Exclusive: Obama Insider Reveals Secret Strategy to Beat Romney
LISTER: We’re on it. Even as we speak, we have hired an actor who looks like Congressman Ryan to pretend to push an old woman in a wheelchair off a cliff. I don’t see how the GOP can answer that, especially when you consider that Mitt Romney’s ancestors may have been bigamists.
KOC: Mitt Romney’s ancestors? Barack Obama’s father was a bigamist!
LISTER: I don’t think we should be talking about bigamy at a serious moment like this. Bigamy is just a distraction.
KOC: All right then, let’s talk about foreign policy…
LISTER: Obama killed Osama bin Laden.
KOC: Yes, that’s great but…
LISTER: It was a gutsy call.
KOC: Maybe so, but…
LISTER: Mitt Romney would never have done it. He would’ve let Osama escape to kill again.
KOC: Well, that’s absurd and actually kind of despicable.
LISTER: I never said it.
KOC: Look, what I’m trying to get at here is that, under President Obama, Iran continues to develop nuclear weapons, the Middle East seems to be increasingly under the rule of Islamists, we’re quietly losing the war in Afghanistan, and Iraq, a war President Bush actually had won, has been all but abandoned.
LISTER: All that may be true, but Rush Limbaugh called a woman a slut.
KOC: I beg your pardon?
LISTER: The Republicans are waging a war on women.
KOC: Republicans? Democrats have been calling women like Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann far worse things than slut for years!
LISTER: I don’t think we should be talking about women at a serious moment like this. Women are just a distraction.
KOC: Women are a distraction??
LISTER: I never said that.
KOC: You just said it right now.
LISTER: This was not a statement I personally heard while I was sitting here.
KOC: I can play back the tape.
LISTER: Look, just because some guy in the neighborhood says something, that doesn’t reflect on the president.
KOC: What guy in the neighborhood? It was you! Neil Lister.
LISTER: It’s a common name. I personally know three Neil Listers.
KOC: But this one was you!
LISTER: Here’s my point. This great country has always been committed to the fairness of everyone rising to the occasion of a vision of a future where college can bring justice to those who would look away from the seriousness of unfair and oppressive policies of the past that got us into this situation in the first place.
KOC: Sorry?
LISTER: Oh my God, your hair’s on fire!
KOC: My hair! Help! Quick, get me some water! Wait a minute, I don’t have any hair. Mr. Lister? Where did he go? He was here just a minute ago…
Amazingly accurate, but of course no Democrat would admit to it.
Personally, I’m with Jon Meacham, who plays a tiny violin for the upset Republicans:
“Republicans are — forgive the cliché — shocked, shocked to discover that a presidential contender is “politicizing” an important national event. In this sense, “politicizing” might be best translated as “beating us up and we don’t have anything much to say to stop it.” The ad itself raises intriguing, substantive, legitimate questions — and the ferocious, sputtering Republican reaction is proof positive that they know it, or at least suspect it.”
http://ideas.time.com/2012/04/30/why-obama-owns-bin-laden/?iid=op-main-lede?xid%3Dgonewsedit&google_editors_picks=true
OBL? Dead?
Body? Dumped over the side of an aircraft carrier.
OK.
Pics? No. It would be bad to politicize the situation.
Non stop talking about & milking the situation strait out of the usurpers mouth every chnace possible. OK. Just don’t politicize the event, thanks.
Pics? Who are you kidding? You still wouldn’t believe them if you saw them with your own eyes! This is what the modern GOP has become. Unless whatever is in question supports what you already want to believe it is to be rejected outright, even if you just have to make up reasons for doing so. The base will be fine with it.
This one hurts. I can tell …
CW are you channeling Lister?
Substitute ‘democrat party’ for ‘GOP’ and I find your post equally true.
If Osama is going to use the body for a political ad, I expect him to pose with it. It’s the proper thing to do.
George Bush at least posed with the WTC.
*Obama*, not Osama.
I don’t know how I could possibly get them confused.
In a top secret, eyes-only secular ceremony President Barack Huessien O’bama authorized Attorney General Holder (currently on in active duty for Contempt of Congress Citations) to order Sec. Sebelius to oversee a touching burial, at sea, of a fourth trimester fetus, allegedly to be the sire of new Gitmo detainee O. bin Laden. A spokesperson, who is quoted anonymously due to their not having authority to speak on the record, stated that “Sec. Clinton gave a moving speech noting that the VRWC had forced the CinC’s hand into acting rashly but, she had been told, the real culprit in all of this was Sec Def Leon Panetta but don’t quote me on this.” She further went on inferring that because Mitt Romney’s #3 wife, “he has kept this secret under the penumbra of Bain Capital” had seduced her chaste husband and been caught on tape in the presidential pied a terre saying. “Bill want another cigar? Van (Former White House propaganda Czar Jones, fellow traveler of Valerie Jarret) told me that his intimate relationship with FLOTUS had revealed a like really cool hook up between Mr. O bin Laden and” chief bundler, under investigation “John Corzine brought in more re-election money than your Chinese buddies. Now where is my blue dress hard boy?”
I think Mr. Lister was listing just a bit too far to port.
Or was he consuming a bit too much port from the “whine” list?
There we go, just wasting time “wining” about trivial matters when instead we should be in pursuit of the truth!
Hey, who’s for a quick game of Trivial Pursuit? The MSM? (Oops, I repeat myself!)
Priceless: “This great country has always been committed to the fairness of everyone rising to the occasion of a vision of a future where college can bring justice to those who would look away from the seriousness of unfair and oppressive policies of the past that got us into this situation in the first place.”
With level playing fields and government oversight for all.
And what of this presidential dog issue? This is not over yet.
What will the Romney pet be if he wins? I suggest Eagle because A) It is American and B) nothing looks cooler than having an Eagle on your roof as you drive down the highway.
As for the Obama dog, we should not let him off the hook on this one. First, there are plenty of good American dogs out there witghout having to bring one in from some socialist backwater country like Portugal.
Second, what the heck is a “water” dog? I dont see a lot of water around the White House for him to frolic in. It is mainly prized among the “hypoallergenic low shedding cockapoodle” crowd who are mainly dog haters but are getting one because the kids are driving them crazy about it. Sure it is a “fisherman’s helper” whatever that is, but Obama has never caught a fish in his life. Probably cant get himself to put an icky slimy worm on a hook.
The waterdog breed is quite tender when raised properly. Do not walk or swim the dog too much. Fly to vacation destinations as to not cause the meat to toughen up too much so that when the time is right… aged properly… and the fur can be made into a nice pillow… should the dog meet his/her chef suddenly.
There will be plenty of water around the White HOuse for Bo to play in when Obama tears out the Rose Garden and replaces it with an algae pond.
Apparently Moochelle was worried that Obambi was just STOCKING THE LARDER and not getting a family pet when they ‘ADOPTED!!!!!!” (adoption????????? – its and ANIMAL for Gods sake) their exclusive expensive FOREIGN breed thoroughbred pooch.
Actually, I think dog would be on the menu at the White House already, but the cooks are having a hard time distinguishing Moochelle from Bo.
I don’t think we should be talking about dogs either. We need to talk about dinner table issues.
By the way, did you know that Obama is the only politician who would take a fork to a dog fight?
Ooooohh! OUCH!
That should be on a bumper sticker somewhere.
Excellent! Funny piece that truly captures the essence of the liberal thrusts and parries.
“Opinions are like a $50,000 government debt — in America, everyone has one.”
Government debt is just a distraction. Mr. Obama has more important things to do.
Neil Lister, aka Mr. Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Neil Lister?
Any relation to Dave Lister?
Brutal.
Nihilist-er?
BwaHaHaHaHa! I love you, man!
Apparently Moochelle was a bit wary when Obambi said he wanted a dog. She was not sure if it was to be a family pet or if he was just stocking the larder.
How to beat 0bama:
Have a pulse.
Yes, but we have to overcome the vote of the pulse-challenged.
What! You would disenfranchise the metabollically challenged? How dare you leave out the voters in the graveyard precincts!
I tend to think to the fight as
Counter-insurgency vs. subversives,
but your vision of it as
Patriots vs. Zombies
is much funnier !!!!!
So so funny!
Haa… I see what you did there!
It would be funnier if it wasn’t so true.
Lister is a hypocrite, just like Obama. And a liar, just like Obama. I don’t believe a word Lister said.
Dead nutz on!
Libs are the masters of the red herring argument tactic. If they’re not winning the argument they inevitably trot out some obscure facts and/or figures – it doesn’t even have to be true – could be left-wing folklore (like Bush lied blah blah blah). Something that is in their pea-brained world of truth irrefutable evidence of past oppressions omissions or transgressions by long dead conservatives – or ones they’re wishing were dead. The ‘facts’ don’t even have to have any bearing on the current argument – it just has to be thrown out there. Refuting such crapola is of course pretty much a futile process – and in the ensuing argument most everyone has either wandered off due to lost interest – or forgotten the root of the argument to begin with.
As the old adage says “Do not argue with an
idiotliberal/progressive. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.”Oh how right you are! I see that happening every day when I watch “The Five” on Fox News channel. Bob the slob spends all his time changing the subject to some obscure and unimportant fact, just to get the heat off the last statement made by the rest of the panel. And he always swears to have an experience at whatever subject they are talking about. He is a poster boy for the lying democRATS.
Superb article. I have listened to Mr. Lister’s students and I must say they seem to echo most of what he says… you can see them often on PBS, ABC, CBS, NBC, MSNBC and on occasion, a balanced segment on FOX. I had to stop watching them though… health issues… eyes gloss up… blood pressure… heartburn… clinched fist syndrom… to relax, I just clean my guns and read my Bible.
Signed,
Middle America
Fly Over Country
I would say this article is about about90% truth, so that only leave about 10% for satire. By election day you won’t even be able to do a satire at all.
Brilliant ! So funny ! But unfortunately, this is the way Obama campaigns.
Oh… wait, so… this was a fake interview?
One thing’s for sure: It’s accurate!
No I think it was a real one except that the person being interviewed was either Debbie Whatsherface Shultz or the guy that lies to the press for Obama daily Jay “the bad liar” Carney who replaced the equally as bad liar Robert “Baghdad Bob” Gibbs…yeah I am sure that it was one of them or it could have been another goon with a stupid name like Axelrod who would have someone work for or with them that has a last name of a car part?
Unfortunately, it is likely to be a winning strategy.
Women aren’t a distraction?
I guess no one lives in the west. They drive miles with dogs loose in the back of the pick up trucks. Farmers drive on the high ways with dogs loose on top of hay bales 10 feelt above the road. These stupid eletes need to get out more. I would never have a dog either in a truck loose, or on top of a car in a crate strapped down to the roof, but many people do. How in the world would you drive a station wagon with 5 children and 2 adults and a big dog, if you wsant to take the family dog on vacation with you? OK, I know 0b0z0 flys the dog all by himself on a plane paid for by the tax payers. I hope after the election and after he looses (please G-d) poor Bo doesn’t disappear.
True story: I was in the ME one time and our SUV pulled behind a ratty Toyota pickup truck. Sitting in the back bed was a woman covered head to toe in a burka and holding on for dear life. As we passed the truck, I looked over at the driver and just about lost it when I saw that sitting in the passenger seat with him was a goat. In the middle east, women really ARE a distraction!
Not just in the Middle East recently I was in Penang Malaysia on a Visa run from Thailand and on the beach I saw Mr greasy skinned, oiled up, hairy, sweaty, gold chained bedecked Arab in his swimming costume sitting on a deck chair while at his feet in the sand in the 35 deg C heat sat Mrs hairy oily Arab covered from head to toe, face and all, in a Black Burqa. God knows what discomfort she must have been suffering. Meanwhile in the sea eight or nine FULLY Black Burqa clad women rode on a Banana Boat ride. No Heath and Safety restrictions in Penang. You just could not make it up.
I agree with Chris in N VA, Trivial Pursuit will be the game that the DNC has to play this year. In fact, as I read his comment I could envision a poster or T-shirt with a TP game piece and the President saying how everyone deserves an equal share of the pie in the US.
Egalitarianism truly is a Trivial Pursuit.
Oh look, a squirrel! It’s holding a placard that says ‘the War on Wymyn’! Get a camera crew!
I think there should be a Romney campaign commercial showing an elderly man who is sitting next to his dead wife who is lying in a bed in a hospital room. The man is sobbing softly as words come over the screen: Obama’s death panels in the Health and Human Services decided not to fund mamograms for this woman anymore. Why? Because she was just too old. You see, she just wasn’t worth the cost. So they let her die. Under Obamacare more and more unelected government bureaucrats will decide who gets what treatment and for how long. So if you’re too old to qualify for these treatments, you’re just out of luck. Pity, she was a nice lady, dearly loved by her family. And Obamacare let her die.”
And if Obamacare is overturned by the Supreme Court, just change the premise that the woman still died because the care she needed under Medicare wasn’t funded because Obama spent two years trying to get Obamacare through Congress. If the law is overturned, make sure everyone knows that TWO YEARS of Congress’ time was literally thrown away chasing the Holy Grail of every progressive in this country, single-payer government insurance.
So, you want to continue to preach that socialism (Medicare) is good thing?
Your side lost the Medicare argument in 1965 when Medicare was passed. Put a sock in it.
I am glad you brought that up. In 1965 how old were you? I was 12 years old, there were blacks rioting and sitting in counters to be served and at that time in some places they were not allowed to be served or even entrance to the establishment, even in public places there were “colored water fountains and port of pots” and also at that time a little after JFK was killed and LBJ took over our country and pushed the Great Society and got it through a democrat majority everything has gone to hell, there was a lull when Reagan defeated the second worst president ever Jimmy Carter ( the worst now is who we got OBAMA…One big ass mistake America) everyone is entitled to their opinions but not facts wishing and hoping will not make reality form to your opinion (which is wrong to begin with anyway)!
You do not have the right to take money from my labor to enrich yourself when you do nothing to help me at all only take from my endeavors. These ideas were tried in the beginning of the United States and it was communal.
It was disastrous since some actually worked to help the whole it ended up that most just shirked and the whole suffered and also there was no initiative to produce because the successful ones had to give to those that did nothing at all for a harvest of crops to keep the whole fed our country decided to allow private property right and give incentives like keeping most of your production for yourself and selling off the rest to those that did not produce, this is called capitalism, or you might say if you don’t work you don’t eat… and it is in the bible and if that offends you then suck a rock or blade of grass for your daily nutrition ASSHOLE!
50% of Americans pay NO INCOME TAX AT ALL yet it is these BENEFIT and Food Stamp SCROUNGERS who are bleating about the so called 1% who pay over 30% of all the taxes. They contribute NOTHING yet want those who do contribute to pay MORE to give to THEM. Aided and abetted of course by the LUNATIC Left wing moonbats whose sole aim is to destroy capitalism and instal STATE CONTROLLED Communism.
You talk a nice game grandpa. But I’m sure you are just fine sucking up all that Social Security and Medicare for yourself. huh? I bet you are one of those teatards who show up at gatherings with the sign that says: “keep the guvmint out of my Medicare.”
“You do not have the right to take money from my labor to enrich yourself when you do nothing to help me at all only take from my endeavors.”
I don’t, but my labor IS supporting your sorry, ignorant ass right now. I actually don’t mind, but what irks me is that now that you have yours you don’t want anyone else to stick their nose in the trough with you.
Cynical Wonder forgets that the Dems perpetrated Medicare on us. It is a very bad program. On the other hand, The Social Security was gutted by Congress (I believe it was a dem controlled congress) and they used the money to promote their careers. We can thank Congress for the trouble Social Security is in. There would be sufficient funds for the recipients if Congress did not raid it. They left an IOU, and the IOU has to be paid by the citizens. Congress did not tell you that when they took the money. They said it was a government IOU. Most people do not grasp that they are on the hook for government IOUs, because they are the government.
Great stuff. Too true, which makes it funny and, alas, terribly sad. That the eee-lites (all of ‘em, but especially the prog eee-lites) have so little respect for the intelligence of the average flown-over voter depresses me.
Am I the only one to have noticed that the First Canine is named using the Prez’s own initials? How self-absorbed can these people be?
in the mideast the muslim brotherhood has nicnamed BHO as “ZOB-UMMA” : Do you think it’s a strategic edge to be the prick of the muslim nation ?
Obama and his comrades just doing what they do. Thanks for the humor Andrew, but the real humor is that our media runs with this kind of sophomoric campaign claptrap. I guess their bosses are in bed with Obama and his Communist comrades.
Lister reads like a trained avoider of significance a) when the topical subjects at hand do not promote his preferences, and b) when his arguments begin to crumble and fail under the modest statements or arguments of his debate oppposition ~ in other words, he seems like a true believer without an original idea.
olorin
“Am I the only one to have noticed that the First Canine is named using the Prez’s own initials? How self-absorbed can these people be?”
No…..LBJ did the same thing…remember “little beagle junior” get held up by his ears?
Great satire! Let’s hear more of it.
I’m sure I’ve spoken to this man myself on occasion.
Is this Neil B. Lister, aka Neil the Blister?
The most encouraging thing in the last few months is that a lot of people are beginning to state out loud what a horrible joke obama is.
Making fun of the criminal may have a bigger impact than all of the serious denunciations in the world.
Vote for me I killed Osama Bin Laden! Yeah that is gonna work real well, well when you have one of the worst records as president what else is there to say? FAILURE or Jimmy Carter on steroids, not really a good strategy but we will see now won’t we?
But note that our American votes will be counted by a pro-Obama SPANISH company! Who do you think will win?
It is insane that anyone trusts either side…just because they are one party or the other! Our government, as we have it now, are corrupt on BOTH sides and we, the people who are patriots and love America must STOP this insanity!!!! If we do not, we are not going to have freedom, any liberty or our nation as we have known it or the nation of our founding! It is dispicable that we are falling into decay just like everyone else and we actually were once the true ‘beacon on the hill’ of strength and hope…….now we are like or worse than the rest of the corrupt world! Is there not enough of us left that care and are true to the Constiution and patriotism, faith in God and what is right to stand up and shout NO! and take back this nation?????? That is the REAL QUESTION!
ALL Politicians make me sick..they have lost the vision of why they are there or what it means to be a part of what runs a country! They have all gotten greedy, singlular in motives(want for themselves and their pet programs only), and could care less about our country and heritage in the world. They are suppoed to work for us, representing US and yet all they do is take from us! When are we going to stand up and shout, NO! WE ARE MAD AS HELL AND ARE NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE?