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Klavan On The Culture

10 Things the MSM Can Celebrate if Obama Wins

October 30th, 2012 - 4:19 pm

But what if they win? What will it be like in the Times city room or at ABC, if they actually succeed at securing four more years for Obama? What will the men and women of the mainstream media celebrate then? Here are the top ten things I expect to hear over the clink of champagne glasses at the MSM victory party.

1. ”Hooray! There are still JUST enough people left in the country who think we’re telling the truth!”

2. ”Who’s obsolete now, hanh? The president of the United States can leave four heroic Americans to die, repeatedly lie about the reason for it and uselessly, put a man in jail for making a video — and if we keep quiet about it, people will still vote for him! That, my friend, is power!”

3. “Thank goodness! Black poverty and unemployment have skyrocketed over these last four years and the median income of African-Americans has plummeted — this is no time to let one of those racist Republicans take over!”

4. “Hahahaha!  The Republican war on women! I NEVER thought they’d buy THAT garbage! With more women living in poverty than ever before under Obama and the female unemployment rate up over 15 percent! I thought for sure they’d catch us on that one.  But nope, they bought it! Hahahaha! God, I love this job!”

5. “I’ll bet John Nolte’s pissed off today. I hate that guy!”

6. “Hey, look at me! I’m Big Bird! I need federal money! Hahahahaha!”

7. “I’ll be damned! Nate Silver was right! I know! I thought he was making that crap up too! Hey, maybe we should invite him to the party…  Nah.”

8. ”Now Obama can institute his plan to cut the deficit before debt destroys our great nation. Hahahaha, kidding, I’m kidding.”

9. “Sure, Obama gave most of his interviews to MTV, Rolling Stone, The View, David Letterman and Jay Leno and mostly he talked about nonsense! But it was our silence about the important things that really put him over the finish line!”

10. “‘What’s the difference if I saaaaay…  I’ll go awaaaaay…  When he knows I’ll come back on my knees some daaaaaay….  For whatever my man is….  I am his!  Forevermore…‘  Jeeze, I’m not feeling too well. Call me a cab…”

Well, let’s hope we never find out for real.

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image courtesty shutterstock / Kesu

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