, extremely simple. We take the cost of the budget for a year and divide that by the number of families in America. And that is how much each family has to pay in taxes. Simple. Fair. Insanely fair, even.

See, with all its wonders and opportunities, America is a lot like Disney World. And Disney World costs the same no matter what your income is. It also costs the same if you go on a lot of rides or only a few. And no one complains about that being unfair. So let’s just break down how much America costs to run and turn that into the cost of an annual pass to America and all its services and entitlements.

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